DOI issue:
July to December, 1848
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16547#0031
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
23
AN ILLUSTRATED PARLIAMENTARY DUEL.
We give a Diagram of how honourable Members fight " in a Parliamentary
sense," or rather " in a Parliamentary nonsense." We do not quarrel with
them for not fighting—for we dislike quarrelling in any case, especially if the
quarrel is likely to lead to "pistols and coffee for two"—but we blame them
for the stupid display of valour, the hard words, the insults, and all the etceteras
that might lead to a meeting at Chalk Farm, if the absurdity was not so well
understood. The following are the points of the circle round which Members
revolve, chasing one another, with as much result as a dog running after his tail;
that is to say, only exciting the merriment of those who look on.
1st Round is the hard word. I &th. The little man did not mean to
2nd. The hard word returned. say anything offensive.
3rd. They both set to. Hardhitting, 1th. They neither meant anything
right and left. i offensive.
Uh. The little man " in Chancery." j Sth. They shake hands, and always
5th. The big man did not mean to \ entertained the very highest opinion of
hurt him. | one another.
Thus ends the Parliamentary Duel, and it is best it should end thus ; only the
thing is so absurd, that it never should have had a beginning. Cannot gentle-
men meet without insulting one another? The above diagram might be made
into an instructive toy for juvenile M.P's.
A QUESTION OF CONSCIENCE AND SUGAR.
A Gentleman named Bull being in great trouble and distress of mind, is
anxious to be introduced to some Casuist who will undertake to quiet his con-
science. Mb. Bull is the proprietor of certain colonial possessions devoted to
the cultivation of sugar. In these he, some years ago, abolished Negro slavery,
from a conviction that it was barbarous and wicked. In justice to his colonists
he entered into an arrangement to place a prohibitive duty on slave-grown sugar.
This arrangement Mb,. Bull, being fond of sugar, and desirous of obtaining the
article cheap, subsequently annulled.
Mb. Bull is persuaded by his economical advisers that he did not, by so doing,
break faith with his colonists; but feeling uncomfortably dubious as to this point,
he would be glad to have it settled to his satisfaction. He has renounced slave-
holding, believing it to be criminal; but while he continues to consume slave-
grown sugar, it strikes him forcibly that he is in the same position as a receiver
of stolen goods. He will feel deeply grateful to any ingenious person who will
convince him that he is mistaken in this view.
Mb. Bull desires to enjoy cheap sugar, unalloyed by the reflection that he
is encouraging slavery. He wants to be enabled to congratulate himself on having
abolished slavery, without being obliged to reproach himself for admitting the
produce of slave labour. He wishes to revel, at the same time, in sugar and
self-complacency. He seeks, in fact, to be relieved from the disagreeable sus-
picion that heis acting the part of a humbug; and any special pleader who will
do him this kindness will Ho handsomely rewarded.
THE BLACKING BATH.
The Serpentine, that great Pond of Correction for refrac-
tory dogs and convicted cats, looks at preseut more like a
dyer's vat for dipping articles of mourning into than apiece of
ornamental water. If it is ornamental at all, it can only be a
"jet" ornament, for the water is "as black as your hat." It
has more pretensions for a y^-d'eau than any fountain we
have yet seen, including the lively ginger-beer bottles in Trafal-
gar Square. It may be called a perfect "jetty." Musicians who
wish to give their countenance to Ethiopian music, have only
to bathe in the Serpentine, and after a few dips they will have
one great requisite for , the nigger melodies, for they will be
quite black in the face. We heard of a Count falling in, who
had on a pair of the most beautiful white trowsers—"perfect
ducks" they were—and they came out after the plunge a pair
of the " best blacks." A young gentleman after one bath, has
quite lost the lovely strawberry-and-cream complexion he was
universally distinguished for, and now walks about town with
features muffled up in the most "inky sables."
