Punch: Punch (11.1846)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

239

THE ENGLISH IN LITTLE.

bt general tom thumb.

the general meets the genius of britain at the palace,
and dances his hornpipe; sings " yankee doodle," and is
royally rewarded.

/

sooner seed him, than they run yelping away from him ; they thought
—cunnin critters !—he'd come for a sittin.

" Look," ses Lady Dorcas, and she pinted to a China cat, that
went rubhin herself aginst Landseer's leg, like an old acquaintance.
" Only look at that—there's sagacity."

" Why," ses I, "does she want to be painted ? The dogs, on the
contrairy, run away."

" Very true," ses LaDY Dorcas ; " dogs don't make good sitters ;
but, I don't know how it is, cats like it. Look at that darling ! "—
the China cat still a rubbin herself—" she's been in three exhibitions ;
and—I know it as well as I know my own thoughts—she's standin
on her hind legs, a begging of Landseer for a fourth fall-length."

" Who's that ? " ses I, as a tallish, slimmish gen'leman came in, and
the Qceen shook him by the hand very hearty. " Who's that ? "

Lady Dorcas lowered her voice, and putting her rosebud mouth to
my ear—I thought my heart would have beat through my busum—
she said, in a sort of solemn whisper, " That's the imminent tragedian,
Mr. Macready."

Well, I'd heerd a good deal of him, and as we'd both been on the
stage, I felt a kinder sort of curiosity in him. " A very pleasin sort
of human," ses I : " introduce him."

here was nothin more said at that time
about Gracious Majesty's goin to New
Yoik ; but I could see she sot thinkin
on it ; and I could see now and then she
looked tenderlike at the corner of her
beautiful bright eyes at Prince Albert,
who did seem a leetle streaked—for I've
heerd he's not so good a sailor as a
sea-gull—jist a leetle streaked at the
notion of crossing the Atlantic. Sd
kinder like to relieve him, I thought I'd
change the conversation. Givin my
cup and sarcer to an Honor-Maid, I sot
with one knee across the tother—I
could see Governor Barncm was a "Bye-and-bye," says Lady Dorcas. "When Gracious Majesty's
trifle ryled at this, and kept shakin j done with him."

" And does Macready come often here ? " ses I.
" Bless you, Gen'ral ! every week," ses her Ladyship. " He comes
to read Shakspeare to the Queen and the Prince ; hut"—here
Dorcas looked solemn agin—" you musn't say I told you ; it would
be as much as my place is worth."
" Why not ? " ses I.

" Why, the fact is, Gen'ral, it's agreed in the Palace that we should
vote the English drama and English players low ; hut—natur will
prevail, Gen'ral—we can't help lovin Shakspeare, and them as plays
him best. We Ve tried to get the better on it, but we can't ; there-
fore, as Lady Morgan said here the other night, we enjoy private
drama-drinking, and keep up appearances."

"And who is that plain-mannered, thoughtful-looking republican ?"
ses I, pintin to another.

" That," says Lady Dorcas, " is Mr. Thomas Carlyle. A par-
ticular friend of the Prince's. Heteaches the Prince German and En-
glish from his own books, and both together, fie's now in the middle
of Olhei- Cromwell.'"

Well, Lady Dorcas tells 'em all off, one by one, to me ; all the
authors, and painters, and genius—as she called it—of the country ;
come, as they always come (but up the back-stairs, be it remembered),
once a week to a sworry with Her Gracious Majesty.

I sot a few minutes longer, when as nobody took no notice of me, I
thought I'd ryle 'em all for the night, and whittle my stick. I'd jist
given the wink to Barncm, when Gracious Majesty comes up to me,
and, askin a thousand pardons, introduced all the company. Knowin
my place, I sot in my chair, while all the genius of Britain—as Lady
Dorcas called 'em—was ordered to make their bow, and pass afore
me. When this was over, Gracious Majesty, with one of her own
smiles, ses—

" Gen'ral, would it be at all aginst the grain, to ask you to obleege
me and my husband, and the company, to honour us with the College
Hornpipe ?"

Well, I didn't say yes, slick. No : I thought of the model republic,
and of American independence. So I sot a minute, jist as if I was
thinkin whether I would or wouldn't. At last, when I'd wound 'em
all up to the agony pint of expectation, I ses—" I don't care if I do.
But, for fear I should slip, jist let one of the helps brush them crumbs
off the table ;" for the genuises had been goin into the pound-cake
and macaroons, like lightnin into a gooseberry-bush. Sartin some of
em hadn't dined that day.

