DOI Heft:
July to December, 1847
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16545#0243
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
231
PATRIOTIC MEETING OF THE TAXES
ast week a meeting of a great
the office of the Society for
the Protection of Agricul-
tural and British Industry.
It is not for us to attempt,
to anatomize the •whimsical
motive that induced the
parties composing the
meeting to choose such a
place of gathering — we
have, as chroniclers, only
to state the fact. The
room was found lobe quite
large enough for the Taxes
attending ; for, if all the
Taxes known throughout
the country had deter-
mined upon coming to-
gether, perhaps no space
short of that of Salisbury
Plain would have comfort-
ably accommodated them.
The room was copiously
sprinkled with the deodor-
izing fluid, in consequence
of the folly—that, it was
feared, might be infec-
tious—remaining from a recent meeting of the Protection Society.
The Chancellor of the Exchequer took the chair ; and, as it appeared to us, very
unwillingly addressed^ the meeting. He said he had consented to the wishes expressed by
a deputation, by presiding that day; but, he should be wanting in candour, did he not at
once declare that he expected no practical good whatever from the present meeting. It
appeared that a great many Taxes—touched with remorse and compunction for the cruelty,
extortion, and worry they were in the daily habit of exercising upon the comfort and industry
of the country—wished to sacrifice themselves; in a word, to patriotically render up their
existence for the prosperity and happiness of the people in general. Now, however laudable
their intention might be—however romantically beautiful in theory—it was impossible, he
thought, to reduce it to practice. The tax-gatherer was no other than a soldier out of
uniform; it was his business to bleed, and despoil, and entertain no lackadaisical feelings on
the matter. His sword was his pen, and his musket his inkhorn. He (the Chancellor)
had, however, in obedience to a general wish, taken the chair, and would endeavour to the
best of his ability to go through the business of the meeting.
Mr. Income Tax rose to make the first remonstrance, expressive of a wish that at the end
of the present session of Parliament he should be allowed to die with decencv. Since begotten
by his father,_ Sir Robert Peel—he wished, as a child, to speak if possible with becoming
decency of his parent—he had passed a most wretched existence. He had been abused as a
tyrant and a despoiler, who had c6mpelled respectable people to give up their gigs—who had
been put forward as the scapegoat, by husbands, who had reduced their wives' household
expenses—and had even been accused of keeping families all the year in town, when—
before his time—they; were always permitted to go to Margate or Brighton. Young ladies
had been denied their boxes at the play—schoolboys had had their pocket-money reduced
to half—and all the fault put upon him. In every parish he was abused as a contemptible
prying rascal—poking his nose into every man's pocket, and turning over the leaves of
every man's ledger. In a word, like CuRTros, or Regulus, or any other heathen patriot, he
wished to be allowed to die for the comfort of the country.
The Chairman, with a grim look, shook his head.
Mr. Window-Tax then rose. He said he had heard a great deal about a sanitary movement.
The Government, it was said, wished to come before the people of England with clean hands.
Now, as in the pagan time, the divinities were conciliated by the sacrifice of a victim—he
expressed his readiness to be offered up to the pious wrath of the Sanitary Commissioners.
They had, it appeared, made their report—a report which was, in fact, his Death Warrant.
He was glad of it; he received the intelligence with a solemn cheerfulness. And it might be
asked—Wherefore P He would at once declare it. He was devoured by remorse and horror.
