DOI issue:
July to December, 1845
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16541#0161
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
153
PROSPECTUS OF AN INDIAN RAILWAY,
ewly started to connect the Pelo-
ponnesus of Patomaree with the
Squashatnaw Districts, and the
mountains of the Bengalee on the
East, with a branch to the Boptic
Coast, and an extension to the
Fungazonian shore of the Rho-
paravian Ocean.
This important line will open
the trade of Tangaroo to all
the Merchants of the Musnic
Continent, and give a facility of
transit to the rich valleys of the
Rhippidippi, one of the most
fertile districts in the Unknown
World. The line will cross the
Rhambajee river on the north,
giving an immediate communi-
cation with the gold mines of
Swambolia Minor, on the right; while on the left, is the well-known diamond
district of Nassuck, which it is expected will become the property of the
Company. The following powerful list of local directors is given, not
so much to encourage applications for shares—which already, before the
existence of the Company is known, are so numerous, that a preference
can only be given to the most respectable—but the list is printed as a
guarantee to the public, who are waiting eagerly to snap up the scrip,
that it is well worth the premium at which they will rush to purchase it.
Strcttars tit Etttfta.
Rhoganoih Lal, Hereditary Rajah of the Suttarees, and Chairman
of the Harem Gas-Light Company.
Berajee Bkngalore, Resident-Sheikh of Shindy.
Lulleballoo Tooboo, Chairman of the Indian Quarter Sessions.
Swashagoo Tollol, First Begum of the Eastern Catacombs, and
Bey-apparent of the whole of the Trivingian Empire on the
Pink Sea.
With power {if they can) to add to their number.
Applications for shares which cannot be attended to, may be made
to Solomon Swag, Esq., Secretary, at the temporary offices of the Com-
pany in Walker's Court.
THE RAILWAY CIRCUS.
We desire to point out an opening which now presents itself to any
enterprising capitalist willing to invest a few thousands in a safe specu-
lation. Railway extension—if we may be allowed the metaphor—is very-
fast snuffing-out the horse, the high-pressure engine is distancing the high-
mettled racer, and equestrian affairs in general are rapidly declining in
point of interest. Evil days are coming on top-boots, knee-cords, four-in-
hands, jockeys, and all the race of jarvey. It is manifest that Newmarket-
coats are going out of fashion, that the groom and the ostler are losing
their importance, and that respect for the stable and its accessories is
decreasing amongst the million. Accordingly, we predict that equestrian
performances will very soon be at a discount, and that the Astleyan will
share the fate of the legitimate drama.
What, under these circumstances, can be a more promising scheme
than the institution of a Railway Circus ? Let a company, or an indi-
vidual, only raise the wind, or get up the steam to the requisite degree,
and the affair is done. All that will be necessary will be a suitable
theatre, with an arena surrounded by circular rails. On these rails will run
the engine, round and round, in lieu of a horse ; and upon the engine will
ride the engineer, appropriately attired, controlling his vehicle, and at the
same time exhibiting his performances. He will poise himself on one leg,
wave flags, go through the sword exercise, jump through hoops, and
execute all the usual teats of the riding-school, and as many more as he
can invent. He will be accompanied, of course, by a stoker ; and the
pair will thus be enabled to do a pas de deux on engine-back, which will
be something entirely new to the British public. For the greater grace
of this exhibition, the stoker should be one of the fair sex ; and we are
sure that a steam danseuse would prove extraordinarily attractive ; or the
part itself of the engineer might be taken by a lady performer, in a short
dress, pink stockings, satin, and spangles.
The circus, of course, should be surrounded by several lines of rail, to
afford facilities for riding upon two, three, four, five, or six engines at
once, in a manner analogous to that of the late Mr. Ducrow. Indeed,
the steam-rider might call himself the Railway Ducrow. A clown in the
ring, of course, would be wanted ; and such a gentleman as Mr. Barrv
might still easily act in that capacity. His present jokes would be sus-
ceptible of many additions a propos of boilers and other appurtenances oi
steam, which would be highly diverting to the spectators.
