DOI issue:
July to December, 1852
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16610#0129
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
121
" NEWS FROM VERONA!"
(Fide Times, August 30, 1852.)
E simple English travellers, who rave of
sunny Italy,
And long to see the many gems that in
her every city lie,
Take warning by my hapless fate, lest,
by a like mishap, you let
Yourselves be caught, as I was, in the
city of the Capulet.
For in Verona recently, I chanced
awhile to tarry, Sirs !
And there, while sketching quietly the
Porta de Borsari, Sirs !
" Spiatore ! " said a voice behind ; and,
looking o'er my shoulder, I
Beheld myself surrounded by a troop of
German soldiery.
" Spy a Tory ! that you don't, my
friends," said I," for I'm a Liberal!"
But, bless you! at the word they soon
began to rave and gibber all;
I cannot sketch in company, and strove
from them to clear myself,
Which made them jabber more and
more, till I could scarcely hear myself.
One swarthy fellow seized the chalks I bought in town of Ackekman ;
My drawing-book, with all its " bits," was collared by a blacker man;
They took me to their officer, and, in a mighty tiff, he sent
Me off to muse in prison on " Verona the Magnificent!"
They put me in the common cell, damp, filthy, dark, and dreary, Sir!
They gave me nought to eat or drink, though I was faint and weary, Sir!
They &ept me in the dirt all night to study Entomology,
And let me out next afternoon, without the least apology.
And though they've not the slightest right a Briton to oppress at all,
From ne'er a fellow in the place could 1 obtain redress at; all;
Though Shakspeare wrote about the town, he never could have known
her, Man!
For you couldn't find " Two Gentlemen " to-day in all Verona, Man!
If at the Foreign Office, now, we had but good Lord Palmerston,
Each blustering Austrian officer would soon be forced to calm his tone ;
But Malmesbury, in jobs like these so wofully miscarries, Sir !
Complaints to him are little more than complaints to Mrs. Harris, Sir !
And so I pocket up my wrongs, and strive to take them coolly, yet
I'm sure whene'er 1 look again on Romeo and Juliet,
When poor Verona's civil strife Mercvtio's wrath arouses, Man !
More vex'd than he, I shall exclaim, " A Plague on all your houses,
Man!
USE FOB UNION WORKHOUSES.
It will soon become a question what to do with the Union Work-
houses throughout the country, if, as is the case in Dorsetshire,
agricultural labourers, generally, get paid at the rate of 3«. &d. a day
and a gallon of beer. These institutions—these, at any rate—seem
likely to be ruined by Free Trade.
They had better, perhaps, be converted into Assemoly Rooms,
because, though the returning days of Merry England in the olden
time will bring back Maypoles, yet Maypoles, in a changeful climate,
will not afford those facilities for merrymaking which will be required
by a happy peasantry.
It is not perhaps likely that every village will want its ball-room;
one, upon a reasonable computation, will be sufficient for each union
of parishes; and there are the workhouses ready to the peoples' hands
—and heels.
Who Wants Whiskers P
In an advertisement commencing with the tender inquiry, " Do you
want luxuriant haiv!" we find the following testimonial:—
" I have now a full pair of whiskers. Send me another pot. Majob Huttoh "
What! another pot of whiskers ? Now, we have heard of Potted
Hare, and several other luxuries that are potted, but we never recollect
hearing of Potted Whiskers !
the result of good living.
We wonder Mr. Moore is not afraid of holding so many good
livings, lest he should die some fine morning of pluracy.
SEA-SLDE AIRS.
(As shown by Young Gentlemen at a Watering-place.)
Wearing hats and coats they would never think of wearing in
London.
Sporting their elegant feet in buff-coloured slippers, or hotlines, or
pearl-buttoned boots, or shoes of the most dazzling colours, such as
would draw all the little boys after them in town.
Affecting a nautical appearance altogether, carrying a long telescope
under their arm, which every no w and then they pose against the parapet
to take a sight at some invisible object "in the offing."
Affecting a nautical language, also, so as to impress any one with the
notion that they had a whole fleet of yachts under their command,
and talking of young ladies as if they were ships, such as—" She's a fine
young craft," and " By H'v'ns ! in steering for the pastrycook's, she's
run foul of the old gentleman."
In short, making their appearance as " ship-shape " as possible, and
their conversation also, taking "My Poll and my Partner Joe" as the
nautical model of the latter.
Smoking cigars along the pier, up and down the Parade, before
breakfast and before dinner, night as well as day, smoking all day long
—everywhere.
Hanging about the sands under the pretence of reading a book, and
always occupying three chairs when they sit down—one for their body,
one tor their legs, and another for their feet—with another one for
their telescope.
Walking, swaggering, as if the whole place belonged to them—
staring every one out of countenance—talking loudly, as if they were in
a fashionable box at the Opera—and swinging their bodies about, just
as if it was necessary to imitate the rolling of a ship because they were
at the sea-side.
