DOI Heft:
July to December, 1851
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16608#0073
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARi.
61
LECTURES ON YACHTING.
By Professor Aquarius Brick.
were present when the
accomplished Professor
Brick, recently delivered
a series of Lectures on
Yachting, which were
very well attended. By
his kind permission, we
have preserved bits of
the discourses, here and
there. We extract, a
discretion:—
"I come now," went
on the Professor, "to
your most important
yachters—your genuine
swells. Their cutters are
in every harbour; you
trace their wake by
empty champagne bottles
on every sea. To such
dandy sea-kings I would
now say one word.
" About your choice of
cruising ground you can-
not have much difficulty. The Mediterranean is your proper spot. It is true that we will not
tolerate its being made a French lake—its proper vocation is that of English pond !
" I would advise you all to be very particular in not letting your ' skipper' have too much
authority. Remember always, that you are the owner—high-spirited gentlemen do. Surely a
man may sail his own yacht, if anybody may! It is as much his property as his horse is. To
be sure, when the weather is very bad, I would let the fellow take charge then. There is a very
odd difference between the Bay of Biscay and the water inside the Isle of Wight, when it blows.
And a skipper too much snubbed gets rusty at awkward times.
" Your conduct in harbour will be regulated by circumstances—which means, dinners.
Generally speaking, the fact of having a yacht will carry you everywhere. As every aeronaut
is 'intrepid' by courtesy, so every yachtsman is a 'fashionable arrival.' This great truth is
scarcely enough appreciated in England. I have known very worthy men spend in trying to get
into great society in London, sums which, judiciously invested in a yacht, would have taken
them to dozens of great people's houses abroad. You will get asked to dinner; you will be
feasted well, generally. Anything in the way of excitement—particularly good, rich, hospitable
excitement—is heartily welcome in our colonial settlements and stations.
" But I am not now speaking only to those who yacht, because to have a yacht is a fine thing.
I recognise also an imperial class of yachtsmen—tne swans of the flock of geese. I have seen
a coronet on a binnacle, before now. I have seen a large stately schooner sail into a Mediterranean
port—as into a drawing-room—splendid and serene. The harbour-master's boat is on the_ alert
these mornings. The men-of-war send their boats to tow; the dandiest lieutenant goes in the
barge; the senior captain offers his services. When such a yacht as that goes into the Golden
Horn, the Sultan is shown to these yachters—like any curiosity in his capital—like any odd
thing in his town! They are presented to him, as it is called, that he may be looked at.
" To this magnificent class I have not much to say. They don't snub their skipper—they
are far too fine to do that. They are scarcely distinctive as travellers, for they are the same
abroad as at home. In them, England is represented. England floats in a lump through the
sea, like Delos used to do. As they say and do just the same as they have always said and done
at home—see and mix with the same kind of people—1 often wonder what they learn by it.
When they go to visit Thermopylae or Marathon, it is with a lot of tents, donkeys, camp-stools,
travelling-cases, guides, and servants—such as Xerxes might have had. They encumber the
ruins of temples with the multitude of their baggage. The position ceems so unnatural, that
I can't fancy their getting any moral or intellectual profit from it. They are too well off for
that—like a fellow who cannot see for fat. Depend on it, you cannot see much through a
painted window, however fine it is."
Professor Brick concluded his first sketch amidst much applause.
THE BAR IN DANGER.
continually running rill of forensic argument.
Mr. Briefless is understood to insist on the
fact, that Lord Eldon commenced his career
by moving for a Compute, as a reason why
the rule should be preserved, as the portal—
the side-door, the back-gate, the area entrance
to future greatness. The learned anti-re-
former also declares that to compute is, by
no means, the insignificant matter of course
that some people imagine ; for it requires a
certain amount of proficiency in arithmetic on
the part of the advocate; and, in fact, Mr.
Briefless declares he knows of no other
proceeding that offers a sort of guarantee
bhat the branch of education specified has
been attended to by the Barrister.
The Protectionist League of Lawyers pur-
pose holding an aggregate meeting as soon
as a convenient site can be found, and the
Thames Tunnel has already been spoken of.
JEWISH NOTE AND QUERY.
Query.—Supposing none but Jews were re-
turned to Parliament at the next election,
what would be the result ?
Note.—It would be rather curious—for as
a Jew is not allowed to take his seat in Par-
liament, we should have a House of Commons
that could not sit. The only way to compro-
mise the matter would be for the House to
legislate on its legs. This would do very
well for members who were accustomed to
Standing Committees;—but it would be rather
tiresome when the House was kept up to
a late hour in the morning by the squabbles
of the Irish Brigade. One advantage might
be, that probably it would shorten the length
of the debates—for the House, when pre-
vented from lolling on the benches, and going
to sleep, would be less inclined than ever to
stand a long speech. The most obvious-
result, however, would be that England could
literally boast then of having the most Up-
right Legislature in the World.
