DOI issue:
January to June, 1850
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16605#0025
PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
17
Old Established Widow with Twins {sighs heavily). Ah—h—h !
SCENES FROM THE L1EE OE AN UNPROTECTED ^ eVes UP to heaven and then down to the Twins, who don't
T1, I exactly match, having been hired from different baby establishments.
x HjivlA-Lli/. Unprotected Female {gives a shilling). Buy some warm flannel for'em
—do—poor things—how sweetly they are sleeping !
Scene 10— All t e way to the Bank. As the Scene opens, the Unpro- Old Established Widow {in a voice rather husky from gin). Oh, the
tected Iemale has got well over the Channg Cross Crossing, and blessins of the widder and the fatherless, Mum.
having relieved the Irish Family at the Baker's shop, starts on her [Weeps into the Twins'faces, causing them to sneeze in spite of the
expedition to draw her dividends. soothing influence of Godfrey.
Unprotected Female {thinks). I wonder if I had better take a cab ? i , .^protected Female {continues her walk) It's dreadful to think on the
I'm sure, if I do, they'll impose upon me. And I'll never ride in one j distress one sees, 1 m sure, besides all the impostors. {She has now got
of thos« nastv omnibuses again, as long as I live. [An Omnibus passes. io *arringdon Street.) How ever am I to get over there ! _
Omnibus Cad. Bank ? Bank ? „ , , ., [She pauses tn dismay.
Uup, olected Female {is tempted). It is a long walk {pauses), and I'm Dreadful Object {who is lyuig crouched with much art, with bare feet,
not quite sure I know the way, after St. Paul's Churchyard. pale face white nightcap pulled very low down and large naked shoulder
[She makes a step towards the Omnibus. com™9 through a hole in his light waistcoat). Oh—h—h— [Shudders.
Cad {seizes her, and attempts to p-4 her in by foice). 'Ere you are, Mum. , Unprotected Female {perceiving him). Ugh! poor creature! m this
Unprotected Female w-traged and drawing back). No—don't, man— ^adlul cold weather too ! {Beads the screeve or inscription on the flags.)
do—I wa* smug but 1 shan't There1 I starving—no home—no friends. Oh, it s dreadful! Here, poor
[She defies "him with a look, supported by the consciousness of a neigh- £oy {gives him sixpence), get up, do, and go and apply at the work-house.
bouring Policeman Iney ,ms* ,a^e y°u 1D> >'ou know. Mr. Jones told me so.
Cad {jumping back to his footboard). Go 'Jong, Sairev. Dreadful Object Oh X can't walk, I'm so weak, Mum.
[Winks at Unprotected Female, and is whirled off. [Groans and subsides again with his jaceto tlie wait', andhisbare soles
Unprotected Female (suddenly clasjnng Ur hands). Oh, my bag ! {Turns rT and shoulder well displayed,
short round, and attempts to make head against the St, and stream east- Unprotected Female Oh, then, you must be supported. Here s a
wards.) Oh! (She is bumpedbv a clerk) Do, please ! (She is jostled by Policeman coming ;I 11 ask him to take you _
a newsboy.) Oh, let me ! {She is all but crushed by a porter with a chest J {supernaturally recovering himself). A crusher ! vere P
of drawers) Ah—thank goodness! {S/ie has by this time been hustled into . , , „ .
the human tide way westwards, and is swept bark to the Baker's shop, [Picks himself up very vigorously, and bolts down Farringdon
which she e?iters, startling the bun-eaters by her agonised manner) Oh, TT Street at the rate of seven miles an hour.
please, not five minutes since, with the poor Irish family, on the counter, . Unprotected Female {almost giving way to tears). Oh there s another
without shoes and stockings m a black ba<*_ impostor! What is a woman to do ? I must talk to Mr. Jones on the
Bakei's Man {bewildered) '.' Family on the counter, Ma'am ? ^ec»; W '$ Tt0, m,eet ?*e at th? BanTk at tw0- ^\ Fmi!s ftrJ¥s
Unprotected Female. Oh! indeedl left it.or my pocket's been picked since. . iw,°- ) fTh • 1 dec are it s striking; I must get a cab, or 1 shall be
Baker's Lady. The bag, William, the lady left. Here, Ma'am. {The too late Here hoy ! * _
bag is produced) Pray see the money's right . {.Holds up lier umbrella. A rush of cabs from the Stand. She is
Unprotected Female. Oh thank you surrounded by cabmen and fiercely contended for. The Scene
[Exit, hugging her bag', and commits herself once more to the dangers close* as she 18 horne °ffin triumph by the successful combatant,
if the Strand.
