DOI Heft:
July to December, 1847
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16545#0019
PUNCH, Oil THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
7
REFORM YOUR LAWYERS' BILLS. A CURIOUS TASTE.
Since the Bristol Small-Debt-Court decision, the greatest excitement
prevails among the members of the Bar. If demands above £20 may be
split, and recovered piece-meal in these new Courts, all the actions on
contract will probably run into the receptacles of cheap law, and
Westminster Hall must be shut up.
The article sold there has been Jong of a very inferior quality, and the
prices asked absurdly above the real value of the goods furnished.
In fact, Madam Justice has openly been accused of using false weights
for her scales, and false bottoms for her measures ; and our wonder is,
that she has not, before this, been pulled up, with other fraudulent trades-
people. We recommend the superior courts to set about reforming
their lawyers' bills. The public must be directed where to go for cheap
and good law. We confidently expect to see placards outside the
Queen's Bench, with " Established to supply the Public with a decision
fresh from the fountain-head, and an argument;" or "Justice done
here, cheaply and punctually. N. B.—A taxing-master kept on the
premises;" or, again, "We confidently request the attention of the
public to our seyen-and-sixpenny opinions; they are fully equal to the
old ones at a guinea; " or, To persons about to go to Law !—Remember
the old mart for ready-made justice, is in Westminster Hall. Persons
having been frequently misled by treacherous assertions, such as ' it's
the same concern,' and 'we are connected with them,' the Judges and
Bar of the Superior Courts take this opportunity of assuring the public
that they have no connection with the County Court, over the way."
There have long been touters at the Bar; why should not the usual
trading svstem be carried out by advertising in terms such as those
suggested above ? Much business might probably be drawn to Westmin-
ster Hall, if a Superior CourtVan could be got up, to be driven through
Meet Street and the Strand by the Chief Justices and the Chief Baron
alternately. If the leaders coidd be induced to follow in their wigs and
gowns, in a vehicle like that used by travelling equestrians, playing on
different legal instruments, it would no doubt increase the attraction to
clients.
" Sound and Fury signifying Nothing."
The hearing in the House of Lords is so very bad, that Mr. Curtis
ought to be called in to see if he could cure it. We expect the trans-
mission of sound will ultimately reach that perfection, that we shall
be refreshed some morning at breakfast with the following improved
report of the debates :—
" Their Lordships met and spoke as usual for three hours ; but, excepting several loud
cries of ' Order' during the speeches of Lorls Brougham and Campbell, every word
■was quite inaudible in the Gallery."
We doubt, after all, if the public, and the reporters especially, could
possibly " hear of anything better to their advantage."
Prince Waldemar of Prussia has arrived in England. This noble
Prince is an amateur in the gentlemanly amusement of war. He
went in full dress to a battle-field, just as a person goes to the Opera,
for the sake of a little excitement. He attended the principal engage-
ments in India, in the handsomest manner, free of expense, and merely
because he had a taste that way. That which was death to others
was only sport to him. We are afraid he will be disappointed in his
visit to England.
We have no battles to amuse him with: not even a public meeting
dispersed by the police, or a little Revolution, a la Francaise or
I' Espagnole, to distract him for half-an-hour. There is only the Siege of
Gibraltar at the Surrey Zoological Gardens, and that will be tame work
for him; as, at the very best, the list of the killed and wounded never
exceeds that of one of the nervous ducks on the lake, when the thread
of its existence is prematurely cut in two, during the fireworks, by a
Roman candle. A grand Review, too, however expensive, would be
unsatisfactory to a Prince who had revelled in real fighting; and
Ast^ey's, even supposing it were to revive its memorable Campaign of
Scinde, would fail to please one who must be somewhat blase in the
most finished scenes of war. We advise Prince Waldemar to pav a
visit to Algeria ; possibly the Ercnch may entertain him on that popular
" Theatre de la guerre" with a few of those startling effects which nave
made that department exclusively their own, and which, we are positive,
with an amateur of the Prince's critical refinement, " only require to be
seen to be properly appreciated ! " Who knows but that Pelissier
might get up another " blaze of triumph," expressly in honour of his
visit ?
the expenses or
A GRATUITOUS VISIT TO BLENHEIM.
