DOI issue:
July to December, 1849
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16604#0191
PUNCTT OR THK LONDON CHAR1VART.
179
A BONE FOR BONNYCASTLE.
Great arithmetical puzzle —which would
defy the astuteness of the calculating boy
himself — is now pervading the streets of
London, and the western suburbs. This
modern Sphinx, to which we have for some
I lime been vainly endeavouring to play the
-j part of (Edipus, is the fare of a Kensington
Omnibus. It purports to be threepence
from Sloane Street to Charing Cross, and
sixpence from Charing Cross to Sloane Street
—a result which has no parallel except in
the extraordinary case of the wonderful
Rhinoceros that, according to the Show-
man's description, measured 44 inches from
the snout to the tail, and 88 inches from the tail to the snout.
We defy Bonnycastle himself, or the old original Tutor's Assistant,
with the a>d of his own Key, to discover, with anything like certainty,
the fare by a Kensington Omnibus. We have tried it every way, and
endeavoured to work it out in every possible manner, but when we have
seen 2>d. distinctly painted on the window of the Omnibus, we have some-
how or other found that the money we pay cannot be got to agree with
t he sum indicated on the vehicle. As the Arithmeticians say, " Given,
Qd. To Find, the Change out of it." Let any one try it, and he will
had it almost impossible.
We sometimes fancy there must be a system of pantomime scrolls
applied to the windows of the Kensington Omnibuses, for though you
see 3d. as large as life on all parts of the vehicle get in where you may, Aud as for Whales, Wt many o't hem
and get, out where voumav, you will find, by the close inspection ot some Ti , '
j "'iij ,i ' • ' r 1 j?' lilalj 1 bleb LOlllC II!) \>ay
almost, invisible type, that yours is not a case for cuange out of sixpence. Except that one at Erath stairs,
Sometimes even this com will not suffice, and, by a most unmtelligibie As thev cort t' other dav
effect of the atmosphere on the fare, a wet night will raise it to a . •
shilling, and you will have the door slammed in your lace without! " But in them old and ancient times,
another word, if you decline being taken in on the terms of the i I was fit for to be seen ;
conductor. My bed it were both smooth and sweet,
We are no advocates for unreasonably low fares, and we have no ; My waters bright and clean,
desire to enjoy the privilege of being drawn for twopence by cattle so j "My »air ^ warn't as now you see"—
debilitated as to be scarcely able to draw anything more than their last j And he squeeged it with his 'and,
breath, but we must say we like a little uniformity, and we should be ■, Anc[ %\\ sorts of nasty slimv things
gVad to know what the fare really is on the Kensington Road, for the j Dropped out of every strand,
pi ce is at present as variable as the Share List, and seems to be regu- i „ . m.
Iat'-d by the arbitrary will of the conductor for the time being. As a , ^ays he> ihere never was river ran,
g. it of buyers in the market sends shares up, a number of riders j ihat, at my time o clay,
will in five minutes double the fares on the road to Kensington. As been treated as bad as 1hey treat me,
We highly appreciate the value of permanency in all our institutions,[ ^or sarved- m sucl1 a wa-v-
and we shall not be satisfied till we see the principle applied to the fares ! " They pisons me with sooerage,
of the Omnibuses we have been speaking of. It is true that the Com-1 With rubbidge, shoes, and 'ats,
pany, having a monopoly of the road, may do what they like with the | With chimicals, coal tar, and gas,
road, which is exclusively their own, but a little wholesome opposition
may yet be found to bring the Company and their fares to a level. A
fitful attempt was recently made with a retired Chelsea Omnibus, and a
A BARGEE'S BALLAD.
It was off Bankside sooer,
Our gallant barge she lay—
A noble craft as you don't see
Her ekal every day.
And as ve lay at the Bankside,
A hawful groan I eared,
And under our stem an old gent I 'spied.
With pea-green 'air and beard.
Like an elderly mud-lark he did rise
His body from the sludge;
Says I, "You're a come here, prigging coals,"
Wich he did answer, "Pudge."
" 1 'm Father Thames," he says, says he;
Out of my bed I've rose,
To seek for a drop of decent stuff.
To wash my face and clothes.
"For I've heard tell of our noble Queen,
To the City how she sails,
With the royal Albert, her Consort,
And also the Prince of Whales.
: It's long since poor old Thames 'as 'ad
The honour a Queen to carry,
Thof often I carried good Queen Bess,
King James, and bloodv Mary.
And with dead dogs and cats.
And though a water Power I be,
pair or so ol brutes so exquisitely attenuated, that- j can't raise a drop of the real stul
'Nothing lived 'twixt them and dog's meat."
But though this "unreal mockery " of an opposition dismally failed,
and the Chelsea cavalry retired before the ridicule of the enemy—the
unhappy horses looking as if they were fed upon nothing but chaff from
the drivers and conductors of the rival Omnibuses—it is not improbable
that a more earnest, and consequently a successful, attempt will be made
to break up a monopoly that threatens to place the weary feet of the
western traveller in the hands of a little band of determined 'bus-men, j Or vatever's the proper quarter,
with a delusive 3d. painted on the panels, and 6d. or Is. engraved on I And ax if they can't spare Father Thames
their hearts. A drop of clean soft waler."
