DOI Heft:
July to December, 1849
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16604#0173
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
161
THE RICHEST LAY-MAN IN ENGLAND.
. eargus O'Connor has been offering "to lay
I ^SJ8i»K down his life " ever since we recollect him.
A ■Hk ^ ^e ^e Norwich Meeting he repeated the
A JI Hilt same offer. We never knew a man so liberal
>jp .^fSill ^ ^e ^ays ^ ^own on- every
Mfinwl^wFllSl™* Public occasion. The great object of his life,
"^ISIllGfflMlillHill ^ ^act' seems to ^e to lay it down. His only
^^llBHBfflSIBiH^f competitor in this line is John O'Connell,
bb ^^WBy anc^ ^e ^s ^ar suort °f j°h;n's °ffer was
i^Jt mSH^ simply to die on the floor of the House of Com-
BtfTfhjfl. mons, but Feargus makes no limit; he takes
Wm I '/wg^ ™ ^ England. He offers to die anywhere, no
lMkcwJm> matter whether it is Land's End, Gravesend,
yfWPs or Snigg's End. The most extraordinary thing
Kfil* is, how small a trifle will provoke this libe-
rality. It is only sufficient to contradict
Yfr T«w^> Eeargtjs, to elicit, from him the magnani-
■11^ mous promise to lay down his life. If any of
Wjnfe .v his statements are doubted, he at once puts
their truth beyond all possible doubt by pub-
licly offering to lay down his life. It is won-
Jpfj derf ul how he has lived so long for a man who
"^tfc|||> has been laying down his life every week |
for such a number of years ! We forget how
often he has maae this liberal offer, this tremendous sacrifice of self
with regard to the unfortunate Land Scheme. It is lucky he has
never been taken at his word, or else where would you be, Eeargtjs,
at the present moment ?
THE IRISH ORANGE ELOWER.
The Irish Orange Elower needs a new nomenclature. We offer one
with diffidence.
Aurastia Hiber^ica (Irish Orange). Leaves, prickly and lanciform.
Flowers (of speech), of a blood-red: Pistils, loaded.
Habitat— Abounds in Ulster, and north of Ireland generally, and
found scattered over the whole of that island.
Quality.—Pulp of fruit, bitter, with juices acrid and profuse. Rind,
hard. Leaves, sour.
Uses.—Produces in abundance the acute and powerful poison called
Odium Thedogicum, which is distilled by aid of fire and faggot. Other
uses, none.
The plant is not so abundant or fructiferous as it was, as the
authorities have ordered it to be rooted up wherever found, but it is
still highly mischievous in its operation, and fatal accidents frequently
occur from the rash use of it in Ireland.
The symptoms of poisoning, by means of this plant, are great
giddiness, with a disposition to talk wildly, and foaming at the mouth,
followed by raving of the same rabid kind that is caused by hydrophobia.
The patient shows a disposition to violence, and all deadly weapons
should be kept out, of his way, or he may injure himself or olhers. No
curative treatment, has been discovered, except excision from the body
to which they belong, of members affected by the dreadful conse-
quences of this vegetable poison.
Modern Smithfield Martyrs.
Punch hereby gives notice to Mr. Hicks, Mr. Sharp, and others,
Common Councilmen of the City of London, that he intends to renew
Martyrdom in Smithfield—the punishment to be inflicted on anti-
sanitarian heretics. Certain gentlemen made it so clear at the Common
Council of Wednesday, last week, that they have a slake in Smithfield,
as to leave Mr. Punch no alternative but to roast them.
eau de mort.
We understand that the London Water Companies have been
applied to by several farmers near the Metropolis for a supply of liquid
manure, of which Ihe water furnished by the Companies alluded to is
said to contain all the ingredients.
A Party in Buins.
It is a curious fact—if not coincidence—that the late grand Protec-
tionist meeting at Hedingham was held in the old hall of the ruined
castle. The newspapers attribute this singular circumstance to the
great demand for tickets of admission to the enjoyment of Mr. Dis-
raeli's eloquence, but Punch ascribes it to a predilection for ruinous
places, in which feeling Protectionists sympathise with bats and owls.
