Punch: Punch (21.1851)

9G

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

BLACK LETTERS ON A TABLET!

To Mr. Bunch.

TJNCH, in the itinerant
drama, proves, my dear
Sir, more than a match
for the Prince of Dark-
ness ; yet—with pain I
observe it—the Foul
Fiend occasionally de-
ceives even yourself.
There is a Catholic
newspaper, called the
Tablet, and published
at Dublin, conducted
in a spirit of singular
meekness, charity, and
loyalty. It is, indeed,
newspaper; and its co-
lumns, accordingly, are pervaded_ by
those sentiments of moderation, kind-
ness, brotherly love, and respect for
Law and Government, by which our
Church is contradistinguished _ from all
other denominations of Christians—
if any other persons can be called
Christians but ourselves.

"Now, my very dear Sir, you oc-
casionally quote, as from this religious
Catholic organ, language and expres-
sions the most atrocious and abomi-
nable: and, as parties are commonly
judged of by the tone of their journals,
these quotations are calculated to throw extreme odium on our
sacred cause.

" I know that your extracts from the Tablet are true for you. I am
quite aware that you copy fairly the appearances of type ; but I must
inform you that these appearances are merely diabolical illusions : such
as in older and better times were quite familiar, and among the Scotch
were designated by the term ' glamour.' They can now, as the same
sort of phantasms could then, be dissipated in an instant by being
sprinkled with holy water: you may try this experiment any day: but,
in order that it may succeed, it is necessary that you should first
believe in holy water. A paragraph in the Tablet—seemingly the
expression of the most currish rancour, the most frantic hatred, the
most venomous malice—by the slightest spargefaction with the con-
secrated protoxide of hydrogen—becomes in an instant (to the believer
in that sanctified fluid) a gush of the warmest benevolence, an emanation
of the heavenliest love.

"Here, for example, is a specimen of the celestial manna of the Tablet
■—transformed by demoniacal agency into fellest aconite ; which baneful
plant, by the way, Protestant malignity calls monkshood. It appears—
to eyes that have not been opened by holy water—in the Tablet of
August 16th, under the head of 'Fifth Letter of the Rev. Dr.
Cahill to the People of Ireland.' And thus runs Ike Devil's
perversion of the epistle of the holy Dr. Cahill :—

"' But, fellow-countrymen, England shall not have everything her own way. We
are now forming a society, such as never has heen seen in Ireland before It will be a
society fairly embodying the mind, and the heart, and the service, of every man,
woman, and rbild, in these kingdoms ; and we shall live and die in defence of the deci-
sion of this new, and glorious, and (with the blessing of God) triumphant association.
Depend upon it that England has sapped her own foundations; depend upon me that
France is not settled, and that Europe owes England a grudge, which never will or can
be forgiven. Be convinced that, if Prince Albert originated one hundred Exhibitions,
and that the London Corporation dined, and slept, and lived with the French function-
aries every day and night for seven years,—be convinced that after all this display of
artful civilities, there is not one Frenchman, or one Frenchwoman, or one French child, wlw
u-ould not dance with frantic joy at the glorious idea of having an opportunity before they
die of burying their eager swords, and plunging th'j crimsoned French steel into the inmost
heart of every man bearing the hated name of Englishman. Therefore keep up your
courage, and wait your opportunity m a strictly legal attitude, and England will be very
soon in your power. We shall now demand perfect equality from our oppressors. We
shall demand the complete annihilation of the temporalities of the Protestant Church;
and I tell you that we shall have all England at our back. We shall have the moral
support of all Europe, and the sympathy of the civilised world. We are now com-
mencing a struggle which shall end either in our entire emancipation, or in a conflict
ivhich shall shake Great Britain to her centre'

"The italics, merely, in the above, are mine ; the language is the
devil's own. Here you have, apparently put forth in the chief Catholic
newspaper, ostensibly with the authority of a Catholic priest, a manifest
suggestion of desertion and treason to our Catholic troops; and not
only that, but an evident revelling in the idea of English bloodshed,
wherein, with half an enlightened eye, may be detected the workings of
the diabolical mind. What must the poor Protestant, whose feelings of
natural indignation have not been mortified by the influence of the only
true Church, say, on reading this devilish stuff ? What! but that the
only answer which it deserves, is such as may be given by twelve men

in a jury-box, and a judge on the bench ! The poor natural Protestant
would be wrong, of course. Instead of resenting the fiendish ferocity
of the pretended priest Cahill, he ought to weep over it, and pray
for the conversion of the supposed savage. But. alas ! it is only
Catholics who behave in this angelic manner under similar circum-
stances. Then, how truly Satanic, to palm off upon society, as the
writing of a clergyman of our Holy Church, the following inter-
mixture of falsehoods and devil's blessings, which I also extract from
Ihe appearances of Dr. Cahill's fifth letter in the 1 ablet.—