He could not count the deaths that might be lawfully laid at his door. He could not, wash
away the engrained mortal dye that stained his hands. (Great sensation) Had he not been
made the foster-father of fever? Had not his whole existence been passed in overt acts
of darkness ? When he appeared in courts and alleys, he was burnt with blushes; not so
much for the money he received for light—as though sunbeams were to be weighed in
the scales of government like shekels in the scales of the Mint— (Cheers)—hub for the gloom
and consequent filth that his tyranny everywhere enforced. If he blushed to take money for
the windows that remained, how much more did he blush for the windows that his oppression
had caused to be stopped up—(Cheers)—for the windows that, out of dread of him, had
never been pierced ? (Loud Cheers) Knowing the sickness he had brought upon the poor,
he was weary and ashamed of his life. He however felt it impossible that his existence could
continue with any sincere endeavour of the government to amend the household condition of
the people. He gave them fair warning. Cholera was coming. He had helped the fiend
before—and it was not for him to declare how much he would assist the demon now. In
fact, he hardly knew himself. But this he knew—That if he helped Cholera in the courts
and alleys of the poor, Cholera would reward him for the assistance by working with added
energy in the squares and crescents of the rich.
He would no longer be made a boon companion
with gloominess. It should no longer be said of
Window-Tax and Black Obscurity—
manyOt the Taxes—known " And so> betww* his Darkness and Ms Brightness
to Englishmen—was held 1 The.re pafs'd a mutual gUnoe of P^teness."
at No. 17, Old Bond Street, | To continue the existence of himself—of Win-
dow-Tax—and to profess a desire for Sanitary
Reform, was the grossest fiscal hypocrisy. It
was to make seeming friends of a Spirit of Light
and a Eiend ot Darkness. (Cheers.) In conclu-
sion, Mr. Window-Tax begged to be immolated
—if they would, by the benevolent hand of Dr.
Sottthwood Smith— on the hearthstone of the
poor. If he was still to exist, after any at-
tempted Sanitary Act, he should think himsek
ten times the hypocrite he had been all along.
(Cheers.)
The Chairman stroked his chin and said—
nothing.
Mrs. Taxupontea—a draggled, dirty matron,
with a very bloated, carbuncled face—rose, and
said—or rather hiccuped—that she too was tired
of her life. The tax upon her was so heavy,
that she was compelled to go to the gin-shop,
when, upon her word and honour, aud as she
wished to be a decent body, she would much
rather prefer to take a dish of bohea or congou
by her own fireside. It was very well to talk
about temperance, but it was made to cost too
much money. And so the poor went to the gin-
noggin, when otherwise, she was certain on it,
they would rally round the teapot. Mrs.
Taxupontea concluded a very juniper speech
with a low curtsey, and a stammering request
of the Chairman, " to be allowed to die for the
benefit of families."
A great many other Taxes wished to address
the Chair, but the Bight Hon. Baronet said he
had sat there long enough. He had nothing
to say at present, but would give his answer on
the floor of the House of Commons. Hereupon
many Taxes became very boisterous, crowding
and pressing about the Right Hon. Gentleman.
He was, however, finally rescued by a body of
Police sent immediately from the Home Office,
by Sir George Grey, upon his hearing of the
imminent danger of his Cabinet fellow-labourer.
DOUBLE-TONGUED JOHN O'CONNELL.
On the 29th of November, upon the first
introduction of the Irish Crime and Outrage
Bill, Mr. John O'Connell was pleased to say
that he had been " agreeably disappointed by the
Bill just brought in, for, from the accounts
which had been very rife out of doors, he had
expected a much severer_ measure." On the
debate on the second reading of the same Bill,
December, 9th, Mr. Johm O'Connell thought
proper to characterise it as "an insidious, a
deceitful, and a sneaking Bill;" adding, that he
was " resolved to give it his most determined
opposition." What can have been the occasion
of the change that has come over the spirit of
the dream—that is to say, of the opinions—of
Mr. John O'Connell? Is there no gentleman
in the House of Commons who will move for
the production of any correspondence which may
have taken place in the interval from the 29th ult.
to the 9th inst. between the Honourable Member
for Kilkenny and his friends of Conciliation
Hall ? We suspect that _ the alteration lies
rather in the language than in the views of Mr.
O'Connell respecting the Government measure,
and that his change of tone on that subject has
been merely—to use a parliamentary phrase—
" speaking to order."
Killing no Murder—The Irish are amused
at the horror which their outrages have occa-
sioned in England; for in Ireland murders are
looked upon as Laffan (laughing) matters.