The greatest difficulty, as it strikes us, that will beset the plan in its
accomplishment, will be to find a riding-master. Mr. Widdicombe.
powerful as he is, will hardly be strong enough to control the engines, aDd
to counteract their centrifugal tendency. This purpose, however, wili
probably be answered by a post placed in the middle of the circus, and
provided with a sort of swivel, connected with the carriages by strong
chains or cables. The post might be made large enough to serve for a
pedestal, and then Widdicombe might stand on the top of it, and thus,
more conspicuously than ever, display those graces which have rendered
him the admiration of centuries. As the consequence of this arrangement,
with regard to the clown, would be, that if he remained in the ring whilst
it was in action, the chains or cables would necessarily cut him in two, a
space might be left between the outermost rail and the barrier of the
circus, round which he might run, uttering witticisms, making grimaces,
and insulting Widdicombe and the performers, just as effectually as he
does at present.
In putting forth the above project, which we have not the least doubt
will be instantly caught up, we feel that we have done good service to the
drama, a fine branch of which, but for our suggestion, would shortly be
lopped off to a certainty. The only reward we expect for our thought and
trouble, in addition to an approving conscience, will be nightly orders for
two for the Railway Circus.
A NEW CURE FOR PAUPERISM.
A testimonial, appended to a puff of some quack Pills, which lately
appeared in the Morning Herald, contains the following extraordinary
statement, signed " No Doctor :"—
" I must now say that I feel exceedingly happy in being able to testify to the efficacy
of-; it has done that in Winchcomb which the diplomaed doctors, under the
organic theory, could not do; it has fetched a man out of the Union Workhouse, and
sent him to provide for himself with his own hands. The disease under which he was
suffering was the EviL"
The Quacks, we always understood, professed the medicine alluded
to, to be a remedy for poverty of the blood ; but now they would seem
to make it out a cure for pauperism itself—for "the Evil" — the
Grand Evil;—not the King's Evil only, but the Subject's Evil. We
believed—as implicitly as we believe in the Koran—that it would cure all
diseases; but we did not believe that it would cure pecuniary as well as
pulmonary consumption. We were satisfied—as we are of the truth of
Gulliver's travels—that it would restore a lost leg ; but we hardly
thought it would replenish an empty pocket. We were convinced—as we
are that white is black—that it would snatch a man out of the jaws of
Death ; but we never imagined it would bring him out of the Workhouse.
Let the benevolent subscribe instantly, and buy a cart-load of the pills for
distribution amongst all the Unions, beginning with Andover.
^eafjtngs tn Natural i^tstorp.
THE STAG.
The Stag is a railway ruminant, and belongs to a common herd that
may be seen loitering about the neighbourhood of the Stock Exchange.
The Railway Stag has his head full of branches, but he sheds a new
branch directly there is any premium. He is exceedingly fleet of foot,
and when he is once off there is no catching him. Some Railway Stags
are, however, distinguished by a sort of waddle, like that of the lame duck
of the Stock Exchange. There are strange stories told of the various
forms assumed by the Railway Stag ; for the animal is exceedingly cun-
ning, and will resort to any artifice to keep out of danger. The Railway
Staf often causes great annoyance to the bulls and bears in the neighbour-
hood of the Stock Exchange.
THE PRIVILEGE OF SMOKE.
A correspondent of the Morning Chronicle, signing himself " E. 0.,"
states, that, lately, in St. James's Park, he observed one of the Park-
keepers order a man to remove a pipe from his mouth, whereas he was
himself allowed to continue in the enjoyment of a cigar, which he was
smoking. On inquiry as to the reason of this anomaly, he was told that
pipes were forbidden by the Commissioners. Some may be puzzled tc
account for this distinction of smokers, but we are not ; as the following
formula will testify :—
Pipe. Smock Frock. Cigar. Choat-rfieal.
As i : ] : : 1
This is a little sum in the Rule of Wrong.
