DOI issue:
July to December, 1851
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16608#0031
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
A CONYEBSATION AT THE EXHIBITION,
Between an anxious Mother and a Policeman.
*' Good Policeman, tell me, pray,
Has my daughter pass'd this way ?
You may know her by her bonnet,
Yellow shawl, and brooch upon it.
Tar and near I've sought the girl;
1 nave lost her in the whirl:
Do you think she yonder goes,
Where the Crystal Fountain flows ? "
" Ma'am," says he, " on this here ground,
Wbatsomdever's lost is found;
Rest quite heasy in your mind,
I your daughter soon will find!
Though she's got to forrin lands,
Hicy-burgs or Hegypt's sands,
Still, depend on't, soon she goes
Where the Crystal Fountain flows !
" Perhaps Italian Hart attracts
Her, or them there flowers in wax.
May be she has got hup stairs
In among they heasy chairs ;
And like Gulliver is sleeping,
Where them Lillipushum's creeping ;
But she '11 wake, and then she goes,
Where the Crystal Fountain flows !
" Yet, good Ma'am, I should explain,
She may stop a bit in Spain:
Smelling of them Porto snuffs,
Looking at the Turkish stuffs.
Or if warm, a Chiny fan,
Offer'd by the Tartar man,
Will refresh her as she goes
Where the Crystal Fountain flows !
"She may see the silver things,
Little watches, chains, and rings;
Or mayhap, Ma'am, she may stray
Where the Monster Horgans play ;
Or the music of all sorts,
Great and small pyanny-forts,
May detain her as she goes
Where the Crystal Fountain flows !
"Or she may have gone in hope
Of a patent henvelope
To take home,—and if she's able,
Try to see the Roman table;
Or insists on one peep more
At the sparkling Koh-hi-nore ;
Then, the chance is, on she goes
Where the Crystal Fountain flows ! "
" Well, Policeman, certainly
You 're the man to have an eye
Over such a place as this,
And to find each straying Miss !
Pray, good man, my daughter tell,
When she hears them ring the bell,
I shall find her, if she goes
Where the Crystal Fountain flows ! "
The Softer Sex in Smalls.
The revolution in female attire which
has commenced in America may extend to
this country. Well—no matter if the attri-
butes of the husband are arrogated. It
may be well that ladies should know what
it is to be continually having to put the
hand in the breeches-pocket.
an affair of honour.
The Hampshire Independent says that
Lord John Manners has accepted the
Rev. Dr. M'Neile's challenge to meet the
Rev. Canon in Liverpool for explanation on
the Papal question. This is the sort of chal-
lenge for Punch. How much more rational
to fight with canons than with pistols !
Mesmerism for the Member for
Lincoln.
_ In order that he might see the Great in-
hibition sitting in his arm-chair, and so
without the danger of being mobbed, we
should recommend our Colonel to be
magnetised with the view of becoming a
clairvoyant, if we were not afraid that his
clairvoyance would consist in merely seeing
through his magnetiser.
The Great American Hit. — Youth
may sometimes afford a lesson to maturity.
All horse-pistols have been superseded by
the revolvers of a Colt.
INCOME-TAX ETHICS.
t- ( ost true it is that if
*~n. j "-the pleasure is
; nsfe J2~& as great
' fl ) jjf \z IgP^gL Government, in ex-
l|| J ^JOT^ acting Income-tax
under Schedule D.,
and persons liable
to the tax under
that schedule in
returning their in-
comes—with ave-
rage accuracy—to
n. Government, must
£ equally delight
themselves and
each other.
The accessory to
a crime is equally
guilty with the prin-
cipal. In taxing
precarious income
as highly as the
mere interest of
. /^^S&i-"5l^\ fi ^1 1 W property, Go-
—^E^^jtgE \gjj§£^ BP vernment cheats
the person possess-
ing precarious property. If the individual liable to be so taxed
does not return the real amount of his income, lie tells a falsehood;
if he makes a true return of it, he aids and abets Government in
cheating himself. Is not the being party to the fraud as culpable
as the declaration of the untruth, and since a man must commit either
the one transgression or the other, had he not better prefer, of the
two, that breach of morality which is attended with a saving ?
Too Good by Half.
Slbthorp was taken to see the Globe in Leicester Square. When
he had been over it, he asked to see the other. " The other Globe ! "
exclaimed the astonished check-taker, "this is the only one, Sir."
"Don't tell me, Sir ! " shouted Sibthorp, in an indignant rage, "Who
ever heard of one Globe? It's always a pair of Globes, Sir; and 1
insist upon having my money back, unless you instantly show me the
Companion! "
A CHINESE PUZZLE.
