DOI Heft:
July to December, 1845
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16541#0105
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON' CHARIVARI. 97
CONSOLATION FOR THE UNDECORATED.
At length the Mabquis of Londonderry is about to receive the
distinction long due to his combined ability and modesty. Madame
Tussaud, that distinguished patroness of merit, has vouchsafed him
promotion. He is to be immediately called up to her exhibition in
wax. Hence, he will go down to posterity the very model of a
Marquis. The waxen effigy, too, will have a great advantage over
the original : for, being what folks call a speaking likeness, it will
nevertheless maintain unbroken silence, even though loungers in the
exhibition should touch upon the Marquis's "late lamented rela-
tive," and his peculiar claims to British gratitude. We understand
that the happy thought of adding the Marquis to the other celebrated
and notorious characters of Baker Street, arose in the mind of
Madame Tussaud from a perusal of the account of the proroga-
tion of Parliament. " On the left below the throne "—thus ran the
passage—" stood the Marciuis of Londonderry, most superbly
dressed in military uniform, and wearing his many splendid decorations."
Madame immediately entered into a negotiation with the Marquis's
valet, and, regardless of expense, possessed herself of the very suit
in which the Marquis wrote his celebrated application to Lord
Liverpool for a pension on the score of diplomatic services ; an
epistle that drew from the Minister those immortal monosyllables—
" This is too bad."
Madame T. has forwarded to us an advertisement : but our
respect for the Marquis will not permit us to print it among Mechi's
razor-strops and Kinahan's LL whiskey : no, it would be a source
of pain to us not to exhibit it in the body of our work ; and
here it is :—
Tl/TADAME TUSSAUD presents her respects to Prince Albert (her fre-
quent visitor, as a lover of high art), the Nobility, Gentry, and the veterans of
the Peninsula, and begs to state that
she has just added the Marquis op
Londonderry, with all his orders, to
her collection. The orders have been
made with startling fidelity to the
originals ; and such is their number,
such their lustre, that to the imagina-
tive eye the bust of the noble Marquis
will appear not very unlike the
window of a jeweller's shop, whilst
to the plebeian mind it may probably
suggest the Jack of Diamonds. The
limits of an advertisement will not
permit Madame T. to enumerate all
the decorations. She can only name
a few. First, there is the Order of
Fraternal Love, bestowed by the late
Lord Castlereagh upon the Marquis,
for — being his brother. Secondly,
there is the Order of the Cooked Goose,
granted by the Commons, on their
non-acceptance of the Marquis as
Ambassador to Russia. Thirdly,
there is the Order of the Trunk-
makers, presented by the publisher
of the Marquis's History of the Pe-
ninsular War. (This is in very unex-
ceptionable paste). And, fourthly,
there is the Order of the No Go,
granted by Lord Liverpool to the
Marquis, in lieu of a pension. This
order is wrought in the very finest
Corinthian brass, and throws, indeed,
a fitting lustre on all the other decorationa Admittance, One Shilling. N.B. Penin-
sular Veterans—Sixpence.
The "N.B." does equal honour to Madame Tussaiid's head and
heart. She knows that the bold, impatient men, who have lately
clamoured in the ears of Parliament for a decoration of some sort,
cannot but receive a wholesome lesson from a contemplation of the
waxen Marquis, whose famous original so eloquently rebuked them
for "asking" for any honour soever. They will be smitten with
repentance when they behold the blaze of decorations on the Mar-
quis's breast and feel—for they must feel it—that he owes every
sparkling glory to a modesty that has endeared him to the country
at large. They will behold a man who never could ask for anything,
not even for a pension.
A BRIDGE WITHOUT ITS PIER IN ENGLAND.
iHE report that Westminster Bridge is to be pulled down rests, we
regret to say, upon the slightest foundation. Many people declare that
the bridge is no better than the report.
the jack of diamonds.
%\>z 23ric$ton lorcafttoaar.
he proverb which says that misfortunes never
come alone, has been fearfully realised in the
case of the Brighton Breakwater. The first
thing that happened amiss, was the seizing of
the Breakwater for debt, and putting a man
into possession. This was, in fact, a case
of distress, though there were no other sig-
nals of distress but the presence of a Sheriff's
officer. The bailiff's follower was, however,
aroused in the middle of the night by a dread-
ful jar of the elements, and he found that the
fury of the storm had torn the Breakwater
from its anchor. The Sheriff, in the person
of his officer, was rapidly drifting out to sea, and there seemed every
prospect of his being carried across the Northern Ocean, to the distant
chores of the Pacific. Nobody in Brighton thought about the Breakwater
or the man in possession, until it occurred to the debtor that he might
put out to sea in a life-boat and make a bargain. He accordingly rowed
out to the Breakwater, where he found the Sheriff's representative,
screaming wildly for assistance. After a considerable parley it was
agreed that the debt should be cancelled on condition of the debtor
baling out the bailiff from the water in which he was already up to his
middle. This arrangement having been completed, the parties rowed in
the same boat, which they had never done on any previous occasion.
More Speculation.
