Punch: Punch (21.1851)

PUNCH, Oil fHE LONDON CHARIVARI.

MR. BRIGGS GROUSE SHOOTING.

9 a.m. His Arrival on the Moor—Me. Briggs says that the fine Bracing Air makbs

him so vigorous that he shall never be beat. He also facetiously remarks that he

is on "his Native Heath," and that his "Name is Macgregor!"

The Result of the Bay's Sport will be communicated by Electric Telegraph.

"TO NOBLE WRITERS."

There is a great hope for our
literary aristocracy. A benevolent-
publisher at the West-end has issued
his advertisement "to Noble Writers."
The address has but one fault—it is too
succinct. Why not try another sort of
flourish ? As thus :

" Mr. Shewbull having had up-
wards of twenty years' sad experience
of the short-comings of noble authors,
offers himself as their guide, philo-
sopher, publisher, and friend. Mr. S.
will undertake to have their manu-
scripts so printed that the dearest
friends of the writers shall not know
them again. Distinct gentlemen con-
stantly employed upon style and
grammar. All f s punctually stroked,
and i's carefully dotted.

" A handsome assortment of subjects
on hand, which—at moderate cost and
with the best promptitude—may be
adapted to the peculiar genius of any
Nobleman desirous of appearing either
as Historian, Novelist, Political Eco-
nomist, Poet, or Auto-Biographer.

" Secrecy may be relied upon.

"No individual under a Right
Honourable will be dealt with.

Please pull the right-hand
bell. Brass knob."

A Elower for a Lover's Button-
hole.—A lady's cheek is described as
the poetical abode of the Rose; but we
are not told what kind of Rose. When
an ardent lover steals a kiss, we sup-
pose it is a " Cabbage-Rose ! "

THE POPE AND THE GRANARY.

To Mr. Punch.

"My very dear Sir,

" By introducing into the_ dominions of Her Majesty, through
your impartial pages, an authentic copy of a Brief of his Holiness
Pius the Ninth, I suppose I shall incur persecution. No matter; I
will—smile—and bear it. May the subjoined apostolical address unde-
ceive the benighted heretics, who accuse the Holy Father and the
Church over which he presides of intolerance, of their dreadful error.

" ' pius the ninth, pope.

" ' To the Bishops and Clergy of the Roman Catholic Church in
England : Benediction. I have a twofold object, brethren, in addressing
you. In the first place, I wish you, if possible, to disabuse the public
mind in Great Britain of the notion (I am afraid maliciously propagated)
that I am the author of certain absurd documents called Bulls and
Briefs, published in my name, replete not only with the most ridiculous
arrogance, but also with inflated phraseology and pompous rhetoric.
In the next place, I wish you to contract ct the unjustifiable assertion,
that I will not suffer the Protestants to have a place of worship
within the walls of Rome, and have restricted them to the use of an
extramural granary. I desire that you will have the goodness to
notify the fact, that Protestants are welcome to erect a Church at
Rome in as fine a position and as central a situation as, claiming for
ourselves that toleration which we extend to others, I have recom-
mended you to build a Roman Catholic Cathedral in, by public
subscription, in London. We have our own opinions, of course; but
I wish you to convince the English people that we, nevertheless, most
religiously observe the principle of doing as we would be done by.
I shall be glad if you will explain that the only reason why the
Protestants have hitherto been confined to a granary out of Rome is
because they have not yet raised the funds necessary for erecting a
church in the city.'

" The usual signatures follow. This is the language of your bigoted,
intolerant, bombastic Pope. But—alas for British prejudice !—I fear
the document will never be credited to be genuine, though vouched
for by your scrupulously particular correspondent,

"Vebax."

A CITY LYRIC.

Gaily the Alderman, smoking cigar,
Skipp'd through the door of his back-shop a-jar,
Singing, "From Paris fine hither I come ;
Mrs. G., Mrs. G., welcome me home ! "

" Oh, gracious! Gobble, love!" shrieking his name,
Scream'd out his startled wife, " Is it the same ? "
" Pa!" cried his daughters, " how smart you've become !"
Such was the Alderman's welcome to home.

" Ha! " said the Alderman, " carpet-bag lost—
Rigg'd out in Paris ; some money it cost."
"Ah ! " Mrs. Gobble sighed, "never more roam,
Alderman, Alderman ! now you're come home."

THE AUSTRIANS IN ITALY.

One Gorczskoshawsky—chosen, no doubt, that his name may nevei
be uttered—is the Austrian Military and Civil Lieutenant of the
Venetian provinces. He has issued a circular, of which the subjoined
is not a very free translation :—

" When you are requested to furnish information of any person, you
must supply the following indications :

" 1. When he sees the double eagle of Austria, what are exactly his
feelings of gratitude toward the House of Hapsburg.

" 2. What were his dreams last night.

"3. What will he dream to-morrow.

" L When he holds his tongue, what are commonly his reflections.
" 5. When he dies not hold his tongue, does he talk what he thinks.
" 6. If not, what does he think when he generally talks.
"7. Does he mean no when he says yes.
"8. Does he mean yes when he says no.
" 9. When was his hair last cut. How many hairs did he lose.
"10. Does he sleep on the right side or left; or both.
"11. At what hour of the night does he usually turn.
" Venice, June 7th, 1851.

" The Military and Civil Lieutenant of the Venetian Provinces,

" Gorczskoshawsky."