RESOLUTIONS AGAINST ROWLAND HILL.
" I've asked that question of the Hills."—Ion.
A most judicious, dispassionate, impartial, and reflecting public—re-
presented by London's bishop, bankers, merchants, shop-keepers, and
keepers of nothing—have resolved at divers meetings to disbelieve the
authorities of the Post Office, the oral avowals of Lord John Russell,
and written and printed English. " I will be drowned, and nobody
shall save me," cried the Irishman, floundering in the Liffey. " Sunday
shall be desecrated, and nobody shall deny it," exclaim the Sabbatarians.
All this shows zeal, however it may lack common charity. Not to believe
the grave avowal of the Prime Minister, a gentleman of most scrupulous
honour, and withal, a firm religionist,,—is somewhat eccentric, but still
a very lively illustration of a belief in Christianity ; it is, indeed, religion
at high pressure. No doubt the scepticism will rage for another fort-
night before it enters a transition state. No doubt a dozen meetings or
more will be held, whereat energetic gentlemen will denounce what is
never to exist, and roll their terrible thunders at nothing. We therefore
offer a few resolutions to be used at the discretion of the various
speakers, who, like their predecessors, would arm themselves to the
teeth for an annihilating fight when there is nobody to fight with. Don
Quixote at least had wind-mills to battle with. The Postal Quixotes
first imagine the wind-mills, and then lay swashing blows about then-
victims. However, we give a few model resolutions :—
I. Resolved, That Mr. Rowland Hill contemplates the total
desecration of an English Sunday.
II. Resolved, Not to admit of any denial to the contrary, set forth
by the said Rowland Hill, however distinctly asserted, however
lucidly developed.
HI. Resolved, That the employment of 25 clerks in London for a
couple of hours of Sunday will not set free a thousand clerks on the
same day in the country. And if it does—what of it ?
IV. Resolved, That every London householder — the unhallowed
determination of Rowland Hill carried into effect, which it never
shall be—will receive not less than ten letters every Sunday.
Y. Resolved, That every man, receiving ten letters on the Sabbath,
will cause at least ten stationers' shops to be open in the neighbour-
hood, that pens and paper may be obtained to answer the same.
VI. Resolved, That, ten letters being received, and to be answered,
no man will go to Church.
VII. Resolved, That, no man going to Church, no man will pay
Church rates.
VIII. Resolved, That, no Church Rates being paid, the Church will
cease to exist.
IX. Resolved, That the Church, as by law established, ceasing to
exist, Englishmen will lapse into the original state of their infidel
ancestors.
X. Resolved, That Englishmen, so lapsing, will fall into the. habits
of ancient Britons,—whereby the tailors, hatters, boot-makers, cotton-
spinners, and ot her trades, will be utterly and for ever annihilated.
XL Resolved, That Lord John Russell committed a gross and
unwarranted outrage upon the vested ignorance of a most obtuse
deputation when he said he "really thought that the public would not
understand the nature of the measure until they had experienced it."
XII. Resolved, That understanding has nothing to do with experience.
XIII. Resolved, That experience has still less to do with under-
standing.
RELIGIOUS WEAPONS!
The most doubtful legend ever heard of in connection with Rome has,
it is said, been published by Pio Nono. According to the Times,—
" The Pope has directed a certain number of decorations to be distributed to the
troops that had contributed to the restoration of the Holy See. The decoration consists
of a medal with the following inscription:—' Pius IX., P. M., collatis armis Catholicis
in suam sedem restitutus, Anno 1849.' "
The Pope restored to his See by the conjoint Catholic arms ! Pius
has been restored by bombs and cannon, and bayonets. Mr. Punch was
not aware that such weapons are Catholic arms; but on this point, of
course, his Holiness is a better authority than Mr. Punch.
soyer on the diet oe hungary.
Soyer, who, when he is not cooking, is joking—only we would
sooner have his dishes any day than his jokes—makes this apt distinc-
tion between Kossuth and Gorgey. " Kossuth," he says, " was the
I Restaurateur of Hungary, and Gorged its Traiieur."