Really something ought to be done to this great reservoir of
blacking. Let Day and Martin purchase it, or sell it to
Tubner, or, if necessary, "try Wabben." It might wash an
elephant and give him a fine black-lead polish; but no gentle-
man, excepting one of colour, and that colour the deepest Indian
black, would think of putting his body into the liquid mis-
called water, unless for a masquerade or a matter of the
darkest mystery. It is a large stain on the lovely bosom of
Hyde Park—a blotcn the escutcheon of the illustrious Banger.
The sooner the Serpentine is washed of it, and the filth is
taken clean away—if such a thing can be done "clean"—the
better it will be for the fair ladies who are in the habit of
driving in their carriages up and down the great tank of malaria.
Let no fond father allow his children to bathe in it! Let no
sympathetic Duchess allow her "King Charles" to be dipped
into it! The first would not like to press to his heart a bunch
of little Blackamoors, and the second would faint at the notion
of nursing in her muslin arms a nasty little poodle as dingy
as a kitchen poker. Our cry is, "Send for the Banger and
duck him in it;"—we mean, make him bathe in it.
BEFORE I WENT IN.
AFTER I CAME OUT.
IMPORTANT INTELLIGENCE.
Our fashionably-frivolous, though sometimes politically-
forcible contemporary, the Morning Post, in his Thursday's
memoranda of the movements of the Little Great, informs the
world of the astounding incident about to mark the biography
of the Earl or Yabbobough. _ We were told, in language of
simple grandeur, or grand simplicity, that " the noble Earl will
pass through the metropolis on Monday, on his way to York,
to act as President of the Royal Agricultural Meeting," How
considerate of our contemporary to prepare the metropolis,
three days in advance, for such an event as the passage or the
Earl of Yabbobough through the British capital! The para-
graph was as considerate as if it had contained the warning of
an approaching comet, for it put London on the alert, and pre-
vented it from being dazzled out of its five, six, or seven senses
—we almost forget which—by the too sudden appearance of
the Eabl of Yabbobough. It will be remembered that on
Monday the day was scorchingly hot, blazingly fine, and all
that sort of thing, which may now be accounted for by the
fact that the Eabl of Yabbobough was passing through our
metropolitan hemisphere on his way to York, revolving, we
suppose, all the way on his own axle-trees.
23
AN ILLUSTRATED PARLIAMENTARY DUEL.
We give a Diagram of how honourable Members fight " in a Parliamentary
sense," or rather " in a Parliamentary nonsense." We do not quarrel with
them for not fighting—for we dislike quarrelling in any case, especially if the
quarrel is likely to lead to "pistols and coffee for two"—but we blame them
for the stupid display of valour, the hard words, the insults, and all the etceteras
that might lead to a meeting at Chalk Farm, if the absurdity was not so well
understood. The following are the points of the circle round which Members
revolve, chasing one another, with as much result as a dog running after his tail;
that is to say, only exciting the merriment of those who look on.
1st Round is the hard word. I &th. The little man did not mean to
2nd. The hard word returned. say anything offensive.
3rd. They both set to. Hardhitting, 1th. They neither meant anything
right and left. i offensive.
Uh. The little man " in Chancery." j Sth. They shake hands, and always
5th. The big man did not mean to \ entertained the very highest opinion of
hurt him. | one another.
Thus ends the Parliamentary Duel, and it is best it should end thus ; only the
thing is so absurd, that it never should have had a beginning. Cannot gentle-
men meet without insulting one another? The above diagram might be made
into an instructive toy for juvenile M.P's.
A QUESTION OF CONSCIENCE AND SUGAR.
A Gentleman named Bull being in great trouble and distress of mind, is
anxious to be introduced to some Casuist who will undertake to quiet his con-
science. Mb. Bull is the proprietor of certain colonial possessions devoted to
the cultivation of sugar. In these he, some years ago, abolished Negro slavery,
from a conviction that it was barbarous and wicked. In justice to his colonists
he entered into an arrangement to place a prohibitive duty on slave-grown sugar.
This arrangement Mb,. Bull, being fond of sugar, and desirous of obtaining the
article cheap, subsequently annulled.