Supposing they are accompanied by a big dog, the terror of the
nursery-maids and the children, all the better. Supposing the dog is
fond of the water, and emulates his master in creating a great splash
amongst the young ladies, all the better still.
And when the young gentlemen return to their desks, or their
mothers' apron-strings, in town, they are so meek and orderly, and
walk the streets with such boarding-school modesty and precision, that
no one would suspect for a moment they were the same rough, noisy,
Newfoundlandish, splashy fellows that were bounding about in all
directions at the sea-side.
A TOUR QUITE ABROAD.
Excursionists who want to have enough—and more than enough—
for their money, cannot do better than take a return ticket for Paris,
via Newhaven and Dieppe, at the Brighton terminus. They will have
an opportunity of making a much longer stay at Dieppe than the strict
letter of the bargain provides ; and the probability is that they will be
enabled to enjoy the delight of a bivouac on the beach, by the absence
of a steamer at the appointed time, and by the impossibility of getting
a bed at Dieppe. Should there be one at liberty, the excursionist will
have the means of acquiring a knowledge of the manners, or want of
manners, of the natives, and of learning—through the lessons of that
first-rate instructor, experience—the extortionate habits of the hotel-
keepers. Those who wish to study French character at Dieppe, with
the addition of a series of surprises at not finding what they were led
to expect, which forms one of the chief charms of travel, will do well to
adopt the tour we have recommended them.
The "Row" Opera.
Jullien's Opera, though not without much to praise, would have
made a great deal more noise in the world if there had been less noise
in the orchestra. His attempt to realise a battle and the roaring of
artillery by means of music, brought him into collision with what may
be termed!the musical cannons. There is no doubt, however, that
the next effort of the Mons. will be more successful; for it is in the
nature of every Mons. to ascend, and he will know better next
time than to " seek the bubble reputation" so directly as he has
done, "in the cannon's mouth." The reason assigned by the
friends of Jullien for his excessive use of the noisiest instruments
of the orchestra in his late opera, is a desire on the part of the
Mons. to prove himself a sound musician.
MISSING—THE CROWN OF HUNGARY.—A handsome Reward will
be given to whosoever shall restore it—say a million of florins—and all will
be forgiven, and no questions asked. Gentlemen of the Hebrew Persuasion readily
treated with. No Kossuth need apply.—Address to Feancis Joseph, Vienna : who,
when Jbe Crown shall be restored, has the very head that will fit it.
121
" NEWS FROM VERONA!"
(Fide Times, August 30, 1852.)
E simple English travellers, who rave of
sunny Italy,
And long to see the many gems that in
her every city lie,
Take warning by my hapless fate, lest,
by a like mishap, you let
Yourselves be caught, as I was, in the
city of the Capulet.
For in Verona recently, I chanced
awhile to tarry, Sirs !
And there, while sketching quietly the
Porta de Borsari, Sirs !
" Spiatore ! " said a voice behind ; and,
looking o'er my shoulder, I
Beheld myself surrounded by a troop of
German soldiery.
" Spy a Tory ! that you don't, my
friends," said I," for I'm a Liberal!"
But, bless you! at the word they soon
began to rave and gibber all;
I cannot sketch in company, and strove
from them to clear myself,
Which made them jabber more and
more, till I could scarcely hear myself.
One swarthy fellow seized the chalks I bought in town of Ackekman ;
My drawing-book, with all its " bits," was collared by a blacker man;
They took me to their officer, and, in a mighty tiff, he sent
Me off to muse in prison on " Verona the Magnificent!"
They put me in the common cell, damp, filthy, dark, and dreary, Sir!
They gave me nought to eat or drink, though I was faint and weary, Sir!
They &ept me in the dirt all night to study Entomology,
And let me out next afternoon, without the least apology.
And though they've not the slightest right a Briton to oppress at all,
From ne'er a fellow in the place could 1 obtain redress at; all;
Though Shakspeare wrote about the town, he never could have known
her, Man!
For you couldn't find " Two Gentlemen " to-day in all Verona, Man!
If at the Foreign Office, now, we had but good Lord Palmerston,
Each blustering Austrian officer would soon be forced to calm his tone ;
But Malmesbury, in jobs like these so wofully miscarries, Sir !
Complaints to him are little more than complaints to Mrs. Harris, Sir !
And so I pocket up my wrongs, and strive to take them coolly, yet
I'm sure whene'er 1 look again on Romeo and Juliet,
When poor Verona's civil strife Mercvtio's wrath arouses, Man !
More vex'd than he, I shall exclaim, " A Plague on all your houses,
Man!
USE FOB UNION WORKHOUSES.
It will soon become a question what to do with the Union Work-
houses throughout the country, if, as is the case in Dorsetshire,
agricultural labourers, generally, get paid at the rate of 3«. &d. a day
and a gallon of beer. These institutions—these, at any rate—seem
likely to be ruined by Free Trade.
