DOI issue:
January to June, 1846
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16542#0213
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
215
MUSICAL BEDS.
here is a paragraph in
the Nonconformist,
which states, that
some genius has
invented a musi-
cal bed, that be-
gins to play a tune
directly you lie
down, and can be
wound up to play
another tune when
you are desirous of
waking.
There is one ad-
vantage about a
bed of this descrip-
tion, namely, that
you can always
rely on having it
well aired by
means of the favou-
rite airs of some of
the most popular
composers. We
should think, how-
ever, that there must be some tact required in adapting the musical
compositions to the required purposes. It would be very injudicious,
for instance, to attempt to send any one to sleep with a quadrille of
Mdsard, while to try and wake any one up with a bit of Sebastian
Bach, or a morceau of Juvenile-England classicality, would be equally
preposterous. The invention certainly opens quite a new field to
many of those long-haired and turned-down-collar composers, who
will now have a splendid chance of bringing their composing talents to
bear upon those who are soliciting the sometimes-obstinate Morpheus.
There are several rising young men, who have been rising for the last
twenty years, and who are admirably adapted to the task of setting
four-posts and French bedsteads to somniferous music. We presume
that the idea has been taken from the Chamber Concerts, which have
recently become popular.
Considering the awful infliction it is, to be compelled to hear the
music of certain persons whom we could but will not name, the
addition of their music to a bed might turn it into a regular lit de
justice, or shocking instrument of cruelty.
The arrangement by which one is to be woke up at any hour, com-
prises a march, with drum and cymbal accompaniments. Such a
charivari might not be always very welcome when it came ; for, though
one often goes to bed with a very valiant determination to get up very
early, it is extremely natural to alter one's mind by the morning. If
we often get angry with the person calling us, and disturbing our rest,
what should we say to the drums and cymbals going through a regular
march, at a most unseasonable hour ? For our own parts we should
muffle the drums at once with our bolster, and suffocate the cymbals
with our goose-feather bed. We should recommend that, if the princi-
ple is carried out, the airs chosen should be appropriate to the kind of
beds they might be adapted to. " Oh rest thee, babe, rest thee, babe,"
would do very well for an infant's cot, while " Rise, gentle Moon,"
would be suited to the purpose of waking a celebrated alderman.
self-possession.
Marshal Bdgeaud, in addressing the Duke d'Aumale, made fre-
quent allusions to " my army, my soldiers," &c. It will be next " my
people, my Africa; " but we are afraid it will be a long time before the
Marshal will be able to say " my Abd-el-Kader."
Railway Cariosity.
The Papers inform us that not a single accident has occurred on the
Jamaica Railway during the last quarter ! The Directors of the
Eastern Counties have sent out agents to Jamaica to look at this
Railway, for they will not believe there exists such a phenomenon.
penal code for editors.
In Spain, editors are imprisoned ; in France, they are decorated
with the Cross of the Legion of Honour. We do not know which is the
greater punishment.
PUNCH'S POLITICAL DICTIONARY.
Habeas Corpus. One of the great bulwarks of the British Consti-
tution, and a supplement to Magna Charta. The use of the bulwark
is that any man in custody may, by virtue of the writ, know
what he is in custody for ; a piece of knowledge that can only be re-
quired by a gentleman so inundated with executions that he scarcely
knows one from the other, and is desirous of being informed at whose
suit he has been pounced upon.
Hanaper. From Hanaperium, a hamper, in which the writs of
Chancery were formerly kept. The hamper itself is abolished, but the
clerkship of it continues, and is a sinecure office of £468 a year—a
salary which the public is somewhat unfairly hampered with.
Herald. An officer by whom, in the middle ages, " messages and
parcels were carefully delivered." It was also his duty to lay out the
lists for tournaments, which comprised, no doubt, the careful beating
of carpets, while his presence as an attendant at the banquets which
followed made him a regular waiter at evening parties. The modern
Herald has very little to do, and is only a superior kind of beefeater.
Heralds' College. A sort of Snobs' university, in which par-
venus take their degrees of respectability.
Heraldry. The art of arranging coats of arms and badges ;
though Heraldry does not teach the proper position of the badge on
the breast of the omnibus driver, conductor, or waterman. The
earliest specimen of Heraldry known in this country is of the time of
Edward the First, whose badge was a badger.
