Punch (9.1845)

40

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

PUNCH'S GUIDE TO SERVANTS.

a chair that pulls out and forms a
bed, or shuts up and looks like a
ehest of drawers, or lets down and
makes an ottoman, or sinks in and
constitutes a packing-case, or falls
down at the sides and serves for a
sofa, or opens with a hinge and acts
as a pair of library-steps, or tumbles
to pieces — as it often will—and
comes to nothing.

In our present Guide we do not
address ourselves to the pure foot-
man, but to the general flunky prac-
titioner. We have not the gold-
headed cane in our eye, nor shall we
tie ourselves down to the shoulder-
knot ; but we shall address ourselves to that admirable domestic Crichton,
the man-servant who is " willing to make himself generally useful."

The footman of this class is a sort of man of all work, who must have
been accustomed to boot-cleaning, plate-polishing, waiting at table, cow-
milking, the care of a horse, mat-beating, driving one or a pair, the
management of bees, French-polishing furniture, making bread, cleaning

his pepper-and-salt trousers carefully concealed, by wrapping the box-coat

over his knees ; and when he comes home, he has only to put on hia

in-door coat to be at once a ready-made servant for waiting at dinner.

He must put up his horse before taking tea into the drawing-room ; and

when the family have retired to rest, he can wash his carriage, clean his

harness, thoroughly groom his horse, and do any other little odd jobs, in

'™iMA"' m lu.e Pffr'rP 01 lalSf accordance with his engagement to make himself generally useful. He
appearances, should be like one of ua „„ „<. j„.,r~u* * 1 i • i, i. u- i • 6 "

Tl£ S53L1TSS Z£X > JJjRftS *SEEL?his work'30 that * te hiS aDJ m"

THE FOOTMAN,

he footman, in the present age of false

YOUNG OXFORD.

Young Oxford is a fine young man,

As any you will see,
And eke the young Astyanax

Of his fond family.

So spruce a blade the livelong day
You scarce might hope to find :

He wears a shooting-jacket short,
With buttons low behind :

With coat like lion's mane.

Young Oxford loves each afternoon,

To saunter in the High,
And deems he is the cynosure

Of every neighb'ritig eye.

Young Oxford for his little-go
Gets plucked ; when rashly he

Gets drunk, and rusticated is
For terms, one, two, or three.

And round his neck a satin tie,

A tie of pattern large ;
And in that tie a great round pin,
A pin of costly charge ;

And in his mouth a mild cigar,
And in his hand a cane ;

windows, looking after poultry, brewing, gardening, rearing, feeding, and A"ir^u1US 1"imS r^f'"^0*'

killing pigs, pickling pork, trimming lamps, and cutting bread-and-butter. '
If he has been used to all these things a little, and to some of them a good
deal—if he is willing to try his hand at anything that does not imme-
diately lie within the scope of these accomplishments—if he has a good
temper and a respectable calf—if he will find himself in white Berlin
gloves, tea and sugar, and overalls,—he may stand a chance of getting

a place as footman in a genteel, and perhaps even in a serious family. Young Oxford eats a wondrous meal,

But it is not everything to know how to get through the duties of which ! And d,rinks a Jot °< ,beer>

we have given a catalogue ; for there are numerous other accomplish- And m the morning oftentimes

ments necessary, without which all the rest would go for nothing. The * uli seedy does appear,

things we have enumerated must not only be done, but they must be done
with so much tact and discretion, that visitors to the house should not be
aware that there is but one male servant on the establishment. A general
footman in a family should recollect that " all the world's a stage," and
that " each man in his time plays many parts," the difference between
the footman and other people being, that while they play only one part at ' YounS °^ord 3 father back

a time, he has to play his all at once : so that, in fact, he is engaged con- "is son t0. college sends ;

stantly in a species of monooolylogue, in which he sustains at the same 1 And s° he dies a natui"al death>

time about half-a-dozen different characters. He will also be required to And 80 my st01T ends- OAA OE*OPA.

carry out the parallel of a monopolylogue, by frequently changing his

dress with great rapidity, and a little knowledge of ventriloquism would —
be of use, to enable him to vary his voice, making it sound as if it came i

from two or three different rooms, and thus keeping up an illusion iu the j JUtll'tarjD Jllttf U!g£nC£.

minds of visitors that there are several male domestics in the establish- ' _ , _ Ti , . ■, -r>.

ment. When acting as groom, it would be as well to adopt the voce di The Emperor of Russia has just made his grandson, a youug Prince
petto, or chest voice, as being best adapted to the stable ; while in the of three months old, a Colonel ot the Imperial Guard,
drawing-room the voce di testa, or mild falsetto, should be resorted to. A Two Captains have been appointed to assist the young officer ; Mrs.
powerful command of the features and a collection of wigs, are also very Bibski to dress him, and Mrs Tuckerwitz to nurse him.
desirable adjuncts to a young man going into service as a general The regiment has adopted the uniform of the Colonel, viz. long petti-
footman : for if he is quick at changing his dress, he may appear one i coats, lace cap, ana the national cockade. _
minute as a gardener, going round the garden with his master and his They look splendid in tins uniform : though it rather impedes the
guests, while the next moment he may be standing at the d»or of the movements of the troops on field days _
dining-room as an in-door servant in a suit of pepper-and-salt, worn, of The field officers of the regiment ride in superb go-carts
course, under his fustians and blue apron, which are slipped off with the A splendid service of silver pap-boats has been presented by the Colonel s
rapidity of the change of costume in a pantomime. This is pleasing to \ Imperial Grandmother to the regimental mess.

the employer, for it gratifies his vanity by inducing his visitors to believe > When the Colonel cuts his first tooth he is to be advanced to the rank
that he has an efficient staff of male domestics, while in fact he is at the of Major-General; when he is weaned he is to be made Field-Marshal,
expense of only one A baton of barley-sugar is preparing for his Imperial Highness, and

" It is difficult to give particular rules for the guidance of a general foot- [ the devoted subjects of the Emperor say he will make as good a Field-
man, as he must regulate his work according to circumstances. After I Marshal as a certain eminent ana Royal warrior, who enjoys the same
beating the mats, cleaning the boots, and rubbing down the horse, he ! rank in this country - and who was seen at a late review reading the

Orders off a paper on his saddle, and asking his Aides-de-Camp " What
was to be done next V

should slip off his fustians, and slip on a white apron with a clean striped
jacket, to appear in the breakfast-room. If he has to drive his master to
town, he should contrive to put the horse to while breakfast is going on ;
and by having his livery-coat and hat outside the door, he may manage to
announce the carriage as a butler, and be on the box as coachman, in a
complete change of costume, within an incredibly short period. On his
return he should put up his horse, and commence his duties as a
gardener ; but he should be able to slip on his jacket and apron, with a
pair of Berlin gloves, to bring in the tray for luncheon ; when he should

ask if there are any orders for the coachman, which he will receive in his EXTRAORDINARY EVENT IN HIGH LIFE. ^

character of footman, and execute in his capacity of out-door servant. Last week, at St. George's Church, ^as married a young iaay c-i rank I
He will probably have to fetch his master home ; so that he should wear | —and the Duke of Wellington did not give her away !!!

UTOPIA AT LAST.

" Les Braves Beiges " are at present without a rninistry. * O nimium

forlunati, si sua bona norint .' "