Punch (9.1845)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

149

A SEASONABLE WORD ON RAILWAYS.

BY MR. PUNCH.

a dinner given by the Directors
of the Diddlesex Junction Rail-

such prodigious benefits, as I believe a man has scarcely an idea of now.
(Sneers.) But (without rebuking the sneer of my worthy friend, Mr.
Coldshoulder, for I must speak a volume to set him right, and then he
wouldn't understand me) it depends on you now, whether the pre-eminence
which you have earned shall remain with you, or the ruin which all the
world is longing to see accomplished, shall fall upon you. (Thrilling
sensation.)

way to one another out of the < " If * were tan enemy of ^ country-If I were an aristocrat bent

funds of the Company — Fitz
James de la Pluche, Esq.,
Chairman,—Punch, Esq., Vice-
Chairman—the latter gentleman
delivered the following speech
in reply to a complimentary ora-
tion from the distinguished pre-
sident :—

" Mr. Chairman and Gentlemen,
" The manner in which you
have drunk my health is most gra-
tifying to me. I won't say that
' tears choke my utterance,' as
O'Connell did, upon a solemn
occasion, the other day. Humbug
and hypocrisy will not pass for
honest emotion in England : and
never can be welcome to honest
men. Gentlemen, I drink all your
good healths in return. (Cheers.)

a There was a talk last week of
an Order in Council to prohibit the
further issue of railroad prospec-
tuses, on the plea that there were
too many now on hand, and that it
was impossible for Parliament to
discuss those schemes already ex-
tant in the course of next session.

" Mr. Punch is inclined to be of the opinion of the Order in Council,
for various cogent reasons.

" In the first place—do we wish to be the death of the House of Com-
mons ? If we work them with bills as we did last session, every one,
except a few of the tough ones, will expire. Fancy a House composed of
Hume and Peel, for instance, whom nothing can kill—old Joe with his
stupid figures of arithmetic, and Bob with his incomparably stupider
figures of speech. (Se?isalion dans Vauditoire.)

" Secondly,—and this is even a more important reason than the former
—although some of you, my dear brethren, don't care a jot whether the
House of Commons is dead or alive, yet your own interests will probably
affect you sincerely. Men and Shareholders, you have already signed
your deeds, pocketed your premiums, and (the scheme being agreed to
by Parliament) committed yourselves to the finishing of your respective
undertakings within a certain space of say three years.

" Look, my dears, at the number of schemes now on the list! I can't
stop to count them—I can't tell the number of deeds I myself have signed
—(hear, hear,)—the number of applications I myself have made—(Great
applause)—but 0, my dear brother-shareholders, which among you will not
agree with me, that there is as much money to pay as this great country
can conveniently fork out: that there is as much to do as our labourers
possibly can do : and that it will be well to get that done before we engage
ourselves farther ?

" Parliament binds you to execute your contracts in a certain short
period of years, or months almost. You must have the iron in that time,
and do you think the iron masters will spare you ? You must have the
labour performed, and where are the hands to do it % Workmen will be
in such request for the next three years, that the best profession for
younger sons will be the pickaxe and shovel. Navies may dictate their
own terms—at least, until the Companies are bankrupt, when there will
be no labour, nor wages, nor railroads at all. It will be a sad day when
capitalists, and iron masters, and workmen, sit looking at each other after
the general smash that our haste for speculation has occasioned. (Profound
attention.)

" Therefore, dearly beloved, I shall in my place in Parliament, or if
called to attend the council-board of my Sovereign, approve of a mild
check upon railroad speculation. We have enough on hand at present
for any prudent men to perform. Next year, my dear brother-capitalists,
we shall be having our calls to pay, which I am sure you will all
discharge with cheerful punctuality. (Hear, hear ! cries of Oh, yes ! Of
course ! Wish you may get it.) I am not a croaker by nature, and only
prophesy on rare occasions ; but, upon my honour and conscience, it
seems to me to be touch-and-go with the prosperity of this great country
at this very moment when I am drinking your healths. (Cheers.) You
have the start of all Europe as you have always had ; and the railroad
system successfully carried out, will make such vast changes, and work j upon cabbage.

upon the maintenance of my Order, and dimly seeing that, with the
triumph of the Railroad system my coronets, and my lordships, and my
stars and garters, must infallibly disappear into Hades—I would, far from
discouraging the present Railroad mania, exaggerate it in every way. I
would rejoice to see the capital of the country engaging itself beyond its
means—plunging into speculations which must end hopelessly—and then
the ruined land would come under my sway again, and the old system be
paramount once more. But let us hope better things of the national
prudence, and that our own greediness and lust of gain is not to be the
cause of our ruin. If we are but prudent, Gentlemen, there is no end to
the anniversaries which we may be called upon to celebrate here ; to the
dividends which we may announce to happy shareholders in our line; to
the branch lines which may spring from it; and to the premiums which
we, as directors, may pocket. (Immense cheering.) I will conclude,
Gentlemen, by giving you— The Railroad-market, and may we know when
we have got enough."

After this and other eloquent speeches, Mr. Punch went home ; but,
in spite of his own injunctions to caution, and gloomy predictions
regarding over-speculation, the infatuated gentleman wrote two-
and-twenty fresh applications for shares before he went to bed that
night.

PUNCH'S PORTRAIT GALLERY.

The question whether " Should Cromwell have a Statue 1" suggested
to us, Shall Molesworth have a Portrait ? We immediately answered
the question in the affirmative; and here he is !

VEGETABLE DIET.

However much the disease among the potatoes may distress the poor
Irish during the following winter, it will not in the least alter the diet of
the Great Agitator, whose living is very plain, having existed ail his fife