153
PROSPECTUS OF AN INDIAN RAILWAY,
ewly started to connect the Pelo-
ponnesus of Patomaree with the
Squashatnaw Districts, and the
mountains of the Bengalee on the
East, with a branch to the Boptic
Coast, and an extension to the
Fungazonian shore of the Rho-
paravian Ocean.
This important line will open
the trade of Tangaroo to all
the Merchants of the Musnic
Continent, and give a facility of
transit to the rich valleys of the
Rhippidippi, one of the most
fertile districts in the Unknown
World. The line will cross the
Rhambajee river on the north,
giving an immediate communi-
cation with the gold mines of
Swambolia Minor, on the right; while on the left, is the well-known diamond
district of Nassuck, which it is expected will become the property of the
Company. The following powerful list of local directors is given, not
so much to encourage applications for shares—which already, before the
existence of the Company is known, are so numerous, that a preference
can only be given to the most respectable—but the list is printed as a
guarantee to the public, who are waiting eagerly to snap up the scrip,
that it is well worth the premium at which they will rush to purchase it.
Strcttars tit Etttfta.
Rhoganoih Lal, Hereditary Rajah of the Suttarees, and Chairman
of the Harem Gas-Light Company.
Berajee Bkngalore, Resident-Sheikh of Shindy.
Lulleballoo Tooboo, Chairman of the Indian Quarter Sessions.
Swashagoo Tollol, First Begum of the Eastern Catacombs, and
Bey-apparent of the whole of the Trivingian Empire on the
Pink Sea.
With power {if they can) to add to their number.
Applications for shares which cannot be attended to, may be made
to Solomon Swag, Esq., Secretary, at the temporary offices of the Com-
pany in Walker's Court.
THE RAILWAY CIRCUS.
We desire to point out an opening which now presents itself to any
enterprising capitalist willing to invest a few thousands in a safe specu-
lation. Railway extension—if we may be allowed the metaphor—is very-
fast snuffing-out the horse, the high-pressure engine is distancing the high-
mettled racer, and equestrian affairs in general are rapidly declining in
point of interest. Evil days are coming on top-boots, knee-cords, four-in-
hands, jockeys, and all the race of jarvey. It is manifest that Newmarket-
coats are going out of fashion, that the groom and the ostler are losing
their importance, and that respect for the stable and its accessories is
decreasing amongst the million. Accordingly, we predict that equestrian
performances will very soon be at a discount, and that the Astleyan will
share the fate of the legitimate drama.
What, under these circumstances, can be a more promising scheme
than the institution of a Railway Circus ? Let a company, or an indi-
vidual, only raise the wind, or get up the steam to the requisite degree,
and the affair is done. All that will be necessary will be a suitable
theatre, with an arena surrounded by circular rails. On these rails will run
the engine, round and round, in lieu of a horse ; and upon the engine will
ride the engineer, appropriately attired, controlling his vehicle, and at the
same time exhibiting his performances. He will poise himself on one leg,
wave flags, go through the sword exercise, jump through hoops, and
execute all the usual teats of the riding-school, and as many more as he
can invent. He will be accompanied, of course, by a stoker ; and the
pair will thus be enabled to do a pas de deux on engine-back, which will
be something entirely new to the British public. For the greater grace
of this exhibition, the stoker should be one of the fair sex ; and we are
sure that a steam danseuse would prove extraordinarily attractive ; or the
part itself of the engineer might be taken by a lady performer, in a short
dress, pink stockings, satin, and spangles.
The circus, of course, should be surrounded by several lines of rail, to
afford facilities for riding upon two, three, four, five, or six engines at
once, in a manner analogous to that of the late Mr. Ducrow. Indeed,
the steam-rider might call himself the Railway Ducrow. A clown in the
ring, of course, would be wanted ; and such a gentleman as Mr. Barrv
might still easily act in that capacity. His present jokes would be sus-
ceptible of many additions a propos of boilers and other appurtenances oi
steam, which would be highly diverting to the spectators.