Vol. 17.
6
161
THE RICHEST LAY-MAN IN ENGLAND.
. eargus O'Connor has been offering "to lay
I ^SJ8i»K down his life " ever since we recollect him.
A ■Hk ^ ^e ^e Norwich Meeting he repeated the
A JI Hilt same offer. We never knew a man so liberal
>jp .^fSill ^ ^e ^ays ^ ^own on- every
Mfinwl^wFllSl™* Public occasion. The great object of his life,
"^ISIllGfflMlillHill ^ ^act' seems to ^e to lay it down. His only
^^llBHBfflSIBiH^f competitor in this line is John O'Connell,
bb ^^WBy anc^ ^e ^s ^ar suort °f j°h;n's °ffer was
i^Jt mSH^ simply to die on the floor of the House of Com-
BtfTfhjfl. mons, but Feargus makes no limit; he takes
Wm I '/wg^ ™ ^ England. He offers to die anywhere, no
lMkcwJm> matter whether it is Land's End, Gravesend,
yfWPs or Snigg's End. The most extraordinary thing
Kfil* is, how small a trifle will provoke this libe-
rality. It is only sufficient to contradict
Yfr T«w^> Eeargtjs, to elicit, from him the magnani-
■11^ mous promise to lay down his life. If any of
Wjnfe .v his statements are doubted, he at once puts
their truth beyond all possible doubt by pub-
licly offering to lay down his life. It is won-
Jpfj derf ul how he has lived so long for a man who
"^tfc|||> has been laying down his life every week |
for such a number of years ! We forget how
often he has maae this liberal offer, this tremendous sacrifice of self
with regard to the unfortunate Land Scheme. It is lucky he has
never been taken at his word, or else where would you be, Eeargtjs,
at the present moment ?
THE IRISH ORANGE ELOWER.
The Irish Orange Elower needs a new nomenclature. We offer one
with diffidence.
Aurastia Hiber^ica (Irish Orange). Leaves, prickly and lanciform.
Flowers (of speech), of a blood-red: Pistils, loaded.
Habitat— Abounds in Ulster, and north of Ireland generally, and
found scattered over the whole of that island.
Quality.—Pulp of fruit, bitter, with juices acrid and profuse. Rind,
hard. Leaves, sour.
Uses.—Produces in abundance the acute and powerful poison called
Odium Thedogicum, which is distilled by aid of fire and faggot. Other
uses, none.
The plant is not so abundant or fructiferous as it was, as the
authorities have ordered it to be rooted up wherever found, but it is
still highly mischievous in its operation, and fatal accidents frequently
occur from the rash use of it in Ireland.
The symptoms of poisoning, by means of this plant, are great
giddiness, with a disposition to talk wildly, and foaming at the mouth,
followed by raving of the same rabid kind that is caused by hydrophobia.
The patient shows a disposition to violence, and all deadly weapons
should be kept out, of his way, or he may injure himself or olhers. No
curative treatment, has been discovered, except excision from the body
to which they belong, of members affected by the dreadful conse-
quences of this vegetable poison.
Modern Smithfield Martyrs.
Punch hereby gives notice to Mr. Hicks, Mr. Sharp, and others,
Common Councilmen of the City of London, that he intends to renew
Martyrdom in Smithfield—the punishment to be inflicted on anti-
sanitarian heretics. Certain gentlemen made it so clear at the Common
Council of Wednesday, last week, that they have a slake in Smithfield,
as to leave Mr. Punch no alternative but to roast them.
eau de mort.
We understand that the London Water Companies have been
applied to by several farmers near the Metropolis for a supply of liquid
manure, of which Ihe water furnished by the Companies alluded to is
said to contain all the ingredients.
A Party in Buins.
It is a curious fact—if not coincidence—that the late grand Protec-
tionist meeting at Hedingham was held in the old hall of the ruined
castle. The newspapers attribute this singular circumstance to the
great demand for tickets of admission to the enjoyment of Mr. Dis-
raeli's eloquence, but Punch ascribes it to a predilection for ruinous
places, in which feeling Protectionists sympathise with bats and owls.
