DOI Heft:
July to December, 1852
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16610#0122
114
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
" Why, what's the matter with Tommy ?"
"Boo! Hoo ! I've cut my Finger with Aunt's Scissors."
" That's a good boy ! always speak the Truth ! "
THE AMERICAN EAGLE SUPERSEDED.
Bbother Jonathan ought to make the Sea
Serpent do the same duty for him—vice Eagle—
that the Lion does for John Bull. The
monstrous ophidian of the deep would be the
fittest emblem of the gentleman who, after his
late gulp of cod-fish, has been trying to bolt the
Lobos Islands—guano and all. Moreover, the
analogy would be the more remarkable, inasmuch
as anybody who did not know Jonathan would
never believe there could be such a fellow.
the princes op the people.
"We are the Princes of the People," said
Jerome Bonaparte a few days ago to the
people of Brest. " We are the King of the
Frogs," said the stork; and then he swallowed a
couple of his subjects to prove his royalty.
Assessment made Easy.
The difficulty in the way of the equitable ad-
justment of the Income-Tax has only to be
known. It consists in the real and personal
possessions of noble lords and honourable gentle-
men, who, if their estates were immediately con-
fiscated, and themselves obliged to get their own
living, would soon enough discover how to tax
uncertain earnings in reasonable proportion to
fixed property.
sporting intelligence.
Mb. Benjamin Disraeli has been offered
an extremely liberal engagement by the pro-
prietors of Bell's Life, if he will undertake the
prophesying department of that paper as " A
Loomer of the Future."
AWFUL CASE OF SMUGGLING.
From the Hon. Miss--, Maid of Honour on duty, to Lady-, in
the Highlands^
" Oh, my dear ! You will be shocked to know that the yacht, the
dear Victoria and Albert, has been caught smuggling! And only to
think, tobacco—filthy tobacco! Fitz, as Captain, is in such a way !
Talked of court-martials and I don't know what; and to be sure it was
enough to put the dear soul in a pucker—(and you know what a good-
tempered creature it always is ; and how kind and considerate when the
wind blows !)—but it was enough to vex a saint, if he was post-captain,
to have the Custom-house officers board us, and rummage from one end
to the other the Royal yacht. I'm told it was quite shocking; and
that Fitz's good-tempered face went blue and red, and pink and yellow,
and all colours like a dying dolphin, to see the coarse, uncivil revenue
men—the disloyal creatures, I call 'em!—rolling about everything in
the cabin, and, as the newspapers this time truly say, 'even the
most private apartments'—tumbling about like porpoises among the
billows!
" Well, I almost faint to write it, but 80 pounds of filthy tobacco were
absolutely seized on board of us. It's a wonder that Fitz didn't draw
his regulation sword, and cut off somebody's head—eighty pounds, my
dear: and there was a talk of forfeiting the dear yacht, with all on
board of her.
Smuggling is, no doubt, very bad, and very disloyal under the
circumstances ; but to be found out is shocking. But then, how's it
to be wondered at ? Men, who call themselves the lords of the
creation—men, who know everything—are, I must say it, the merest
babies at smuggling.
" Would you think it, my dear! The foolish fellows—I mean the
audacious criminals—went about Antwerp buying tobacco by the
hundredweight in broad open daylight. Thousands of pounds of the
nauseous weed were sold over the counter—positively over the counter
—to our brave crew, that is, to our hardened offenders! And what was
the consequence ? Why, some spiteful, mischief-making person wrote
to the Queen's Customs in England, telling 'em how Her Majesty
was chea'ed by her own sailors, and so we had no sooner arrived—the
anchor was hardly cold in the water off Osborne, before the revenue
officers boarded us, and began to rummage. I'm told they even
searched Fitz's tin cocked-hat case, but mercifully found nothing in it.
The dear little midshipmen, too, were overhauled—I believe that is the
expression—but came safely through the fiery furnace. But when the
officers at last fell upon the tobacco—eighty pounds of tobacco—dear
Fitz was in such a way that he said—in very strong language—
he'd run somebody up at the fore-yard ; which happily he didn't.
