PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
LIGHT AS AIR AND STUPID AS LEAD.
he most wonderful instance of the fitness
of things occurred the other day, by the
accidental descent of a balloon — con-
taining the veteran Somebody or other,
and a few other somebodies or nobodies—
in the grounds of an Asylum for Lunatics.
The only improvement we could have
suggested in this arrangement would
have been, that the balloon should have
simplicity in business transactions, and Mr. Punch, as a capitalist, would
have been delighted to lend a few hundred thousands on the Imperial
and Royal word of His Majesty the Emperor and King.
Under these circumstances, Mr. P. is deeply vexed to find that there
is no office in the City of London where he can subscribe to the new
loan • and the more so, as he is aware that the circumstances of H.I.M.,
the delegate of Heaven, are such as to render pecuniary accommodation
presently necessary.
The traitors in his Imperial Majesty's Kingdom of Lombardy refuse
his Imperial paper money, and will, for the present, only be paid in
bullion: this rebellious spirit drains his Imperial Exchequer, and, of
course, adds immensely to the expense of the vast armies which are
started from the Asylum, instead of required to keep order in the rebellious provinces of North Italy. Eor,
making the home for lunatics the end of if the rebels consented to receive notes of the Bank of Austria (which
its journey. The other day, another of has issues pretty much like those of the late celebrated Bank of
these expeditions terminated in the im-; Elegance in this City) in return for their produce, it is manifest that
mediate neighbourhood of a cemetery at | the army of the gallant Radetzky could be fed and clothed at a much
cheaper rate than at present.
Mr. P., and several other influential Capitalists of the City oi
London, would, therefore, have been glad to lend such a sum of ready
money as should enable his I. and R. Majesty to send into the
Lonibardo-Venetian territory a force that should set the paper-money
question at rest—that should be able to offer the Italians a choice of
paper or lead: and that should at once lessen the present immense
charge to the empire of paying troops and dealing with rebels in corn.
And, this difficulty got over, one currency (that of the Bank of Elegance)
might be established throughout the vast dominions of His Imperial
Majesty.
One currency—one government—one truth—one faith—one Emperor
(accountable to Heaven only) are thus the advantages which, by a
little seasonable ready money, might be secured for the Empire.
As there is but one truth; it need be told but by one organ: and all
newspapers might be done away with.
As but one faith: Jews, Turks, Protestants, Infidels, &c, and their
pastors, must conform, or take the consequences.
One Government, and the humbug of Chambers, Diets, debates,
votes, and rubbish, might be put an end to. Newspaper bickerings and
palavers of local assemblies cause half the embarrassments of Govern-
ment. Books propagate most of the errors which inflame weak and
wicked minds. Books, newspapers, and local assemblies being abolished,
the course of Government would be clearer, and infinitely less costly.
Had the Hungarians never debated, they would never have rebelled;
and never have been punished; and the expensive Russian would never
have been called in. Had Madame de Madersbach never been able
to read, she would not have had wrong thoughts ; she would not have
been flogged. What money, what blood might have been spared! No.
Let there be one currency, one government, one newspaper, one
Fulham: and as the aeronauts, in con-
sequence of the bursting of the balloon,
were within an inch of their lives, it was
appropriate enough that the place of
descent should have been very near to
a burying-ground. It is strange that
these airy enthusiasts will not take
warning, even when it is administered by
persons dropping from the clouds, in the
very sudden manner that we have lately
witnessed. We presume that the recent
accidents will give a zest to exhibitions of
the same sort; and we shall not be sur-
prised to see shortly a line or two in a
bill, announcing that Mr., Mrs., or Miss
So-and-so will ascend on a certain day, with a balloon warranted to
burst in the air at a certain altitude.
A BID FOR THE NEW AUSTRIAN LOAN.
Mr. Punch presents his compliments to His Excellency the Austrian
Minister.
