Punch: Punch (22.1852)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI 137

THE GHOSTS ON THE VICTORIA TOWER.

'Tis twelve o'clock by St. Margaret's bell,

And the ghosts of St. Margaret's burial-ground
(You may know the locality by the smell)

Are beginning to rise for their midnight round.

Parliament Street is dreary and dead,
And hollow falls the policeman's tread,
And well-doing people are warm in bed;
Only there's waking in Westminster slum,

And Broadway tavern, and Pye Street den,
Where the flaring gaslights fitfully come

On slatternly drabs and ruffianly men;
And there's waking, too, of another sort,
In another house of doubtml report,
Where the Commons are met, and the Speaker is set,
With some little bills to dispose of yet;
And the Members are feeling excessively ill,
With Barry's alternate hot-blast and chill;
And the head-achy lamps burn hot and hotter,
And talkative M.P s prose and potter,
And weary reporters doze at their notes,
And tired-out Tellers miscount the votes ;
But every one feels that it's no great matter
In the part of the evening called " the latter,"
For it's only the Estimates that they 're voting,
And " how the money goes " needs no noting.

O'erheod enjoying the hush of the hour,
Two Ghosts sit upon the Victoria Tower—
And it needs no conjuror to reveal
They're the Ghosts of Bentinck and Robert Peel,
Still haunting the spot, by leave of the Pates,
To take posthumous notes of the Commons' debates,
And discuss, as they did in the days that are gone,
Of Free Trade and Protection the pro and con.

Says the Ghost of Peel, " You 're bound to admit
My Free Trade measures have been a hit;
Capital's gathering cent, per cent."—
" That's true," quoth Bentinck's Ghost, " but BENT ! "
Says the Ghost of Peel, " The Revenue's rising
In a style that, even to me, is surprising ;
Our imports increase to a vast extent"—
" That's true," quoth Bentinck's Ghost; " but RENT ! "
Quoth the Ghost, of Peel, " It plainly appears,
Five million taxes have gone in six years;
And yet there's a surplus—that is, there was meant
To have been one ; but to the Cape it went"—
" That, 's true," quoth Bentinck's Ghost,; " but RENT !"
Quoth the Ghost of Peel, " Since Forty-two
We've doubled Consumption and Exports, too ;
And somehow we eat all the food that's sent "—
" That's true," quoth Bentinck's Ghost; " but RENT !"
Quoth the Ghost of Peel, " Our wages keep up;
The poor have cheap sugar to sweeten their cup,
And a bigger and lower-priced loaf to eat,
And a larger allowance of butcher's meat;
In short, all is plenty, peace, and content"—
" That's true;" quoth Bentinck's Ghost; " but RENT !"
Quoth the Ghost of Peel, "This is really too strong-
Is there no other burden but this to your song ?
To answer my reasons I thought you meant."—
" RENT!" quoth Bentinck's Ghost, " RENT ! ! RENT ! ! !

RENT ! ! ! ! RENT !!!!!"
Whereat, with a frown of his shadowy brow,
The Ghost of Peel made a stiffish bow.
"I see," quoth he, "'tis answer enow—
For in those four letters is summed the reply
To all the figures and facts that lie
In Revenue tables and Custom House tomes,
In employers' ledgers, and workmen's homes ;
In those four letters is writ the doom
Of the party that rallies around your tomb:
And 'twere well for England were that the worst
That is written in those four letters accurst

The voices ceased—the moon-beams fall,
Silvering the roof of Westminster Hall;
But, still, on the night-wind moaning went
A dying murmur of RENT, RENT, RENT!
As the rival Ghosts to their tombs returned,
Their midnight sessions duly adjourned.

HABITS OF THE BUSINESS-MEMBER OF
PARLIAMENT.

he Business-Mem-
ber of Parliament
is one who gets
into Parliament
for his own busi-
ness, and not the
business of the
country.

A lavish distri-
butionof promises
previous to elec-
tion, which are
rarely fulfilled
after it, forms one
of the most de-
cided habits of
this Member of
Parliament.

Beyond this he
is most strict in
keeping his en-
gagements.

Receives voters
from the country
in the most cor-
dial manner, it
there is any
rumour of a dis-
solution.
Votes with his

party—not as he thinks, but as his party thinks.
Doesn't listen to the debates—it might prejudice him.
Infinitely prefers his chop at Bellamy's,

Of all parties, likes an evening party best, next to a dinner-party.
Thinks a seat in the House precious hard work—so hard, that unless
a Financial Debate is going on, it is impossible to sleep upon it.

Belongs to a Club, of course—very convenient for his letters, and
safe retreat from country visitors. " Mr. Emppie at home, Sir ?"
" No, Sir. Gone to the Club."

Attends a Committee, when compelled, and writes his correspondence
there.

Never suffers his mind to be confused, by allowing an argument for
one minute to dwell upon it.

Keeps his thoughts and opinions from the view of others, by never
speaking a word.
Is most loud and explicit, however, whenever he cries " Hear! "
Leaves nothing of consequence to memory which he can and ought to
commit to writing; so, in asking for an appointment, he always writes
in for it.

Never forgets a service he pays the Government.
Never omits to tell the Government so.

Keeps a memorandum-book, in which he notes every appointment or
situation that is likely to be vacant, and with the price attached
to each.

Likes an ambassadorship best, a long way off, where there is lit tie to
do, no one to know how you do it, and a good liberal sum given for it.

Is equally obliging in attending and leaving the House ; but greatly
prefers the latter.

Holds that a vote is a sacred obligation, which no Member should
part with lightly before he has seriously considered how it is likely to
affect, his interests.

Balances regularly the state of parties, and serves that party with
the greatest zeal which has the most to give.
^2£^^T^£>?M*^* j Holds " *? f maxim that that Government is not worthy to be

supported which does not support its own tollowers.

Coughs, barks, brays, crows, neighs, on the shortest notice, as a
matter of course.

Let the Business-Member of Parliament act strictly to these habits,
and he must succeed.

He must try his hardest, do his strongest, and take whatever comes.

And war betwixt classes—yea, war to the knife ;
Election orgies, and aimless debate,
And rich men's scorn, and poor men's hate;
And it may be there's writ at the bottom of all,
In those four letters—your order's fall!
Oh ! woe to me, and woe to you,
If ever these words of mine come true—
But, on England's tomb, in that grievous event.
You may carve the four letters that make up RENT?1

The New Tories.—The Tories of the present day, inasmuch as they
represent the territorial interest, may be called the Terri-tories.

Vol. 22.

5—2