" However, there's to be a court-martial on board the Victory ; and
we are all, without any reserve whatever, to be examined. Of course
this can't affect the innocent; nevertheless it is vexing; although,
between ourselves, his dear little R—l H—gh—s has had a joke upon
it. " Pa," said he, seeing the P—e about to light a cigar—" Pa," said
the sweet little fellow, "have you paid Mamma's duty for that?"
Wasn't that good ? Well I won't tell you who laughed the loudest;
but though vexed she did laugh.
"Still, the discovery is annoying, because—because it might have been
prevented. But to smuggle in such an open, audacious, sinful, and
disloyal manner ! When of course every motion of the gallant crew is
watched ashore! To buy five thousand pounds of tobacco—as much as
that, my dear, I'm told; quite—in open day. What could be expected ?
But men are such simpletons!
"Now, my dear, let us suppose that instead of nasty tobacco bought
at Antwerp it had been some darling Brussels lace ; and suppose that
somebody that both you and I know had only wished for a little
Mechlin point—I do think that the purchase would have been made
with a reserve that would have proved how much we respected the
yacht of our royal mistress ; but men—I am sorry to be compelled to
write it—men have no delicacy.
" Well, I do envy you in the Highlands; but it is always my luck.
We've had such weather. They tell me, though I was too ill to see
'em, they tell me it blew great guns. Any way we heard 'em! Between
ourselves, I was a couple of days before I could hear myself speak—
isn't that dreadful ? But we were fired at—they call it saluting—from
Osborne to Antwerp, and from Antwerp to Osborne back again. Had
we all been shot out of guns, we couldn't have felt more of the noise
and the smother. I never was in all my days so powdered!
" Good bye, Yours affectionately,
" P.S. Between ourselves, it was lucky I got ashore before the Custom
house officers began their search. I won't tell you how very much it
would have annoyed me to witness their insolence. But on all that,
for the present, I'll drop a veil''
Party Colours.—The colours at most of the Irish Elections were black
and blue—worn principally on the legs and arms of the contending Parf ieH.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
" Why, what's the matter with Tommy ?"
"Boo! Hoo ! I've cut my Finger with Aunt's Scissors."
" That's a good boy ! always speak the Truth ! "
THE AMERICAN EAGLE SUPERSEDED.
Bbother Jonathan ought to make the Sea
Serpent do the same duty for him—vice Eagle—
that the Lion does for John Bull. The
monstrous ophidian of the deep would be the
fittest emblem of the gentleman who, after his
late gulp of cod-fish, has been trying to bolt the
Lobos Islands—guano and all. Moreover, the
analogy would be the more remarkable, inasmuch
as anybody who did not know Jonathan would
never believe there could be such a fellow.
the princes op the people.
"We are the Princes of the People," said
Jerome Bonaparte a few days ago to the
people of Brest. " We are the King of the
Frogs," said the stork; and then he swallowed a
couple of his subjects to prove his royalty.
Assessment made Easy.
The difficulty in the way of the equitable ad-
justment of the Income-Tax has only to be
known. It consists in the real and personal
possessions of noble lords and honourable gentle-
men, who, if their estates were immediately con-
fiscated, and themselves obliged to get their own
living, would soon enough discover how to tax
uncertain earnings in reasonable proportion to
fixed property.
sporting intelligence.
Mb. Benjamin Disraeli has been offered
an extremely liberal engagement by the pro-
prietors of Bell's Life, if he will undertake the
prophesying department of that paper as " A
Loomer of the Future."
AWFUL CASE OF SMUGGLING.
From the Hon. Miss--, Maid of Honour on duty, to Lady-, in
the Highlands^
" Oh, my dear ! You will be shocked to know that the yacht, the
dear Victoria and Albert, has been caught smuggling! And only to
think, tobacco—filthy tobacco! Fitz, as Captain, is in such a way !