RESOLUTIONS AGAINST ROWLAND HILL.
" I've asked that question of the Hills."—Ion.
A most judicious, dispassionate, impartial, and reflecting public—re-
presented by London's bishop, bankers, merchants, shop-keepers, and
keepers of nothing—have resolved at divers meetings to disbelieve the
authorities of the Post Office, the oral avowals of Lord John Russell,
and written and printed English. " I will be drowned, and nobody
shall save me," cried the Irishman, floundering in the Liffey. " Sunday
shall be desecrated, and nobody shall deny it," exclaim the Sabbatarians.
All this shows zeal, however it may lack common charity. Not to believe
the grave avowal of the Prime Minister, a gentleman of most scrupulous
honour, and withal, a firm religionist,,—is somewhat eccentric, but still
a very lively illustration of a belief in Christianity ; it is, indeed, religion
at high pressure. No doubt the scepticism will rage for another fort-
night before it enters a transition state. No doubt a dozen meetings or
more will be held, whereat energetic gentlemen will denounce what is
never to exist, and roll their terrible thunders at nothing. We therefore
offer a few resolutions to be used at the discretion of the various
speakers, who, like their predecessors, would arm themselves to the
teeth for an annihilating fight when there is nobody to fight with. Don
Quixote at least had wind-mills to battle with. The Postal Quixotes
first imagine the wind-mills, and then lay swashing blows about then-
victims. However, we give a few model resolutions :—
I. Resolved, That Mr. Rowland Hill contemplates the total
desecration of an English Sunday.
II. Resolved, Not to admit of any denial to the contrary, set forth
by the said Rowland Hill, however distinctly asserted, however
lucidly developed.
HI. Resolved, That the employment of 25 clerks in London for a
couple of hours of Sunday will not set free a thousand clerks on the
same day in the country. And if it does—what of it ?
IV. Resolved, That every London householder — the unhallowed
determination of Rowland Hill carried into effect, which it never
shall be—will receive not less than ten letters every Sunday.
Y. Resolved, That every man, receiving ten letters on the Sabbath,
will cause at least ten stationers' shops to be open in the neighbour-
hood, that pens and paper may be obtained to answer the same.
VI. Resolved, That, ten letters being received, and to be answered,
no man will go to Church.
VII. Resolved, That, no man going to Church, no man will pay
Church rates.
VIII. Resolved, That, no Church Rates being paid, the Church will
cease to exist.
IX. Resolved, That the Church, as by law established, ceasing to
exist, Englishmen will lapse into the original state of their infidel
ancestors.
X. Resolved, That Englishmen, so lapsing, will fall into the. habits
of ancient Britons,—whereby the tailors, hatters, boot-makers, cotton-
spinners, and ot her trades, will be utterly and for ever annihilated.
XL Resolved, That Lord John Russell committed a gross and
unwarranted outrage upon the vested ignorance of a most obtuse
deputation when he said he "really thought that the public would not
understand the nature of the measure until they had experienced it."
XII. Resolved, That understanding has nothing to do with experience.
XIII. Resolved, That experience has still less to do with under-
standing.
RELIGIOUS WEAPONS!
The most doubtful legend ever heard of in connection with Rome has,
it is said, been published by Pio Nono. According to the Times,—
" The Pope has directed a certain number of decorations to be distributed to the
troops that had contributed to the restoration of the Holy See. The decoration consists
of a medal with the following inscription:—' Pius IX., P. M., collatis armis Catholicis
in suam sedem restitutus, Anno 1849.' "
The Pope restored to his See by the conjoint Catholic arms ! Pius
has been restored by bombs and cannon, and bayonets. Mr. Punch was
not aware that such weapons are Catholic arms; but on this point, of
course, his Holiness is a better authority than Mr. Punch.
soyer on the diet oe hungary.
Soyer, who, when he is not cooking, is joking—only we would
sooner have his dishes any day than his jokes—makes this apt distinc-
tion between Kossuth and Gorgey. " Kossuth," he says, " was the
I Restaurateur of Hungary, and Gorged its Traiieur."
Vol. 17.
6