DOI issue:
January to June, 1852
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16609#0130
122
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
THE (MILK) PALE OF SOCIETY.
Somebody advertises a new machine,
called a " Milk-tester," to test the
genuineness of milk. "Where is the milk-
sop who would torture himself unneces-
sarily by the use of a machine which would
only confirm his worst, suspicions? Who
wants to test the veracity of that chalky
article, which we all know to be one of the
most universal of white lies that was ever
palmed upon society ? In matters of milk,
" where ignorance is bliss5 'tis folly to be
wise." If every one could test the stuff
that is placed daily on his breakfast table,
his own blood would turn into curds, or
run cold with ice-cream. Talk of a "good
glass of wine " as a thing difficult of at-
tainment i it is easy in comparison to the
almost utter impossibility of procuring in
London a genuine glass of milk. How
hopeless, then, the process of testing the
tn- acherous compound! Ear better to
swallow it with all its faults, than attempt
to dive too deeply into its mysteries; for
there is scarcely a pint of milk in London
that would even bear to have its surface
skimmed.
Bonaparte's Next Coup.
Persons in a state of mesmeric som-
nambulism are said to be sometimes able
to see through walls, and to relate what
is occurring at any distance. If Louis
Napoleon does not take care, the dis-
cussions of his Senate and Legislative
Assembly will transpire in their actuality,
notwithstanding his precautions to prevent
the truth of them fiom being got at: and
we confidently expect that, his next edict
ELECTION INTELLIGENCE. I will be a decree against clairvoyance.
WHAT WAS FOUND INSIDE THE AMERICAN SEA-
SERPENT.
The papers make mention of the contents of the American Sea-
Serpent, when its stomach was cut open. We were sadly disappointed
with the poverty of the Catalogue. The principal article in it seems
to have been "a squid,"—whatever that may be. We have seen!
many wonderful things in our lifetime, but we never recollect seeing a
" squid." We suppose it must be one of the numerous (s)quiddities to
which the American Sea-Serpent, in its extraordinary career, has given
birth.
But we are confident there must have been some terrible omissions
in the Catalogue. When we think of the capacity of its swallow—and
of the capacity of the public's_ swallow, also, with regard to it—we
are sure there must have been inside the American Sea-Serpent some-
thing more than a mere " squid." If not, a great oppo "<nity has
been lost in the way of invention, and we hasten to sup^i.» lie list
of the articles that were, or ought to have been, found inside " its
stomach."
The Disappearance of the Falls of Niagara;—an authentic account
of that wonderful freak of nature, as related in the American papers
several years ago.
The Certificate of birth of Washington's black nurse, and a mug
belonging to the same, with the inscription, " A trifle from Brighton."
(These have been bought for 20,000 dollars by Mb. Barnum).
A hearthrug made from the wool that was shorn from the celebrated
"Woolly Horse." (This has likewise been purchased, at an enormous
sacrifice, by Mr. Barnum).
The Whip with which America flogs all creation, and the American
Flag, showing the " Stripes" that were received from it.
A Pennsylvanian Bond, with "Paid" at the bottom.
A New Orleans Paper, without an advertisement of a runaway Slave
in it.
The Ruler with which Britannia ruled the waves, before she was
beaten last year at Cowes by the Yankee yacht, America.
Portraits of the 250,000 British ladies that were kissed by General
Tom Thumb.
Cheque-books of the American Publishers, who have ruined them-
selves with the enormous sums of money they have given to English
authors for their works.—Very curious.
The Green Spectacles which the clever Dairyman put on his cows j
when he turned them into a chalk-pit, to persuade them they were |
eating grass.
The colour of the Gentleman's Money, who was so tarnation sharp,
that his shadow even cut thin bread and butter.
Portrait of the fast young New Yorker who, when called upon to pay
the debt of nature, proposed to do it one half in dry goods, the other
half in bills.
But this is quite enough to prove the number of things and people
the American Sea-Serpent has taken in ever since it has been running
through the seas, and the columns of the American newspapers.
Not to be Wondered at.
In the Times of the 10th inst., we read an advertisement commencing,
somewhat naively, thus—
rJ^O BE SOLD. The Artist of the Panorama now Exhibiting, &c.
We were quite prepared for this. There has really been such a
perfect glut of Panoramas of late, that it has long seemed questionable
to us if more than one in a hundred could be reasonably expected to
pay. And we are, therefore, not at all surprised to find the disappointed
Artist of one of them thus candidly admitting himself to be " Sold."
a desperate throw.
The Protectionists are naturally anxious to postpone, as long as they
can, the process of throwing themselves upon the country; for they know
perfectly well that the country will throw them off again immediately.
In the Name of Charity.
Perhaps it is wrong to be hard upon the Disraeli Ministry for
we should recollect the legal maxim, which charitably tells us, " No
Ministry is responsible for its acts, until it has attained its Majority ! "
The Height oe 'Ctjteness.—A Yankee Jew attorney, of Scoter,
parentage.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
THE (MILK) PALE OF SOCIETY.
