DOI issue:
July to December, 1851
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16608#0261
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
250
COURT GRAMMAR.
Considering the attention paid to science and education by the
highest personages in the realm, we think that similar respect should be
shown by those about the Court to the ordinary rules of grammar. We
fear there is a little laxity in these matters among some of the Court
functionaries; and we have been a great deal puzzled by the following
copy of a letter from one of the equerries of Her Majesty, which is
exposed in the window of a West End pastry-cook :—
" Mr.-is comaianded by the Queen to thank Mr. M'Intyre for the cake of
gingerbread, baked by his own hands, which accompanied his letter."
Now, according to this intimation, it appears that Mb. MTntyre's
own hands possess all the baking properties of an oven, and that such
hands, being curiosities in their way, he has actually sent them for
inspection to Her Majesty. Such is the only interpretation that can,
consistently with the rules of grammar, be put upon the equerry's
phrase, " his own hands which accompanied his letter." _ We could
understand a man's forwarding his legs by parcels' delivery if he
happened to wear cork instead of real; but we have never heard of
moveable hands as belonging to anything but a clock, and we call upon
Mr. M'Intyre to lay his hand upon his heart and tell us how the letter
of the equerry can be accounted for. We have heard of people turning
off old hands and taking on new, but we cannot understand such a feat
with the hands as has been attributed to the ingenious confectioner.
THE POLICEMAN'S HOME.
C i> courts and round palaces long they may roam,
But ancient policemen have no sort of home
To offer them shelter, and comfort, and care,
The curbstone no more when their highlows can weai.
Home ! home ! they 've no home :
For poor old Policemen there's no place like home !
The Great Exhibition a surplus has stored ;
And surely its funds could a trifle afford,
That body to help in their age and distress,
Who did such a deal to achieve its success.
Home! &c.
Cavalry Officer {who rides about five stone). '< I 'm dooced Glad we 're
in the Heavies; ain't you, Charley? It would be a horrid Bork. to
■be sent OUT to the Cape like those POOR LlGHT BoBS." *
* Eight Dragoons.
The World's might have been like a Donnybrook Fair,
In case the Police had not managed things there ;
A sharp look-out keeping, for ruffians and knaves,
Who wisely stopp'd out of the way of their staves.
Home ! &c.
Our Force, too, whose gallantry, sorely malign'd,
Is fancied to areas and kitchens confined,
Behaved with such mingled attention and grace,
They charm'd all the ladies who went to the place.
Home! &c.
Kate talks quite in rapturts, and Emily, too.
Of these piuks of courtesy—pinks, though in blue—
They tell us how promptly would Z., X., or A.,
Inform them, direct them, or show them the way :
When tired, bring them chairs ; call their cab from the stand,
Or take them safe over the road by the hand.
THE REIGN OF TERROR IN WESTMINSTER HALL.
It will soon be necessary to add a policeman to the more dignified
paraphernalia of practice attached to the Super or CouXinWeTt ft' tte7'ttks ot courtesy-pinks, tnougtim on
minster Hall. In every case where plaintiff and defendent are ex- They call ^em-could damsel say more ot a kmght ?
amined, there is almost certain ^o be contradictory evidence ; and as the The dear Pollce' ZT^ *** P '
jury cannot decide m favour of both, the unhappy individual who fails j nome ' &C'
m petting a verdict, is at once packed off to the Queen's Prison for
perjury Ot course, if there should be a new trial, and a new jury
should happen to give a new verdict, the unsuccessful party in the
second action would share th° fate of the unsuccessful party in the first
action; and plaintiff and defendent may both find themselves i.nder a j Home1 &c
charge ot perjury, ft is true enough that, one must be wrong, but then . T , , ..
the other must be right; and until it is reducible to a moral certainty,! Then let a snug Station await Lite s decline,
which is wrong and which is right, a committal for perjury may fall to ' When once sturdy fists must their truncheons resign ;
the lot of an innocent man. And ere his worn frame is consign'd to the loam,
Juries^ are not infallible in their estimate of the value of evidence,' Oh, grant the Policeman a few years of home !
•though it is certainly their sole province to decide upon it, and the I Home! home ! short, short home !
judges can only be guided by the verdict in presuming where the perjury ! Let worn-out Policemen have some place like home !
lies. Their Lordships are bent pretty earnestly on testing the "working" j ____
of the new law, which seems likely to cause a good deal of additional!
working at the Central Criminal Court. Scarcely a day passes, during ! An Old Maid's Question,
the sittings at Nisi Pnus, on which some unfortunate party to a civil , ■ Q „ ™- , ,
suit is not packed off to the Queen's Prison—unless sureties are at We see there is an Animal Assurance Society ihis must be
hand—on a criminal charge a prosperous concern, if, amongst the animals whose lives are assured,
The judicial practice lately entered upon is energetic- but we fancy it numbers many Cats, as it is very well known that every Cat has nine
it is somewhat new, for when conflicting testimony proceeded from the lives. Consequently, an Old Maid, who wanted to insure the lives of
mouths of ordinary witnesses, it was not, we think, usual to convict for eight dearly-beloved Toms, would have to pay for seventy-two policies—
perjury the witness, against the tenor of whose evidence a verdict may unless the Society consented to make a slight reduction upon its taking
feave been returned. Westminster Hall is already pretty barren of, so large a quantity. _
business; but we may expect a further diminution under the new! .
system; for no man, who has not the fullest confidence in the infal-1 A RVeckless Wretch insults us with the following :— A hy s the
libility of a jury, will run the risk of being put into a witness-box, though Brighton Coach like a negro's fist ?—Because it's a forrm' hand.'' W e
tie has the fullest desire to speak the truth. shall submit the matter to the Police.