231
PATRIOTIC MEETING OF THE TAXES
ast week a meeting of a great
the office of the Society for
the Protection of Agricul-
tural and British Industry.
It is not for us to attempt,
to anatomize the •whimsical
motive that induced the
parties composing the
meeting to choose such a
place of gathering — we
have, as chroniclers, only
to state the fact. The
room was found lobe quite
large enough for the Taxes
attending ; for, if all the
Taxes known throughout
the country had deter-
mined upon coming to-
gether, perhaps no space
short of that of Salisbury
Plain would have comfort-
ably accommodated them.
The room was copiously
sprinkled with the deodor-
izing fluid, in consequence
of the folly—that, it was
feared, might be infec-
tious—remaining from a recent meeting of the Protection Society.
The Chancellor of the Exchequer took the chair ; and, as it appeared to us, very
unwillingly addressed^ the meeting. He said he had consented to the wishes expressed by
a deputation, by presiding that day; but, he should be wanting in candour, did he not at
once declare that he expected no practical good whatever from the present meeting. It
appeared that a great many Taxes—touched with remorse and compunction for the cruelty,
extortion, and worry they were in the daily habit of exercising upon the comfort and industry
of the country—wished to sacrifice themselves; in a word, to patriotically render up their
existence for the prosperity and happiness of the people in general. Now, however laudable
their intention might be—however romantically beautiful in theory—it was impossible, he
thought, to reduce it to practice. The tax-gatherer was no other than a soldier out of
uniform; it was his business to bleed, and despoil, and entertain no lackadaisical feelings on
the matter. His sword was his pen, and his musket his inkhorn. He (the Chancellor)
had, however, in obedience to a general wish, taken the chair, and would endeavour to the
best of his ability to go through the business of the meeting.
Mr. Income Tax rose to make the first remonstrance, expressive of a wish that at the end
of the present session of Parliament he should be allowed to die with decencv. Since begotten
by his father,_ Sir Robert Peel—he wished, as a child, to speak if possible with becoming
decency of his parent—he had passed a most wretched existence. He had been abused as a
tyrant and a despoiler, who had c6mpelled respectable people to give up their gigs—who had
been put forward as the scapegoat, by husbands, who had reduced their wives' household
expenses—and had even been accused of keeping families all the year in town, when—
before his time—they; were always permitted to go to Margate or Brighton. Young ladies
had been denied their boxes at the play—schoolboys had had their pocket-money reduced
to half—and all the fault put upon him. In every parish he was abused as a contemptible
prying rascal—poking his nose into every man's pocket, and turning over the leaves of
every man's ledger. In a word, like CuRTros, or Regulus, or any other heathen patriot, he
wished to be allowed to die for the comfort of the country.
The Chairman, with a grim look, shook his head.
Mr. Window-Tax then rose. He said he had heard a great deal about a sanitary movement.
The Government, it was said, wished to come before the people of England with clean hands.
Now, as in the pagan time, the divinities were conciliated by the sacrifice of a victim—he
expressed his readiness to be offered up to the pious wrath of the Sanitary Commissioners.
They had, it appeared, made their report—a report which was, in fact, his Death Warrant.
He was glad of it; he received the intelligence with a solemn cheerfulness. And it might be
asked—Wherefore P He would at once declare it. He was devoured by remorse and horror.
He could not count the deaths that might be lawfully laid at his door. He could not, wash
away the engrained mortal dye that stained his hands. (Great sensation) Had he not been
made the foster-father of fever? Had not his whole existence been passed in overt acts
of darkness ? When he appeared in courts and alleys, he was burnt with blushes; not so
much for the money he received for light—as though sunbeams were to be weighed in
the scales of government like shekels in the scales of the Mint— (Cheers)—hub for the gloom
and consequent filth that his tyranny everywhere enforced. If he blushed to take money for
the windows that remained, how much more did he blush for the windows that his oppression
had caused to be stopped up—(Cheers)—for the windows that, out of dread of him, had
never been pierced ? (Loud Cheers) Knowing the sickness he had brought upon the poor,
he was weary and ashamed of his life. He however felt it impossible that his existence could
continue with any sincere endeavour of the government to amend the household condition of
the people. He gave them fair warning. Cholera was coming. He had helped the fiend
before—and it was not for him to declare how much he would assist the demon now. In
fact, he hardly knew himself. But this he knew—That if he helped Cholera in the courts
and alleys of the poor, Cholera would reward him for the assistance by working with added
energy in the squares and crescents of the rich.