They had better, perhaps, be converted into Assemoly Rooms,
because, though the returning days of Merry England in the olden
time will bring back Maypoles, yet Maypoles, in a changeful climate,
will not afford those facilities for merrymaking which will be required
by a happy peasantry.
It is not perhaps likely that every village will want its ball-room;
one, upon a reasonable computation, will be sufficient for each union
of parishes; and there are the workhouses ready to the peoples' hands
—and heels.
Who Wants Whiskers P
In an advertisement commencing with the tender inquiry, " Do you
want luxuriant haiv!" we find the following testimonial:—
" I have now a full pair of whiskers. Send me another pot. Majob Huttoh "
What! another pot of whiskers ? Now, we have heard of Potted
Hare, and several other luxuries that are potted, but we never recollect
hearing of Potted Whiskers !
the result of good living.
We wonder Mr. Moore is not afraid of holding so many good
livings, lest he should die some fine morning of pluracy.
SEA-SLDE AIRS.
(As shown by Young Gentlemen at a Watering-place.)
Wearing hats and coats they would never think of wearing in
London.
Sporting their elegant feet in buff-coloured slippers, or hotlines, or
pearl-buttoned boots, or shoes of the most dazzling colours, such as
would draw all the little boys after them in town.
Affecting a nautical appearance altogether, carrying a long telescope
under their arm, which every no w and then they pose against the parapet
to take a sight at some invisible object "in the offing."
Affecting a nautical language, also, so as to impress any one with the
notion that they had a whole fleet of yachts under their command,
and talking of young ladies as if they were ships, such as—" She's a fine
young craft," and " By H'v'ns ! in steering for the pastrycook's, she's
run foul of the old gentleman."
In short, making their appearance as " ship-shape " as possible, and
their conversation also, taking "My Poll and my Partner Joe" as the
nautical model of the latter.
Smoking cigars along the pier, up and down the Parade, before
breakfast and before dinner, night as well as day, smoking all day long
—everywhere.
Hanging about the sands under the pretence of reading a book, and
always occupying three chairs when they sit down—one for their body,
one tor their legs, and another for their feet—with another one for
their telescope.
Walking, swaggering, as if the whole place belonged to them—
staring every one out of countenance—talking loudly, as if they were in
a fashionable box at the Opera—and swinging their bodies about, just
as if it was necessary to imitate the rolling of a ship because they were
at the sea-side.
Supposing they are accompanied by a big dog, the terror of the
nursery-maids and the children, all the better. Supposing the dog is
fond of the water, and emulates his master in creating a great splash
amongst the young ladies, all the better still.
And when the young gentlemen return to their desks, or their
mothers' apron-strings, in town, they are so meek and orderly, and
walk the streets with such boarding-school modesty and precision, that
no one would suspect for a moment they were the same rough, noisy,
Newfoundlandish, splashy fellows that were bounding about in all
directions at the sea-side.
A TOUR QUITE ABROAD.
Excursionists who want to have enough—and more than enough—
for their money, cannot do better than take a return ticket for Paris,
via Newhaven and Dieppe, at the Brighton terminus. They will have
an opportunity of making a much longer stay at Dieppe than the strict
letter of the bargain provides ; and the probability is that they will be
enabled to enjoy the delight of a bivouac on the beach, by the absence
of a steamer at the appointed time, and by the impossibility of getting
a bed at Dieppe. Should there be one at liberty, the excursionist will
have the means of acquiring a knowledge of the manners, or want of
manners, of the natives, and of learning—through the lessons of that
first-rate instructor, experience—the extortionate habits of the hotel-
keepers. Those who wish to study French character at Dieppe, with
the addition of a series of surprises at not finding what they were led
to expect, which forms one of the chief charms of travel, will do well to
adopt the tour we have recommended them.
The "Row" Opera.
Jullien's Opera, though not without much to praise, would have
made a great deal more noise in the world if there had been less noise
in the orchestra. His attempt to realise a battle and the roaring of
artillery by means of music, brought him into collision with what may
be termed!the musical cannons. There is no doubt, however, that
the next effort of the Mons. will be more successful; for it is in the
nature of every Mons. to ascend, and he will know better next
time than to " seek the bubble reputation" so directly as he has
done, "in the cannon's mouth." The reason assigned by the
friends of Jullien for his excessive use of the noisiest instruments
of the orchestra in his late opera, is a desire on the part of the
Mons. to prove himself a sound musician.
MISSING—THE CROWN OF HUNGARY.—A handsome Reward will
be given to whosoever shall restore it—say a million of florins—and all will
be forgiven, and no questions asked. Gentlemen of the Hebrew Persuasion readily
treated with. No Kossuth need apply.—Address to Feancis Joseph, Vienna : who,
when Jbe Crown shall be restored, has the very head that will fit it.