Mb. Bull is persuaded by his economical advisers that he did not, by so doing,
break faith with his colonists; but feeling uncomfortably dubious as to this point,
he would be glad to have it settled to his satisfaction. He has renounced slave-
holding, believing it to be criminal; but while he continues to consume slave-
grown sugar, it strikes him forcibly that he is in the same position as a receiver
of stolen goods. He will feel deeply grateful to any ingenious person who will
convince him that he is mistaken in this view.
Mb. Bull desires to enjoy cheap sugar, unalloyed by the reflection that he
is encouraging slavery. He wants to be enabled to congratulate himself on having
abolished slavery, without being obliged to reproach himself for admitting the
produce of slave labour. He wishes to revel, at the same time, in sugar and
self-complacency. He seeks, in fact, to be relieved from the disagreeable sus-
picion that heis acting the part of a humbug; and any special pleader who will
do him this kindness will Ho handsomely rewarded.
THE BLACKING BATH.
The Serpentine, that great Pond of Correction for refrac-
tory dogs and convicted cats, looks at preseut more like a
dyer's vat for dipping articles of mourning into than apiece of
ornamental water. If it is ornamental at all, it can only be a
"jet" ornament, for the water is "as black as your hat." It
has more pretensions for a y^-d'eau than any fountain we
have yet seen, including the lively ginger-beer bottles in Trafal-
gar Square. It may be called a perfect "jetty." Musicians who
wish to give their countenance to Ethiopian music, have only
to bathe in the Serpentine, and after a few dips they will have
one great requisite for , the nigger melodies, for they will be
quite black in the face. We heard of a Count falling in, who
had on a pair of the most beautiful white trowsers—"perfect
ducks" they were—and they came out after the plunge a pair
of the " best blacks." A young gentleman after one bath, has
quite lost the lovely strawberry-and-cream complexion he was
universally distinguished for, and now walks about town with
features muffled up in the most "inky sables."
Really something ought to be done to this great reservoir of
blacking. Let Day and Martin purchase it, or sell it to
Tubner, or, if necessary, "try Wabben." It might wash an
elephant and give him a fine black-lead polish; but no gentle-
man, excepting one of colour, and that colour the deepest Indian
black, would think of putting his body into the liquid mis-
called water, unless for a masquerade or a matter of the
darkest mystery. It is a large stain on the lovely bosom of
Hyde Park—a blotcn the escutcheon of the illustrious Banger.
The sooner the Serpentine is washed of it, and the filth is
taken clean away—if such a thing can be done "clean"—the
better it will be for the fair ladies who are in the habit of
driving in their carriages up and down the great tank of malaria.
Let no fond father allow his children to bathe in it! Let no
sympathetic Duchess allow her "King Charles" to be dipped
into it! The first would not like to press to his heart a bunch
of little Blackamoors, and the second would faint at the notion
of nursing in her muslin arms a nasty little poodle as dingy
as a kitchen poker. Our cry is, "Send for the Banger and
duck him in it;"—we mean, make him bathe in it.
BEFORE I WENT IN.
AFTER I CAME OUT.
IMPORTANT INTELLIGENCE.
Our fashionably-frivolous, though sometimes politically-
forcible contemporary, the Morning Post, in his Thursday's
memoranda of the movements of the Little Great, informs the
world of the astounding incident about to mark the biography
of the Earl or Yabbobough. _ We were told, in language of
simple grandeur, or grand simplicity, that " the noble Earl will
pass through the metropolis on Monday, on his way to York,
to act as President of the Royal Agricultural Meeting," How
considerate of our contemporary to prepare the metropolis,
three days in advance, for such an event as the passage or the
Earl of Yabbobough through the British capital! The para-
graph was as considerate as if it had contained the warning of
an approaching comet, for it put London on the alert, and pre-
vented it from being dazzled out of its five, six, or seven senses
—we almost forget which—by the too sudden appearance of
the Eabl of Yabbobough. It will be remembered that on
Monday the day was scorchingly hot, blazingly fine, and all
that sort of thing, which may now be accounted for by the
fact that the Eabl of Yabbobough was passing through our
metropolitan hemisphere on his way to York, revolving, we
suppose, all the way on his own axle-trees.