Punch: Punch (22.1852)

PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

MEN AND APES.

In a notice of Mr. Hue's Souvenirs d'un
Voyage dans la Tartarie, le Thibet, et la Chine,
mention is made by Blackwood of an extra-
ordinary mode of salutation practised by the
Thibetans at Lassa:

" It consists in uncovering the head, stretching out the
tongue, and scratching the right ear; and these three
operations are performed simultaneously."

You call this sort of greeting extremely idiotic;
you say you cannot conceive rational beings de-
monstrating their reverence for one another by
such fools' antics as these, worthy only of the
monkeys in the Zoological Gardens, impossible
i to any human creature but a zany in a pantomime
saluting the spectators. It is painful to you to
imagine the divine image degrading itself, out of
serious complaisance, by making faces in this
way like a fool.

Ah! did you ever see a Lord Chamberlain
walking backwards before the face of Royalty ;
as the crab crawls ?

A Parochial Autocrat.

What is Louis Napoleon to call himself,
when he shall have consummated his despotism P
Not Emperor, if he is wise, for that will confirm
the common accusation that he is the mere
plagiarist of his Uncle. We can help him in
his difficulty. He rules the French people as
if they were children: let him then take the
~ " ir—---:5^=g-=-=s appropriate title of Beadle of France.

Qus (who is always so full ofhis nonsense). "Dash Mr Buttons, Ellen ! that's a Stunning
Waistcoat. I wish you'd Give us your Tailor's Address ! " «< England's Weakness."—The strongest

Mien. "Don't you be rude, Sir—and take your Arms off the Piano." proof of this is the present Ministry.

THE CHEAP LAW DELUSION.

Cheap law turns out to be a mere hoax, after all, and the County
Courts are nothing more than so many mockeries, delusions, and snares;
for, though nominally the costs are limited, they are in reality as exor-
bitant as ever. The County Court Judges can only order a moderate
sum to the lawyers; but these harpies may drag their victims into
Westminster Hall, for the purposes of plunder, and bring actions there
for costs to any amount, incurred in proceedings before the inferior
tribunals.

The wretched litigant is lured, by the exhibition of a cheap tariff,
into a County Court; but when he thinks he has paid his bill, according
to the moderate scale set before him, he may be pounced upon, and
hurried off to the Queen's Bench, Common Pleas, or Exchequer, where
he will learn that the lawyers have not half done with him, and don't
mean to let him off so cheaply as he supposed. We have heard a good
deal of the ticketing system in certain swindling shops, where an article
is marked in the window at a low price, as a bait to the unwary, who,
when he once gets into the clutches of the fraudulent gang, is not
allowed to get out again until he has been plundered to a serious
extent.

Such is the use that—contrary to the intention of the legislature
—the lawyers seem to be making of the County Courts. These
establishments have been opened with an assortment of cheap law pro-
ceedings, and the practitioners attract customers by inviting the latter to
" Look here ! a complete suit for two guineas." Many of the public are
thus induced to go in for the purpose of permitting their legal measures
to be taken at what they believe to be a fair and moderate price. No
sooner, however, have they been suited or non-suited, as the case may
be, than they are hurried through a back door, into the great monster
concern in Westminster Hall, where the same suit is "tried on" again,
and instead of the moderate price ticketed up in the minor place of
business, all the old exorbitant demands—that have been the scandal
of the profession for ages—are found to be in full force; there we are
called upon to submit to the monstrous imposition commonly known as
" Costs as between attorney and client," which might as well be called
" claims as between wolf and lamb."

Here the client finds that every note he has written blaming his attorney
for inattention or needless delay, which has elicited a common-place
shuffling reply, has exposed him to a series of charges of three-and-
jixpence for each epistle ; and then it is that he comes resolutely to the
determination—which is the real cause of the ruin of the attorneys—
that sooner than submit to so much fraud and imposition, he will never

have anything to do with any lawyer again. If these people would
conduct matters fairly and honestly, the public would not be so much
afraid to deal with them, and the amount of employment for them
would be much greater; but under the present system,_every one feels
that in going to any attorney, he runs the risk of dealing—in ninety-
nine cases out of a hundred—with a man who will dishonourably make
costs. Upon this species of plunder, the County Courts were intended
as a check; but now that it has been decided that costs to any amount may
be recovered in Westminster Hall, and that the law which was supposed
to limit them is a dead letter, the work of Law Reform has to be done
all over again. We therefore call upon our old friend, Brougham,
" Do it—nor leave the task to us."

THE BLACK HOLE AT EDMONTON.

The good British Public's olfactory nerves
Have scarcely recover'd from " Goldner's Preservea,"
When Edmonton pauper-school's horrors disclose
A worse mess to the moral and physical nose.

Here, where misery and filth with debauchery reign,
We have more than the Tooting case over again ;
Such a den we no Infant Asylum will call,
But a youth's Pandemonium—Depravity Hall.

You may try to clean out this detestable hole,
Where the Strand Union children rot, body and soul;
But not much you '11 effect, to the plan whilst you keep,
Of providing for paupers so monstrously cheap.

What's good will bear its price—education or beef,
Or medical science for parish relief:
If you pay a low figure you '11 get an ill smell;
For a bargain dirt cheap, must be nasty as well.

Naval Intelligence.

We are informed by the German papers, that the "German Fleet
is for Sale." Searles, the eminent boat-builders of Lambeth, have
sent in a liberal tender for the purchase of it. We may shortly expect,
therefore, to see the German Fleet safely anchored off Westminster
Bridge. With this strong reinforcement, our various rowing club»
may be able to get up a Thames Regatta next year.