Punch: Punch (21.1851)

192

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

ONE OF THE DELIGHTFUL RESULTS OF BLOOMERISM.—-THE LADIES WILL

MISCHIEF OF THE CRYSTAL
PALACE.

The Crystal Palace baffled many pro-
phecies. It did not tumble down—
it was not blown inside out—it did not,
under its glass roof, draw to a mortal
head the socialist and democratic
humours of the body politic. But the
Crystal Palace has — occasioned the
Kaffir war! A profound man in the
Morning Herald has, to national be-
wilderment, discovered this!

" The Duke of Wellington was afraid to
send out aboye 1500 troops, because it was
feared all our small army might be required
about Loudon. Had 6000 or 7000 troops been
sent out on the outbreak of the war, all might
pow have been settled."

And now, says Mercator, the ex-
penses of the war will cost a couple
of millions! And all along of the
Crystal Palace ! With this conviction,
it is to be hoped that Colonel Sib-
thorp (who may be "Mercator"
himself) will move, that the Royal
Commissioners pay into the Exchequer
the quarter of million balance, in part
liquidation of the two millions to be
expended. If Sir Joseph Paxton, as
the great originator of the Crystal
mischief, were also sent as a life-
prisoner to the Tower, it might be a
warning to future projectors.

Taking his Position.—There is
no doubt that the recent scientific
exploits of Mr. Hobbs will place him
POP THE QUESTION. where Hobbs always ought to be-

Superior Creature. " Say ! Oh, say, Dearest ! Will you be Mine ?" &c, &c. by the side of the Great'

THE EX-UNPROTECTED FEMALE, UNDER THE UNITED INFLUENCE OE A STRONG-MINDED
FRIEND, AND THE INSULTS OF MR, JONES, DISPLAYS SYMPTOMS OF BLOOMERISM.

Scene.—The Back Parlour in Great Coram Street. Time—October, 1851.

The Ex-Unprotected Female aiscovered in tete-a-tete with Miss
Runt, a most superior and very strong-minded ivoman, settling into
the forties, and owning to thirty-six, with a long nose, a loud voice, a
large foot, and a general boniness of build, full of enthusiasm for
"isms," and of scorn for conventionalities.

Miss Runt {rising). And now, my dear Mrs. Jones, I must really be
going.

The Ex-Unprotected. Oh, don't say so, Miss Runt ! Jones will be. in
to tea directly; and he is always so glad to see you. You know he
•does so admire your conversation. He says you talk just like a man—
I think it is—or like a book. I'm not quite sure. Now, do sit down
another five minutes.

Miss Runt {with modest self-consciousness, and sitting down again). I
never could see, my dear Mrs. Jones, why woman should not talk like
man.

The Ex-Unprotected. So I've often said to Jones, when he will have
the last word.

Miss Runt. Or why woman should submit to man, in general, as she
does.

The Ex-Unprotected. So I always say to Mr. J., when he will have
his own way.

Miss Runt {proudly). I have made a point of never submitting to the
other sex, Mrs. Jones.

The Ex- Unprotected {with a dim sense that this may not be altogether
attributable to Miss Runt). Well, my dear, I didn't for a long time;
but there's no knowing what may come.

Miss Runt {with virgin dignity). Mrs. Jones, I beg you will not con-
ceive the possibility of my changing my condition.

The Ex-Unprotected. Oh no! my dear; I don't think it's the least
likely.

Miss Runt. The position of woman is deplorable—in this country, I
should say—for I understand it's very different in America.

The Ex-Unprotected {clasping her hands). Oh ! I'm told it's dreadful

Miss Runt {recalling the Ex-Unprotected to the point). I ipoke of
woman in that country. I'm told they have institutions there, and
female gymnastics, and public meetings, at which women address the
audience ; and what is the consequence ? A woman may travel by
herself from one end of the United States to the other, and have the
best places in the coaches, and the best cabins in the steamboats, and
the best of everything, in fact.

The Ex-Unprotected {pertinaciously recurring to her prejudices). But
I'm told they spit dreadfully all over, wherever they are; and carry
bowie-knives and pistols in their pockets, with ever so many blades—
I mean the bowie-knives, you know— .

Miss Runt {with condescension). You are speaking of the men, my
dear Mrs. Jones. The men in America, I presume, are like the men
everywhere else, egotistical, vain, ignorant, and presumptuous.

The Ex-Unprotected {mysteriously, but with superiority). Ah, my dear!
you've no notion what they are till you 're married. J ones was quite
a different man to me, that 1 can assure you, before and after. Oh, if
you only knew—

Miss Runt {breaking in). Yes; and it's our own faults. Why don't

we combine ?

The Ex- Unprotected. Why, you see, my dear, we always quarrel.

Miss Runt {becoming excited, and running off into triads) . Why do we
not unite, act, and agitate ? First, there's our education viewed as
moral, physical, and intellectual.

The Ex-Unprotected {kindling at Miss Runt's fire). Oh, it's dreadful!
At the school where I was, we had always necks of mutton, and not
half enough—and such chilblains as I had.

Miss Runt {over-riding Mrs. J.'s school-day grievances)._ Then there's
our position in society—viewed as private, social, and political.

The Ex-Unprotected {with equal warmth). Not allowed to have au
opinion of one's own, scarcely, about what there's to be for dinner
even—

Miss Runt. Then there's our dress, viewed as sanitary, economical,
and aesthetic.

there, with the bowie-knives, and Greek Slaves, and picklocks, and The Ex-Unprotected {who has never viewed ha- dress in that tight
things. Don't talk to me of America, there's a dear! ' before). iEsth—what? Is it a r pw French stuff my dear ?—