Punch (16.1849)

178 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

This.

1 saw god Mammon sit upon a tnrone

Of Gold bags, piled on human brain and hone,

And Good Intentions formed the pavement stone.

TWO PICTURES.

That.

I looked again—snort time had passed away ;
That temple-roof gaped and let in the day;
The Gold had fallen from the shards of clay;

All Arts and Sciences, and Gifts and Powers, For Mammon graced no more that empty shrine,

And vanished with the god were show and shine,.
The garlands withered in the vapid wine,

The oomeliest graces of t his world of ours
Poured forth their offerings to the god in showers.

Painting about his knees ex votos hung;
Music, his dull ear tickling, harped and sung ;
Fancy beneath his feet her garlands flung ;

Rich meats; voluptuous dances, luscious wine,
Made (he air faint about the gorgeous shrine,
In which I saw the bloated god recline.

Before him, bowing to the golden ground,

His great High-priest, with iron circlet crowned,

Chaunting the god, swung a rich censer round;

"Whence wealth's fat incense wreathed about the Crowd,
All-aged, unsexed, high, low, the poor, the proud.
That through this world-wide palace buzzed and bowed :

A sea of eyes, that one expression keep ;
A floor of knees, that to one altar creep;
A world of souls, sunk in one worship deep!

Veiled in his purple haze of rich delight,

M ammon, as hidden from their humbler sight,

Did to that High-priest delegate his might;

And so they worshipped the Gold god in him,
Straining on his hard face their eye-balls dim,
Touching his garment's hem, or censer's rim,

Piling up golden pieces at his feet,
Licking from his foul hands th' uncleanness sweet,—

The offerings of all Arts mildewed with blight;
Only the throne remained, in naked plight,
Its grim supports all visible to sight.

The devot ees, that lately worshipped there,
Had left the mighty temple blank and bare,
And howled without, aghast and in despair.

Before the porch the High-priest, late so bold,
Cowered, while rude hands, from out his censer colcL
The vile contents up to the crowd did hold.

The Golden Essence, volatile, had flown ;

The naked lies, and cheats, and frauds, were shown,

Each ushered to the light with yell and groan.

With face, of late all smiles, now set in frown,
One rent from head to foot his purple down,
One dashed from off his brows the iron crown—

While he, protesting idly, cried, " 0 friends,
What have I done that asketh such amends ?
Our god was common, common were our ends.

" I dealt with Mammon roundly, blunt, and bold,

I >azzled your eyes, made drunk your hearts with Gold,

Did what you would, lied, cheated, bought, and sold.

" The god is gone from all—from me as you ;
Leave me but free, the worship to renew,—

Peer from the palace, outcast from the st reet— o mammon-servers, what is this you do ?

Snuffing the vapours from his censer rolled,
()i' lies and cheats, and baseness manifold,
Sublimate in elixir rare of Gold.

And that High-priest, of nature coarse and strong,
Haughtily looking on the slavish throng,

Put, still, they howled against him, more and more;

"When sudden I could hear a far-off roar—

" LOj the god Mammon !—brighter than before,

" Beyond two oceans, see, where he descends !
Leave here this trickster—follow thither, friends !"-

Deemed that his god was great, his tenure long. So the crowd lied—I waked—my vision ends.

A SUGGESTION FOR SONG-WRITERS.

™ Songs are becoming desperately

J^yfffrrfrf^ imc^ ^^spicably colloquial, in a

wl\\\\l\mlh&!£*\ milk-and-water, insipid, indeed

J I'llIn&lllllifc? M» imbecile way. You shall have a

////tn™// ''^mJ^^ young lady asking, through four

Illumlllj£#tPSI«^ namby-pamby verses, "Will you

/ t/yJwM 'J^Jffil 'ove me 1'iCn as now'" an(^a

iLlll^wiL young gentleman answering,

yttfW^J Jr^NaPW through an equal number of

[j I, ni^^^^OT^H equally lack-a-daisical quatrains,

t-iiPi/f■','.^^w^^^SifflB i "Dearest, then I'll love you

more." Now, it is deplorable to
see a young fellow of sense and
t=£-_ spirit, with a character and calling
^XI of his own, mewling and trilling
ll| such silly sentimentality. We
///y~^I3''\l^jfMBHIlMilSIBff^\ M want a di m: rent sort of thing alto-
11/1^1'M\M Bwlfmmw XJ\ rctner- Not that we should rush
\C~a \ -t Sf^SwI ^i^P ' V " : M 1 -M'".- • bravo, smuggling,
',iil|jHroSI|f^K"V^'I |\ piratical, lawless, boots-and-belt-
' ' E'liPlWv vt\\\ buckle sort of style either. This

^^0^^m^m\M f / ls as detestable an unreality as

"^/JP^Jp^^/ i ^ne °^ier> ant^ ^n a business-like,
^2^=3-^^' practical country, even more out

j^f^^^ of place.

^__Why should not songs, also,

come home to men's "businesses
and bosoms? " Why should not doctors, lawyers, merchants, and stock-
brokers have their " appropriate " airs, and appropriate words too ?

Think how much more decent and characteristic a performance it
would be for a junior banister, still in the patent-leather boot and
drawing-room stage of his profession, if sentenced to the piano, instead

of something in the mock sentimental, Bravura, or Bacchanalian School,,
to burst out into the following—

LEGAL PATTER-SONG.

Oh, what a vast, what a valu'bie variety,

The labours of the Barrister in practice show,
Not a single kind of roguery that's practised in Society,

But he's sure to be mixed up in it, or con or pro.
If a man would cheat his brother, there's some legal " dodge " or other,.

The sage enough to bother, and the saint enough to rile ;
Si raight two learned friends are brawling, as belongs unto their calling,.

Each foul of t other falling in most Pickwickian style.

(Spoken). "My friend is misstating the law." "And my friend is
misstating the facts." " Iappeal to the Court!' "Why, the witnesses-
contradict each other as to the
facts, and the books contradict
each other as to the law"
" Then your Lordship will
direct a verdict for the plain-
tiff." " On the contrary, your
Lordship will direct a verdict
' for the defendant." "No,
that won't settle anything."
" Why, nothing will settle anything but a 7iew trial (aside), which will
settle the client, and bring grist to the lawyer's mill; for the former
must find the costs, while the latter may sing—"

Oh, what a vast, what a valu'bie variety, &c, &c.

First come the pleadings, a web of complications,

Meant to guide parties to an issue, so they say ;
But to pick the real issue out of all the allegations,

Is like looking for a needle in a bottle full of hay.