We confess the Chinese Lady, at the Chinese Collection, is a Chinese
Puzzle to us. We do not deny her Celestial beauty—nor do we deny
the smallness of her foot. Her singing, also, is as perfect as Chinese
singing can be; but we are puzzled as to the fact of her being " a lady
of quality." We are told that she occupied a very fashionable position
at Canton, where she was the belle for one or two seasons. This is a
puzzle to us. We cannot understand how "a Lady of Quality" can
lend herself to a shilling exhibition. It is a mystery, which our total
ignorance of Chinese manners and customs does not enable us unfortu-
nately to fathom, how a " Lady of Quality " can leave the realms of
fashion in which she reigned supreme, to show herself as a curiosity in
a foreign capital, and be stared at " from 10 till dusk." Chinese
fashionable life must be very different to ours, for we cannot conceive
an English Lady of Quality—a Patroness of Almacks'—allowing her-
self to be shipped to Canton, and singing and playing on the Piano, and
dancing, and showing her foot, at so much per head, to the Goeemouches
of China.
There is no doubt an English Collection would be as attractive in the
Celestial Empire as the Chinese Collection is amongst us—but still we
doubt if it could boast of so great a curiosity as a " Lady of Quality
from Belgravia," occupying the largest line in its bills. "The Lady
Ann Elizabeth Bloomsburt, of Gower Street, London—the Enghsn
Beauty, with the largest foot in the world—will be in attendance and
will eat a hot luncheon regularly every day at two o'clock." Such an
announcement as the above in the Canton adverti? em ents_ could not
have surprised us more than the one of a "Lady of Quality" which
figures in our daily papers in connexion with the Chinese Collection.
The only parallel instance we know of in English life, is that of Baron
Nathan at Rosherville Gardens ; and we advise the Baron to go to
Canton, and exhibit himself as "a British Nobleman." If he were to
dance his celebrated "hornpipe amongst the tea-things,' it would
immediately be taken up as a compliment to the Celestial plant, and
his fortune, in such a tea-drinking community as China, would rapidly
be made; and who knows his representations of "The British -Noble-
man" would be just as true to the life as those of Fi-Fi-O-Yu-Nau-Ii-
Ting are of a Chinese " Lady of Quality ? "
Serve him Right—and Left!
An advertisement appeared on Wednesday last in the Times, ad-
dressed " To those willing to serve another." We understand
that the answers, which were very numerous, were all from Sheriffs'
officers, whose willingness to serve another, and another, if necessary,
there is no reason to dispute.
A CONYEBSATION AT THE EXHIBITION,
Between an anxious Mother and a Policeman.
*' Good Policeman, tell me, pray,
Has my daughter pass'd this way ?
You may know her by her bonnet,
Yellow shawl, and brooch upon it.
Tar and near I've sought the girl;
1 nave lost her in the whirl:
Do you think she yonder goes,
Where the Crystal Fountain flows ? "
" Ma'am," says he, " on this here ground,
Wbatsomdever's lost is found;
Rest quite heasy in your mind,
I your daughter soon will find!
Though she's got to forrin lands,
Hicy-burgs or Hegypt's sands,
Still, depend on't, soon she goes
Where the Crystal Fountain flows !
" Perhaps Italian Hart attracts
Her, or them there flowers in wax.
May be she has got hup stairs
In among they heasy chairs ;
And like Gulliver is sleeping,
Where them Lillipushum's creeping ;
But she '11 wake, and then she goes,
Where the Crystal Fountain flows !
" Yet, good Ma'am, I should explain,
She may stop a bit in Spain:
Smelling of them Porto snuffs,
Looking at the Turkish stuffs.
Or if warm, a Chiny fan,
Offer'd by the Tartar man,
Will refresh her as she goes
Where the Crystal Fountain flows !
"She may see the silver things,
Little watches, chains, and rings;
Or mayhap, Ma'am, she may stray
Where the Monster Horgans play ;
Or the music of all sorts,
Great and small pyanny-forts,
May detain her as she goes
Where the Crystal Fountain flows !
"Or she may have gone in hope
Of a patent henvelope
To take home,—and if she's able,
Try to see the Roman table;
Or insists on one peep more
At the sparkling Koh-hi-nore ;
Then, the chance is, on she goes
Where the Crystal Fountain flows ! "
" Well, Policeman, certainly
You 're the man to have an eye
Over such a place as this,
And to find each straying Miss !
Pray, good man, my daughter tell,
When she hears them ring the bell,
I shall find her, if she goes
Where the Crystal Fountain flows ! "
The Softer Sex in Smalls.
The revolution in female attire which
has commenced in America may extend to
this country. Well—no matter if the attri-
butes of the husband are arrogated. It
may be well that ladies should know what
it is to be continually having to put the
hand in the breeches-pocket.
an affair of honour.
