DOI Heft:
January to June, 1848
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16546#0189
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
181
THE CITY TOLLS.
turning round a sort of iron dart upon a board, which is surrounded at
certain distances by pieces of good wholesome British gingerbread.
The fine old Saxon Skittle will also be set up for the amusement of
the more muscular of the dilettanti; and that popular puppy to which
our ancestors have prefixed the epithet bumble, will enable the lovers
of bumble-puppy to indulge in their favourite pastime.
We have every confidence in the arrangements that are being made;
and when we consider the facilities that exist for reaching Gray's-Inn
Lane—when we remember that threepence will transport the denizen of
the distant regions of Kensington to the New Road frontier—we feel
convinced that St. Chad will soon be restored to his old place in the
affections of the British people.
THE ART OF FIGHTING A DUEL.
(" In a Parliamentary Sense.")
Be valiant. Don't weigh your insult. The heavier it is the better.
Throw it boldly at your opponent, and if it floors him, be quick and
fling another.
The legal time for the duel is uncertain. It is according to the sport,
and comparative skill of the opponents. Sometimes it is interrupted
at the first shot. If you are very smart, you may load and fire several
times. It is best, however, after an exchange or two to get some friend
to cry " Order." This is the more necessary if you are getting the
worst of it. The House will soon take up the cry. The Speaker next
interferes. He will appeal to you as a gentleman. You must not be
surprised at this, but talk of your honour. Leave the House instantly,
TVi feel it our duty to call the attention of t he civic authorities to the
recent establishment of a rival toll at the corner of St Paul's Churchyard,
which levies contributions upon the female foot-passengers as strictly
as the Flying Pikeman at the corner of Chancery Lane makes his claim
upon passing vehicles. The toll at the corner of St. Paul's Churchyard
has been gradually growing into a permanent exaction during the last
twelve months, and it may now be said to have acquired all the authority
of long custom. The collector is a black fellow—one of the original
importers of the celebrated Indian dodge, that has inflicted so much
loss upon our native mendicants. This impudent Malay addresses his
demand for toll to all ladies unaccompanied by gentlemen, who happen
to pass by him; and his mode of collection consists of a violent thrusting
of bis hand into the face of the female passenger, with a sort of dismal
erowl, which is_ converted into a malignant muttering if his demand is
QOt complied with. first telling your man, with a pair of duelling eyes, that "he shall hear
We are not aware of the revenue produced by this toll, or whether it J from you." You will be pursued, of course, by the Serjeant-at-Arms,
forms any part of the City funds, but the collection is very rigorously [ Don't be foolish, but follow him quietly, and be grateful to him for the
made, and any attempt to elude payment is almost impossible. We
have often thought the turnpike man at Temple Bar tolerably resolute
in hanging on to the back of carts, clinging to the spokes of coal-waggons,
and jumping into the midst of baskets of clean linen, when the drivers
of the vehicles containing them have shown a disposition to omit the
usual fee ; but we can assure the Lord Mayor and Corporation that
their toll-collector at the corner of the City is mild, gentlemanly, and
forbearing in comparison with the Malay at the corner of St. Paul's
Churchyard, who pounces, something after the, to him, local fashion of
a tiger on his prey, upon all the well-dressed females who pass, and who
seem likely to be agitated or otherwise intimidated out of their loose
silver or their halfpence.
ENGLISH SUBSTITUTES FOR GERMAN SPAS.
The utmost consternation is beginning to prevail among the English
habitues of the German Spas, in consequence of the probability that
all access to them will be cut off during the ensuing season; and it will
therefore be desirable to find some substitute near home, where a kind
of fashionable watering-place may be got up, presenting all the
agremens of Baden-Baden, with all the comeatableness of a suburban
tea-garden. We understand that the proprietor of St. Chad's Well,
in Gray's-Inn Lane—familiarly known as the Montpelier of Holborn,
—has been making arrangements with a view of trying, on a small
scale, the experiment of converting his establishment into a fashionable
Spa, combining all the attractions to be met with on the Continent.
