Punch (9.1845)

86

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

A LUMPING PENN'OTtTH.

these lessons in backwardness we would have so given that they might
visibly associate with them the person of the monarch. Thus we
would have the Royal Portrait in every nursery, that the children
might play at ball and battledore and shuttlecock, always backing
from the regal countenance. Or, as the good Mussulman always says
his prayers with his face to the East, the backward pupil might be
taught the various situations of the various palaces, and always
reverently face the one whereat the royal standard should be flying.

We are very earnest in this matter. For is it not a sad thing that
an elderly gentleman should be called upon to walk in a way that,
when God made man, it was never intended that man should walk ?
Hence this fall of man, or fall of Duke !

There are, we know, hasty thinkers, superstitious quidnuncs, likely
to predict some evil, to see a bad omen in this accident to the
English diadem. Crowns have, we know, been shivered by going
backwards, but that—despite the mishap to the Dcke or Argyll—
that can never happen to the crown of Queen Victoria. Never-
theless, we hope, for the sake of all parties, that those who shall
henceforth convey the crown, will be allowed to go forwards. Then,
certain we are, the crown will lose no one of its jewels. The olden
bigotry may love the back step : but the spirit of our day cries —
" Forwards ! "

SONG OF THE SORDID SWEETHEART.

I loved thee for thy money,

For wealth, they said, was thine ;
But, finding thou hast none, I
Thy heart and hand resign.
Think not I wish to pain thee,

" Now, my Man, what would you say, if 1 gavk you a Pfnny ?" deem not i,use thee 111 : ,

I like thee ;—but maintain thee,
" Vy, that you vos a jolly old Brick ! " j neither can nor will.

—-------_-i^zzr- —---------— I thought, thee quite a treasure—

A bond fide sum,

"GOING BACKWARDS." And dreamt of joy and pleasure

That never were to come :

It is the proud office of the Duke of Argyll to bear the crown The house-the hounds-the horse

Thy fortune would allow ;
The wines—the dozen courses ;—
That dream is over now !

of England before the Sovereign on state occasions. However, it is
not etiquette for the subject to turn his back upon his Monarch ;
though history shows us that this has been done too. However, in
the prorogation of Parliament, the Duke of Argyll carrying the
crown and going backwards, slipped down two stairs—fell—and
down, with a crash, fell the crown of England !

(But what was to be expected after the Alaynooth Grant ? Certain
we are that however Sir Robert Inglis might have lamented the
calamity, he was not taken by surprise by it. Mr. Plumptre, too,
—we are sure of it—looked at Sir Robert with an expressive
mixture of the dismal and the knowing, as much as to say—" I told
you so !")

Several of the diamonds were knocked out of the crown, and
Dukes and Marquesses were picking them up like so many Sind-
bads. The Duke of Wellington, we learn, immediately became
the historian of the Fall of the Crown, and in his own short-sword
way, narrated the mishap to the Peeresses. Fair cheeks became pale,
and many and eloquent were the " dear me's !" However, when the
Queen quitted the throne, "the housekeeper appeared in front of it,
thus taking charge of the position." We know not wherefore ; for
who in the House of Lords would have pocketted the Crown-jewels ?
However, even among Peers, housekeepers we suppose ought to be
cautious. At length, all the jewels were found, and the crown
sent to be repaired, no doubt to the loss of Mr. Swift, of the
Tower, who shows it; for sure we are that in its battered state people
would have given an extra threepence to see it: there is something
so attractive in the misfortunes of the great.

However, our chief business is not with the accident, but to suggest
that every means be taken to prevent a recurrence of the calamity.

It is plain that the education of the Duke of Argyll has been
sadly neglected. Peers, and others destined to play parts in a court,
ought from their earliest infancy to be taught to walk backwards; to
ride backwards ; if possible—and it is possible we know—to think
backwards. We have wet-nurses and dry-nurses : we ought to have
nurses for the backward step. A proneness in a noble child to walk
forward like a mere human animal, should be repressed with the same
anxiety that we now watch a tendency to bandiness. In fact, better
be bandy than forward. To be an extraordinary backward child,
ought to make the best praise of a courtier in short clothes. And

Not for thy charms I wooed thee,

Though thou wast passing fair ;
Not for thy mind I sued thee,

Though stored with talents rare :
Thine income 'twas that caught me,-

For that I held thee dear ;
I trusted thou 'dst have brought me

Five thousand pounds a year.

That hope, alas ! is blighted,

Thereon I will not dwell;
I should have been delighted

To wed thee—but, farewell!
My feelings let me smother,

Hard though the struggle be,
And try and find another,

Rich as I fancied thee.

"THE TREASURES OF THE DEEP."

The following intelligence—quoted from the Hampahire Telegraph—
comes from free-hearted, liberty-loving, America :—

" By a private letter which has reached ua from Gibraltar, we are informed, upon
good authority, that 20,000 slave shackles, for men, women, and children—in all four-
teen cart-loads—have been fished up from the wreck of the American war-steamet.

Missouri, lately burnt at that port."

Now, as the timbers and other relics of our Royal George have been
worked into boxes and nick-nacks, we propose to Americans—the traders
of the human shambles, the money-seeking breeders of " God's likeness
in ebony"—that they should turn the penny with these 20,000 slave
shackles. If wrought into utensils for domestic use, or what would still
be better, turned into ornaments for the women of America, they would
endear to them that sweet principle which coins money from the u marrow
and the bones of man." Some of these shackles might also be manu-
factured into steel clasps for the bibles of the very relr'gious breeders of
the black.