250
COURT GRAMMAR.
Considering the attention paid to science and education by the
highest personages in the realm, we think that similar respect should be
shown by those about the Court to the ordinary rules of grammar. We
fear there is a little laxity in these matters among some of the Court
functionaries; and we have been a great deal puzzled by the following
copy of a letter from one of the equerries of Her Majesty, which is
exposed in the window of a West End pastry-cook :—
" Mr.-is comaianded by the Queen to thank Mr. M'Intyre for the cake of
gingerbread, baked by his own hands, which accompanied his letter."
Now, according to this intimation, it appears that Mb. MTntyre's
own hands possess all the baking properties of an oven, and that such
hands, being curiosities in their way, he has actually sent them for
inspection to Her Majesty. Such is the only interpretation that can,
consistently with the rules of grammar, be put upon the equerry's
phrase, " his own hands which accompanied his letter." _ We could
understand a man's forwarding his legs by parcels' delivery if he
happened to wear cork instead of real; but we have never heard of
moveable hands as belonging to anything but a clock, and we call upon
Mr. M'Intyre to lay his hand upon his heart and tell us how the letter
of the equerry can be accounted for. We have heard of people turning
off old hands and taking on new, but we cannot understand such a feat
with the hands as has been attributed to the ingenious confectioner.
THE POLICEMAN'S HOME.
C i> courts and round palaces long they may roam,
But ancient policemen have no sort of home
To offer them shelter, and comfort, and care,
The curbstone no more when their highlows can weai.
Home ! home ! they 've no home :
For poor old Policemen there's no place like home !
The Great Exhibition a surplus has stored ;
And surely its funds could a trifle afford,
That body to help in their age and distress,
Who did such a deal to achieve its success.
Home! &c.
Cavalry Officer {who rides about five stone). '< I 'm dooced Glad we 're
in the Heavies; ain't you, Charley? It would be a horrid Bork. to
■be sent OUT to the Cape like those POOR LlGHT BoBS." *
* Eight Dragoons.
The World's might have been like a Donnybrook Fair,
In case the Police had not managed things there ;
A sharp look-out keeping, for ruffians and knaves,
Who wisely stopp'd out of the way of their staves.
Home ! &c.
Our Force, too, whose gallantry, sorely malign'd,
Is fancied to areas and kitchens confined,
Behaved with such mingled attention and grace,
They charm'd all the ladies who went to the place.
Home! &c.
Kate talks quite in rapturts, and Emily, too.
Of these piuks of courtesy—pinks, though in blue—
They tell us how promptly would Z., X., or A.,
Inform them, direct them, or show them the way :
When tired, bring them chairs ; call their cab from the stand,
Or take them safe over the road by the hand.
THE REIGN OF TERROR IN WESTMINSTER HALL.
It will soon be necessary to add a policeman to the more dignified
paraphernalia of practice attached to the Super or CouXinWeTt ft' tte7'ttks ot courtesy-pinks, tnougtim on
minster Hall. In every case where plaintiff and defendent are ex- They call ^em-could damsel say more ot a kmght ?
amined, there is almost certain ^o be contradictory evidence ; and as the The dear Pollce' ZT^ *** P '
jury cannot decide m favour of both, the unhappy individual who fails j nome ' &C'
m petting a verdict, is at once packed off to the Queen's Prison for
perjury Ot course, if there should be a new trial, and a new jury
should happen to give a new verdict, the unsuccessful party in the
second action would share th° fate of the unsuccessful party in the first
action; and plaintiff and defendent may both find themselves i.nder a j Home1 &c
charge ot perjury, ft is true enough that, one must be wrong, but then . T , , ..
the other must be right; and until it is reducible to a moral certainty,! Then let a snug Station await Lite s decline,
which is wrong and which is right, a committal for perjury may fall to ' When once sturdy fists must their truncheons resign ;
the lot of an innocent man. And ere his worn frame is consign'd to the loam,
Juries^ are not infallible in their estimate of the value of evidence,' Oh, grant the Policeman a few years of home !
•though it is certainly their sole province to decide upon it, and the I Home! home ! short, short home !
judges can only be guided by the verdict in presuming where the perjury ! Let worn-out Policemen have some place like home !
lies. Their Lordships are bent pretty earnestly on testing the "working" j ____
of the new law, which seems likely to cause a good deal of additional!
working at the Central Criminal Court. Scarcely a day passes, during ! An Old Maid's Question,
the sittings at Nisi Pnus, on which some unfortunate party to a civil , ■ Q „ ™- , ,
suit is not packed off to the Queen's Prison—unless sureties are at We see there is an Animal Assurance Society ihis must be
hand—on a criminal charge a prosperous concern, if, amongst the animals whose lives are assured,
The judicial practice lately entered upon is energetic- but we fancy it numbers many Cats, as it is very well known that every Cat has nine
it is somewhat new, for when conflicting testimony proceeded from the lives. Consequently, an Old Maid, who wanted to insure the lives of
mouths of ordinary witnesses, it was not, we think, usual to convict for eight dearly-beloved Toms, would have to pay for seventy-two policies—
perjury the witness, against the tenor of whose evidence a verdict may unless the Society consented to make a slight reduction upon its taking
feave been returned. Westminster Hall is already pretty barren of, so large a quantity. _
business; but we may expect a further diminution under the new! .
system; for no man, who has not the fullest confidence in the infal-1 A RVeckless Wretch insults us with the following :— A hy s the
libility of a jury, will run the risk of being put into a witness-box, though Brighton Coach like a negro's fist ?—Because it's a forrm' hand.'' W e
tie has the fullest desire to speak the truth. shall submit the matter to the Police.