" ' Lord John Russell has appointed a festival, to be held every year on the th of
November, to burn the blessed Virgin, and to spit on the Cross ; and the British Com-
mons (long life to them), and the British Lords (glory to them), and the illustrious
Queen or England (may God bless her), have, with one voice, decided that all the
Catholic ladies of Great Britain and Ireland are prostitutes (this is the word), and that
their children's children are bastards by the laws of England!'

"'Lying beast!' exclaims indignant Protestantism. 'Malicious
hound! Blasphemous, detestable traitor! And this is the language
of your Catholic priest, is it, as expressed in your great Catholic
organ ?'

" I have simply to reply, my very dear Sir, that the only genuine
pqrtions of the foregoing paragraph are the benedictions it contains,
with which the rest of the Rev. Dr. Cahill's real letter is quite in
keeping. The demon has transfigured that gentleman's phrases into
semblances of evil, as he metamorphosed himself once into a form of
loveliness when he appeared in the desert to St. Antony. As to the
real Cahill, the original Simon Pure, so mild a pastor is that holy
man, that butter literally will not melt in his mouth—a fact which has
been proved by the evidence of seven millions of witnesses ; to which I
may add the humble testimony, my very dear Sir, of

" Your faithful Servant,

" Verax."

"P.S. The Tempter, under the mask of Dr. Cahill, writes
nonsense as well as wickedness. Speaking of England, he says—

"1 She has added fifty-two millions of money to the field of her commerce, filched
and extracted from the weakness of her neighbours; and she has been enabled, at the
same time, to strike a deadly blow at the Catholic Church, vihich has disabled her for the

moment.'

"The Evil One clearly made this last assertion with a view to
inflame English prejudice against Bulls." 'V."

THREE MONTHS AT SEA WITH A PIPER!!!

We saw in the Times (August 6th) an advertisement from a strange
individual, describing himself as " a Piper," and, amongst other recom-
mendations, saying, that he was perfectly ready for

AN ENGAGEMENT, to go to the Shooting with any Gentleman, or would
go to sea as Piper on board any of Her Majesty's vessels, and would make himself
generally useful.

Amongst " the pleasures of travelling," we doubt if a Scotch Piper
was ever before included as one of the requisites. We would as soon
travel with a German Brass-band continually at our heels, or take the
monster Italian Organ, on four wheels, as a travelling-companion.
Besides, wouldn't " the Piper " be a little in the way of the shooting ?
Instead of helping to bring down the game, wouldn't he only frighten
it away ? A bird might stand fire, but we doubt if the boldest specimen
of the whole feathery tribe could stand the Bagpipes ! But, if a plan
should be wanted for driving all the game out of England, in the same
way that St. Patrick drove the reptiles out of Ireland, we beg to
recommend the above proposal of " the Piper " as the one best adapted for
that object. Let him only walk through England, with his instrument in
full blow, and all the poulterers might as well shut up shop, for not
another head of game will they ever be able to sell after the experiment!
We should see the poor distracted birds flying, in large clouds, out of
England, never, never, never to come back again ! As for the second
half of the offer, we cannot conceive any individual insane enough to
shut himself up in the same yacht with a Piper ! Depend upon it, if
he was not already stark staring mad at the time of sailing, that he
could not help, before he had been three months at sea, coming home
in a hopeless state of incurable lunacy. As for ourselves, we would
refuse to sail in any vessel that had the Bagpipes on board. The
knowledge of having such an instrument of torture in the same vessel
with us would produce in our breast such a feeling of sea-sickness as
would be the death of us in less than one week!—which would not
be, we are afraid, the pleasantest way, for either party, of "Paying
the Piper."__

The Chinaman and his Wives.

Chung-Attai, and his brace of wives—his two better halves—
have been introduced to the Queen and the Prince at Osborne.
An illustrious lady was heard to remark that for one husband to have
a couple of wives, seemed an odd way of matching China; very like
giving one cup to two saucers.