I think I've seen a leetle too much of life to brag, and so I won't
say nothin of my hornpipe ; only jist this,—as soon as I'd done it,
Gracious Majesty ses " Charming ! " And all the Maids-of-Honor
—Lady Dorcas in special—cried softly, " What a angel ! " " What
a pet ! " " What a animated sugar-plum !" And then the Queen
unlocked a bracelet from her arm, with a little watch in it, and
Governor Barnum locked it round my neck. And then didn't the

his head : nd pussin up his mouth like
a rabbit's, while I kept a pattin my
right calf—not mindin him a grain. I sot, and said to the Prince—
" Royal Highness," ses I, " anything doin at the Playhouses ? " Well,
I could see in a minute I'd put my foot into the milk-pan. All the
Honor-Maids looked, on a sudden, as if they'd lost their week's pocket-
money : and as for Barnum, he lifted up his eyebrows for ail the
world like the arches of Waterloo Bridge. Well, I seed that someho w
I'd taken the wrong turnin ; and therefore, being an independent
American, it wasn't for me to go back. In course, I repeated the
question. " Anything doin at the playhouses ? " ses I.

Whereupon, a Maid-of-Honor, a makin believe to cross behind me
for the kittle-holder or toasting-fork, I can't say which, ses in my
ear—" If you love me, Gen'ral, not a word about them low places.
We never think about playhouses here. If you love me"—this she
ses twice, and the words seemed to run for the first time like melted
butter over my heart—" if you love me, ax about the Opera."

I was a leetle streaked at this, as I know'd nothin of the Opera ;
and should have liked to obligate the pretty critter that looked down,
like a nosegay of flesh, upon me. Howsomever, jist as I was goin to
start something, she ses—" Hush ! here's the company comin."

The door was thrown open, and the Lord-in-Waitin—him as I spoke
of, with the flower-beds worked upon his coat skirts—showed in sich
a crowd of ladies and gentlemen ; and Gracious Majesty smiled, and
curtseyed in the affablest way to every one on 'em. " Who are these
critters ? " ses I, in a whisper, to Lady Dorcas—for I'd pinched her
arm, and she'd told me her name was Dorcas—" Who are these ? "

" They are all of 'em authors, and artists, and musicians, and players,
-and philosophers, and people of that sort," ses Lady Dorcas. " They
all come to see us once a week : hut then they 're smuggled up the
hack-stairs, and so the mob, that is, the people, you see, Gen'ral, never
know nothing of the matter."

" Why not ? " ses I. " Gracious Majesty aint ashamed of 'em, eh ? '
" Not exactly ashamed," ses Lady Dorcas. " Still, you see, in the
station that we hold, we must keep up appearances." Weil, I was
goin to make answer ; but the handsum critter looked so knowin at
-me, and made sich a cherry-bob with her lips, that, I felt it—I hadn't
a word to throw at a dog.

Well, I sot for at least ten minutes, and not a soul of 'em said a
syllable to me. At last my blood began to bile, and I ses to Lady
Dorcas, ses I—" My dander's risin. The authors and painters, and
philosophers, as you call the critters, think no more of me, than if I
-was one of theirselves."

Whereupon Lady Dorcas smiled so, my heart opened at it, and
said, " Envy, dear Gen'ral, nothin but envy."

Well, Gracious Majesty was smilin and talkin to all of 'em by turns,
and I thought I'd ax some of their names, that I might put down all
about theirselves and families, and make a book on it—as I'm doin—

.to sell. " Who's that good-tempered looking gen'lman," says I, | geniuses look as if they'd ground glass in their stockings—and I—I
" talking to Gracious Majesty ? " ; pitied 'em.

" That," ses Lady Dorcas, " is Mr. Edwin Landseer ; he's our
domestic painter. He 'a a great favourite here ; always paintin' some
of us, specially the lapdogs and parrots."

Well, I guess I should have known that, if Lady Dorcas hadn't told
■mo so. For there was two or three of the Queen's spanels, that no

Arter the hornpipe, I sung Yankee Doodle, whereupon Prince
Albert was so affected, that he took his four diamond studs out of
Lis shirt, and puttin 'em in my hand said—" Though they can add no
lustre to you, Gen'ral, your genius may impart a brilliancy to them."
Arter that, I did the Greek Statues. And didn't some of the