Infant Rhymes for Church Reformers.
Bishop Jack Horner
Sat in a corner,
Eating his Christian pie ;
He put in his thumb,
And he pull'd out a,plum,
And said, " What a rich chap am I! "
Fashionable Movements during the
Eclipse.
Mrs. Jones, of Plate-Glass Street, Isling-
ton, by omnibus, on the morning of the 28th,
for Leicester Square, where she remained
during the Eclipse. The Thames Steamboat
Company had it in contemplation to issue
return tickets at a fare-and-a-half between
Chelsea and London, to enable suburban visi-
in some instances known to fetch from half-
a-crown to five shillings.
Considerable consternation has prevailed among the members of the Bar—and particularly! tors to view the Eclipse by daylight, and
the outer portion of it—since the publication of the Report of the Commissioners on Process j arrive at home before sunset. In the Park
and Practice. _ The Lawyers' Protectionist League, under the presidency of Mr. Briefless, has several temporary scaffoldings were erected,
already been joined by Messrs. Horrid and Florid of the Criminal Bar, as well as by Messrs. j and a front seat to view the Eclipse was
Mohair, Nohair, Splutter, Flutter, Mammon, and Gammon, of the Courts at Westminster. '
Though the report is signed by the Chief Justice of the Common Pleas, and the Attorney-
General, who has already given all the weight of his official position to the cause of Law
Reform, Mr. Briefless is prepared to maintain—though a maintenance of any kind from that
quarter is a poor look-out—that his own opinion ought to be taken in preference to that of Sir
Alexander Cockburn. Mr. Briefless particularly insists upon the impolicy of the recom-
mendation to abolish the Rule for Compute, which he declares that he regards as a sort of
Palladium of British eloquence; for many a young orator has exercised his early pinions on
this rule, and prepared himself for the maturer flights of his full-fledged rhetoric.
Mr. Briefless insists that the Rule to Compute should have been preserved for the sake
of its elasticity, inasmuch as it admitted of being applied for in every possible form, from the
silent bow to the enthusiastic burst of impassioned appeal, or the learned and elaborate
team versus steam.
A two-horse Omnibus has made a wager
that it will leave Hampton Court at the same
time as the railway, and arrive at the Water-
loo Station half-an-hour before the train
comes in. Long odds have been taken in
favour of the Omnibus.
61
LECTURES ON YACHTING.
By Professor Aquarius Brick.
were present when the
accomplished Professor
Brick, recently delivered
a series of Lectures on
Yachting, which were
very well attended. By
his kind permission, we
have preserved bits of
the discourses, here and
there. We extract, a
discretion:—
"I come now," went
on the Professor, "to
your most important
yachters—your genuine
swells. Their cutters are
in every harbour; you
trace their wake by
empty champagne bottles
on every sea. To such
dandy sea-kings I would
now say one word.
" About your choice of
cruising ground you can-
not have much difficulty. The Mediterranean is your proper spot. It is true that we will not
tolerate its being made a French lake—its proper vocation is that of English pond !
" I would advise you all to be very particular in not letting your ' skipper' have too much
authority. Remember always, that you are the owner—high-spirited gentlemen do. Surely a
man may sail his own yacht, if anybody may! It is as much his property as his horse is. To
be sure, when the weather is very bad, I would let the fellow take charge then. There is a very
odd difference between the Bay of Biscay and the water inside the Isle of Wight, when it blows.
And a skipper too much snubbed gets rusty at awkward times.
" Your conduct in harbour will be regulated by circumstances—which means, dinners.
Generally speaking, the fact of having a yacht will carry you everywhere. As every aeronaut
is 'intrepid' by courtesy, so every yachtsman is a 'fashionable arrival.' This great truth is
scarcely enough appreciated in England. I have known very worthy men spend in trying to get
into great society in London, sums which, judiciously invested in a yacht, would have taken
them to dozens of great people's houses abroad. You will get asked to dinner; you will be
feasted well, generally. Anything in the way of excitement—particularly good, rich, hospitable
excitement—is heartily welcome in our colonial settlements and stations.
" But I am not now speaking only to those who yacht, because to have a yacht is a fine thing.
I recognise also an imperial class of yachtsmen—tne swans of the flock of geese. I have seen
a coronet on a binnacle, before now. I have seen a large stately schooner sail into a Mediterranean
port—as into a drawing-room—splendid and serene. The harbour-master's boat is on the_ alert
these mornings. The men-of-war send their boats to tow; the dandiest lieutenant goes in the
barge; the senior captain offers his services. When such a yacht as that goes into the Golden
Horn, the Sultan is shown to these yachters—like any curiosity in his capital—like any odd
thing in his town! They are presented to him, as it is called, that he may be looked at.