He would no longer be made a boon companion
with gloominess. It should no longer be said of
Window-Tax and Black Obscurity—
manyOt the Taxes—known " And so> betww* his Darkness and Ms Brightness
to Englishmen—was held 1 The.re pafs'd a mutual gUnoe of P^teness."
at No. 17, Old Bond Street, | To continue the existence of himself—of Win-
dow-Tax—and to profess a desire for Sanitary
Reform, was the grossest fiscal hypocrisy. It
was to make seeming friends of a Spirit of Light
and a Eiend ot Darkness. (Cheers.) In conclu-
sion, Mr. Window-Tax begged to be immolated
—if they would, by the benevolent hand of Dr.
Sottthwood Smith— on the hearthstone of the
poor. If he was still to exist, after any at-
tempted Sanitary Act, he should think himsek
ten times the hypocrite he had been all along.
(Cheers.)
The Chairman stroked his chin and said—
nothing.
Mrs. Taxupontea—a draggled, dirty matron,
with a very bloated, carbuncled face—rose, and
said—or rather hiccuped—that she too was tired
of her life. The tax upon her was so heavy,
that she was compelled to go to the gin-shop,
when, upon her word and honour, aud as she
wished to be a decent body, she would much
rather prefer to take a dish of bohea or congou
by her own fireside. It was very well to talk
about temperance, but it was made to cost too
much money. And so the poor went to the gin-
noggin, when otherwise, she was certain on it,
they would rally round the teapot. Mrs.
Taxupontea concluded a very juniper speech
with a low curtsey, and a stammering request
of the Chairman, " to be allowed to die for the
benefit of families."
A great many other Taxes wished to address
the Chair, but the Bight Hon. Baronet said he
had sat there long enough. He had nothing
to say at present, but would give his answer on
the floor of the House of Commons. Hereupon
many Taxes became very boisterous, crowding
and pressing about the Right Hon. Gentleman.
He was, however, finally rescued by a body of
Police sent immediately from the Home Office,
by Sir George Grey, upon his hearing of the
imminent danger of his Cabinet fellow-labourer.
DOUBLE-TONGUED JOHN O'CONNELL.
On the 29th of November, upon the first
introduction of the Irish Crime and Outrage
Bill, Mr. John O'Connell was pleased to say
that he had been " agreeably disappointed by the
Bill just brought in, for, from the accounts
which had been very rife out of doors, he had
expected a much severer_ measure." On the
debate on the second reading of the same Bill,
December, 9th, Mr. Johm O'Connell thought
proper to characterise it as "an insidious, a
deceitful, and a sneaking Bill;" adding, that he
was " resolved to give it his most determined
opposition." What can have been the occasion
of the change that has come over the spirit of
the dream—that is to say, of the opinions—of
Mr. John O'Connell? Is there no gentleman
in the House of Commons who will move for
the production of any correspondence which may
have taken place in the interval from the 29th ult.
to the 9th inst. between the Honourable Member
for Kilkenny and his friends of Conciliation
Hall ? We suspect that _ the alteration lies
rather in the language than in the views of Mr.
O'Connell respecting the Government measure,
and that his change of tone on that subject has
been merely—to use a parliamentary phrase—
" speaking to order."
Killing no Murder—The Irish are amused
at the horror which their outrages have occa-
sioned in England; for in Ireland murders are
looked upon as Laffan (laughing) matters.