It is well known that gambling forms one of the chief sources of
amusement at the Spas abroad; but this pastime being unpopular
among the better classes in England, it has been determined to intro-
duce at St. Chad's Well notbing in the shape of rouge-et-noir, but
simply to afford the public an opportunity of playing at the game which
has been so popular for centuries at our English fairs, and consists in
opportunity. You will be conducted to the Speaker. He will remind
you, in the most pathetic manner, of your insult. He will tell you it is
very wrong. He will insist that it does not go any further. You will
say you never meant that it should. If you insulted your opponent, it
was not personally. No: you have the highest opinion of him—you
always had, and you only intended to insult him in a parliamentary
sense. You will be cheered for this manly confession. Your opponent
will rise, and say the very same thing. He will be cheered. You will
cross over and shake hands with him. You both will be cheered
tremendously, and if you are very forgiving you can retire arm-in-arm
to finish the duel at Bellamy's, or you can adjourn it till the next
house-dinner day at the Club.
N.B. By following these simple rules, you may fight your six duels
every session, and kill vour six men easily, and be perfectly alive to
resume the sport the following year.
Royal Jealousy.
The Duke op Cambridge is getting rather uneasy about the grow-
ing popularity of -Mb.. Cotpey, and his numerous invitations to dinner.
His Royal Highness has given all Charities distinctly to understand,
that he will not attend where Mr. Cutfey is invited. There has been
great agitation down in the kitchens of the principal taverns, which
has since spread to the drawing-rooms of May Fair. Several noble-
men have undertaken to persuade His Royal Highness to break his
resolution, on condition that Ctjffey comes in only at dessert It is
feared that the Duke will reject this compromise.
««not so green as they look."
A horticultural paper says, " Many of the trees of Liberty will go
long before they get any leaves." In this case it is but natural to
suppose they will take French ones.
181
THE CITY TOLLS.
turning round a sort of iron dart upon a board, which is surrounded at
certain distances by pieces of good wholesome British gingerbread.
The fine old Saxon Skittle will also be set up for the amusement of
the more muscular of the dilettanti; and that popular puppy to which
our ancestors have prefixed the epithet bumble, will enable the lovers
of bumble-puppy to indulge in their favourite pastime.
We have every confidence in the arrangements that are being made;
and when we consider the facilities that exist for reaching Gray's-Inn
Lane—when we remember that threepence will transport the denizen of
the distant regions of Kensington to the New Road frontier—we feel
convinced that St. Chad will soon be restored to his old place in the
affections of the British people.
THE ART OF FIGHTING A DUEL.
(" In a Parliamentary Sense.")
Be valiant. Don't weigh your insult. The heavier it is the better.
Throw it boldly at your opponent, and if it floors him, be quick and
fling another.