The latest railway facetiousness has been the announcement of a
" Railway and Pier Company for the Island of Jersey." The greatest
merit of this new line, we imagine, will be its extreme cheapness. A
railway cannot possibly cost much, when it might be conveniently packed,
termini and all, into the Exeter 'Change Arcade, and have room for a
station to spare. We have not yet seen the prospectus of this new railway,
which is only worthy of the kingdom of Lilliput; but we have been told the
capital will be 10/., in eight hundred shares of 5*. each, and that the
deposit will be three-half-pence per share. A great return is expected
from the transport of convicts ; and, as the Jerseyian authorities always
make England their Botany Bay, we are sure no Englishman, who lives
on the coast of the Channel, will begrudge the Island of Jersey such a
return. We hear that the engineer of the Company brought to town a
fac-simile of the railway in his waistcoat-pocket.
THE "AGRICULTURAL MIND."
ately so much has been said about the Agricultural
Mind, that the idea of analysing it has occurred
to a distinguished metaphysician; a summary of
whose views respecting it we subjoin.
The agricultural is a variety, though an odd one,
of the human inind ; and, notwithstanding all that
has been insinuated to the contrary, is endowed,
to a certain extent, with Consciousness, Perception,
Conception, Imagination, Memory, and Judgment.
We shall say a little—for the less is said, perhaps,
the better—of these faculties, in order.
Consciousness.—The agricultural mind possesses
a sort of consciousness very similar to the state called a state of beer. It
is conscious, just now, of being in a predicament, though it does not know
what a predicament is. That predicament may be termed a quandary,
similar, in a measure, to that of the blind man in blind-man's-buff; for
the agricultural mind is politically quite in the dark, whilst it is jostled
about°on all sides by all parties, and does not know where to turn, nor
whom to lay hold of. It has also an obscure consciousness of being
humbugged by Sir Robert Peel.
Perception.—What the agricultural mind perceives at all, it perceives
clearly, as that black is black, white white, and two and two make four.
It perceives pigs, oxen, sheep, and horses, when it sees them ; as also
corn, hay, clover, turnips, and oats, which it terms " wuts." In short, it
perceives just what it sees, but not what it does not see.
Conception__The agricultural mind, by an effort, can conceive
external objects. It can conceive a plough, but it cannot conceive that
any kind of plough can be so good as the old one. It conceives chalk,
and it conceives cheese, and, in part, the difference between them ; but
it cannot conceive chalk to be carbonate of lime. However, it seems
to conceive one thing rather difficult of conception, which is, how a
labourer and his family can live upon seven shillings a week.
Imagination.—The agricultural mind possesses some imagination. It
Vol. 9.
4
CONSOLATION FOR THE UNDECORATED.
At length the Mabquis of Londonderry is about to receive the
distinction long due to his combined ability and modesty. Madame
Tussaud, that distinguished patroness of merit, has vouchsafed him
promotion. He is to be immediately called up to her exhibition in
wax. Hence, he will go down to posterity the very model of a
Marquis. The waxen effigy, too, will have a great advantage over
the original : for, being what folks call a speaking likeness, it will
nevertheless maintain unbroken silence, even though loungers in the
exhibition should touch upon the Marquis's "late lamented rela-
tive," and his peculiar claims to British gratitude. We understand
that the happy thought of adding the Marquis to the other celebrated
and notorious characters of Baker Street, arose in the mind of
Madame Tussaud from a perusal of the account of the proroga-
tion of Parliament. " On the left below the throne "—thus ran the
passage—" stood the Marciuis of Londonderry, most superbly
dressed in military uniform, and wearing his many splendid decorations."
Madame immediately entered into a negotiation with the Marquis's
valet, and, regardless of expense, possessed herself of the very suit
in which the Marquis wrote his celebrated application to Lord
Liverpool for a pension on the score of diplomatic services ; an
epistle that drew from the Minister those immortal monosyllables—
" This is too bad."
Madame T. has forwarded to us an advertisement : but our
respect for the Marquis will not permit us to print it among Mechi's
razor-strops and Kinahan's LL whiskey : no, it would be a source
of pain to us not to exhibit it in the body of our work ; and
here it is :—
Tl/TADAME TUSSAUD presents her respects to Prince Albert (her fre-
quent visitor, as a lover of high art), the Nobility, Gentry, and the veterans of
the Peninsula, and begs to state that
she has just added the Marquis op
Londonderry, with all his orders, to
her collection. The orders have been
made with startling fidelity to the
originals ; and such is their number,
such their lustre, that to the imagina-
tive eye the bust of the noble Marquis
will appear not very unlike the
window of a jeweller's shop, whilst
to the plebeian mind it may probably
suggest the Jack of Diamonds. The
limits of an advertisement will not
permit Madame T. to enumerate all
the decorations. She can only name
a few. First, there is the Order of
Fraternal Love, bestowed by the late
Lord Castlereagh upon the Marquis,
for — being his brother. Secondly,
there is the Order of the Cooked Goose,
granted by the Commons, on their
non-acceptance of the Marquis as
Ambassador to Russia. Thirdly,
there is the Order of the Trunk-
makers, presented by the publisher
of the Marquis's History of the Pe-
ninsular War. (This is in very unex-
ceptionable paste). And, fourthly,
there is the Order of the No Go,
granted by Lord Liverpool to the
Marquis, in lieu of a pension. This
order is wrought in the very finest
Corinthian brass, and throws, indeed,
a fitting lustre on all the other decorationa Admittance, One Shilling. N.B. Penin-
sular Veterans—Sixpence.
