DOI issue:
July to December, 1851
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16608#0203
191
of her family and friends, it is to be hoped that she will be, in the words
(slightly altered) of our immortal bard, " herself again."
SOMETHING IN THE CUPBOARD.
Mb. and Mbs. John Bull sat by the fireside. "My dear," said
Mrs. Bull, " you must make me a greater allowance for housekeeping."
"Really, my dear," said Bull, in his kind, stupid way, "really 1 did
think of proposing to take a little off."
" A little off!" exclaimed Mbs. Bull.
" A little off. Por, consider; bread cheap—meat going down—candles
falling—soap lowering,"—and so Bull was going on, when Mbs. Bull
ground herself upon her chair, as she was wont when much put upon,
and declared she would speak.
" Cheap or not cheap," cried Mks. Bull, " all I know is this; it takes
more to keep the house than it did; things don't go half the way they
used to go."
Mb. Bull looked into the fire—looked down upon the hearth-rug—
rubbed his knees, and said, " There must be something in the cup-
board."
"Nonsense," cried Mbs. Bull; and then she added, "Yet it is
strange, and 1 can't make it out that things don't go as they did. I
can't think what it is."
" Is it mice ? " asked Bull.
" Is it a fiddlestick ? Look at our Grey Cat: and what that cat's
cost us, nobody can tell. Still, for all I keep the key, the things do go
strangely."
"It must be mice, " said Bull.
" It can't be mice," said Bull's wife.
" Hats, then ! " said the good man.
Professor Slamcoe :-<< A Kalonatur*," or « Slamcoe's Gent's I "John, my dear, you 're enough to aggravate a saint. It's neither
own Head of Hair " i rats> noF mice» nor cockroaches, nor nothing of the sort: still, for all
j that, if it was the last word I had to speak, I know there's something
Hobatio Nelson Slamcoe was born in the New Cut, Lambeth, in m Jr® cupboard.___ f
the year whenEngland lost^tZ^^^M^S 1 J55Sii»JSJi£ tLX^S °os?Af sft
"Sow ttrt^TttZ VSSS naTe TfhetpTrtedt ^ opened fe cupboard door, and though Mbs. Bull saw nothing, Bull
hence, in due time, the two Christian names of the subject of this ^\1™self bhehf^' m hls mmd s eye' Deither rat~nor ^ouse-nor cock-
memoir. The parents of Mb. Slamcoe were in humble life ; and for j 'J\mt ?
the eminence which he has subsequently acquired, he has to thank his I . .___ui„„t, vn<x„\ rm,„ „„„___ •__A__• ■ .
»nin. ™tl.Br th™ hi* ^nPMinr, Ui,h wa r^Wtpd for the labours1 „ A lonS> bla9k„ sinewy Kaffir! The savage grinned maliciously at
genius rather than his education, which was neglected for the labours
necessary to one whose own hands must work his own livelihood.
Well and skilfully, through five-and-thirty years, have the hands of
Horatio Slamcoe toiled. Early taken under the roof of a tonsorial
practitioner in the Waterloo Road, Mb. Slamcoe learned the rudiments
of a trade which by him has been elevated to an art; for if to imitate
beautiful Nature be Art, what man deserves the proud name of artist better
than the elegant perruquier ? At twenty-one years of age, Mb. Slamcoe
had the honour of attending at L—mb—th Palace, with a wig made by
his young hands, and offered to a late reverend Prelate of our Church.
Piiofessob S. augured ill for Episcopacy when those ornaments of our
dignified divines fell into desuetude.
As Napoleon crowned himself King and Emperor, so it was, we
believe, that Hobatio Slamcoe dubbed himself Professor. His
inventions are known to the world, and their beneficent influence is
exemplified in his own person. Before he ever attempted continental
travel, his " Balsam of Bohemia" was discovered ; just as America was
discovered by Columbus before that philosophic Genoese put foot on
shipboard. His Tuscan Dentifrice ; his Carthaginian Hair-dye : his
Fountain of Hebe, are world-celebrated cosmetics, without which (he
says) no toilet is complete. They are to be procured at his establish-
ment, " The College of Beauty," with the usual liberal allowance to the
trade, who should beware of unprincipled imitators, only too eager to
adopt the discoveries of the Professor.
That the Kalonaturse, or Gent's own Head of Hair, should have been
unrewarded by a Medal, is one of those instances which cries shame on
the awards of the Committee. Let us hope it was not a conspiracy on
the part of rival wig-makers (enemies of Mb. Slamcoe through life),
which defeated the object of his ambition. But if there be any
individuals blighted like himself, whose hair turned white in a single
night, as some men's have through disappointment, the Professor re-
commends to such his Carthaginian dye, which will prevent the world,
at least, from guessing what ravages grief has caused, and manly pride
would hide; though it will scarcely be credited, the Professor's own
hair is indebted for its rich jelly colour solely to the Carthaginian
discovery.