Mr. Punch has at this minute the sum of Three hundred and fifty-
three thousand nine hundred and eleven pounds, three shillings, and
four pence, lying unemployed at his bankers, Messrs. Aldgate Pump
and Co., of this ciiy, as reference to the books of those gentlemen will
fully prove.
It is Mr. P.'s desire to invest this sum as advantageously as
possible, as part of the fortune of his twelfth little girl. . catecrutm^orpolitics^^rreiigion, a^cTone Ymperor-accountake to
In this country, the Chartists and the high price of the funds; in
France, the Red Republicans and the doubtful issue of the Presidential
Elections, rendering investments in English or French Stocks un-
available ; the King of Prussia being clearly not in his senses ; and
the illustrious Spanish nation having already absorbed three million
one hundred and nineteen thousand seventy-six pounds of Mr. Punch's
loose capital, without making him any return, Mr. P. naturally
looked to Austria, as to a maligned but flourishing country, where
demagogues were suppressed, order was restored, Haynau in a
graceful retirement, and a spirited and excellent young monarch
established on the throne, blest with the vigour of youth, and the
instructions and advice of a religious mamma.
It was, then, Herr Von Punch's intention to invest this portion of
his youngest child's fortune in the New Austrian Loan, having the
greatest hope and confidence in the good faith and prosperity of that
mighty empire.
Not good faith in promised constitutions—promised constitutions be
hanged !—but in the solvency and stability of the Imperial Government—
a good faith very much increased by the late Imperial declaration, that
his Imperial and Royal Majesty, having dissolved all previous engage-
ments made with his people, was, from this time forth, accountable to
God only for any measures which he might do, or undo, and for the sole
and supreme conduct of his empire.
Knowing his Imperial Majesty to be eminently religious, this direct
mode of settling accounts gave Mr. Punch (as a commercial man) the
deepest sense of security and satisfaction. For what could be more
delightful than to think that the next world was answerable for the new
five per cent, loan ? or, in the event of the terrestrial non-payment of the
dividends, his Imperial Majesty, acting under the immediate sanction
and authority of Heaven itself, referred his creditor to the Great Firm
of which he was the sole Agent and Commissioner ? A heretic Go-
vernment, or a borrower, who had no sense of religion, would offer some
sort of gross earthly security for a loan; whereas it is far better to
transact business with a religious Sovereign, celestially delegated, taking
his most religious promise in strict confidence, and allowing him to act
without a complication of accounts, without responsible ministers, with-
out chambers, without consulting his people; indeed, without what are
called securides or embarrassments of any sort. There is nothing like
Heaven, of course
What efforts will not Herr Punch and all right-minded men take to
secure these desirable ends: what an Elysium will the Austrian empire
be when these ends are secured ! And why are there not offices open
in London where English capitalists might exchange their money for
Austrian Paper?
Mr. Punch entreats His Excellency the Austrian Minister to accept
the assurances of his most profound consideration.
Whitefriars, Sept. 15.
Elegant Extract from the Unpublished MS. of a
Distinguished Penny-a-Liner.
The following is a bond Me extract from the MS. of one of our most
distinguished Penny-a-Liners. It has been sent _ to us by the Sub-
Editor, under whose critical scissors the manuscript fell, as being, in
his opinion, " far too good to be lost." The subject was a " Fearful
Conflagration," and our author, after expatiating very warmly upon it,
proceeded to say : —
" The affrighted female jumpt out of bed, hut the devoubing element pursued
her sound the room."
We have heard of many curious literary pursuits; but, of all the
Pursuits of Literature under Difficulties, we may justly sav. there never
was such an extraordinary pursuit as the one above.
A little nursery tune.
{To be whistled in any Key you please )
Pickery, Pickery, Lock,
Mr. Hobbs knows what's o'clock ,
For Hobbs has won, and Bramah 's done,
Pickery, Pickery, Lock. (Bis i
We Really Couldn't Help it.—Lord Mansfield said that " A
Dinner was the lubrication of business." The lubrication was applied,
of course, to the joints ! Ha! Ha! Ha!