The Hampshire Independent says that
Lord John Manners has accepted the
Rev. Dr. M'Neile's challenge to meet the
Rev. Canon in Liverpool for explanation on
the Papal question. This is the sort of chal-
lenge for Punch. How much more rational
to fight with canons than with pistols !
Mesmerism for the Member for
Lincoln.
_ In order that he might see the Great in-
hibition sitting in his arm-chair, and so
without the danger of being mobbed, we
should recommend our Colonel to be
magnetised with the view of becoming a
clairvoyant, if we were not afraid that his
clairvoyance would consist in merely seeing
through his magnetiser.
The Great American Hit. — Youth
may sometimes afford a lesson to maturity.
All horse-pistols have been superseded by
the revolvers of a Colt.
INCOME-TAX ETHICS.
t- ( ost true it is that if
*~n. j "-the pleasure is
; nsfe J2~& as great
' fl ) jjf \z IgP^gL Government, in ex-
l|| J ^JOT^ acting Income-tax
under Schedule D.,
and persons liable
to the tax under
that schedule in
returning their in-
comes—with ave-
rage accuracy—to
n. Government, must
£ equally delight
themselves and
each other.
The accessory to
a crime is equally
guilty with the prin-
cipal. In taxing
precarious income
as highly as the
mere interest of
. /^^S&i-"5l^\ fi ^1 1 W property, Go-
—^E^^jtgE \gjj§£^ BP vernment cheats
the person possess-
ing precarious property. If the individual liable to be so taxed
does not return the real amount of his income, lie tells a falsehood;
if he makes a true return of it, he aids and abets Government in
cheating himself. Is not the being party to the fraud as culpable
as the declaration of the untruth, and since a man must commit either
the one transgression or the other, had he not better prefer, of the
two, that breach of morality which is attended with a saving ?
Too Good by Half.
Slbthorp was taken to see the Globe in Leicester Square. When
he had been over it, he asked to see the other. " The other Globe ! "
exclaimed the astonished check-taker, "this is the only one, Sir."
"Don't tell me, Sir ! " shouted Sibthorp, in an indignant rage, "Who
ever heard of one Globe? It's always a pair of Globes, Sir; and 1
insist upon having my money back, unless you instantly show me the
Companion! "
A CHINESE PUZZLE.
We confess the Chinese Lady, at the Chinese Collection, is a Chinese
Puzzle to us. We do not deny her Celestial beauty—nor do we deny
the smallness of her foot. Her singing, also, is as perfect as Chinese
singing can be; but we are puzzled as to the fact of her being " a lady
of quality." We are told that she occupied a very fashionable position
at Canton, where she was the belle for one or two seasons. This is a
puzzle to us. We cannot understand how "a Lady of Quality" can
lend herself to a shilling exhibition. It is a mystery, which our total
ignorance of Chinese manners and customs does not enable us unfortu-
nately to fathom, how a " Lady of Quality " can leave the realms of
fashion in which she reigned supreme, to show herself as a curiosity in
a foreign capital, and be stared at " from 10 till dusk." Chinese
fashionable life must be very different to ours, for we cannot conceive
an English Lady of Quality—a Patroness of Almacks'—allowing her-
self to be shipped to Canton, and singing and playing on the Piano, and
dancing, and showing her foot, at so much per head, to the Goeemouches
of China.
There is no doubt an English Collection would be as attractive in the
Celestial Empire as the Chinese Collection is amongst us—but still we
doubt if it could boast of so great a curiosity as a " Lady of Quality
from Belgravia," occupying the largest line in its bills. "The Lady
Ann Elizabeth Bloomsburt, of Gower Street, London—the Enghsn
Beauty, with the largest foot in the world—will be in attendance and
will eat a hot luncheon regularly every day at two o'clock." Such an
announcement as the above in the Canton adverti? em ents_ could not
have surprised us more than the one of a "Lady of Quality" which
figures in our daily papers in connexion with the Chinese Collection.
The only parallel instance we know of in English life, is that of Baron
Nathan at Rosherville Gardens ; and we advise the Baron to go to
Canton, and exhibit himself as "a British Nobleman." If he were to
dance his celebrated "hornpipe amongst the tea-things,' it would
immediately be taken up as a compliment to the Celestial plant, and
his fortune, in such a tea-drinking community as China, would rapidly
be made; and who knows his representations of "The British -Noble-
man" would be just as true to the life as those of Fi-Fi-O-Yu-Nau-Ii-
Ting are of a Chinese " Lady of Quality ? "
Serve him Right—and Left!
An advertisement appeared on Wednesday last in the Times, ad-
dressed " To those willing to serve another." We understand
that the answers, which were very numerous, were all from Sheriffs'
officers, whose willingness to serve another, and another, if necessary,
there is no reason to dispute.