Two small and very naked Beggars (with very red feet). Oh—pi—1—1— "
ease m'm—'apenny to buy a bit o' bread. On—h—h—h !
[With a very artistic andprolonged shake. THE ENTHUSIASTIC SOYER.
Unprotected Female, Oh, you wicked little impostors, how can you ?
Poor things ! There ! G^SS^^gs^ arly last week, M. Soyer—warm from the Reform
[With uncontrollable compassion gives them some coppers, which they J^Tw'i ^^^ifc club kitchen—was enjoying his skate in St.
carry to an elderly lady far advanced in intoxication at the gin- |gM James's Park. Having laid out an imaginary
shop three doors off. JPtsQga j- ( \ a a i-u ■ i u ui
hog Dealer {with a Scotch terrier under one arm, and a poodle under g^TsS^ dlimer for a hundred uPon the lce> he ho{^
the other. In a mysterious whisper). Yant a d-rg, Marin'r1 outanout fk'5^^^ skated to the thinnest place, and went souse into
lady's dorg, Marm, sveet as a nut, and vont get hisself prigged, Warm ? ! fek//^ the water. Many persons believed the immer-
Unprotected Female Get away do-I don't, want any j Jt^%/ sion 0f the cook to be the effect of accident. By
iSne is brought to a stand by a c. al-waggo/i slowly denting from a , W&LJ^p' ■ , ,, , . , , ,
cross street '' mlwliy n0 means: wltn that enthusiasm that marks and
Reduced Young Man {in black, with dejecttd countenance, and while \ heightens the character of the man, M. Soyer
neckcloth. In a very confidential and fluent manner). Purchase-a-small- j ISpM spontaneously went through the ice that he might
f™," n'y-o™^nulacture-Mem-the-six-sided- razor - strop-wich-it- ¥M V\ m fc th m knowled of the use and abuse
Keeps-your-razors-never-to-want-grindin-or-settm. XwSsq Jy) ■ ■
Unprotected Female {in amazement). I don't use razors, Sir. —^ of—dripping.
Reduced Young Man. Or-a-penknife,-comb,-or-pencu-case,-w;ch-I-am-a-
young-man-regularly- bred-a-cutler - by-trade-and-reduced-to-distress-by-
the-competi'ion-of-machinery.
[Protrudes close to the face of the Unprotected Female a chevaux
defrise of cheap cutlery.
Unprotected Female {in horror at the numerous blades). Oh, take 'em
away, do; and go away this instant, or I'll call the police. {The
waggon has passed) Now I think I can get over.
[Rushes across the street with unnecessary haste, nearly upsetting
herself and several others. The Reduced Young Man trips
closely after her.
Reduced Young Man. Wich-I-ave-not-now-tasted-food-for-three-days-
and-quite-insufficient-to- support- life-and-ashamed - to- mention - my-dis-
tress-to-kind-Christian-friends-but-unger-is-a-sharp-thorn.
Unprotected Female. Oh ! I '11 buy you some bread. Stop—here's
a Mendicity ticket. [Offers one.
Reduced Young Man (with a sudden change of look and tone). Oh,
blow that, you old shikster—none o' yer skilly tickets for me.
[Retires in profound disgust.
Unprotected Female {bitterly). Oh, I've a good mind to give you in
charge, imposing upon people.
[She is suddenly arrested by the tableau of the Old Established
Decent Widow with the Twins, in the white caps, very neatly
made up for the forlorn and broken hearted business under the
railing* at St. Duustau's.
Unprotected Female. Oh, what lovely babies!—Oh, you shouldn't sit
Miere in the cold ! poor woman—
JENKINS TO SIDNEY HERBERT.
"Sir,
" I take the license of addressing you as a Protectionist. What
do you mean, Sir, by sending to my office, and asking me to subscribe
to your scheme of emigration for needlewomen ? Your Free Trade is
the cause of all their misery, which, though their wages were as low as
they are now, and their bread was dearer than at present, before Peel's
treason, would no doubt have ceased of itself, if the Corn Laws had
been maintained. What the wretched sempstresses require is Pro-
tection. You must defend them from the competition of wives, sisters,
and housekeepers, who make up their husbands', brothers', and masters'
shirts. You may ask how this is to be accomplished? Wait till our
party gets into power. No more at present than you got out of
Marlborough from "Jenkins."
The National Chamber of Horrors.
From a recent letter in the Times, it appears that the widow of
Relzoni, in a state of extreme indigence, is another living example of
England's ingratitude to its heroes and benefactors. If Madamb
Tussaud would get together all the effigies of the neglected widows
and orphans, such as Madame Belzoni and Nelson's daughter
Hora-TIa, of those who " have done t he State some service," she might
establish another, and a more edifying, Chamber of Horrors.