LIGHT AS AIR AND STUPID AS LEAD.
he most wonderful instance of the fitness
of things occurred the other day, by the
accidental descent of a balloon — con-
taining the veteran Somebody or other,
and a few other somebodies or nobodies—
in the grounds of an Asylum for Lunatics.
The only improvement we could have
suggested in this arrangement would
have been, that the balloon should have
simplicity in business transactions, and Mr. Punch, as a capitalist, would
have been delighted to lend a few hundred thousands on the Imperial
and Royal word of His Majesty the Emperor and King.
Under these circumstances, Mr. P. is deeply vexed to find that there
is no office in the City of London where he can subscribe to the new
loan • and the more so, as he is aware that the circumstances of H.I.M.,
the delegate of Heaven, are such as to render pecuniary accommodation
presently necessary.
The traitors in his Imperial Majesty's Kingdom of Lombardy refuse
his Imperial paper money, and will, for the present, only be paid in
bullion: this rebellious spirit drains his Imperial Exchequer, and, of
course, adds immensely to the expense of the vast armies which are
started from the Asylum, instead of required to keep order in the rebellious provinces of North Italy. Eor,
making the home for lunatics the end of if the rebels consented to receive notes of the Bank of Austria (which
its journey. The other day, another of has issues pretty much like those of the late celebrated Bank of
these expeditions terminated in the im-; Elegance in this City) in return for their produce, it is manifest that
mediate neighbourhood of a cemetery at | the army of the gallant Radetzky could be fed and clothed at a much
cheaper rate than at present.
Mr. P., and several other influential Capitalists of the City oi
London, would, therefore, have been glad to lend such a sum of ready
money as should enable his I. and R. Majesty to send into the
Lonibardo-Venetian territory a force that should set the paper-money
question at rest—that should be able to offer the Italians a choice of
paper or lead: and that should at once lessen the present immense
charge to the empire of paying troops and dealing with rebels in corn.
And, this difficulty got over, one currency (that of the Bank of Elegance)
might be established throughout the vast dominions of His Imperial
Majesty.
One currency—one government—one truth—one faith—one Emperor
(accountable to Heaven only) are thus the advantages which, by a
little seasonable ready money, might be secured for the Empire.
As there is but one truth; it need be told but by one organ: and all
newspapers might be done away with.
As but one faith: Jews, Turks, Protestants, Infidels, &c, and their
pastors, must conform, or take the consequences.
One Government, and the humbug of Chambers, Diets, debates,
votes, and rubbish, might be put an end to. Newspaper bickerings and
palavers of local assemblies cause half the embarrassments of Govern-
ment. Books propagate most of the errors which inflame weak and
wicked minds. Books, newspapers, and local assemblies being abolished,
the course of Government would be clearer, and infinitely less costly.
Had the Hungarians never debated, they would never have rebelled;
and never have been punished; and the expensive Russian would never
have been called in. Had Madame de Madersbach never been able
to read, she would not have had wrong thoughts ; she would not have
been flogged. What money, what blood might have been spared! No.
Let there be one currency, one government, one newspaper, one
Fulham: and as the aeronauts, in con-
sequence of the bursting of the balloon,
were within an inch of their lives, it was
appropriate enough that the place of
descent should have been very near to
a burying-ground. It is strange that
these airy enthusiasts will not take
warning, even when it is administered by
persons dropping from the clouds, in the
very sudden manner that we have lately
witnessed. We presume that the recent
accidents will give a zest to exhibitions of
the same sort; and we shall not be sur-
prised to see shortly a line or two in a
bill, announcing that Mr., Mrs., or Miss
So-and-so will ascend on a certain day, with a balloon warranted to
burst in the air at a certain altitude.
A BID FOR THE NEW AUSTRIAN LOAN.
Mr. Punch presents his compliments to His Excellency the Austrian
Minister.
