Punch (16.1849)

221

RAT! TAT!! TAT!!!

Hall of Repast of the said College, for the purposes hereinafter men-
tioned : that is to say, for the imbibing of port, sherry, madeira, claret,
punch, and other wines and liquids ; for the consumption of pears,
apples, melons, oranges, nuts, biscuits, figs, ices, biffins, and other
edibles and comestibles, by whatsoever name or names the same may be
known or called. And for the further intent and purpose of "making
a jolly evening of it," by the inhalation of tobaccaceous fumes, and the
performance of a same or games commonly known as "loo," "blind-
hooky," " tiddiliwink," or "whist."

" ' Provided always that the said Thomas Trinity shall be at liberty
to import or bring his own pipe, tube, and appurtenances, whether the
same be of gold, silver, iron, meerschaum, or clay, in such manner and
for such intents and purposes as are generally and commonly known and
reputed to be the manner, intents, and purposes of what is vulgarly
termed " a brick."

" ' Signed, sealed, and delivered by me, the said Augustus Arthub
Smallcollege, on this 21st day of April, 1849.

" ' Grab. Corkscrew, Gyp, witness.

"1 Tea-caddy Counterpane, Bedmaker, witness.'

" My deai Punch, isn't this too bad ?

" Yours, &c, Tom Trinity."

PUNCH NEVER WRITES IN VAIN.

Our old acquaintance, The Builder, raps away most vigorously tin's
week, at a new knocker, which he has been at the trouble to bring from
Paris, and set up over his own door.

The motif the knocker in question is an exaggeration of one of
•he Labours of Hercules. The Van Amburgh of antiquity is shown
in an engagement with the forest monarch—only in this case the
designer has designedly set Lemprieee at nought," by impressing into
iiis service tico lions.

The bit of ironmongery under review is one of a series of attempts
to throw an aesthetic air over everv-dav life, to bring poetry into our, ~ 1 he> have bee,n >™(ed by Captain Semaphore, of the Telegraph
door-mats, and sentiment into our scrapers; attempts which Punch] Department, and tins gentleman has nob y volunteered to teach the
would be the last to frustrate bv a rWmrap-W „.,i-.. i.:s boLu. ' ,'''''> *ratmtpusly during.the Whitsun holidays, the new mode
Put upon the = i;als h\

the paw.

Only last week we used our baton, to draw attention to the acoustics
of the House of Lords. Lord Lansdowne, when he got his usual
weekly copy, read, pondered, and was convinced.

That very evening he went down to the House and proposed an
adjournment, " for the purpose of allowing the architect to improve the
arrangements for enabling noble Lords to make their opinions known to
the House." The motion was carried—his Lordship, with us in his
pocket, left the House, and instantly sent us the following proposed
new " arrangements."

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addressing their brother legislators. One week's lessons will enable apt
pupils to make a motion, two weeks' will qualify them for a simple
amendment, and three weeks' hard work, he says, will make them
eloquent.

All t he speeches are to be made by signals : arms, legs, and head, being
available as the parts of a Telegraph.

In order to save the dignity of the Lord Chancellor, he will have
the privilege of working an Electric Telegraph, which is now being
erected round the benches. In conjunction with this excellent plan, an
additional contrivance will be adopted, borrowed from the Americans,
to whom it was lately of great use when expressing their opinion of a
countryman of ours, who appeared on the stage at New York. Each
Peer will be furnished with a large black board, and may inscribe on it
the groundwork of his speech with chalk, meanwhile giving force, life,
and energy to the same by pantomimic gesticulations, as he stands
beside it.

An immense advantage will be gained by this admirable invention.
Several debates can be conducted together. Whole political parties
can rise and act the same sentiments at once, by taking their cue from
a fugle-lord; and, lastly, the reporters will need only to sketch the con-
tortions of their lordships, in order to publish then transactions to the
country.

Here, for instance, is the peroration of the Luke of Richmond's
Protectionist Speech, as it would appear thus reported.

A Game of Knock-me-downs.

(As not played at Greenwich Fair.)

There is a small instrument, which proposes to do everything in five
minutes, called " The Bachelor's Dispatch." Mr. Grantley
Berkeley, however, who declares that " every Bachelor ought to be
knocked down," is much more worthy of the title, for he would
evidently wish to do for the Bachelors by dispatching them altogether.

ignorakce of the nineteenth century.

A Sporting paper wrote to Meyerbeer's " Prophete" to ask him
for the name of the winning horse of the Derbv.