Punch (9.1845)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

247

A wreath of corn her flowing tresses bound,

HINTS TO INFORMERS Now seeming/ur'cZ—now free,—so loosely wound ;

(But pleased him most, when, with a breath of air

arlets,—I do not like you ; quite the It changed its place, and slid along her hair ;

reverse : but, scoundrels as you are, Least, when by stealthy, smuggling breezes blown,

you are entitled to justice, and I am It did the duty of a royal crown.)

unwilling to see you oppressed. It is ! Her white arms pointed, as she lay at rest,

necessary to set thieves to catch j One tow'rds the East, the other tow'rds the West;

thieves; and good faith should be kept, As if she would o'er West and East convey

even with a Queen's Evidence. As i Her beauty's glory and her empire's sway,
long as your calling is a lawful one, you " The swain stood looking with new-open'd eyes,

have a right to pursue it unmolested ; And gaping mouth, that testified surprise :

and that you may do so, attend to the Then would have spoke, but by his glimmering sense

advice I am about to give you. In ; First found his want of words, and feared offence ;

laying your informations be careful in I Doubted, for what he was he should be known,

the selection of your victims. Choose By his farm accent and his country tone,

cabmen, or omnibus-men, whom you He would have waked her, but restrain'd his thought ;

may catch without their badges, or I For love, new-born, the first good manners taught,

racing, or driving furiously, or loiter- Love taught him shame, and shame, with love at strife,

iug and obstructing the streets. Sum- Soon taught the sweet civilities of life.''

mon costermongers for ill-treating their ' Thus reason in Sir Robert's soul grew big ;

donkeys. Pull up unlicensed hawkers. This made him first suspect he was a whig ;

Denounce Sabbath-breaking publicans, | This made him feel his lormer self a bore ;

cigar smugglers, and illicit distillers. By this he found he wanted sense before ;

Bring to justice waggoners for riding on their shafts, and their masters That sense of want prepared the future way

who have neglected to have their names painted on their vehicles. To knowledge, and reform, and show'd the dawn of day.
Pounce upon all thimble-riggers, lottery-men, and keepers of low gambling- ; At length awaking, Libera, the fair,

houses. Drag all these base, plebeian offenders before the magistrate Oped her bright eyes, and saw him gazing there,
without fear or scruple

But beware, you rogues, how you inform against aristocratic gamblers,
and especially, how you sue noble and gentle black-legs. Are you aware,
you dogs, that the fellow, who, not long siuce, brought qui tarn actions
against his betters for betting on horse-races, is now in Whitecross Street
Prison, on account of the costs which he incurred through one of those
actions, and for which Parliament, by a retrospective law, made him
liable ! Think how he is expiating his disrespect of persons ; and if you
would avoid his fate, henceforth hawk at vulgar game.

Yours, contemptuously.

CYMON AND IPHIGENIA.

{Slightly altered from Dry den.)

" Graecia capta feruno victcrem cepit, et artes
Intulit agreati Latio."—Horace.

" No sooner had we led away The captive Whigs from battle fray,

Than we, their Tory victors rude, Were by their charms in turn subdued :
'Twas thus, that reason first began To light the agricultural man."—&c, &c.

Peel's Free Imitation.

** The Right Hon. Baronet continues to improve.''—Answer to Inquiries.
Ii» that blest isle, where Hudson keeps his court,
And all the bulls, and bears, and stags resort,
There grew a stripling of a wealthy race,
Who wanted neither worth, nor form, nor face :
But. as no gift of fortune is sincere,
Was only wanting in a judgment clear. «
Learning, and parts, and industry he had,
But still his sight was lamentably bad :
Clouds from the brain still prejudiced his eye,
And partial mist obscured the mental sky.
H's speech, though ample, had a rustic sound ;
His eyes were fixed too firmly on the ground :
His corn and cattle seem'd his only care,
And his delight his butter, cheese, and beer.
" Bub," he was called, which signifies a shilling;
And, to be good, he only wanted milling.

It happen'd, on a vacant Saturday,
Forth to the fields he took his solemn way.
His sliding-scale, too brittle for a staff,
Hung half before him, and behind him half :
He trudged along unknowing what he sought,
And whistled " Whigs awa' ! " for want of thought.

The common places, and the beaten roads,
For once, he left, and walk'd among the woods ;
There climb'd a hillock green, where trees were few,
And a rich prospect open'd on the view,
Where, far beneath, a mighty river flow'd,
And trade-fraught Davies all at anchor rode.
Here, down beside a bubbling fount, was laid
(Like Dian tired with sport) a sleeping maid;
The Lady Libera, the name she bore ;
It—«.ai and she had never met before.

" What make you here, good fellow \ " said the maid :
Then Robert first his rustic voice essay'd ;
Proffer'd his hand—the hand she long denied—
Then took ; though half ashamed of such a guide.

So, Robert, having led the lady home,
No more would to his old advisers roam,
But sought St. Stephen's house with better mind ;
No longer to the farm would be confined ;
Though cut by calves, on bowing terms with bullocks,
As convert to sad doctrines of M'Culloch's,
Did for the farm as much, at lesser cost,
And showed the farmer in the statesman lost.

Such wonders had this lady's sight the pow'r
To work on him—and, since, on many more :
Her sudden beauty strikes into the heart,
When seen from some base parasites apart:
Both on the hero, did the fair prevail;
And also on the teller of the tale.

ENGINEERING BY INSTINCT.

he science of engineering, we perceive
by numerous advertisements, is to be
acquired for six guineas. At this rate,
we shall have " every man his own
engineer ;" for no one who can qualify
himself to earn his two or three guineas
a day at so trifling a cost of money,
time, and trouble, will hesitate to avail
himself of the opportunity. We used
to think the writing-masters, like the
lady in the play in Hamlet,did "protest
too much" when they undertook to
instil penmanship into the head and
hand of the pupil in half-a-dozen les-
sons ; but these offers to teach en-
gineering in about a week, appear to
us to be even more hazardous than the
bold propositions of the caligraphists.
M Measuring for Fun, made Engineering in Earnest," seems to be the
principle upon which a Railway Surveyor's education is completed in the
present day.

The Runaway Directors.

The retreat of the Directors is still going on ; and we can only compare
it to the celebrated running away of the Rifles after the breaking-up of the
Lines. Are the poor Stags to be left to go to the dogs ! The only cut-
tings with which the Railroad Committee-men now appear to trouble
themselves, is a general cutting away ! The Shareholders are singing :—

Oh dear, what can the matter be ?

This is a shocking affair ;
They promised to bring out the Scrip at a premium.

Which now is worth nothing per share.