Mr. Punch has at this minute the sum of Three hundred and fifty-
three thousand nine hundred and eleven pounds, three shillings, and
four pence, lying unemployed at his bankers, Messrs. Aldgate Pump
and Co., of this ciiy, as reference to the books of those gentlemen will
fully prove.
It is Mr. P.'s desire to invest this sum as advantageously as
possible, as part of the fortune of his twelfth little girl. . catecrutm^orpolitics^^rreiigion, a^cTone Ymperor-accountake to
In this country, the Chartists and the high price of the funds; in
France, the Red Republicans and the doubtful issue of the Presidential
Elections, rendering investments in English or French Stocks un-
available ; the King of Prussia being clearly not in his senses ; and
the illustrious Spanish nation having already absorbed three million
one hundred and nineteen thousand seventy-six pounds of Mr. Punch's
loose capital, without making him any return, Mr. P. naturally
looked to Austria, as to a maligned but flourishing country, where
demagogues were suppressed, order was restored, Haynau in a
graceful retirement, and a spirited and excellent young monarch
established on the throne, blest with the vigour of youth, and the
instructions and advice of a religious mamma.
It was, then, Herr Von Punch's intention to invest this portion of
his youngest child's fortune in the New Austrian Loan, having the
greatest hope and confidence in the good faith and prosperity of that
mighty empire.
Not good faith in promised constitutions—promised constitutions be
hanged !—but in the solvency and stability of the Imperial Government—
a good faith very much increased by the late Imperial declaration, that
his Imperial and Royal Majesty, having dissolved all previous engage-
ments made with his people, was, from this time forth, accountable to
God only for any measures which he might do, or undo, and for the sole
and supreme conduct of his empire.
Knowing his Imperial Majesty to be eminently religious, this direct
mode of settling accounts gave Mr. Punch (as a commercial man) the
deepest sense of security and satisfaction. For what could be more
delightful than to think that the next world was answerable for the new
five per cent, loan ? or, in the event of the terrestrial non-payment of the
dividends, his Imperial Majesty, acting under the immediate sanction
and authority of Heaven itself, referred his creditor to the Great Firm
of which he was the sole Agent and Commissioner ? A heretic Go-
vernment, or a borrower, who had no sense of religion, would offer some
sort of gross earthly security for a loan; whereas it is far better to
transact business with a religious Sovereign, celestially delegated, taking
his most religious promise in strict confidence, and allowing him to act
without a complication of accounts, without responsible ministers, with-
out chambers, without consulting his people; indeed, without what are
called securides or embarrassments of any sort. There is nothing like
Heaven, of course
What efforts will not Herr Punch and all right-minded men take to
secure these desirable ends: what an Elysium will the Austrian empire
be when these ends are secured ! And why are there not offices open
in London where English capitalists might exchange their money for
Austrian Paper?
Mr. Punch entreats His Excellency the Austrian Minister to accept
the assurances of his most profound consideration.
Whitefriars, Sept. 15.
Elegant Extract from the Unpublished MS. of a
Distinguished Penny-a-Liner.
The following is a bond Me extract from the MS. of one of our most
distinguished Penny-a-Liners. It has been sent _ to us by the Sub-
Editor, under whose critical scissors the manuscript fell, as being, in
his opinion, " far too good to be lost." The subject was a " Fearful
Conflagration," and our author, after expatiating very warmly upon it,
proceeded to say : —
" The affrighted female jumpt out of bed, hut the devoubing element pursued
her sound the room."
We have heard of many curious literary pursuits; but, of all the
Pursuits of Literature under Difficulties, we may justly sav. there never
was such an extraordinary pursuit as the one above.
A little nursery tune.
{To be whistled in any Key you please )
Pickery, Pickery, Lock,
Mr. Hobbs knows what's o'clock ,
For Hobbs has won, and Bramah 's done,
Pickery, Pickery, Lock. (Bis i
We Really Couldn't Help it.—Lord Mansfield said that " A
Dinner was the lubrication of business." The lubrication was applied,
of course, to the joints ! Ha! Ha! Ha!