Hue and Cry. The old Common Law method of pursuing felons
with horn and voice ; though the Hue and Cry were only used for
crimes of the darkest hue, and for crying evils.
Imports and Exports. The Ins and Outs of Commerce.
Income-Tax. A triennial periodical, or permanent burden imposed
for temporary purposes.
Indenture. A legal deed : from in, and dens, a tooth—a derivation
showing that it is an instrument by which the law sticks its teeth
pretty sharply into him who has to pay for it.
FASHIONABLE ARRANGEMENTS.
One of the daily fashionable organs informs its readers that the
fashionable season is likely to be dull, and then proceeds to give a list
of the probable arrangements for the next few weeks. We beg to add
to the list the following " further arrangements," which will add mate-
rially to the attractions of the beau monde:—
Mrs. Eiderdown will give a series of the. et tournez achors (tea and
turn outs) at her suburban residence in the Kennington Oval,
During the month of May Mr. Briefless will throw open his cham-
bers to the elite of the legal world, who will be invited, twice a week,
to a matinee muffinesque, which is expected to surpass the recherche
spreads which gave 30 much gaiety to the Temple in the course of
the last season.
The loss of Alderman Stag will be much felt in the City. His house
wilL however, be the scene of one grand levee during the season, at
which it is expected the Sheriff will be represented by one of his officers.
Mr. Jones has it in contemplation to give a rapid succession of leg-
of-mutton dinners at his lodgings in Stamford Street. These delightful
little reunions a la jigot created a great sensation last season, and it is
expected they will this year be equally popular.
Baron Nathan will throw open his old ancestral hall at Kennington
for a series of Polka soirees during the whole of the new-laid egg season.
He will resume his delightful capers among the eggs, which have never
been equalled since the celebrated performance of the donkey among
the chickens.
The German trumpeters will continue their delightful extempora-
neous soirees in the open air. In the true spirit of foreign hospitality,
these entertainments will be " open to all parties and influenced by
none," except the policeman on duty.
a cheap trip.
Upwards of 7,000 tons of gravel have been shipped from New York
since September last for the purpose of beautifying the parks and
gardens of London. According to this, a Yankee domiciled in London
would be able to tread again his native soil without going any further
than Hyde Park.
215
MUSICAL BEDS.
here is a paragraph in
the Nonconformist,
which states, that
some genius has
invented a musi-
cal bed, that be-
gins to play a tune
directly you lie
down, and can be
wound up to play
another tune when
you are desirous of
waking.
There is one ad-
vantage about a
bed of this descrip-
tion, namely, that
you can always
rely on having it
well aired by
means of the favou-
rite airs of some of
the most popular
composers. We
should think, how-
ever, that there must be some tact required in adapting the musical
compositions to the required purposes. It would be very injudicious,
for instance, to attempt to send any one to sleep with a quadrille of
Mdsard, while to try and wake any one up with a bit of Sebastian
Bach, or a morceau of Juvenile-England classicality, would be equally
preposterous. The invention certainly opens quite a new field to
many of those long-haired and turned-down-collar composers, who
will now have a splendid chance of bringing their composing talents to
bear upon those who are soliciting the sometimes-obstinate Morpheus.
There are several rising young men, who have been rising for the last
twenty years, and who are admirably adapted to the task of setting
four-posts and French bedsteads to somniferous music. We presume
that the idea has been taken from the Chamber Concerts, which have
recently become popular.
Considering the awful infliction it is, to be compelled to hear the
music of certain persons whom we could but will not name, the
addition of their music to a bed might turn it into a regular lit de
justice, or shocking instrument of cruelty.
The arrangement by which one is to be woke up at any hour, com-
prises a march, with drum and cymbal accompaniments. Such a
charivari might not be always very welcome when it came ; for, though
one often goes to bed with a very valiant determination to get up very
early, it is extremely natural to alter one's mind by the morning. If
we often get angry with the person calling us, and disturbing our rest,
what should we say to the drums and cymbals going through a regular
march, at a most unseasonable hour ? For our own parts we should
muffle the drums at once with our bolster, and suffocate the cymbals
with our goose-feather bed. We should recommend that, if the princi-
ple is carried out, the airs chosen should be appropriate to the kind of
beds they might be adapted to. " Oh rest thee, babe, rest thee, babe,"
would do very well for an infant's cot, while " Rise, gentle Moon,"
would be suited to the purpose of waking a celebrated alderman.
self-possession.