17
Old Established Widow with Twins {sighs heavily). Ah—h—h !
SCENES FROM THE L1EE OE AN UNPROTECTED ^ eVes UP to heaven and then down to the Twins, who don't
T1, I exactly match, having been hired from different baby establishments.
x HjivlA-Lli/. Unprotected Female {gives a shilling). Buy some warm flannel for'em
—do—poor things—how sweetly they are sleeping !
Scene 10— All t e way to the Bank. As the Scene opens, the Unpro- Old Established Widow {in a voice rather husky from gin). Oh, the
tected Iemale has got well over the Channg Cross Crossing, and blessins of the widder and the fatherless, Mum.
having relieved the Irish Family at the Baker's shop, starts on her [Weeps into the Twins'faces, causing them to sneeze in spite of the
expedition to draw her dividends. soothing influence of Godfrey.
Unprotected Female {thinks). I wonder if I had better take a cab ? i , .^protected Female {continues her walk) It's dreadful to think on the
I'm sure, if I do, they'll impose upon me. And I'll never ride in one j distress one sees, 1 m sure, besides all the impostors. {She has now got
of thos« nastv omnibuses again, as long as I live. [An Omnibus passes. io *arringdon Street.) How ever am I to get over there ! _
Omnibus Cad. Bank ? Bank ? „ , , ., [She pauses tn dismay.
Uup, olected Female {is tempted). It is a long walk {pauses), and I'm Dreadful Object {who is lyuig crouched with much art, with bare feet,
not quite sure I know the way, after St. Paul's Churchyard. pale face white nightcap pulled very low down and large naked shoulder
[She makes a step towards the Omnibus. com™9 through a hole in his light waistcoat). Oh—h—h— [Shudders.
Cad {seizes her, and attempts to p-4 her in by foice). 'Ere you are, Mum. , Unprotected Female {perceiving him). Ugh! poor creature! m this
Unprotected Female w-traged and drawing back). No—don't, man— ^adlul cold weather too ! {Beads the screeve or inscription on the flags.)
do—I wa* smug but 1 shan't There1 I starving—no home—no friends. Oh, it s dreadful! Here, poor
[She defies "him with a look, supported by the consciousness of a neigh- £oy {gives him sixpence), get up, do, and go and apply at the work-house.
bouring Policeman Iney ,ms* ,a^e y°u 1D> >'ou know. Mr. Jones told me so.
Cad {jumping back to his footboard). Go 'Jong, Sairev. Dreadful Object Oh X can't walk, I'm so weak, Mum.
[Winks at Unprotected Female, and is whirled off. [Groans and subsides again with his jaceto tlie wait', andhisbare soles
Unprotected Female (suddenly clasjnng Ur hands). Oh, my bag ! {Turns rT and shoulder well displayed,
short round, and attempts to make head against the St, and stream east- Unprotected Female Oh, then, you must be supported. Here s a
wards.) Oh! (She is bumpedbv a clerk) Do, please ! (She is jostled by Policeman coming ;I 11 ask him to take you _
a newsboy.) Oh, let me ! {She is all but crushed by a porter with a chest J {supernaturally recovering himself). A crusher ! vere P
of drawers) Ah—thank goodness! {S/ie has by this time been hustled into . , , „ .
the human tide way westwards, and is swept bark to the Baker's shop, [Picks himself up very vigorously, and bolts down Farringdon
which she e?iters, startling the bun-eaters by her agonised manner) Oh, TT Street at the rate of seven miles an hour.
please, not five minutes since, with the poor Irish family, on the counter, . Unprotected Female {almost giving way to tears). Oh there s another
without shoes and stockings m a black ba<*_ impostor! What is a woman to do ? I must talk to Mr. Jones on the
Bakei's Man {bewildered) '.' Family on the counter, Ma'am ? ^ec»; W '$ Tt0, m,eet ?*e at th? BanTk at tw0- ^\ Fmi!s ftrJ¥s
Unprotected Female. Oh! indeedl left it.or my pocket's been picked since. . iw,°- ) fTh • 1 dec are it s striking; I must get a cab, or 1 shall be
Baker's Lady. The bag, William, the lady left. Here, Ma'am. {The too late Here hoy ! * _
bag is produced) Pray see the money's right . {.Holds up lier umbrella. A rush of cabs from the Stand. She is
Unprotected Female. Oh thank you surrounded by cabmen and fiercely contended for. The Scene
[Exit, hugging her bag', and commits herself once more to the dangers close* as she 18 horne °ffin triumph by the successful combatant,
if the Strand.
Two small and very naked Beggars (with very red feet). Oh—pi—1—1— "
ease m'm—'apenny to buy a bit o' bread. On—h—h—h !
