DOI Heft:
July to December, 1845
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16541#0257
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
240
THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON AND THE CIGARS,
PUNCH'S
PARLIAMENTARY REPORT.
Parliament having been prorogued until'
Thursday, the 27th of November, it wag-
opened on the morning of that day, by the
housekeeper in person, who proceeded with
a firm step to the throne, and, after having
withdrawn the usual covering, dusted ir
carefully for a few minutes. The house-
keeper then delivered the following speech
to an attendant :—
"I sat,
" I don't exactly know what time they
are coming, for they can't get on without
Denman, and as he 's sitting in the Queen's
Bench, he's not expected much afore half
arter three.
" I'll tell you what,
" I think we'd better have everything-
ready for 'em when they come. There '11 only
be two or three on 'em, and the curtains
can't want dusting, for they were only done
the other day."
The housekeeper, at the close of this
speech, withdrew, accompanied by the at-
tendant. At about a quarter-past three,
Lords Wharncliffe and Aberdeen en-
tered the house, when—
Lord Wharncliffe wished to know if
the Court of Queen's Bench was up yet.
Lord Aberdeen was not able to answer
that question. He had understood that a
certain noble Lord, who held a high posi-
tion in that Court—he meant the Court of
Queen's Bench—was to have met their
The General Order against smoking in the Army has occasioned a deep sensation in every mess-room
in the kingdom, and created such a panic in the Cigar Market, that good Cheroots were done at an
unusually low figure, and the Manillas were down at a penny, which had been com-
manding threehalfpence, with a fair sprinkling of buyers, for the last eight months.
The cabbage-growers are in despair, for the young officers had been the chief consumers
of the hardy winter savoy; which must now be sold as food for the lower classes,
instead of being packed in ivory cases for mess-room tables, as the best Havannahs,
imported direct from Havannah by the Hammersmith 'bus
As to the military themselves, meetings are being called in every regiment, to con-
sider whether the officers shall coolly submit to allow the Duke of Wellington to
put all their pipes out. The Duke of Wellington has blown a cloud over the whole
of the army by his inconsiderate endeavour to banish the cigar from the mess-room.
The officers naturally ask what they are to do when they meet; for they are to
be restrained from boxing, wrestling, leap-frog, blind-man's-buff, as well as prohibited
from smoking, and they dread the possibility of being thrown upon their conversa-
tional resources, which must have a most dreary effect. FWlfes^a W\ i k°rdsn'Ps a* a quarter-past three.
Under their present trying position we can offer no consolation to the inmates of ! j Lord Wharncliffe. — No, half-past ;.
the barracks, except such as they may derive from taking it by turns to read Punch W ^gE^jffiy at least, he (Lord Wharncliffe) had un-
aloud to the whole mess. ^Ifrw I derstood half-past. Their Lordships were
proceeding to discuss this question in a-
desultory conversation when
Lord Denman, entering the house,
1 i\ r Hi tC .\ A Li AiAOriliN.il.. Vi f / V observed that he had been listening to a
" Respected Punch, \\// ^ very lonS argument in the Queen's Bench,.
« A kind but injudicious relative having given to my eldest son (aged 9) the sum of ':^^^T^ fr0m which he had onl-y Just Sot away-
half-a-crown, the absurd urchin, instead of dropping it into his money-box, or laying lla^M,'1' \ lj0RD Aberdeen. Now, then, where s-
it out like a man in ginger-beer, lollipops, and parliament, walks off to an ' intellec- '-^felli I Commission ?
tual toy-shop ' (!!!) and brings home a concern like the annexed :—A sort of com- ^^lilL^ j L°RD Wharncliffe. I had it here just
pound of a windmill and a humming-top. The thing to the now ! 0h ! here ]t 1S< ,
left, which has four tin arms or sails, is put into the thing A T0BACC0 ! The Commission was then read by the
to the right, which is a hollow pillar, and is then threaded ST0PP™ F0R THE , C)erk,and the House having been prorogued,
and wound up precisely like a top. The string bein* ARMY< with the usual formalities, until Tuesday
smartly drawn awav, it will rise from the pillar, revolving the 16th December their Lordships wished
as it goes with considerable velocity. The first experiment was made at ' each fheT S"od afternoon> and the House"
tea-time. For the first half-quarter of a second, I confess I was amused was adjourned,
at seeing the little machine twirl its way towards the ceiling. But that
amusement was instantaneously dissipated ; for the wretched toy first chipped
out a bit of the plaster, and then descending with great force imjjaled a
piece of buttered Yorkch're cake, in which it stood trembling for an instant as if deliberating what it
should do next ; after wtrch it dropped slantingly into a hot cup of tea into which it inserted one of
its sails. The hot cup of tea, overbalanced by its additional contents, dripped off the table upon the
head of the youngest member of my family, who was harmlessly sitting on a low stool. Never, sir, did J They will have every opportunity of
I see such indications of malice in an inanimate thing, as in this dreadful little gimcrack. distinguishing themselves in the field, and
" Immediately after this series of disasters, a young gentleman from the next door came to spend the j will be frequently called upon to show
evening—a pompous little individual with a taste for chemistry, and a row of silvery buttons upon their gallantry in encounters with the-
a French gray jacket. After hearing the calamity, this pedantic young humbug said—' Oh ! your occupants of those places they will have
room was too small for the vertical direction, you should try the horizontal.' Only think, Mr. Punch, to besiege. A few dashing fellows who-
of such polysyllables from a youth of eleven. Well, he winds up the machine again, claps the base of have do objection to levelling—even when,
the pillar against his chest, and shoots the precious missile straight before him. Off it goes,—extin- applied to themselves—may be immedi-
WANTED,
a few high-spirited young men, fob
the corps of railway engineers.
