Punch (9.1845)

46

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

PUNCH AND THE LITERARY SWELL MOB.

if* •

WE here present the portrait of a very ill-used gentleman—of one
who every hour has his pockets picked; though each pocket, like
the magical purse, is inexhaustible. Nevertheless, in the eye of the

law_-which eye, by the way, has, in certain literary cases, a frequent

habit of winking, or worse, of going fast asleep—in the eye of the
law it is as much a felony to rob a banker as a beggar.

Therefore, we have taken counsel with our indignation, and are
henceforth resolved not to be pillaged and to hold our tongue at the
same time. We herewith present portraits of certain of the
literary swell-mob who at this moment eat white-bait from their
robbery of Punch. The beholder will at once acknowledge the
felonious expression of all the offenders. One fellow has seized our
pocket-book—Punch's Pocket-Book I—and is walking off, delirious
with the thought of the contents. Another full-fed-looking varlet
has got a sheet of paper, which he intends to print upon and adver-
tise as " The same size as Punch." Now, the notes of the Bank of
Elegance are of "the same size" as the notes of the Bank of
England; the dimensions are the same,—but where is the water-
mark—where are the figures ? You may make a piece of glass of

" the same size " as the Narcot diamond ; but what will the jewellers
give for it ? In the background may be seen a shadowy something,
franticly brandishing a pair of scissors. This something is called
by the grace of small critics a dramatist; and he, it will be seen, is
making down upon our pockets, either to sever away a subject
bodily, or to cut here and there at Punch's jokes and put them in
his flimsy pieces ; just as South American belles sometimes imprison
fire-flies in their muslin flounces.

It will be seen what a shabby, sneaking, sinister, felonious set
the offenders are : creatures with no more red blood in them than
grasshoppers. And yet—foul and contemptible as their trade is—
bitter as their bread must be, half made up as it is of dirt—they have
accessories in their meanness, helpers, and, as the law has it, com-
forters in their wickedness. We mean the buyers—the erring few—
who lay out their money upon the evil-doers. To these few we
say,—Beware of counterfeits ! Cease to buy stolen goods—though the
money spent upon the abomination shall be no more than so "many
farthings—and you bring at once to bankruptcy the "pickers and
stealers."

THE WATCH-TOWERS ON HUNGERFORD BRIDGE.

The wonder of everybody is, what the watch-towers on the Hunger-
ford Bridge are intended for. Some say they are to be let out to single
gentlemen as lodgings ; and we certainly think the address, " Watch-
tower, 100th link, Hungerford Suspension Bridge, Thames," would read
very distingue on a gentleman's card.

Others declare that the towers have been leased for ninety-nine years
to an enterprising washerwoman, who intends washing her linen, after
the Parisian fashion, at the foot of the bridge, and hanging the clothes
out to dry along the chains. The effect of this on a summer's evening,
when the sun is setting, would be very beautiful. A hundred shirts
fluttering in the breeze, festooned with socks, and illuminated by parti-
coloured handkerchiefs, would present a picture gorgeous enough to
remind one of the East.

There is a rumour,"also, that an offer has been made by a zoological
manager to rent the two towers for the purposes of tight-chain exhibi-

tions—a gentleman dancing on one chain, and a lady on the other ; but
we think the report that they have been let to the Admiralty, for the sake
of having sentinels continually posted in the attics, is the most vraisem-
blable of any we have heard. The intention of the Board is to guard
against the possibility of Joinville ever coming up the Thames with the
French fleet unperceived to sack Sir Robert Peel's residence. When we
think of the vigilant look-out our brave Admiralty always keeps for the
interests of England, this appointment cannot be too strongly applauded,
as the strongest reinforcement they have lately made to the strength of
the British Navy.

Mutual Wrong.

Mr. James, the novel-spinner, has, by advertisement, offered the sum
of ten pounds' reward to whosoever will « prove whence the report first
emanated," that he—Mr. James—had " undertaken to edit the periodical
work, called Ainsworth's Magazine." We understand that the proprietors
of the said Magazine have offered a like sum for the detection of the
offender. Both parties feel themselves equally injured.

OBSOLETE LAW.

By Rule 86, Ordnance Department, it is ordained_" No person

belonging to the Department is to receive any fee, consideration, or com-
pensation from any one whatever, upon pain of dismissal." We hope
this rule has been cancelled, for as Captain Boldero and Mr. Bonham
still belong to the establishment, it really looks as if it were kept there
purposely to annoy them. It is true the gentlemen made the rule
themselves ; but they could have had no idea, at the time of making it,
they were building a wall to knock their own heads against.