( When thrown open to the Members of the British Association.) ^
The very civil gentleman who shows the keeper's lodge .... a fee of 5 0
The gentleman on a fine horse who accompanies parties through the park, giving
the names of the trees, and remarking that " it is a very fine day " . . .50
The gentleman who shows the garden..........SO
The gentleman's gentleman who shows the kitchen ditto.....5 0
The urbane gentleman who takes care ot your umhiclla, and never takes anything
but silver...............2
The lndv who opens the gate...........2 6
The noble lady who is < ondescending enough to describe the pictures as quick as
she can, so as to have hnished with the stupid business as soon as possible va
reduction upon taking a quantity)..........5 0
Incidental expenses to tndh ss little boys and girls, " pampered menials," &c, &c, 10 0
Total per head [very cheap) £2 0 0
The above doe5 not include any gratuity to the Di ke of Marl
borough.
Iffatltoajr) Jfacetta\
One would imagine that railways were of that grave nature, that,
they would drive away joking. We should as soon expect- to fall upon
a comic churchyard, as to meet with a jocund South Western, or a
merry Midlands; for accidents, somehow, are not very favourable to
fun. What do our readers think, as a bright, specimen of railway
facetiousness, of a train, when it has an engine both belore and behind
it, being called " a pair of nutcrackers ? " The association of ideas is
pleasant, isn't it? We can imagine the joke originated with a medical
student, it is so lively. Another style of joking has been adopted by a
Company which has been the most prolific lately in accidents. It keeps
advertising " Pleasure excursions." The Directors' notions ot amuse-
ment must be rather solemn. We should say, one day of such pleasure
was enough to last a man his entire life. The names of the engines,
too, arc frequently very suggestive of anything but pleasant emotions.
The engineers lake a cruefdelight in christening their engines after the
gloomiest objects. One railway, which we would name, only we nave
several shares in it, has the following lively stud of engines :—"Lethe,
"Styx," "Acheron," "Minos," "Pluto," and several others, intro-
ducing every member of the latter gentleman's interesting family, as if
it was absolutely necessary that every traveller should be on visiting
terms with them. . .
Thev might enrich the society with the addition of a lew more, every
bit as jolly as the above. "What does the North Western say to a new
■* . * i n ~i e i rnl T ' t' 1 ~»* 11 1 1 1 ' ___ ___J\-, 11-. U1 ^ nriwn nil
for there is connected with it the funny separation of man and wife,
which cannot fail to make the slowest passenger laugh, especially if the
application was carried out before the end of the journey. We cannot
help thinking that the very bad names which the Directors have been
in the habit of giving their engines may have had some influence in
making them such thorough-going engines of destruction. Let us hope
they will soon earn a better name.
7
REFORM YOUR LAWYERS' BILLS. A CURIOUS TASTE.
Since the Bristol Small-Debt-Court decision, the greatest excitement
prevails among the members of the Bar. If demands above £20 may be
split, and recovered piece-meal in these new Courts, all the actions on
contract will probably run into the receptacles of cheap law, and
Westminster Hall must be shut up.
The article sold there has been Jong of a very inferior quality, and the
prices asked absurdly above the real value of the goods furnished.
In fact, Madam Justice has openly been accused of using false weights
for her scales, and false bottoms for her measures ; and our wonder is,
that she has not, before this, been pulled up, with other fraudulent trades-
people. We recommend the superior courts to set about reforming
their lawyers' bills. The public must be directed where to go for cheap
and good law. We confidently expect to see placards outside the
Queen's Bench, with " Established to supply the Public with a decision
fresh from the fountain-head, and an argument;" or "Justice done
here, cheaply and punctually. N. B.—A taxing-master kept on the
premises;" or, again, "We confidently request the attention of the
public to our seyen-and-sixpenny opinions; they are fully equal to the
old ones at a guinea; " or, To persons about to go to Law !—Remember
the old mart for ready-made justice, is in Westminster Hall. Persons
having been frequently misled by treacherous assertions, such as ' it's
the same concern,' and 'we are connected with them,' the Judges and
Bar of the Superior Courts take this opportunity of assuring the public
that they have no connection with the County Court, over the way."
There have long been touters at the Bar; why should not the usual
trading svstem be carried out by advertising in terms such as those
suggested above ? Much business might probably be drawn to Westmin-
ster Hall, if a Superior CourtVan could be got up, to be driven through
Meet Street and the Strand by the Chief Justices and the Chief Baron
alternately. If the leaders coidd be induced to follow in their wigs and
gowns, in a vehicle like that used by travelling equestrians, playing on
different legal instruments, it would no doubt increase the attraction to
clients.
" Sound and Fury signifying Nothing."
The hearing in the House of Lords is so very bad, that Mr. Curtis
ought to be called in to see if he could cure it. We expect the trans-
mission of sound will ultimately reach that perfection, that we shall
be refreshed some morning at breakfast with the following improved
report of the debates :—
" Their Lordships met and spoke as usual for three hours ; but, excepting several loud
cries of ' Order' during the speeches of Lorls Brougham and Campbell, every word
■was quite inaudible in the Gallery."