Talked of court-martials and I don't know what; and to be sure it was
enough to put the dear soul in a pucker—(and you know what a good-
tempered creature it always is ; and how kind and considerate when the
wind blows !)—but it was enough to vex a saint, if he was post-captain,
to have the Custom-house officers board us, and rummage from one end
to the other the Royal yacht. I'm told it was quite shocking; and
that Fitz's good-tempered face went blue and red, and pink and yellow,
and all colours like a dying dolphin, to see the coarse, uncivil revenue
men—the disloyal creatures, I call 'em!—rolling about everything in
the cabin, and, as the newspapers this time truly say, 'even the
most private apartments'—tumbling about like porpoises among the
billows!
" Well, I almost faint to write it, but 80 pounds of filthy tobacco were
absolutely seized on board of us. It's a wonder that Fitz didn't draw
his regulation sword, and cut off somebody's head—eighty pounds, my
dear: and there was a talk of forfeiting the dear yacht, with all on
board of her.
Smuggling is, no doubt, very bad, and very disloyal under the
circumstances ; but to be found out is shocking. But then, how's it
to be wondered at ? Men, who call themselves the lords of the
creation—men, who know everything—are, I must say it, the merest
babies at smuggling.
" Would you think it, my dear! The foolish fellows—I mean the
audacious criminals—went about Antwerp buying tobacco by the
hundredweight in broad open daylight. Thousands of pounds of the
nauseous weed were sold over the counter—positively over the counter
—to our brave crew, that is, to our hardened offenders! And what was
the consequence ? Why, some spiteful, mischief-making person wrote
to the Queen's Customs in England, telling 'em how Her Majesty
was chea'ed by her own sailors, and so we had no sooner arrived—the
anchor was hardly cold in the water off Osborne, before the revenue
officers boarded us, and began to rummage. I'm told they even
searched Fitz's tin cocked-hat case, but mercifully found nothing in it.
The dear little midshipmen, too, were overhauled—I believe that is the
expression—but came safely through the fiery furnace. But when the
officers at last fell upon the tobacco—eighty pounds of tobacco—dear
Fitz was in such a way that he said—in very strong language—
he'd run somebody up at the fore-yard ; which happily he didn't.
" However, there's to be a court-martial on board the Victory ; and
we are all, without any reserve whatever, to be examined. Of course
this can't affect the innocent; nevertheless it is vexing; although,
between ourselves, his dear little R—l H—gh—s has had a joke upon
it. " Pa," said he, seeing the P—e about to light a cigar—" Pa," said
the sweet little fellow, "have you paid Mamma's duty for that?"
Wasn't that good ? Well I won't tell you who laughed the loudest;
but though vexed she did laugh.
"Still, the discovery is annoying, because—because it might have been
prevented. But to smuggle in such an open, audacious, sinful, and
disloyal manner ! When of course every motion of the gallant crew is
watched ashore! To buy five thousand pounds of tobacco—as much as
that, my dear, I'm told; quite—in open day. What could be expected ?
But men are such simpletons!
"Now, my dear, let us suppose that instead of nasty tobacco bought
at Antwerp it had been some darling Brussels lace ; and suppose that
somebody that both you and I know had only wished for a little
Mechlin point—I do think that the purchase would have been made
with a reserve that would have proved how much we respected the
yacht of our royal mistress ; but men—I am sorry to be compelled to
write it—men have no delicacy.
" Well, I do envy you in the Highlands; but it is always my luck.
We've had such weather. They tell me, though I was too ill to see
'em, they tell me it blew great guns. Any way we heard 'em! Between
ourselves, I was a couple of days before I could hear myself speak—
isn't that dreadful ? But we were fired at—they call it saluting—from
Osborne to Antwerp, and from Antwerp to Osborne back again. Had
we all been shot out of guns, we couldn't have felt more of the noise
and the smother. I never was in all my days so powdered!
" Good bye, Yours affectionately,
" P.S. Between ourselves, it was lucky I got ashore before the Custom
house officers began their search. I won't tell you how very much it
would have annoyed me to witness their insolence. But on all that,
for the present, I'll drop a veil''
Party Colours.—The colours at most of the Irish Elections were black
and blue—worn principally on the legs and arms of the contending Parf ieH.