" To this magnificent class I have not much to say. They don't snub their skipper—they
are far too fine to do that. They are scarcely distinctive as travellers, for they are the same
abroad as at home. In them, England is represented. England floats in a lump through the
sea, like Delos used to do. As they say and do just the same as they have always said and done
at home—see and mix with the same kind of people—1 often wonder what they learn by it.
When they go to visit Thermopylae or Marathon, it is with a lot of tents, donkeys, camp-stools,
travelling-cases, guides, and servants—such as Xerxes might have had. They encumber the
ruins of temples with the multitude of their baggage. The position ceems so unnatural, that
I can't fancy their getting any moral or intellectual profit from it. They are too well off for
that—like a fellow who cannot see for fat. Depend on it, you cannot see much through a
painted window, however fine it is."
Professor Brick concluded his first sketch amidst much applause.
THE BAR IN DANGER.
continually running rill of forensic argument.
Mr. Briefless is understood to insist on the
fact, that Lord Eldon commenced his career
by moving for a Compute, as a reason why
the rule should be preserved, as the portal—
the side-door, the back-gate, the area entrance
to future greatness. The learned anti-re-
former also declares that to compute is, by
no means, the insignificant matter of course
that some people imagine ; for it requires a
certain amount of proficiency in arithmetic on
the part of the advocate; and, in fact, Mr.
Briefless declares he knows of no other
proceeding that offers a sort of guarantee
bhat the branch of education specified has
been attended to by the Barrister.
The Protectionist League of Lawyers pur-
pose holding an aggregate meeting as soon
as a convenient site can be found, and the
Thames Tunnel has already been spoken of.
JEWISH NOTE AND QUERY.
Query.—Supposing none but Jews were re-
turned to Parliament at the next election,
what would be the result ?
Note.—It would be rather curious—for as
a Jew is not allowed to take his seat in Par-
liament, we should have a House of Commons
that could not sit. The only way to compro-
mise the matter would be for the House to
legislate on its legs. This would do very
well for members who were accustomed to
Standing Committees;—but it would be rather
tiresome when the House was kept up to
a late hour in the morning by the squabbles
of the Irish Brigade. One advantage might
be, that probably it would shorten the length
of the debates—for the House, when pre-
vented from lolling on the benches, and going
to sleep, would be less inclined than ever to
stand a long speech. The most obvious-
result, however, would be that England could
literally boast then of having the most Up-
right Legislature in the World.
Infant Rhymes for Church Reformers.
Bishop Jack Horner
Sat in a corner,
Eating his Christian pie ;
He put in his thumb,
And he pull'd out a,plum,
And said, " What a rich chap am I! "
Fashionable Movements during the
Eclipse.
Mrs. Jones, of Plate-Glass Street, Isling-
ton, by omnibus, on the morning of the 28th,
for Leicester Square, where she remained
during the Eclipse. The Thames Steamboat
Company had it in contemplation to issue
return tickets at a fare-and-a-half between
Chelsea and London, to enable suburban visi-
in some instances known to fetch from half-
a-crown to five shillings.
Considerable consternation has prevailed among the members of the Bar—and particularly! tors to view the Eclipse by daylight, and
the outer portion of it—since the publication of the Report of the Commissioners on Process j arrive at home before sunset. In the Park
and Practice. _ The Lawyers' Protectionist League, under the presidency of Mr. Briefless, has several temporary scaffoldings were erected,
already been joined by Messrs. Horrid and Florid of the Criminal Bar, as well as by Messrs. j and a front seat to view the Eclipse was
Mohair, Nohair, Splutter, Flutter, Mammon, and Gammon, of the Courts at Westminster. '
Though the report is signed by the Chief Justice of the Common Pleas, and the Attorney-
General, who has already given all the weight of his official position to the cause of Law
Reform, Mr. Briefless is prepared to maintain—though a maintenance of any kind from that
quarter is a poor look-out—that his own opinion ought to be taken in preference to that of Sir
Alexander Cockburn. Mr. Briefless particularly insists upon the impolicy of the recom-
mendation to abolish the Rule for Compute, which he declares that he regards as a sort of
Palladium of British eloquence; for many a young orator has exercised his early pinions on
this rule, and prepared himself for the maturer flights of his full-fledged rhetoric.
Mr. Briefless insists that the Rule to Compute should have been preserved for the sake
of its elasticity, inasmuch as it admitted of being applied for in every possible form, from the
silent bow to the enthusiastic burst of impassioned appeal, or the learned and elaborate
team versus steam.
A two-horse Omnibus has made a wager
that it will leave Hampton Court at the same
time as the railway, and arrive at the Water-
loo Station half-an-hour before the train
comes in. Long odds have been taken in
favour of the Omnibus.