DOI Heft:
July to December, 1850
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16606#0229
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
221
FRAGMENTS FROM THE HISTORY OE CASHMERE.
BY the arabian historian karagooz.
Chap. 222.
The beautiful kingdom of Cash-
mere was, it is very well
known, governed by the
magnificent Empress Ko-
hintjr, a sovereign so re-
nowned for beauty, virtue,
and an heroic disposition,
that all the kings of the
earth paid court to her,
and her banner was re-
spected wherever it was
beheld. She gave her em-
pire in charge to Yiziers
of great fame. Russool
Jehaun, a statesman
matchless for wisdom, was
the President of her Divan,
and administered the inte-
rior affairs of the Empire ;
while the foreign relations
of Cashmere were upheld,
and her enemies made to
tremble by the wisdom and
valour of the undaunted
Pulmerstoon. By the
Cashmerian laws, the hus-
band of the Empress is
forbidden to take a part in pobtical matters: that Prince, therefore, passed his
time in the chase, or in the pursuits of literature, and exercised his genius in
beautifying the city of Lundoon. It is to him that the Lundoonees owed the
beautiful turban which they wore for many ages ; and it was he who, with the aid
of two genii, Packistuan and Eoox, raised up in a single night that extraordinary
palace of crystal, which brought all the people of the earth to visit Lundoon,—and
made it the eighth wonder of the world.
The kingdom of Cashmere was peaceful and happy: the ports were full of ships •
the bazaars were thronged with merchants and goods; the roads were covered
from one end of the empire to the other, with people travelling in security; the
Cadis did their duty;—m a word, Lundoon was the greatest city, Cashmere
the noblest empire, and Kohintjr the happiest sovereign in the world but for one
drawback—the constant rows of the Mollahs, who were perpetually quarrelling
among themselves.
It is known that for a long time the Cashmerians were followers of Omar, the
successor of the Prophet; and that the Chief Imaum of Mecca had the appoint-
ment of the Chief Mollahs of Cashmere during many ages. The Cashmerian
Sovereigns, jealous of their independence, had always done their utmost against
that arrangement which made their country a sort of spiritual dependency upon
the Holy City of Arabia; and the pretensions and quarrels consequent upon this
assumption, kept the Cashmerians in constant trouble and hot water. The country
swarmed with Dervishes from Mecca ; Arabian zealots came and took possession of
the Cashmerian Mosques, and preached to the people in a language they could not
understand; the boldest of them called upon the Sovereigns of Cashmere themselves
to pay homage to the Chief Imaum of Mecca for their thrones: for they said that
the High Priest of Mecca was the Vicegerent of the Prophet, that the Prophet
had given him power over all thrones and kingdoms, and woe betide those monarchs
who disobeyed him. When one of their Mollahs, by name Thamaz tjl Bukeet, was
murdered by one of the Kings of Cashmere, they made him go on his bare knees
to the slaughtered saint's tomb; they declared that miracles were worked there :
that the sick were cured, the wicked made sure of Paradise, that the statues round
the tomb wagged their heads and talked, that the pictures winked—who shall say
what other wonders were performed ?—I have read them in the Ancient Historians—
round the tomb of Thamaz ! Who shall believe the stories ? Let him do so who will.
After some thousands of years, and when not only the people of Cashmeria,
but those of many other countries, began to doubt about the sovereignty which
the High Priest of Mecca claimed, and to declare that not only Omar, but that
Ali, but that Hassan and Hoossein, but that other good men could interpret the
Koran for themselves; and that the claims of the Imaum of Mecca were, in a word, all
bosh, and that he was a priest and a man, like another : it chanced that there ruled
a king in Cashmere, who was called King Sulymatjn the Eighth. And he wished
to put away an old wife of whom he was tired, (her name was Aragoon), and to
marry a beautiful young houri who was called the Peri Anabulane.