Either for love or money.
" Now, as I vants to do my best,
And be fit for 1o be seen,
(As any river in England would,
If axed to bear the Qveen),
" I visa you'd speak to the vater voi ks,
NOBILITY OF THE MIND AND POCKET. ~
Y\ £ have great pleasure in riving uubliea1 ion to the following' „ _ _
interestingkftanee of THE STANDARD OF SHERRY-WHAT IS IT?
CONSCIENCE MONEY. - *
« The duke o*-presents his compliment, to the Directors of the York, New-, There meets our eye, at many a turn, a placard headed with the
castle, and Berwick Railway, and begs to return them the sum of £5000, which he con- ; Unintelligible phrase, 1HE STANDARD of JN AT URAL bHERRY. We
siders is the lawful property of their Company, as it was the amount of profit upon j cannot comprehend the existence of any wine in a state of Nature and
certain shares that were presented to the Duke by Mr. Hudson." j we cannot imagine the sort of Standard which Natural Sherry has
We have no doubt that this liberal example will be largely followed
by other members of our proud English Nobility, who were not too
proud at the time to participate in Mr. Hudson's gains, but who, we
are sure, will be far too proud to keep those gains now that they
know by what dishonesr, means they were obtained. We hope in a few-
days to be able to publish a long list of the most aristocratic conscience
monies. We shall not be surprised to find one or two Duchess-as'
names amongst them.
bluebottles in the vatican.
Tee French soldiers are called at Pome " The Pope's Policemen
Of course they belong to the " See" Division ? ] the postage.
adopted. Can it be the flag that has braved a thousand years th- bottle
and the breeze ? or, is it the S:andard at Cornhill, in the neighbourhood
of which a good deal of Sherry—rather more artificial than natural—is
to be met with? Does the song of the Standard Bearer refer to the
Standard of Natural Sherry, and what is the meaning of the "Nutty
Flavour," spoken of in the advertisement we are alluding to ? Perhaps
the whole mystery lies in a nutshell, but even if it does, we are at a loss
what, to make of it. Are we expected to believe that Natural Sherry is
a production of nature, and not of art ?—a sort of wine in the wood, just
as the oak and sapling are to be met with in the forest ? We pause
for a reply—but whoever attempts a reply must be good enough to pay
179
A BONE FOR BONNYCASTLE.
Great arithmetical puzzle —which would
defy the astuteness of the calculating boy
himself — is now pervading the streets of
London, and the western suburbs. This
modern Sphinx, to which we have for some
I lime been vainly endeavouring to play the
-j part of (Edipus, is the fare of a Kensington
Omnibus. It purports to be threepence
from Sloane Street to Charing Cross, and
sixpence from Charing Cross to Sloane Street
—a result which has no parallel except in
the extraordinary case of the wonderful
Rhinoceros that, according to the Show-
man's description, measured 44 inches from
the snout to the tail, and 88 inches from the tail to the snout.
We defy Bonnycastle himself, or the old original Tutor's Assistant,
with the a>d of his own Key, to discover, with anything like certainty,
the fare by a Kensington Omnibus. We have tried it every way, and
endeavoured to work it out in every possible manner, but when we have
seen 2>d. distinctly painted on the window of the Omnibus, we have some-
how or other found that the money we pay cannot be got to agree with
t he sum indicated on the vehicle. As the Arithmeticians say, " Given,
Qd. To Find, the Change out of it." Let any one try it, and he will
had it almost impossible.
We sometimes fancy there must be a system of pantomime scrolls
applied to the windows of the Kensington Omnibuses, for though you
see 3d. as large as life on all parts of the vehicle get in where you may, Aud as for Whales, Wt many o't hem
and get, out where voumav, you will find, by the close inspection ot some Ti , '
j "'iij ,i ' • ' r 1 j?' lilalj 1 bleb LOlllC II!) \>ay
almost, invisible type, that yours is not a case for cuange out of sixpence. Except that one at Erath stairs,
Sometimes even this com will not suffice, and, by a most unmtelligibie As thev cort t' other dav
effect of the atmosphere on the fare, a wet night will raise it to a . •
shilling, and you will have the door slammed in your lace without! " But in them old and ancient times,
another word, if you decline being taken in on the terms of the i I was fit for to be seen ;
conductor. My bed it were both smooth and sweet,
We are no advocates for unreasonably low fares, and we have no ; My waters bright and clean,
desire to enjoy the privilege of being drawn for twopence by cattle so j "My »air ^ warn't as now you see"—
debilitated as to be scarcely able to draw anything more than their last j And he squeeged it with his 'and,
breath, but we must say we like a little uniformity, and we should be ■, Anc[ %\\ sorts of nasty slimv things
gVad to know what the fare really is on the Kensington Road, for the j Dropped out of every strand,
pi ce is at present as variable as the Share List, and seems to be regu- i „ . m.
