DOI issue:
July to December, 1851
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16608#0034
22 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
PEACE i—A SKETCH FROM THE CRYSTAL PALACE.
THE MODERN TANTALUS.
Some specimens of British
sculpture, considerably su-
perior to the average stone-
masonry so called, are ex-
hibited in the Crystal Palace.
A desirable addition, as ex-
pressive of an earnest aspira-
tion of the London Heart—
would be a statue of Tan-
talus in an agony of thirst;
the sufferer attired in the
dress of a modern inhabitant
of this metropolis ; and—by
an artistic device, producing
an effect like that shown by
the face of the Duke of De-
vonshire's " Veiled Vestal"
—represented up to his chin
in the Government Water
Bill.
To the new M.P. for
Greenwich.
Greenwich possesses, and,
no doubt, dearly values, the
old coat of Nelson. For
Nelson's living daughter
Greenwich apparently does
not care the value of a Green-
wich wooden leg. Would it
not — asks Punch—make a
capital maiden speech for a
bran-new M.P. for the town
that cherishes Nelson's old
coat, to move for a Com-
mittee to consider the claims
of Nelson's daughter ?
HOUSE OE CORRECTION EOR GENTLEFOLKS.
When a person is convicted at a police-court of having been drunk
and disorderly, broken the peace and some one's head, or knocked an
individual's teeth out; nay, sometimes when he has even caned a con-
stable,—the rule, with few exceptions, is, that he is sentenced to the
option of fine or imprisonment. If he is a gentleman—that is, a
member of the Gentility—of course the fine is " immediately paid," and
off he walks or drives. But in case he is one of the Humility or
Mobility, not able to make the disbursement, he is forced to submit to
the more unpleasant alternative, and is removed in the van.
This is, practically, a very uneven-handed sort of justice. Durance
is durance; hard labour is hard labour. A fine, to those who do not
feel it, is less than a flea-bite. To mulct a rich man of five pounds, is
like flogging a fellow in armour. The needy offender, who has to choose
between forfeit and incarceration, is sure to suffer something. This
disproportion is obvious; and the magistrate now and then, in a spirit
of Rhadamanthine rigour and Gascoignian disregard of persons,
adjudges peace-breaking Gentility to the House of Correction.
In this sentence, however, there may still be inequality. The justice
of justices is sometimes over-just. Total ruin of hopes and prospects
may result to the patrician, from a punishment which, in the plebeian's
case, would consist, simply, in so many days' or weeks' confinement
and tribulation.
The question, then, is, how to visit upon misdoers of the Gentility
the exact amount of suffering, inconvenience, or annoyance, due to their
demerits ? For instance, how to treat persons of that class, for pelting
people with broken eggs, precisely as any nasty fellows ought to be
treated, and no worse ? Recent events have incited Mr. Punch to the
consideration of this difficulty, which he has settled, to his own satisfac-
tion by a plan which he has devised of a Genteel Prison.
This Prison, as conceived and designed by Mr. Punch, is to be erected
in a locality to be named Warm Bath Fields. Cold baths, for the sake
of cleanliness, are provided in other prisons; but Punch would have the
Genteel Prison supplied with warm baths, out of consideration for the
more acute sensitiveness of skin, possessed, generally, by a class accus-
tomed to luxury. Each prisoner, however, on entering the establish-
ment, should, with equitable rigour, be made to suffer the indignity of
immersion. In the same spirit of severity, fairly proportionate, the
chevelure of every new-comer should be submitted to the scissors. But
the disgrace should be inflicted by an artist from Truefitt's, and'
should be physically limited to the ordinary operations of the hairdresser.
The prison-uniform of the gentlemen is to consist of a suit of plain
black, with white neckcloth. That of the ladies—for ladies, occasion-
ally, commit themselves, so as to deserve committal—should also be a
simple morning dress, without ornament. The former shall be employed
in compiling statistical tables for the use of Government; the hard
labour of the latter shall be crochet-work.
The diet shall be strictly confined to plain bread-and-butter, joints,
and vegetables ; all drink more stimulating than tea or lemonade being
strictly interdicted.
The Genteel Prison shall afford no indulgences whatever of a luxuri-
ous nature; but the cells shall be decently carpeted, and each furnished
with an arm-chair, a sofa, and such other accommodations as fashionable
habits render absolute necessaries of life.
The silent system will be so far enforced, that no conversation
respecting races, balls, the Opera, or any other amusement, will be
allowed; nor will any political discussion be permitted among the
gentlemen; and any attempt at the infringement of these regulations
will be visited by the seclusion of the offender in his own apartment.
Thus the chastisement received in the Genteel House of Correction
will be rendered exactly equivalent to that endured in the Common
Bridewell, and will no longer involve that loss of caste by which impri-
sonment, when awarded to Gentility, is now aggravated. The magis-
trates will give those delinquents whom they think a fine will not incon-
venience, a genteel week or ten days instead; which would doubtless
tend greatly to the discouragement of egg-throwing and other fashion-
able outrages. Mr. Punch offers his suggestion of a Genteel Prison,
as the solution of a problem of which he will venture to say " Quod
erat demonstrandum."
"The Pope he leads a Happy Life."
This line of the old song was touchingly illustrated at a late revel—
the festival of dedication—by the clergy of St. Barnabas ; illustrated
by the following items :—
" The gross weight of the meat was upwards of 1,000 lbs., and there were 100 gallons
of ale, and. port and sherry in abundance."
Out of compliment to the Pope, the beef was, no doubt, bull-beef.