The Sort of Leg that Looks Well in Bloomer Petti loons.
Bull ; who, with a groan, shut the cupboard door. " And that rascal
savage "—said Bull to himself—" will be in my cupboard for many a
day."
The Grey Cat, curled in a round, slept unconcernedly upon the
hearth-rug.
" Get out of that," cried Bull, flinging out his foot.
" Why do you kick the Grey Cat ?" said Mas. Bull. " If something's
in the cupboard, it isn't his fault."
"Isn't it?" cried Bull, and with an unbelieving groan, he shook
his head.
"YOUR YERY HUMBLE SERVANT."
The emigration from Ireland is beginning to show its effects in a
demand for servants from other countries; but the demand will be
greater than the supply if the vacancies are as thoroughly vacant of all
advantages as the following. The annexed advertisement certainly shows
that there is an " opening" for an industrious man; but it is an opening
which is only calculated to let in an unfortunate occupant. The extract
is'from the "Ayr Observer" and one would imagine that the servants
in Ayr are expected to live on the local atmosphere.
A SCOTCH BUTLER FOB, IRELAND.
WANTED A BUTLER, or General Inside Servant, who is strictly honest,
sober, and orderly in his habits. He would have the assistance of a Boy to
clean shoes, and bring water, &c, Ac. He should be a good attendant at table, and
understand the care of furniture, and keep himself neat in his person.
The terms given are £20 per annum, with a suit of plain clothes ; to pay for his own
washing ; and there is neither beer nor tea given to any of the servants.
Apply to Me. j.-, Ayr, or Ms. A. j. ——, Parsonstown, Ireland,
We do not exactly understand the meaning of the term "inside"
servant, unless it is intended that the butler should act also as cook,
and thus promote all the "inside" arrangements of the family. He
must be sober, and, indeed, he can hardly be otherwise, seeing that there
is "neither beer nor tea given to any of the servants." He is to have
" a suit of plain clothes, to pay for his own washing," from which it
would seem that he is to be continually pawning his coat to meet his
washing bill. This is an Irish mode of discharging a liability, which
may answer once or twice; but if this practice were geueral, a suit of
clothes would at length get so deeply mortgaged, that it would be
necessary to extend the operation of the Encumbered Estates Act to
the coats, waistcoats, and trousers of the Butlers of Ireland.
Cabinet News.—It is said that Lobd Seymour is to be called to a
seat in the Cabinet. Common humanity for the other Ministers in*
duces us to make this inquiry—Is his Lordship to be muzzled P
of her family and friends, it is to be hoped that she will be, in the words
(slightly altered) of our immortal bard, " herself again."
SOMETHING IN THE CUPBOARD.
Mb. and Mbs. John Bull sat by the fireside. "My dear," said
Mrs. Bull, " you must make me a greater allowance for housekeeping."
"Really, my dear," said Bull, in his kind, stupid way, "really 1 did
think of proposing to take a little off."
" A little off!" exclaimed Mbs. Bull.
" A little off. Por, consider; bread cheap—meat going down—candles
falling—soap lowering,"—and so Bull was going on, when Mbs. Bull
ground herself upon her chair, as she was wont when much put upon,
and declared she would speak.
" Cheap or not cheap," cried Mks. Bull, " all I know is this; it takes
more to keep the house than it did; things don't go half the way they
used to go."
Mb. Bull looked into the fire—looked down upon the hearth-rug—
rubbed his knees, and said, " There must be something in the cup-
board."
"Nonsense," cried Mbs. Bull; and then she added, "Yet it is
strange, and 1 can't make it out that things don't go as they did. I
can't think what it is."
" Is it mice ? " asked Bull.
" Is it a fiddlestick ? Look at our Grey Cat: and what that cat's
cost us, nobody can tell. Still, for all I keep the key, the things do go
strangely."
"It must be mice, " said Bull.
" It can't be mice," said Bull's wife.
" Hats, then ! " said the good man.
Professor Slamcoe :-<< A Kalonatur*," or « Slamcoe's Gent's I "John, my dear, you 're enough to aggravate a saint. It's neither
own Head of Hair " i rats> noF mice» nor cockroaches, nor nothing of the sort: still, for all
j that, if it was the last word I had to speak, I know there's something
Hobatio Nelson Slamcoe was born in the New Cut, Lambeth, in m Jr® cupboard.___ f
the year whenEngland lost^tZ^^^M^S 1 J55Sii»JSJi£ tLX^S °os?Af sft
"Sow ttrt^TttZ VSSS naTe TfhetpTrtedt ^ opened fe cupboard door, and though Mbs. Bull saw nothing, Bull
hence, in due time, the two Christian names of the subject of this ^\1™self bhehf^' m hls mmd s eye' Deither rat~nor ^ouse-nor cock-
memoir. The parents of Mb. Slamcoe were in humble life ; and for j 'J\mt ?
the eminence which he has subsequently acquired, he has to thank his I . .___ui„„t, vn<x„\ rm,„ „„„___ •__A__• ■ .