The "N.B." does equal honour to Madame Tussaiid's head and
heart. She knows that the bold, impatient men, who have lately
clamoured in the ears of Parliament for a decoration of some sort,
cannot but receive a wholesome lesson from a contemplation of the
waxen Marquis, whose famous original so eloquently rebuked them
for "asking" for any honour soever. They will be smitten with
repentance when they behold the blaze of decorations on the Mar-
quis's breast and feel—for they must feel it—that he owes every
sparkling glory to a modesty that has endeared him to the country
at large. They will behold a man who never could ask for anything,
not even for a pension.
A BRIDGE WITHOUT ITS PIER IN ENGLAND.
iHE report that Westminster Bridge is to be pulled down rests, we
regret to say, upon the slightest foundation. Many people declare that
the bridge is no better than the report.
the jack of diamonds.
%\>z 23ric$ton lorcafttoaar.
he proverb which says that misfortunes never
come alone, has been fearfully realised in the
case of the Brighton Breakwater. The first
thing that happened amiss, was the seizing of
the Breakwater for debt, and putting a man
into possession. This was, in fact, a case
of distress, though there were no other sig-
nals of distress but the presence of a Sheriff's
officer. The bailiff's follower was, however,
aroused in the middle of the night by a dread-
ful jar of the elements, and he found that the
fury of the storm had torn the Breakwater
from its anchor. The Sheriff, in the person
of his officer, was rapidly drifting out to sea, and there seemed every
prospect of his being carried across the Northern Ocean, to the distant
chores of the Pacific. Nobody in Brighton thought about the Breakwater
or the man in possession, until it occurred to the debtor that he might
put out to sea in a life-boat and make a bargain. He accordingly rowed
out to the Breakwater, where he found the Sheriff's representative,
screaming wildly for assistance. After a considerable parley it was
agreed that the debt should be cancelled on condition of the debtor
baling out the bailiff from the water in which he was already up to his
middle. This arrangement having been completed, the parties rowed in
the same boat, which they had never done on any previous occasion.
More Speculation.
The latest railway facetiousness has been the announcement of a
" Railway and Pier Company for the Island of Jersey." The greatest
merit of this new line, we imagine, will be its extreme cheapness. A
railway cannot possibly cost much, when it might be conveniently packed,
termini and all, into the Exeter 'Change Arcade, and have room for a
station to spare. We have not yet seen the prospectus of this new railway,
which is only worthy of the kingdom of Lilliput; but we have been told the
capital will be 10/., in eight hundred shares of 5*. each, and that the
deposit will be three-half-pence per share. A great return is expected
from the transport of convicts ; and, as the Jerseyian authorities always
make England their Botany Bay, we are sure no Englishman, who lives
on the coast of the Channel, will begrudge the Island of Jersey such a
return. We hear that the engineer of the Company brought to town a
fac-simile of the railway in his waistcoat-pocket.
THE "AGRICULTURAL MIND."
ately so much has been said about the Agricultural
Mind, that the idea of analysing it has occurred
to a distinguished metaphysician; a summary of
whose views respecting it we subjoin.
The agricultural is a variety, though an odd one,
of the human inind ; and, notwithstanding all that
has been insinuated to the contrary, is endowed,
to a certain extent, with Consciousness, Perception,
Conception, Imagination, Memory, and Judgment.
We shall say a little—for the less is said, perhaps,
the better—of these faculties, in order.
Consciousness.—The agricultural mind possesses
a sort of consciousness very similar to the state called a state of beer. It
is conscious, just now, of being in a predicament, though it does not know
what a predicament is. That predicament may be termed a quandary,
similar, in a measure, to that of the blind man in blind-man's-buff; for
the agricultural mind is politically quite in the dark, whilst it is jostled
about°on all sides by all parties, and does not know where to turn, nor
whom to lay hold of. It has also an obscure consciousness of being
humbugged by Sir Robert Peel.
Perception.—What the agricultural mind perceives at all, it perceives
clearly, as that black is black, white white, and two and two make four.
It perceives pigs, oxen, sheep, and horses, when it sees them ; as also
corn, hay, clover, turnips, and oats, which it terms " wuts." In short, it
perceives just what it sees, but not what it does not see.
Conception__The agricultural mind, by an effort, can conceive
external objects. It can conceive a plough, but it cannot conceive that
any kind of plough can be so good as the old one. It conceives chalk,
and it conceives cheese, and, in part, the difference between them ; but
it cannot conceive chalk to be carbonate of lime. However, it seems
to conceive one thing rather difficult of conception, which is, how a
labourer and his family can live upon seven shillings a week.
Imagination.—The agricultural mind possesses some imagination. It
Vol. 9.
4