Marshal Bdgeaud, in addressing the Duke d'Aumale, made fre-
quent allusions to " my army, my soldiers," &c. It will be next " my
people, my Africa; " but we are afraid it will be a long time before the
Marshal will be able to say " my Abd-el-Kader."
Railway Cariosity.
The Papers inform us that not a single accident has occurred on the
Jamaica Railway during the last quarter ! The Directors of the
Eastern Counties have sent out agents to Jamaica to look at this
Railway, for they will not believe there exists such a phenomenon.
penal code for editors.
In Spain, editors are imprisoned ; in France, they are decorated
with the Cross of the Legion of Honour. We do not know which is the
greater punishment.
PUNCH'S POLITICAL DICTIONARY.
Habeas Corpus. One of the great bulwarks of the British Consti-
tution, and a supplement to Magna Charta. The use of the bulwark
is that any man in custody may, by virtue of the writ, know
what he is in custody for ; a piece of knowledge that can only be re-
quired by a gentleman so inundated with executions that he scarcely
knows one from the other, and is desirous of being informed at whose
suit he has been pounced upon.
Hanaper. From Hanaperium, a hamper, in which the writs of
Chancery were formerly kept. The hamper itself is abolished, but the
clerkship of it continues, and is a sinecure office of £468 a year—a
salary which the public is somewhat unfairly hampered with.
Herald. An officer by whom, in the middle ages, " messages and
parcels were carefully delivered." It was also his duty to lay out the
lists for tournaments, which comprised, no doubt, the careful beating
of carpets, while his presence as an attendant at the banquets which
followed made him a regular waiter at evening parties. The modern
Herald has very little to do, and is only a superior kind of beefeater.
Heralds' College. A sort of Snobs' university, in which par-
venus take their degrees of respectability.
Heraldry. The art of arranging coats of arms and badges ;
though Heraldry does not teach the proper position of the badge on
the breast of the omnibus driver, conductor, or waterman. The
earliest specimen of Heraldry known in this country is of the time of
Edward the First, whose badge was a badger.
Hue and Cry. The old Common Law method of pursuing felons
with horn and voice ; though the Hue and Cry were only used for
crimes of the darkest hue, and for crying evils.
Imports and Exports. The Ins and Outs of Commerce.
Income-Tax. A triennial periodical, or permanent burden imposed
for temporary purposes.
Indenture. A legal deed : from in, and dens, a tooth—a derivation
showing that it is an instrument by which the law sticks its teeth
pretty sharply into him who has to pay for it.
FASHIONABLE ARRANGEMENTS.
One of the daily fashionable organs informs its readers that the
fashionable season is likely to be dull, and then proceeds to give a list
of the probable arrangements for the next few weeks. We beg to add
to the list the following " further arrangements," which will add mate-
rially to the attractions of the beau monde:—
Mrs. Eiderdown will give a series of the. et tournez achors (tea and
turn outs) at her suburban residence in the Kennington Oval,
During the month of May Mr. Briefless will throw open his cham-
bers to the elite of the legal world, who will be invited, twice a week,
to a matinee muffinesque, which is expected to surpass the recherche
spreads which gave 30 much gaiety to the Temple in the course of
the last season.
The loss of Alderman Stag will be much felt in the City. His house
wilL however, be the scene of one grand levee during the season, at
which it is expected the Sheriff will be represented by one of his officers.
Mr. Jones has it in contemplation to give a rapid succession of leg-
of-mutton dinners at his lodgings in Stamford Street. These delightful
little reunions a la jigot created a great sensation last season, and it is
expected they will this year be equally popular.
Baron Nathan will throw open his old ancestral hall at Kennington
for a series of Polka soirees during the whole of the new-laid egg season.
He will resume his delightful capers among the eggs, which have never
been equalled since the celebrated performance of the donkey among
the chickens.
The German trumpeters will continue their delightful extempora-
neous soirees in the open air. In the true spirit of foreign hospitality,
these entertainments will be " open to all parties and influenced by
none," except the policeman on duty.
a cheap trip.
Upwards of 7,000 tons of gravel have been shipped from New York
since September last for the purpose of beautifying the parks and
gardens of London. According to this, a Yankee domiciled in London
would be able to tread again his native soil without going any further
than Hyde Park.