guishes both the candles, leaving us in utter darkness, in the midst of which we hear a jingle and
a crash. When lights were brought in, I found that three tumblers had been swept off the sideboard.
Under the influence of momentary indignation, and forgetful of the usages of hospitality, I dealt my
visitor a sound box on the ear, and sent him bellowing home to his father. The result is, that my
next-door neighbour and myself, who were always on the best possible terms, being members of the
same Dissenting Chapel, and travellers, in the same omnibus, are no longer on speaking terms, but
ately enrolled at a liberal rate of wages.
POLITICAL RUMOUR.
It is whimpered, in circles likely to be
well-informed, that the beadle of the Exeter
sit gaping at each other in gloomy silence all the way from Hackney to the Flower-pot. j 'Change Arcade has declared himself in
" I must say that I think some stop ought to be put to toys that annihilate domestic comfort, and ' reference to the Corn-Law Question. He
destroy the peace of a neighbourhood. I am told that the toy was constructed upon scientific prin- 1 is opposed to a fixed duty, which imposes
ciples. I know nothing about 'scientific;' but my opinion is, that the inventor had very loose ! upon him the necessity of taking the ave-
principles, if indeed he had any at all. 1 rage, and sometimes much more than the
" A Parent." ! average, of chaff.
240
THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON AND THE CIGARS,
PUNCH'S
PARLIAMENTARY REPORT.
Parliament having been prorogued until'
Thursday, the 27th of November, it wag-
opened on the morning of that day, by the
housekeeper in person, who proceeded with
a firm step to the throne, and, after having
withdrawn the usual covering, dusted ir
carefully for a few minutes. The house-
keeper then delivered the following speech
to an attendant :—
"I sat,
" I don't exactly know what time they
are coming, for they can't get on without
Denman, and as he 's sitting in the Queen's
Bench, he's not expected much afore half
arter three.
" I'll tell you what,
" I think we'd better have everything-
ready for 'em when they come. There '11 only
be two or three on 'em, and the curtains
can't want dusting, for they were only done
the other day."
The housekeeper, at the close of this
speech, withdrew, accompanied by the at-
tendant. At about a quarter-past three,
Lords Wharncliffe and Aberdeen en-
tered the house, when—
Lord Wharncliffe wished to know if
the Court of Queen's Bench was up yet.
Lord Aberdeen was not able to answer
that question. He had understood that a
certain noble Lord, who held a high posi-
tion in that Court—he meant the Court of
Queen's Bench—was to have met their
The General Order against smoking in the Army has occasioned a deep sensation in every mess-room
in the kingdom, and created such a panic in the Cigar Market, that good Cheroots were done at an
unusually low figure, and the Manillas were down at a penny, which had been com-
manding threehalfpence, with a fair sprinkling of buyers, for the last eight months.
The cabbage-growers are in despair, for the young officers had been the chief consumers
of the hardy winter savoy; which must now be sold as food for the lower classes,
instead of being packed in ivory cases for mess-room tables, as the best Havannahs,
imported direct from Havannah by the Hammersmith 'bus
As to the military themselves, meetings are being called in every regiment, to con-
sider whether the officers shall coolly submit to allow the Duke of Wellington to
put all their pipes out. The Duke of Wellington has blown a cloud over the whole
of the army by his inconsiderate endeavour to banish the cigar from the mess-room.
The officers naturally ask what they are to do when they meet; for they are to
be restrained from boxing, wrestling, leap-frog, blind-man's-buff, as well as prohibited
from smoking, and they dread the possibility of being thrown upon their conversa-
tional resources, which must have a most dreary effect. FWlfes^a W\ i k°rdsn'Ps a* a quarter-past three.
