Punch: Punch (21.1851)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

251

THE MODERN GODIVA.

I waited for a Dean Street lecturer;
I sat among the nutshells in the pit,
Watching the table and the water-bottle;
And shaped a modern legend into this.

Not only we, the tyrants of the world—
We men, that for the flying of their wheels,
Cry down the passed and passing omnibuses
When we cross streets—have loved our trousers well
And loathed to see them oversplashed ; but she
Did more, and underwent, and overcame ;
The woman of a thousand miles away,
Amelia, wife to that grim Colonel, who
Was ris far West; for, when the drapers brought
Their bills for dress and fixings for his wife,
He laid his heels upon the mantelpiece,
And said : " You critters, if 1 pay, darn me ! "
She sought her lord and found him, where he spat
Before the fire, inverted and alone.
His boots six feet above him, ard his hair
A yard behind ; she told him of her tears,
And pleaded : " If I wear these tucks, they must
Go dragging in the mud, and so get torn ;
You didn't ought to have your dander ris
By such as these."—"Then cut 'em off," he said •
" I guess you won't do that."—" Alas ! " she said,
*' But prove me what it is I would not do."
Then, riled as rough as any 'coon, he said,
" You walk in trousers thro' our city, and
I'll pay it, slick! " and then expectorating,
He whittled, as in scorn, his rocking-chair.
Then tied she to her dressing-room, and there
Untied the knotted shackles of her form —
The grim man's gift—and severed one full breadr,h ;
Nor lingered ; looking like a semi-man,
Half clad in skirts ; anon she shook her dress,
And shower'd the flowing flounces to her knee.
*****

Then she walk'd forth, clothed on with, pettiloons :
The loafers stared upon her as she walk'd;
And all the while she scarcely breathed for fear.
The little foul-mouth'd boys along the street
Had cunning eyes to see the unwonted ankles ;
But she through all bore up, till last she saw
A rush of cabs come thick from off the stand;
So she rode back, clothed on with pettiloons.
*****

A Vulgar Yankeeism.—A Yankee Catholic is so fond of a winking
Madonna, over there, that he calls her a " cai.vass-backed duck!! "

THE THOMPSON TESTIMONIAL.

Richard Thompson is a man of whom we should say, that he has
well deserved of the commonwealth, because he has started sixpenny
cabs, and thereby reduced the common expenditure twenty-five per cent.
The idea of a Thompson Testimonial naturally presents itself as a
tribute due to a great public benefactor; and a statue of the hero,
mounted on his box, would at once confer a graceful compliment on
him, and an elegant ornament on the Metropolis, if placed on the enta-
blature of Hyde Park Gate, opposite to the Burton Arch, where it would
match admirably with the equestrian figure of the Duke of Wellington.
Expense, however, is the wet blanket which envelopes the ideal
sculpture. The present of a whip has been proposed ; but in the opinion
of most people, the whip would be more deservedly given to the extor-
tionate insolent rascals, whom Thompson, it is to be hoped, will run
down. On the whole, we believe that a Sixpenny testimonial will best
answer the purpose; to be quietly presented after a ride in one of
Mr. Thompson's vehicles, all the drivers of whicli will be empowered to
receive subscriptions.

EFFECT OF THE SUB-MARINE TELEGRAPH.

We have received a letter (we regret to say an unpaid one) from
Boulogne, complaining of what the writer calls our "indecorous exulta-
tion " about the Sub-marine Telegraph. He argues, that unpleasant
facilities will be given to some people for interfering with other people
by this invention.

" A dreary sea now flows between,"

says he, quoting Coleridge. But soon the magic wire maybe made
the means of ensnaring the captive, who, under the old state of things,
could escape to a wild freedom. The lightning flash from a dun would
certainly have a thundering effect on the unhappy debtor, and he would
find himself followed, through fire and water, in a very literal manner.
Surely, our correspondent does not expect that the progress of science
shall be stopped—for fear iie himself should be stopped—does he ?

Time—Tuesday, Dec. 2, 1851.

Old Gent. "Lor Bless me ! Paris in State of Siege! Why, when
did that Happen ? "

Yvung Gent. " Oh ! about Twenty-Five Minutes ago.''

Hazardous Descent of Louis Napoleon.

The other morning—says the Parisian correspondent of the Times—
"the President of the Republic descended into the streets." This may
be said to be climbing the ladder of ambition the wrong way. Descents
of this kind are not only dangerous in themselves, but they furnish a
precedent to the party of disorder. By-the-by, our French friends
j should not complain of the smoke of London ; it is better to have the
Blacks descend into the streets than the Reds.

query ny cromwell's ghost.

The new King op Hanover has offended the heralds of Germany by
proclaiming himself as George V., inasmuch as Hanover has been a

i kingdom under only three preceding monarcus. What will mere milk-
and-water Republicans say, when they find a King turning Fifth-

I -Vlonarchy Man ?