Punch (16.1849)

PUNCH, OR THE LO\TDON CHARIVARI. 1*9

M11S. HARRIS'S LAST BIT OP SCANDAL.

N the authority of the Standard,
which we admit, is far i'roni
being one of the "proper autho-
rities," it is stated that every-
thing that went wrong (aud, by
the way, nothing seemed to go
right) in 1848, has been the
work of the Jews. " Holywell
Street has done it all," is the
vixen cry of Mrs. Harris. The
barricades of Paris—such is the
Standard's belief—consisted of
contributions from
the clothes bags of
Monmouth Street,
with the refuse of
Hag Pair, and the
scrapings of the
Minories.
The revolutionary

banner which has been so absurdly nicknamed the Flag of
Liberty, is, if we are to believe the Standard—which, thank
goodness, we are not—no other than the picked handkerchief
yielded by the casual pocket to the inhabitants of Picld Lane;
and the real Cap of Liberty has been, after all, the conglo-

EQUAL PROTECTION.

a dialogue between the dukes, the dupes, and the doubtfuls.

1st Duke. Gentlemen, the object of this Meeting is to give equal Pro-
tection to Commerce, Industry, and Agriculture. The first thing to bp
done is to restore the Corn-laws.

2nd Duke. Free Trade is ruining the country. We have had a revo-
lution in every country in Europe since the Corn-laws were repealed.
We have had the potato rot and Irish famine, since the Corn-laws were
repealed. We have had short cotton crops since the Corn-laws were
repealed. We have had the railway mania and the panic since 1 he Corn-
laws were repealed. Therefore it is clear that Free Trade is ruining the
country.

3rd Dtde. My noble friend having proved that Free Trade is ruining
the country, 1 call upon jou, Gentlemen, to form a league for protecting
everybody and everything against everybody and everything. First,
you must restore the Corn-laws, to protect the—ahem—tenant.

1st Tenant Farmer. Huzza! 1 '11 thank you to prot ect me against John
Stooks in next parish. His land's twice as good as mine, and his poor-
rates only half ours. 1 wants a protective duty of ten shilh'ngs a
quarter, or I can never compete with John Stooks. Enter me for the
ten shilling duty.

2/td Tenant Farmer. I shall want vivleen shillin' a quarter, for there's
t' parson o' next parish to ourn have set 'em all a deep drainin' and a
guanorin', and a eopperlitin', and a gettin' twice out o' the ground what
we be gettin', and 1 can't, grow agin 'em at less nor vivteen shillin'. So

merated accumulation of hats, which lias long been identified >L | book me for vivteen shillin', my Lord,
with the Caucasian race, as seen or heard murmuring out, 'y 'Srd Tenant Farmer. Aw've never na market within a half-score

the well-known watchword " Clo' " in the Metropolitan "V i mile o'me, and there's Simon Thrapstone have only a mile to carry
thoroughfares. j to my ten, and so 1 doan't think six shillin' onreasonable agin Simon

We know that Mr. Benjamin Disraeli is fond of dc- | i Thrapstone.
daring that the Jews have always been at Hie bottom—or, ■ 1^ Doubtful. Hilloa, meastcr ! I du buy my corn o' you, and I aren't

rather, at the top—of everything, but he will not be so well \ / a going tunay six shillin' a quarter more for all the Simon Thrapstones
pleased with that most harassing individual, the Mrs. Harris 1 in Esse''

of the Press, for asserting that the " peoplsh " are responsible Irf Duke. Hush, my friend ; your turn will come next,

for all the evil that has, within the last year, afflicted the |i |<# Shoemaker. I can't make shoes against Thomas Lapstone under

Continent of Europe. To him we beg to bequeath the case ! t shilling a pair protection. Tom don't go to the Public, and works

as it stands, and we do so with the fullest assurance that we are over-hours. He's ruining me. He ain't taxed as I am, paying sixpence
simply handing over old Billingsgate to be dealt with by young J a day to government, excise duty for spirits consumed on the premises.
Wapping. j So put 'em down at a shillin' a pair extra.

1st Tenant Farmer. Stop there. Tom made these here lop-beoots for
ma. You don't think I'm a goin' to pay yeon twenty-seven shillin'a
pair when 1 can get 'cm of Lapstone for twenty-six ?

2nd Duke. My worthy friend—you are protected. We go for equal
protection.

1st Doubtful. Please, my Lord Duke, what is equal protection?
2nd Duke. Equal protection, my excellent, friend, is this. 1 give
Peter a shilling protection against Paul, and Paul a shilling
protection against Peter. Thus 1 benefit both Peter and Paul to the
extent of a shilling.
2nd Doubtful. Stop, I don't see that.

Srd Duke. How, my intelligent, friend ? Thus,—A gives B a
shilling—

2nd Doubtful. I'll be B, give me a shilling,—

'Srd Duke. There, (gives him shilling) and now, B gives A a shilling—
2nd Doubtful. Darned if B do. I've got unand I'll keep un. l'se a
landlord, my Lod Dook, and this here shilling's the protective dooty on
w 11cat. (Grins and exit.)

'Srd Duke. Impertinent scoundrel! Yes, my friends, every body-
ought to be protected against every body—What follows ? Why, the
shoemaker may pay an extra shilling for his loaf, but will he not have
the power to lay an extra sixpence on to every shoe he sells ? The tailor
may find a penny a pound rise on mutton, but will he not enjoy his
proud privilege of clapping a penny a yard protective duty on to every
pair of unmentionables he manufactures ? In short, every interest being
enriched at the expense of every other interest, it is clear that great
general good will be the result. Gentlemen, what makes the greatness
of England ? Gentlemen, it is generally admitted to be a bold peasantry,
their country's pride, and our wooden walls ! Gentlemen, two and two
make five, and not four, as your Economists {Loud laughter) would have you
believe; and the cause of the Goodwin Sands is well known—what

HA iiRICADE A LA HOLYWELL street.

Parliamentary Business.

We are happy to state that the Doorkeeper of the House of Commons
continues in the most robust health, and is able to attend to his duties
as assiduously as ever. The worthy functionary, we are informed, is at
present yachting in the Mediterranean, but will shortly visit the Scilly
Isles; alter which it is his intention to sail in his yacht round the
globe. He is not expected back, it is said, for two or three years.
The Deputy Doorkeeper remains during his absence in the full swing
of his nightly duties. He is happy if he can steal forty winks consecu-
tively, and complains terribly of the Irish Debates having jarred so
lately upon his slumbers that for the last month he has scarcely known
a minute's rest. The Speaker says pretty nearly the same thing, and
is longing for the Currency Question to come on again. Till then his
great pillow of repose is Mr. John O'Connell.

is that cause, Gentlemen?—why, Tenterden steeple ! {Immense cheering)
Then let us get rid of that cursed Free Trade, winch is our Tenterden
steeple (Terrific cheering by the Dupes. The Doubtjuls shake their heads.
Meeting breaks vp in utter confusion of ideas, great enthusiasm and pro-
found conviction, except as excepted).

the great inaudible.

We feel necessitated to direct public derision to an exceedingly
absurd custom still retained in the House of Lords. It is that of crying
"Hear, hear!" whereas, owing to 1 he malconstruction of their Lord*
ships' House, hearing is there utterly impossible.