The Imaum of Mecca would not dissolve the marriage between King Sulymaun
the Eighth and poor old Aragoon, and threatened him with curses if he divorced
her. But the viziers and nobles of Cashmere, who trembled before King Sulymatjn,
a magnificent prince, who made nothing of cutting their heads off, said the king
might marry his new wife ; accordingly he did so, snapping his fingers at the beard
of the Imaum of Mecca, who had complimented him upon his religious principles a
short time before, and sent him a robe of honour, with the title of Defender of the
Faithful.
_ The king was in such a rage at the Imaum's curses, that he caused a proclama-
tion to be made all through his empire that he, Stjlymaun the Eighth, was supreme
in his own dominions, Vicegerent of the Prophet, and
Defender and Commander of the Eaithful; that the name
of the Imaum of Mecca should never more be heard in
any house or mosque in Cashmere ; that any man who
denied that he, Sulymaun, was the Chief of the Eaith,
should have his head cut off, his tongue cut out, his body
chopped in quarters, and his goods confiscated. And he
seized upon all the mosques, caravanserais, hospitals, houses,
belonging to the old Meccaites (who were grasping and
greedy, but withal good to the poor), and partitioned them
amongst his lords and viziers, who made no bones about
accepting the plunder.
As for the Cashmerians, it mattered little to most of
them : they were as glad that the King at Lundoon should
be styled Vicegerent of the Prophet, as that the Imaum of
Mecca should hold that title : they did not like that their
king (for they are the vainest people in the world) should
be doing homage to any other potentate in Mecca, Medina,
Constantinople, Abyssinia, Jericho, or any other country.
And they fell into the new order of things without diffi-
culty, excepting some few rebels and obstinate, who were
hanged, drawn, and quartered accordingly. Eor in these
good old times, when Eaith was stronger among us than
it is now, everybody cut everybody else's head off: think-
ing rightly that it was better to stop an unbeliever's tongue,
than let it wag to the detriment of religion, and the per-
version of simple persons from the truth.
Before he died, Sulymaun the Eighth cut off Ana-
bulane's head too, and married somebody else. And his
son, and then his daughter, reigned after him in Cashmere.
The king's son was but very young, and did not reign
very long over Cashmere. And all the time of his reign,
his sister Mariam, who was daughter of poor old Queen
Aragoon, kept her mother's faith very stoutly, and gave
up her whole heart to the Imaum of Mecca. So that when
the young Prince, whose subjects loved him very much,
died, and the Queen Mariam succeeded, everybody knew
that Mecca was to be in the ascendant once more; and
the Meccaite priests, dervishes, mollahs, and imaums came
swarming back into Cashmere again, and the mosques were
handed over to them ; and the late king's mollahs and ulemas
began to see that the time for eating dirt had arrived.
AN AEFAIR OE EOLLY.
The Irish correspondent of the Times stated, that, on
Saturday week last, a hostile meeting took place in Phoenix
Park, between the Marquis of Sligo and Mr. G. O.
Higgins, M.P.; but terminated without wilful murder—
in smoke unattended with fire—through the intervention
of the police.
It is to be hoped this account will be contradicted before
we publish the observation, that the Marquis who could
make a mark of himself deserves to be a butt; and the
Commoner who could expose his silly brains to perforation
must be the greatest goose at this time grazing on a
common.
" The misunderstanding," says our authority, "we have heard, arose
out of a late election of ex officio guardians in the county of Mayo."
No misunderstanding could possibly have taken place
between persons who could have had no understanding
whatever. _
The Force of Habit.
A literary man, quite a greedy bibliomaniac, who had
devoured bookshelves as a little school-girl devours shoe
after slice of bread and butter, and whose successes in
literature are in equal proportion to his devouring appetite
(we are sorry we are not at liberty to mention his name),
was so overpowered with joy—so topsy-turvied with his
new sensations—upon the birth of his first son, that,
instead of taking the fact to the Registrar, he went, as if
he had been the author of a new book, and had him
"Entered at Stationers' Hall."
Religious Warmth.
An advertisement in the Times announces a plan for heat-
ing churches by means of hot water. We wonder if the
patentee has any testimonial to show from Mr. Bennett.
or any other of the Puseyite priests who have introduced
into the Church more hot water than has been known there
for the last hundred years.