[With a very artistic andprolonged shake. THE ENTHUSIASTIC SOYER.
Unprotected Female, Oh, you wicked little impostors, how can you ?
Poor things ! There ! G^SS^^gs^ arly last week, M. Soyer—warm from the Reform
[With uncontrollable compassion gives them some coppers, which they J^Tw'i ^^^ifc club kitchen—was enjoying his skate in St.
carry to an elderly lady far advanced in intoxication at the gin- |gM James's Park. Having laid out an imaginary
shop three doors off. JPtsQga j- ( \ a a i-u ■ i u ui
hog Dealer {with a Scotch terrier under one arm, and a poodle under g^TsS^ dlimer for a hundred uPon the lce> he ho{^
the other. In a mysterious whisper). Yant a d-rg, Marin'r1 outanout fk'5^^^ skated to the thinnest place, and went souse into
lady's dorg, Marm, sveet as a nut, and vont get hisself prigged, Warm ? ! fek//^ the water. Many persons believed the immer-
Unprotected Female Get away do-I don't, want any j Jt^%/ sion 0f the cook to be the effect of accident. By
iSne is brought to a stand by a c. al-waggo/i slowly denting from a , W&LJ^p' ■ , ,, , . , , ,
cross street '' mlwliy n0 means: wltn that enthusiasm that marks and
Reduced Young Man {in black, with dejecttd countenance, and while \ heightens the character of the man, M. Soyer
neckcloth. In a very confidential and fluent manner). Purchase-a-small- j ISpM spontaneously went through the ice that he might
f™," n'y-o™^nulacture-Mem-the-six-sided- razor - strop-wich-it- ¥M V\ m fc th m knowled of the use and abuse
Keeps-your-razors-never-to-want-grindin-or-settm. XwSsq Jy) ■ ■
Unprotected Female {in amazement). I don't use razors, Sir. —^ of—dripping.
Reduced Young Man. Or-a-penknife,-comb,-or-pencu-case,-w;ch-I-am-a-
young-man-regularly- bred-a-cutler - by-trade-and-reduced-to-distress-by-
the-competi'ion-of-machinery.
[Protrudes close to the face of the Unprotected Female a chevaux
defrise of cheap cutlery.
Unprotected Female {in horror at the numerous blades). Oh, take 'em
away, do; and go away this instant, or I'll call the police. {The
waggon has passed) Now I think I can get over.
[Rushes across the street with unnecessary haste, nearly upsetting
herself and several others. The Reduced Young Man trips
closely after her.
Reduced Young Man. Wich-I-ave-not-now-tasted-food-for-three-days-
and-quite-insufficient-to- support- life-and-ashamed - to- mention - my-dis-
tress-to-kind-Christian-friends-but-unger-is-a-sharp-thorn.
Unprotected Female. Oh ! I '11 buy you some bread. Stop—here's
a Mendicity ticket. [Offers one.
Reduced Young Man (with a sudden change of look and tone). Oh,
blow that, you old shikster—none o' yer skilly tickets for me.
[Retires in profound disgust.
Unprotected Female {bitterly). Oh, I've a good mind to give you in
charge, imposing upon people.
[She is suddenly arrested by the tableau of the Old Established
Decent Widow with the Twins, in the white caps, very neatly
made up for the forlorn and broken hearted business under the
railing* at St. Duustau's.
Unprotected Female. Oh, what lovely babies!—Oh, you shouldn't sit
Miere in the cold ! poor woman—
JENKINS TO SIDNEY HERBERT.
"Sir,
" I take the license of addressing you as a Protectionist. What
do you mean, Sir, by sending to my office, and asking me to subscribe
to your scheme of emigration for needlewomen ? Your Free Trade is
the cause of all their misery, which, though their wages were as low as
they are now, and their bread was dearer than at present, before Peel's
treason, would no doubt have ceased of itself, if the Corn Laws had
been maintained. What the wretched sempstresses require is Pro-
tection. You must defend them from the competition of wives, sisters,
and housekeepers, who make up their husbands', brothers', and masters'
shirts. You may ask how this is to be accomplished? Wait till our
party gets into power. No more at present than you got out of
Marlborough from "Jenkins."
The National Chamber of Horrors.
From a recent letter in the Times, it appears that the widow of
Relzoni, in a state of extreme indigence, is another living example of
England's ingratitude to its heroes and benefactors. If Madamb
Tussaud would get together all the effigies of the neglected widows
and orphans, such as Madame Belzoni and Nelson's daughter
Hora-TIa, of those who " have done t he State some service," she might
establish another, and a more edifying, Chamber of Horrors.