»nin. ™tl.Br th™ hi* ^nPMinr, Ui,h wa r^Wtpd for the labours1 „ A lonS> bla9k„ sinewy Kaffir! The savage grinned maliciously at
genius rather than his education, which was neglected for the labours
necessary to one whose own hands must work his own livelihood.
Well and skilfully, through five-and-thirty years, have the hands of
Horatio Slamcoe toiled. Early taken under the roof of a tonsorial
practitioner in the Waterloo Road, Mb. Slamcoe learned the rudiments
of a trade which by him has been elevated to an art; for if to imitate
beautiful Nature be Art, what man deserves the proud name of artist better
than the elegant perruquier ? At twenty-one years of age, Mb. Slamcoe
had the honour of attending at L—mb—th Palace, with a wig made by
his young hands, and offered to a late reverend Prelate of our Church.
Piiofessob S. augured ill for Episcopacy when those ornaments of our
dignified divines fell into desuetude.
As Napoleon crowned himself King and Emperor, so it was, we
believe, that Hobatio Slamcoe dubbed himself Professor. His
inventions are known to the world, and their beneficent influence is
exemplified in his own person. Before he ever attempted continental
travel, his " Balsam of Bohemia" was discovered ; just as America was
discovered by Columbus before that philosophic Genoese put foot on
shipboard. His Tuscan Dentifrice ; his Carthaginian Hair-dye : his
Fountain of Hebe, are world-celebrated cosmetics, without which (he
says) no toilet is complete. They are to be procured at his establish-
ment, " The College of Beauty," with the usual liberal allowance to the
trade, who should beware of unprincipled imitators, only too eager to
adopt the discoveries of the Professor.
That the Kalonaturse, or Gent's own Head of Hair, should have been
unrewarded by a Medal, is one of those instances which cries shame on
the awards of the Committee. Let us hope it was not a conspiracy on
the part of rival wig-makers (enemies of Mb. Slamcoe through life),
which defeated the object of his ambition. But if there be any
individuals blighted like himself, whose hair turned white in a single
night, as some men's have through disappointment, the Professor re-
commends to such his Carthaginian dye, which will prevent the world,
at least, from guessing what ravages grief has caused, and manly pride
would hide; though it will scarcely be credited, the Professor's own
hair is indebted for its rich jelly colour solely to the Carthaginian
discovery.
The Sort of Leg that Looks Well in Bloomer Petti loons.
Bull ; who, with a groan, shut the cupboard door. " And that rascal
savage "—said Bull to himself—" will be in my cupboard for many a
day."
The Grey Cat, curled in a round, slept unconcernedly upon the
hearth-rug.
" Get out of that," cried Bull, flinging out his foot.
" Why do you kick the Grey Cat ?" said Mas. Bull. " If something's
in the cupboard, it isn't his fault."
"Isn't it?" cried Bull, and with an unbelieving groan, he shook
his head.
"YOUR YERY HUMBLE SERVANT."
The emigration from Ireland is beginning to show its effects in a
demand for servants from other countries; but the demand will be
greater than the supply if the vacancies are as thoroughly vacant of all
advantages as the following. The annexed advertisement certainly shows
that there is an " opening" for an industrious man; but it is an opening
which is only calculated to let in an unfortunate occupant. The extract
is'from the "Ayr Observer" and one would imagine that the servants
in Ayr are expected to live on the local atmosphere.
A SCOTCH BUTLER FOB, IRELAND.
WANTED A BUTLER, or General Inside Servant, who is strictly honest,
sober, and orderly in his habits. He would have the assistance of a Boy to
clean shoes, and bring water, &c, Ac. He should be a good attendant at table, and
understand the care of furniture, and keep himself neat in his person.
The terms given are £20 per annum, with a suit of plain clothes ; to pay for his own
washing ; and there is neither beer nor tea given to any of the servants.
Apply to Me. j.-, Ayr, or Ms. A. j. ——, Parsonstown, Ireland,
We do not exactly understand the meaning of the term "inside"
servant, unless it is intended that the butler should act also as cook,
and thus promote all the "inside" arrangements of the family. He
must be sober, and, indeed, he can hardly be otherwise, seeing that there
is "neither beer nor tea given to any of the servants." He is to have
" a suit of plain clothes, to pay for his own washing," from which it
would seem that he is to be continually pawning his coat to meet his
washing bill. This is an Irish mode of discharging a liability, which
may answer once or twice; but if this practice were geueral, a suit of
clothes would at length get so deeply mortgaged, that it would be
necessary to extend the operation of the Encumbered Estates Act to
the coats, waistcoats, and trousers of the Butlers of Ireland.
Cabinet News.—It is said that Lobd Seymour is to be called to a
seat in the Cabinet. Common humanity for the other Ministers in*
duces us to make this inquiry—Is his Lordship to be muzzled P