Somebody advertises a new machine,
called a " Milk-tester," to test the
genuineness of milk. "Where is the milk-
sop who would torture himself unneces-
sarily by the use of a machine which would
only confirm his worst, suspicions? Who
wants to test the veracity of that chalky
article, which we all know to be one of the
most universal of white lies that was ever
palmed upon society ? In matters of milk,
" where ignorance is bliss5 'tis folly to be
wise." If every one could test the stuff
that is placed daily on his breakfast table,
his own blood would turn into curds, or
run cold with ice-cream. Talk of a "good
glass of wine " as a thing difficult of at-
tainment i it is easy in comparison to the
almost utter impossibility of procuring in
London a genuine glass of milk. How
hopeless, then, the process of testing the
tn- acherous compound! Ear better to
swallow it with all its faults, than attempt
to dive too deeply into its mysteries; for
there is scarcely a pint of milk in London
that would even bear to have its surface
skimmed.
Bonaparte's Next Coup.
Persons in a state of mesmeric som-
nambulism are said to be sometimes able
to see through walls, and to relate what
is occurring at any distance. If Louis
Napoleon does not take care, the dis-
cussions of his Senate and Legislative
Assembly will transpire in their actuality,
notwithstanding his precautions to prevent
the truth of them fiom being got at: and
we confidently expect that, his next edict
ELECTION INTELLIGENCE. I will be a decree against clairvoyance.
WHAT WAS FOUND INSIDE THE AMERICAN SEA-
SERPENT.
The papers make mention of the contents of the American Sea-
Serpent, when its stomach was cut open. We were sadly disappointed
with the poverty of the Catalogue. The principal article in it seems
to have been "a squid,"—whatever that may be. We have seen!
many wonderful things in our lifetime, but we never recollect seeing a
" squid." We suppose it must be one of the numerous (s)quiddities to
which the American Sea-Serpent, in its extraordinary career, has given
birth.
But we are confident there must have been some terrible omissions
in the Catalogue. When we think of the capacity of its swallow—and
of the capacity of the public's_ swallow, also, with regard to it—we
are sure there must have been inside the American Sea-Serpent some-
thing more than a mere " squid." If not, a great oppo "<nity has
been lost in the way of invention, and we hasten to sup^i.» lie list
of the articles that were, or ought to have been, found inside " its
stomach."
The Disappearance of the Falls of Niagara;—an authentic account
of that wonderful freak of nature, as related in the American papers
several years ago.
The Certificate of birth of Washington's black nurse, and a mug
belonging to the same, with the inscription, " A trifle from Brighton."
(These have been bought for 20,000 dollars by Mb. Barnum).
A hearthrug made from the wool that was shorn from the celebrated
"Woolly Horse." (This has likewise been purchased, at an enormous
sacrifice, by Mr. Barnum).
The Whip with which America flogs all creation, and the American
Flag, showing the " Stripes" that were received from it.
A Pennsylvanian Bond, with "Paid" at the bottom.
A New Orleans Paper, without an advertisement of a runaway Slave
in it.
The Ruler with which Britannia ruled the waves, before she was
beaten last year at Cowes by the Yankee yacht, America.
Portraits of the 250,000 British ladies that were kissed by General
Tom Thumb.
Cheque-books of the American Publishers, who have ruined them-
selves with the enormous sums of money they have given to English
authors for their works.—Very curious.
The Green Spectacles which the clever Dairyman put on his cows j
when he turned them into a chalk-pit, to persuade them they were |
eating grass.
The colour of the Gentleman's Money, who was so tarnation sharp,
that his shadow even cut thin bread and butter.
Portrait of the fast young New Yorker who, when called upon to pay
the debt of nature, proposed to do it one half in dry goods, the other
half in bills.
But this is quite enough to prove the number of things and people
the American Sea-Serpent has taken in ever since it has been running
through the seas, and the columns of the American newspapers.
Not to be Wondered at.
In the Times of the 10th inst., we read an advertisement commencing,
somewhat naively, thus—
rJ^O BE SOLD. The Artist of the Panorama now Exhibiting, &c.
We were quite prepared for this. There has really been such a
perfect glut of Panoramas of late, that it has long seemed questionable
to us if more than one in a hundred could be reasonably expected to
pay. And we are, therefore, not at all surprised to find the disappointed
Artist of one of them thus candidly admitting himself to be " Sold."
a desperate throw.
The Protectionists are naturally anxious to postpone, as long as they
can, the process of throwing themselves upon the country; for they know
perfectly well that the country will throw them off again immediately.
In the Name of Charity.
Perhaps it is wrong to be hard upon the Disraeli Ministry for
we should recollect the legal maxim, which charitably tells us, " No
Ministry is responsible for its acts, until it has attained its Majority ! "
The Height oe 'Ctjteness.—A Yankee Jew attorney, of Scoter,
parentage.