221
FRAGMENTS FROM THE HISTORY OE CASHMERE.
BY the arabian historian karagooz.
Chap. 222.
The beautiful kingdom of Cash-
mere was, it is very well
known, governed by the
magnificent Empress Ko-
hintjr, a sovereign so re-
nowned for beauty, virtue,
and an heroic disposition,
that all the kings of the
earth paid court to her,
and her banner was re-
spected wherever it was
beheld. She gave her em-
pire in charge to Yiziers
of great fame. Russool
Jehaun, a statesman
matchless for wisdom, was
the President of her Divan,
and administered the inte-
rior affairs of the Empire ;
while the foreign relations
of Cashmere were upheld,
and her enemies made to
tremble by the wisdom and
valour of the undaunted
Pulmerstoon. By the
Cashmerian laws, the hus-
band of the Empress is
forbidden to take a part in pobtical matters: that Prince, therefore, passed his
time in the chase, or in the pursuits of literature, and exercised his genius in
beautifying the city of Lundoon. It is to him that the Lundoonees owed the
beautiful turban which they wore for many ages ; and it was he who, with the aid
of two genii, Packistuan and Eoox, raised up in a single night that extraordinary
palace of crystal, which brought all the people of the earth to visit Lundoon,—and
made it the eighth wonder of the world.
The kingdom of Cashmere was peaceful and happy: the ports were full of ships •
the bazaars were thronged with merchants and goods; the roads were covered
from one end of the empire to the other, with people travelling in security; the
Cadis did their duty;—m a word, Lundoon was the greatest city, Cashmere
the noblest empire, and Kohintjr the happiest sovereign in the world but for one
drawback—the constant rows of the Mollahs, who were perpetually quarrelling
among themselves.
It is known that for a long time the Cashmerians were followers of Omar, the
successor of the Prophet; and that the Chief Imaum of Mecca had the appoint-
ment of the Chief Mollahs of Cashmere during many ages. The Cashmerian
Sovereigns, jealous of their independence, had always done their utmost against
that arrangement which made their country a sort of spiritual dependency upon
the Holy City of Arabia; and the pretensions and quarrels consequent upon this
assumption, kept the Cashmerians in constant trouble and hot water. The country
swarmed with Dervishes from Mecca ; Arabian zealots came and took possession of
the Cashmerian Mosques, and preached to the people in a language they could not
understand; the boldest of them called upon the Sovereigns of Cashmere themselves
to pay homage to the Chief Imaum of Mecca for their thrones: for they said that
the High Priest of Mecca was the Vicegerent of the Prophet, that the Prophet
had given him power over all thrones and kingdoms, and woe betide those monarchs
who disobeyed him. When one of their Mollahs, by name Thamaz tjl Bukeet, was
murdered by one of the Kings of Cashmere, they made him go on his bare knees
to the slaughtered saint's tomb; they declared that miracles were worked there :
that the sick were cured, the wicked made sure of Paradise, that the statues round
the tomb wagged their heads and talked, that the pictures winked—who shall say
what other wonders were performed ?—I have read them in the Ancient Historians—
round the tomb of Thamaz ! Who shall believe the stories ? Let him do so who will.
After some thousands of years, and when not only the people of Cashmeria,
but those of many other countries, began to doubt about the sovereignty which
the High Priest of Mecca claimed, and to declare that not only Omar, but that
Ali, but that Hassan and Hoossein, but that other good men could interpret the
Koran for themselves; and that the claims of the Imaum of Mecca were, in a word, all
bosh, and that he was a priest and a man, like another : it chanced that there ruled
a king in Cashmere, who was called King Sulymatjn the Eighth. And he wished
to put away an old wife of whom he was tired, (her name was Aragoon), and to
marry a beautiful young houri who was called the Peri Anabulane.