The legal time for the duel is uncertain. It is according to the sport,
and comparative skill of the opponents. Sometimes it is interrupted
at the first shot. If you are very smart, you may load and fire several
times. It is best, however, after an exchange or two to get some friend
to cry " Order." This is the more necessary if you are getting the
worst of it. The House will soon take up the cry. The Speaker next
interferes. He will appeal to you as a gentleman. You must not be
surprised at this, but talk of your honour. Leave the House instantly,
TVi feel it our duty to call the attention of t he civic authorities to the
recent establishment of a rival toll at the corner of St Paul's Churchyard,
which levies contributions upon the female foot-passengers as strictly
as the Flying Pikeman at the corner of Chancery Lane makes his claim
upon passing vehicles. The toll at the corner of St. Paul's Churchyard
has been gradually growing into a permanent exaction during the last
twelve months, and it may now be said to have acquired all the authority
of long custom. The collector is a black fellow—one of the original
importers of the celebrated Indian dodge, that has inflicted so much
loss upon our native mendicants. This impudent Malay addresses his
demand for toll to all ladies unaccompanied by gentlemen, who happen
to pass by him; and his mode of collection consists of a violent thrusting
of bis hand into the face of the female passenger, with a sort of dismal
erowl, which is_ converted into a malignant muttering if his demand is
QOt complied with. first telling your man, with a pair of duelling eyes, that "he shall hear
We are not aware of the revenue produced by this toll, or whether it J from you." You will be pursued, of course, by the Serjeant-at-Arms,
forms any part of the City funds, but the collection is very rigorously [ Don't be foolish, but follow him quietly, and be grateful to him for the
made, and any attempt to elude payment is almost impossible. We
have often thought the turnpike man at Temple Bar tolerably resolute
in hanging on to the back of carts, clinging to the spokes of coal-waggons,
and jumping into the midst of baskets of clean linen, when the drivers
of the vehicles containing them have shown a disposition to omit the
usual fee ; but we can assure the Lord Mayor and Corporation that
their toll-collector at the corner of the City is mild, gentlemanly, and
forbearing in comparison with the Malay at the corner of St. Paul's
Churchyard, who pounces, something after the, to him, local fashion of
a tiger on his prey, upon all the well-dressed females who pass, and who
seem likely to be agitated or otherwise intimidated out of their loose
silver or their halfpence.
ENGLISH SUBSTITUTES FOR GERMAN SPAS.
The utmost consternation is beginning to prevail among the English
habitues of the German Spas, in consequence of the probability that
all access to them will be cut off during the ensuing season; and it will
therefore be desirable to find some substitute near home, where a kind
of fashionable watering-place may be got up, presenting all the
agremens of Baden-Baden, with all the comeatableness of a suburban
tea-garden. We understand that the proprietor of St. Chad's Well,
in Gray's-Inn Lane—familiarly known as the Montpelier of Holborn,
—has been making arrangements with a view of trying, on a small
scale, the experiment of converting his establishment into a fashionable
Spa, combining all the attractions to be met with on the Continent.
It is well known that gambling forms one of the chief sources of
amusement at the Spas abroad; but this pastime being unpopular
among the better classes in England, it has been determined to intro-
duce at St. Chad's Well notbing in the shape of rouge-et-noir, but
simply to afford the public an opportunity of playing at the game which
has been so popular for centuries at our English fairs, and consists in
opportunity. You will be conducted to the Speaker. He will remind
you, in the most pathetic manner, of your insult. He will tell you it is
very wrong. He will insist that it does not go any further. You will
say you never meant that it should. If you insulted your opponent, it
was not personally. No: you have the highest opinion of him—you
always had, and you only intended to insult him in a parliamentary
sense. You will be cheered for this manly confession. Your opponent
will rise, and say the very same thing. He will be cheered. You will
cross over and shake hands with him. You both will be cheered
tremendously, and if you are very forgiving you can retire arm-in-arm
to finish the duel at Bellamy's, or you can adjourn it till the next
house-dinner day at the Club.
N.B. By following these simple rules, you may fight your six duels
every session, and kill vour six men easily, and be perfectly alive to
resume the sport the following year.
Royal Jealousy.
The Duke op Cambridge is getting rather uneasy about the grow-
ing popularity of -Mb.. Cotpey, and his numerous invitations to dinner.
His Royal Highness has given all Charities distinctly to understand,
that he will not attend where Mr. Cutfey is invited. There has been
great agitation down in the kitchens of the principal taverns, which
has since spread to the drawing-rooms of May Fair. Several noble-
men have undertaken to persuade His Royal Highness to break his
resolution, on condition that Ctjffey comes in only at dessert It is
feared that the Duke will reject this compromise.
««not so green as they look."
A horticultural paper says, " Many of the trees of Liberty will go
long before they get any leaves." In this case it is but natural to
suppose they will take French ones.