Under their present trying position we can offer no consolation to the inmates of ! j Lord Wharncliffe. — No, half-past ;.
the barracks, except such as they may derive from taking it by turns to read Punch W ^gE^jffiy at least, he (Lord Wharncliffe) had un-
aloud to the whole mess. ^Ifrw I derstood half-past. Their Lordships were
proceeding to discuss this question in a-
desultory conversation when
Lord Denman, entering the house,
1 i\ r Hi tC .\ A Li AiAOriliN.il.. Vi f / V observed that he had been listening to a
" Respected Punch, \\// ^ very lonS argument in the Queen's Bench,.
« A kind but injudicious relative having given to my eldest son (aged 9) the sum of ':^^^T^ fr0m which he had onl-y Just Sot away-
half-a-crown, the absurd urchin, instead of dropping it into his money-box, or laying lla^M,'1' \ lj0RD Aberdeen. Now, then, where s-
it out like a man in ginger-beer, lollipops, and parliament, walks off to an ' intellec- '-^felli I Commission ?
tual toy-shop ' (!!!) and brings home a concern like the annexed :—A sort of com- ^^lilL^ j L°RD Wharncliffe. I had it here just
pound of a windmill and a humming-top. The thing to the now ! 0h ! here ]t 1S< ,
left, which has four tin arms or sails, is put into the thing A T0BACC0 ! The Commission was then read by the
to the right, which is a hollow pillar, and is then threaded ST0PP™ F0R THE , C)erk,and the House having been prorogued,
and wound up precisely like a top. The string bein* ARMY< with the usual formalities, until Tuesday
smartly drawn awav, it will rise from the pillar, revolving the 16th December their Lordships wished
as it goes with considerable velocity. The first experiment was made at ' each fheT S"od afternoon> and the House"
tea-time. For the first half-quarter of a second, I confess I was amused was adjourned,
at seeing the little machine twirl its way towards the ceiling. But that
amusement was instantaneously dissipated ; for the wretched toy first chipped
out a bit of the plaster, and then descending with great force imjjaled a
piece of buttered Yorkch're cake, in which it stood trembling for an instant as if deliberating what it
should do next ; after wtrch it dropped slantingly into a hot cup of tea into which it inserted one of
its sails. The hot cup of tea, overbalanced by its additional contents, dripped off the table upon the
head of the youngest member of my family, who was harmlessly sitting on a low stool. Never, sir, did J They will have every opportunity of
I see such indications of malice in an inanimate thing, as in this dreadful little gimcrack. distinguishing themselves in the field, and
" Immediately after this series of disasters, a young gentleman from the next door came to spend the j will be frequently called upon to show
evening—a pompous little individual with a taste for chemistry, and a row of silvery buttons upon their gallantry in encounters with the-
a French gray jacket. After hearing the calamity, this pedantic young humbug said—' Oh ! your occupants of those places they will have
room was too small for the vertical direction, you should try the horizontal.' Only think, Mr. Punch, to besiege. A few dashing fellows who-
of such polysyllables from a youth of eleven. Well, he winds up the machine again, claps the base of have do objection to levelling—even when,
the pillar against his chest, and shoots the precious missile straight before him. Off it goes,—extin- applied to themselves—may be immedi-
WANTED,
a few high-spirited young men, fob
the corps of railway engineers.
guishes both the candles, leaving us in utter darkness, in the midst of which we hear a jingle and
a crash. When lights were brought in, I found that three tumblers had been swept off the sideboard.
Under the influence of momentary indignation, and forgetful of the usages of hospitality, I dealt my
visitor a sound box on the ear, and sent him bellowing home to his father. The result is, that my
next-door neighbour and myself, who were always on the best possible terms, being members of the
same Dissenting Chapel, and travellers, in the same omnibus, are no longer on speaking terms, but
ately enrolled at a liberal rate of wages.
POLITICAL RUMOUR.
It is whimpered, in circles likely to be
well-informed, that the beadle of the Exeter
sit gaping at each other in gloomy silence all the way from Hackney to the Flower-pot. j 'Change Arcade has declared himself in
" I must say that I think some stop ought to be put to toys that annihilate domestic comfort, and ' reference to the Corn-Law Question. He
destroy the peace of a neighbourhood. I am told that the toy was constructed upon scientific prin- 1 is opposed to a fixed duty, which imposes
ciples. I know nothing about 'scientific;' but my opinion is, that the inventor had very loose ! upon him the necessity of taking the ave-
principles, if indeed he had any at all. 1 rage, and sometimes much more than the
" A Parent." ! average, of chaff.