The Imaum of Mecca would not dissolve the marriage between King Sulymaun
the Eighth and poor old Aragoon, and threatened him with curses if he divorced
her. But the viziers and nobles of Cashmere, who trembled before King Sulymatjn,
a magnificent prince, who made nothing of cutting their heads off, said the king
might marry his new wife ; accordingly he did so, snapping his fingers at the beard
of the Imaum of Mecca, who had complimented him upon his religious principles a
short time before, and sent him a robe of honour, with the title of Defender of the
Faithful.
_ The king was in such a rage at the Imaum's curses, that he caused a proclama-
tion to be made all through his empire that he, Stjlymaun the Eighth, was supreme
in his own dominions, Vicegerent of the Prophet, and
Defender and Commander of the Eaithful; that the name
of the Imaum of Mecca should never more be heard in
any house or mosque in Cashmere ; that any man who
denied that he, Sulymaun, was the Chief of the Eaith,
should have his head cut off, his tongue cut out, his body
chopped in quarters, and his goods confiscated. And he
seized upon all the mosques, caravanserais, hospitals, houses,
belonging to the old Meccaites (who were grasping and
greedy, but withal good to the poor), and partitioned them
amongst his lords and viziers, who made no bones about
accepting the plunder.
As for the Cashmerians, it mattered little to most of
them : they were as glad that the King at Lundoon should
be styled Vicegerent of the Prophet, as that the Imaum of
Mecca should hold that title : they did not like that their
king (for they are the vainest people in the world) should
be doing homage to any other potentate in Mecca, Medina,
Constantinople, Abyssinia, Jericho, or any other country.
And they fell into the new order of things without diffi-
culty, excepting some few rebels and obstinate, who were
hanged, drawn, and quartered accordingly. Eor in these
good old times, when Eaith was stronger among us than
it is now, everybody cut everybody else's head off: think-
ing rightly that it was better to stop an unbeliever's tongue,
than let it wag to the detriment of religion, and the per-
version of simple persons from the truth.
Before he died, Sulymaun the Eighth cut off Ana-
bulane's head too, and married somebody else. And his
son, and then his daughter, reigned after him in Cashmere.
The king's son was but very young, and did not reign
very long over Cashmere. And all the time of his reign,
his sister Mariam, who was daughter of poor old Queen
Aragoon, kept her mother's faith very stoutly, and gave
up her whole heart to the Imaum of Mecca. So that when
the young Prince, whose subjects loved him very much,
died, and the Queen Mariam succeeded, everybody knew
that Mecca was to be in the ascendant once more; and
the Meccaite priests, dervishes, mollahs, and imaums came
swarming back into Cashmere again, and the mosques were
handed over to them ; and the late king's mollahs and ulemas
began to see that the time for eating dirt had arrived.
AN AEFAIR OE EOLLY.
The Irish correspondent of the Times stated, that, on
Saturday week last, a hostile meeting took place in Phoenix
Park, between the Marquis of Sligo and Mr. G. O.
Higgins, M.P.; but terminated without wilful murder—
in smoke unattended with fire—through the intervention
of the police.
It is to be hoped this account will be contradicted before
we publish the observation, that the Marquis who could
make a mark of himself deserves to be a butt; and the
Commoner who could expose his silly brains to perforation
must be the greatest goose at this time grazing on a
common.
" The misunderstanding," says our authority, "we have heard, arose
out of a late election of ex officio guardians in the county of Mayo."
No misunderstanding could possibly have taken place
between persons who could have had no understanding
whatever. _
The Force of Habit.
A literary man, quite a greedy bibliomaniac, who had
devoured bookshelves as a little school-girl devours shoe
after slice of bread and butter, and whose successes in
literature are in equal proportion to his devouring appetite
(we are sorry we are not at liberty to mention his name),
was so overpowered with joy—so topsy-turvied with his
new sensations—upon the birth of his first son, that,
instead of taking the fact to the Registrar, he went, as if
he had been the author of a new book, and had him
"Entered at Stationers' Hall."
Religious Warmth.
An advertisement in the Times announces a plan for heat-
ing churches by means of hot water. We wonder if the
patentee has any testimonial to show from Mr. Bennett.
or any other of the Puseyite priests who have introduced
into the Church more hot water than has been known there
for the last hundred years.