Iat'-d by the arbitrary will of the conductor for the time being. As a , ^ays he> ihere never was river ran,
g. it of buyers in the market sends shares up, a number of riders j ihat, at my time o clay,
will in five minutes double the fares on the road to Kensington. As been treated as bad as 1hey treat me,
We highly appreciate the value of permanency in all our institutions,[ ^or sarved- m sucl1 a wa-v-
and we shall not be satisfied till we see the principle applied to the fares ! " They pisons me with sooerage,
of the Omnibuses we have been speaking of. It is true that the Com-1 With rubbidge, shoes, and 'ats,
pany, having a monopoly of the road, may do what they like with the | With chimicals, coal tar, and gas,
road, which is exclusively their own, but a little wholesome opposition
may yet be found to bring the Company and their fares to a level. A
fitful attempt was recently made with a retired Chelsea Omnibus, and a
A BARGEE'S BALLAD.
It was off Bankside sooer,
Our gallant barge she lay—
A noble craft as you don't see
Her ekal every day.
And as ve lay at the Bankside,
A hawful groan I eared,
And under our stem an old gent I 'spied.
With pea-green 'air and beard.
Like an elderly mud-lark he did rise
His body from the sludge;
Says I, "You're a come here, prigging coals,"
Wich he did answer, "Pudge."
" 1 'm Father Thames," he says, says he;
Out of my bed I've rose,
To seek for a drop of decent stuff.
To wash my face and clothes.
"For I've heard tell of our noble Queen,
To the City how she sails,
With the royal Albert, her Consort,
And also the Prince of Whales.
: It's long since poor old Thames 'as 'ad
The honour a Queen to carry,
Thof often I carried good Queen Bess,
King James, and bloodv Mary.
And with dead dogs and cats.
And though a water Power I be,
pair or so ol brutes so exquisitely attenuated, that- j can't raise a drop of the real stul
'Nothing lived 'twixt them and dog's meat."
But though this "unreal mockery " of an opposition dismally failed,
and the Chelsea cavalry retired before the ridicule of the enemy—the
unhappy horses looking as if they were fed upon nothing but chaff from
the drivers and conductors of the rival Omnibuses—it is not improbable
that a more earnest, and consequently a successful, attempt will be made
to break up a monopoly that threatens to place the weary feet of the
western traveller in the hands of a little band of determined 'bus-men, j Or vatever's the proper quarter,
with a delusive 3d. painted on the panels, and 6d. or Is. engraved on I And ax if they can't spare Father Thames
their hearts. A drop of clean soft waler."
Either for love or money.
" Now, as I vants to do my best,
And be fit for 1o be seen,
(As any river in England would,
If axed to bear the Qveen),
" I visa you'd speak to the vater voi ks,
NOBILITY OF THE MIND AND POCKET. ~
Y\ £ have great pleasure in riving uubliea1 ion to the following' „ _ _
interestingkftanee of THE STANDARD OF SHERRY-WHAT IS IT?
CONSCIENCE MONEY. - *
« The duke o*-presents his compliment, to the Directors of the York, New-, There meets our eye, at many a turn, a placard headed with the
castle, and Berwick Railway, and begs to return them the sum of £5000, which he con- ; Unintelligible phrase, 1HE STANDARD of JN AT URAL bHERRY. We
siders is the lawful property of their Company, as it was the amount of profit upon j cannot comprehend the existence of any wine in a state of Nature and
certain shares that were presented to the Duke by Mr. Hudson." j we cannot imagine the sort of Standard which Natural Sherry has
We have no doubt that this liberal example will be largely followed
by other members of our proud English Nobility, who were not too
proud at the time to participate in Mr. Hudson's gains, but who, we
are sure, will be far too proud to keep those gains now that they
know by what dishonesr, means they were obtained. We hope in a few-
days to be able to publish a long list of the most aristocratic conscience
monies. We shall not be surprised to find one or two Duchess-as'
names amongst them.
bluebottles in the vatican.
Tee French soldiers are called at Pome " The Pope's Policemen
Of course they belong to the " See" Division ? ] the postage.
adopted. Can it be the flag that has braved a thousand years th- bottle
and the breeze ? or, is it the S:andard at Cornhill, in the neighbourhood
of which a good deal of Sherry—rather more artificial than natural—is
to be met with? Does the song of the Standard Bearer refer to the
Standard of Natural Sherry, and what is the meaning of the "Nutty
Flavour," spoken of in the advertisement we are alluding to ? Perhaps
the whole mystery lies in a nutshell, but even if it does, we are at a loss
what, to make of it. Are we expected to believe that Natural Sherry is
a production of nature, and not of art ?—a sort of wine in the wood, just
as the oak and sapling are to be met with in the forest ? We pause
for a reply—but whoever attempts a reply must be good enough to pay