Punch (9.1845)

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

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In spite of the rumours that Vauxliall Gardens are going to be built | airs, the perplexed musician was obliged to remove his fingers from the
upon ; that a crescent is to take the place of the orchestra ; that a line of stops of his flute to stop his hat, which would otherwise have executed a
street to be called Supper-Box Buildings is to run along one side ; while ' capriccio movement.

llotunda Row is to occupy the other, on the ground where the Rotunda Having listened to the Vocal Concert, which was of the usual musico-
iiow rears its proud papier mdche chandelier: in spite, too, of a report sandwichian character, including a slice of comic, or ham, between two
that the Hermit is to be knocked down by public auction ; that the lamps bits of sentiment, or bread and butter, we hurried away at the sound of
are to be submitted to the hammer; and that the British Crown done in wire the bell to see the Ballet. This was so beautiful, yet so unintelligible ;
will become the property of any Pretender ; while the large illumination there was such a quantity of white muslin and dark mystery, so ingeniously
anchor is doomed to take its place in a collection of marine stores :—not- blended together, that we took down the following to serve to future
withstanding all this, we find that the royal property is once more in all visitors of VauxhaU as the
its glory—with its five million additional lamps, its fireworks on an j

increased scale of brilliancy, and its grand galas embracing everything libretto of the Ballet.

and everybody that was ever before seen, imagined, or heard of.

By the way, it would make a very tidy sum in arithmetic to compute The scene represents a vast African Desert, with a vase on one side,
the number of lamps at present burning at VauxhaU Gardens, for as there and a rout-seat, partially covered with red calico, on the other. Some
have been five million additional occasionally clapped on, the lamps must maidens, in muslin, are expressing their joy and innocence in a dance of
have by this time reached an amount that would have kept that calcu- six, when a young Emir or Pacha, of about fifteen years of age, in a
lating old cock, Cocker, continually adding up to get a correct notion of. : Persian turban, a Richard the Third's robe, and a Greek jacket over
As five million additional lamps are to the year 1830, so is 1845 ; or, " to that, throws himself on to the rout-chair, in a state of evident despon-
put the syllogism thus," as Sir Bulwer Lyttox says,—if VauxhaU took : dency. His Grand Vizier, in a sort of German tunic, made of green
five million additional lamps fifteen years ago, and it has been going on at; baize, trimmed with door leather, endeavours to console him by showing
the same rate ever since, what on earth will it all come to ! But Vaux- ' him the six innocent maidens in white muslin, who come up to him one by
hall is open, and Punch has paid a visit to the royal property. | one, with the right leg poised in the air, as much as to say by the expres-

It is customary to observe that VauxhaU has all the pecuharities of sion of the foot—What do you think of me 1 He disdains the innocent
Fairy Land. If the fairies listen to brass bands and comic songs—if the creatures with much rudeness, and once more throws himself on to the
little elves eat lobster salad and drink arrack punch—if Puck and his rout-seat, and buries his head in his hands—a species of funeral solemnity
associates plunge into bottled porter with fowl and ham,—then, but only j which is perfectly natural. At length a fair creature enters in a Polish
then, is VauxhaU invested with all the peculiarities of Fairy Land. I head-dress and British petticoats, a body of pink Persian, generally used

On entering the gardens, there arose amid the sylvan branches of the . for lining, and a skirt of book muslin. She capers up to the young Emir
lamp-lighted trees an old familiar voice, shrieking out some comic distich j with much activity, and smiles benignantly on the audience, when the
on the subject of America. The name in the bill was not the name of, Emu- examines her features; but drawing his hand down his face, and
old, but the voice was the same. The comic singer at VauxhaU is the \ mournfully shaking his head—a gesture expressive of his wanting some-
comic singer at VauxhaU, and the buffo by any other name would be ; thing a shade or two lovelier—he repairs once more to his rout-seat,
equally welcome. The comic singer might actually be made up like a ! while his Grand Vizier " draws a one side," as the cabmen say, and the
medical prescription. Take a white waistcoat, put "a man into it, add a , young innocent in demi-PoUsh costume is joined by a real red satin Pole,
blue coat, garnish with white stock, flavour with brandy-and-water, stir j with whom she commences dancing the Polka—the Emir looking on with
with music, and dish up to some popular tune, when you will have an ; a sort of melancholy patience which is truly praiseworthy,
excellent VauxhaU comic singer. On nearing the orchestra, we found the j The Polka being concluded—in the course of which the Emir is several
band still wearing those old traditional cocked-hats, which have travelled times obliged to put his feet under his seat to prevent them from being
from pole to pole for the last hundred years. Some of them were, of; trodden on, and the Vizier is frequently flung violently back by the boister-
course, too large, and that of the double-bass advanced so far on to the \ ous gyrations of the joyous couple—the Polka being at an end, the Emir
bridge of his nose, as to have completely excluded from his eyes all sight '■ appears doomed to finish his life, or at least the ballet, in single cursed-
of the bridge of his instrument. The flute, on the other hand, could j ness, when a faun-like thing in shamefully short petticoats comes frisk: rg
hardly keep his hat on, in consequence of its being too small for him ; and along, and the Emir is evidently struck "all of a heap " by the brilliance
if Nature's band of'wind instruments commenced playing some gentle i of her rouge, the chalky whiteness of her skin, and the more than Indian