The greatest difficulty, as it strikes us, that will beset the plan in its
accomplishment, will be to find a riding-master. Mr. Widdicombe.
powerful as he is, will hardly be strong enough to control the engines, aDd
to counteract their centrifugal tendency. This purpose, however, wili
probably be answered by a post placed in the middle of the circus, and
provided with a sort of swivel, connected with the carriages by strong
chains or cables. The post might be made large enough to serve for a
pedestal, and then Widdicombe might stand on the top of it, and thus,
more conspicuously than ever, display those graces which have rendered
him the admiration of centuries. As the consequence of this arrangement,
with regard to the clown, would be, that if he remained in the ring whilst
it was in action, the chains or cables would necessarily cut him in two, a
space might be left between the outermost rail and the barrier of the
circus, round which he might run, uttering witticisms, making grimaces,
and insulting Widdicombe and the performers, just as effectually as he
does at present.
In putting forth the above project, which we have not the least doubt
will be instantly caught up, we feel that we have done good service to the
drama, a fine branch of which, but for our suggestion, would shortly be
lopped off to a certainty. The only reward we expect for our thought and
trouble, in addition to an approving conscience, will be nightly orders for
two for the Railway Circus.
A NEW CURE FOR PAUPERISM.
A testimonial, appended to a puff of some quack Pills, which lately
appeared in the Morning Herald, contains the following extraordinary
statement, signed " No Doctor :"—
" I must now say that I feel exceedingly happy in being able to testify to the efficacy
of-; it has done that in Winchcomb which the diplomaed doctors, under the
organic theory, could not do; it has fetched a man out of the Union Workhouse, and
sent him to provide for himself with his own hands. The disease under which he was
suffering was the EviL"
The Quacks, we always understood, professed the medicine alluded
to, to be a remedy for poverty of the blood ; but now they would seem
to make it out a cure for pauperism itself—for "the Evil" — the
Grand Evil;—not the King's Evil only, but the Subject's Evil. We
believed—as implicitly as we believe in the Koran—that it would cure all
diseases; but we did not believe that it would cure pecuniary as well as
pulmonary consumption. We were satisfied—as we are of the truth of
Gulliver's travels—that it would restore a lost leg ; but we hardly
thought it would replenish an empty pocket. We were convinced—as we
are that white is black—that it would snatch a man out of the jaws of
Death ; but we never imagined it would bring him out of the Workhouse.
Let the benevolent subscribe instantly, and buy a cart-load of the pills for
distribution amongst all the Unions, beginning with Andover.
^eafjtngs tn Natural i^tstorp.
THE STAG.
The Stag is a railway ruminant, and belongs to a common herd that
may be seen loitering about the neighbourhood of the Stock Exchange.
The Railway Stag has his head full of branches, but he sheds a new
branch directly there is any premium. He is exceedingly fleet of foot,
and when he is once off there is no catching him. Some Railway Stags
are, however, distinguished by a sort of waddle, like that of the lame duck
of the Stock Exchange. There are strange stories told of the various
forms assumed by the Railway Stag ; for the animal is exceedingly cun-
ning, and will resort to any artifice to keep out of danger. The Railway
Staf often causes great annoyance to the bulls and bears in the neighbour-
hood of the Stock Exchange.
THE PRIVILEGE OF SMOKE.
A correspondent of the Morning Chronicle, signing himself " E. 0.,"
states, that, lately, in St. James's Park, he observed one of the Park-
keepers order a man to remove a pipe from his mouth, whereas he was
himself allowed to continue in the enjoyment of a cigar, which he was
smoking. On inquiry as to the reason of this anomaly, he was told that
pipes were forbidden by the Commissioners. Some may be puzzled tc
account for this distinction of smokers, but we are not ; as the following
formula will testify :—
Pipe. Smock Frock. Cigar. Choat-rfieal.
As i : ] : : 1
This is a little sum in the Rule of Wrong.