PEACE i—A SKETCH FROM THE CRYSTAL PALACE.
THE MODERN TANTALUS.
Some specimens of British
sculpture, considerably su-
perior to the average stone-
masonry so called, are ex-
hibited in the Crystal Palace.
A desirable addition, as ex-
pressive of an earnest aspira-
tion of the London Heart—
would be a statue of Tan-
talus in an agony of thirst;
the sufferer attired in the
dress of a modern inhabitant
of this metropolis ; and—by
an artistic device, producing
an effect like that shown by
the face of the Duke of De-
vonshire's " Veiled Vestal"
—represented up to his chin
in the Government Water
Bill.
To the new M.P. for
Greenwich.
Greenwich possesses, and,
no doubt, dearly values, the
old coat of Nelson. For
Nelson's living daughter
Greenwich apparently does
not care the value of a Green-
wich wooden leg. Would it
not — asks Punch—make a
capital maiden speech for a
bran-new M.P. for the town
that cherishes Nelson's old
coat, to move for a Com-
mittee to consider the claims
of Nelson's daughter ?
HOUSE OE CORRECTION EOR GENTLEFOLKS.
When a person is convicted at a police-court of having been drunk
and disorderly, broken the peace and some one's head, or knocked an
individual's teeth out; nay, sometimes when he has even caned a con-
stable,—the rule, with few exceptions, is, that he is sentenced to the
option of fine or imprisonment. If he is a gentleman—that is, a
member of the Gentility—of course the fine is " immediately paid," and
off he walks or drives. But in case he is one of the Humility or
Mobility, not able to make the disbursement, he is forced to submit to
the more unpleasant alternative, and is removed in the van.
This is, practically, a very uneven-handed sort of justice. Durance
is durance; hard labour is hard labour. A fine, to those who do not
feel it, is less than a flea-bite. To mulct a rich man of five pounds, is
like flogging a fellow in armour. The needy offender, who has to choose
between forfeit and incarceration, is sure to suffer something. This
disproportion is obvious; and the magistrate now and then, in a spirit
of Rhadamanthine rigour and Gascoignian disregard of persons,
adjudges peace-breaking Gentility to the House of Correction.
In this sentence, however, there may still be inequality. The justice
of justices is sometimes over-just. Total ruin of hopes and prospects
may result to the patrician, from a punishment which, in the plebeian's
case, would consist, simply, in so many days' or weeks' confinement
and tribulation.
The question, then, is, how to visit upon misdoers of the Gentility
the exact amount of suffering, inconvenience, or annoyance, due to their
demerits ? For instance, how to treat persons of that class, for pelting
people with broken eggs, precisely as any nasty fellows ought to be
treated, and no worse ? Recent events have incited Mr. Punch to the
consideration of this difficulty, which he has settled, to his own satisfac-
tion by a plan which he has devised of a Genteel Prison.
This Prison, as conceived and designed by Mr. Punch, is to be erected
in a locality to be named Warm Bath Fields. Cold baths, for the sake
of cleanliness, are provided in other prisons; but Punch would have the
Genteel Prison supplied with warm baths, out of consideration for the
more acute sensitiveness of skin, possessed, generally, by a class accus-
tomed to luxury. Each prisoner, however, on entering the establish-
ment, should, with equitable rigour, be made to suffer the indignity of
immersion. In the same spirit of severity, fairly proportionate, the
chevelure of every new-comer should be submitted to the scissors. But
the disgrace should be inflicted by an artist from Truefitt's, and'
should be physically limited to the ordinary operations of the hairdresser.
The prison-uniform of the gentlemen is to consist of a suit of plain
black, with white neckcloth. That of the ladies—for ladies, occasion-
ally, commit themselves, so as to deserve committal—should also be a
simple morning dress, without ornament. The former shall be employed
in compiling statistical tables for the use of Government; the hard
labour of the latter shall be crochet-work.
The diet shall be strictly confined to plain bread-and-butter, joints,
and vegetables ; all drink more stimulating than tea or lemonade being
strictly interdicted.
The Genteel Prison shall afford no indulgences whatever of a luxuri-
ous nature; but the cells shall be decently carpeted, and each furnished
with an arm-chair, a sofa, and such other accommodations as fashionable
habits render absolute necessaries of life.
The silent system will be so far enforced, that no conversation
respecting races, balls, the Opera, or any other amusement, will be
allowed; nor will any political discussion be permitted among the
gentlemen; and any attempt at the infringement of these regulations
will be visited by the seclusion of the offender in his own apartment.
Thus the chastisement received in the Genteel House of Correction
will be rendered exactly equivalent to that endured in the Common
Bridewell, and will no longer involve that loss of caste by which impri-
sonment, when awarded to Gentility, is now aggravated. The magis-
trates will give those delinquents whom they think a fine will not incon-
venience, a genteel week or ten days instead; which would doubtless
tend greatly to the discouragement of egg-throwing and other fashion-
able outrages. Mr. Punch offers his suggestion of a Genteel Prison,
as the solution of a problem of which he will venture to say " Quod
erat demonstrandum."
"The Pope he leads a Happy Life."
This line of the old song was touchingly illustrated at a late revel—
the festival of dedication—by the clergy of St. Barnabas ; illustrated
by the following items :—
" The gross weight of the meat was upwards of 1,000 lbs., and there were 100 gallons
of ale, and. port and sherry in abundance."
Out of compliment to the Pope, the beef was, no doubt, bull-beef.