We doubt, after all, if the public, and the reporters especially, could
possibly " hear of anything better to their advantage."
Prince Waldemar of Prussia has arrived in England. This noble
Prince is an amateur in the gentlemanly amusement of war. He
went in full dress to a battle-field, just as a person goes to the Opera,
for the sake of a little excitement. He attended the principal engage-
ments in India, in the handsomest manner, free of expense, and merely
because he had a taste that way. That which was death to others
was only sport to him. We are afraid he will be disappointed in his
visit to England.
We have no battles to amuse him with: not even a public meeting
dispersed by the police, or a little Revolution, a la Francaise or
I' Espagnole, to distract him for half-an-hour. There is only the Siege of
Gibraltar at the Surrey Zoological Gardens, and that will be tame work
for him; as, at the very best, the list of the killed and wounded never
exceeds that of one of the nervous ducks on the lake, when the thread
of its existence is prematurely cut in two, during the fireworks, by a
Roman candle. A grand Review, too, however expensive, would be
unsatisfactory to a Prince who had revelled in real fighting; and
Ast^ey's, even supposing it were to revive its memorable Campaign of
Scinde, would fail to please one who must be somewhat blase in the
most finished scenes of war. We advise Prince Waldemar to pav a
visit to Algeria ; possibly the Ercnch may entertain him on that popular
" Theatre de la guerre" with a few of those startling effects which nave
made that department exclusively their own, and which, we are positive,
with an amateur of the Prince's critical refinement, " only require to be
seen to be properly appreciated ! " Who knows but that Pelissier
might get up another " blaze of triumph," expressly in honour of his
visit ?
the expenses or
A GRATUITOUS VISIT TO BLENHEIM.
( When thrown open to the Members of the British Association.) ^
The very civil gentleman who shows the keeper's lodge .... a fee of 5 0
The gentleman on a fine horse who accompanies parties through the park, giving
the names of the trees, and remarking that " it is a very fine day " . . .50
The gentleman who shows the garden..........SO
The gentleman's gentleman who shows the kitchen ditto.....5 0
The urbane gentleman who takes care ot your umhiclla, and never takes anything
but silver...............2
The lndv who opens the gate...........2 6
The noble lady who is < ondescending enough to describe the pictures as quick as
she can, so as to have hnished with the stupid business as soon as possible va
reduction upon taking a quantity)..........5 0
Incidental expenses to tndh ss little boys and girls, " pampered menials," &c, &c, 10 0
Total per head [very cheap) £2 0 0
The above doe5 not include any gratuity to the Di ke of Marl
borough.
Iffatltoajr) Jfacetta\
One would imagine that railways were of that grave nature, that,
they would drive away joking. We should as soon expect- to fall upon
a comic churchyard, as to meet with a jocund South Western, or a
merry Midlands; for accidents, somehow, are not very favourable to
fun. What do our readers think, as a bright, specimen of railway
facetiousness, of a train, when it has an engine both belore and behind
it, being called " a pair of nutcrackers ? " The association of ideas is
pleasant, isn't it? We can imagine the joke originated with a medical
student, it is so lively. Another style of joking has been adopted by a
Company which has been the most prolific lately in accidents. It keeps
advertising " Pleasure excursions." The Directors' notions ot amuse-
ment must be rather solemn. We should say, one day of such pleasure
was enough to last a man his entire life. The names of the engines,
too, arc frequently very suggestive of anything but pleasant emotions.
The engineers lake a cruefdelight in christening their engines after the
gloomiest objects. One railway, which we would name, only we nave
several shares in it, has the following lively stud of engines :—"Lethe,
"Styx," "Acheron," "Minos," "Pluto," and several others, intro-
ducing every member of the latter gentleman's interesting family, as if
it was absolutely necessary that every traveller should be on visiting
terms with them. . .
Thev might enrich the society with the addition of a lew more, every
bit as jolly as the above. "What does the North Western say to a new
■* . * i n ~i e i rnl T ' t' 1 ~»* 11 1 1 1 ' ___ ___J\-, 11-. U1 ^ nriwn nil
for there is connected with it the funny separation of man and wife,
which cannot fail to make the slowest passenger laugh, especially if the
application was carried out before the end of the journey. We cannot
help thinking that the very bad names which the Directors have been
in the habit of giving their engines may have had some influence in
making them such thorough-going engines of destruction. Let us hope
they will soon earn a better name.