DOI issue:
July to December, 1852
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16610#0141
PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
133
THE LAMENT OF " THE HERCULES," 74.
" The Eercules, 74, has been placed at the disposal of the Emigration Commissioners
for the conveyance of emigrants to Australia."—Natal Intelligence, Times,
Sep. 7."
^^gg^gg^ Plague on the rascally lubbers
jf^^^"^\^, Who stands at the Govern-
J(^J^^\^«I Swab my dead-eyes, no wondt r
| lj ^ '^^^^^^^^\^^^ groans from the truck
\\^^^^^^^^^^^^^ _ff)l -^rom my moorinr' tney came
^ '^^^^^^/f/^^^^^m Where in dryrot and sludge
ikSsii: ^^^^^^^^^^^S^ Then fez I to myself, sez i,
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I'm a going to try the old
And often I think of the day
When my old timbers rang fore and aft, boys,
To the shrill call of " Boarders away ! "
When blood washed my scuppers like water,
And the round shot crashed into my hold;
And 1 thought, "My dear eyes ! We '11 be arter
The Johnny Cbapauds, as of old."
And my old beams they creaked and they quivered,
A-thinkin' of Nelson and Hood,
And my timbers they longe i to be shivered,
As a true British ship's timbers should.
But when, from the maties aboard me,
I heerd what the job w»s to be,
I'm blest but it reg'larly floored me
On such work to be ordered to sea.
Instead of a fighting commission
'1 o pepper the Dons and Mounseers,
Or to give Yankee Doodle a threshin'
(Which he 's arned, any time these two years),
I found 't was some lubberly notion
Of them there Admirality nobs,
To fit my old hull for the ocean
To carry out Emigrant swabs !
'Stead of batteries of jolly gun-metal,
Deuce a bit, boys, of metal for me—
Except it might be a tin kettle
To make these land-lubbers their tea.
I'm blowed if it wasn't a damper—
Not a cutlass or pike in the racks—
But spades, picks, and scythes, and such hamper:
You may stare, lads, but such is the facks.
And for blue jackets mustered at quarters,
Stripped for work, match and rammer in hand,
Long-togged chaps, with their wives and I heir dartero,
Sick afore they lost sight o' the land!
If it didn't give me such a turn, boys;—
I thought o' capsizin' right out,
And a settlin' down clean, head and stern, boys,
Afore I'd be steered on this bout.
If this here's what old England's to come to,
There's an end to her wic'tries and wars;
And to think it's the doins' of some, too,
As wears swabs and calls themselves tars !
That there Hercules, as I've my name from,
Twelve labours they say he went through,
But I '11 swear he had not, where he came from,
Such a lubberly labour to do.
With these emigrant waisters—od rot 'em—
Wives, darters, tin kettles, and all—
Blowed if I don't go to the bottom
In ihe first little bit of a squall!
THE FALSE HEBREW'S FALSE JEWELS.
a modern tale, with a moral.
Once upon a time—(a very little while ago)—there c»me to Chelten-
ham a young man of the Hebrew prejudice, with Hebrew cast of
countenance. Black—black as lamb of Astracan—was bis hair; full
and drooping his nether lip ; black his twinkling eye ; "his prcmment
feature like an eagle's beak ! "
Now there was a Christian at Cheltenham, who knew no guile—
until he knew the youthful Hebrew whose sign-post likeness swings
above.
Now this good Christian, being a thick-sighted man, saw, as he
verily believed, a dawning grace in that Hebrew's countenance.
(Early, indeed, must that man have got up that morning to have beheld
that dawn.)
The Hebrew began to turn and turn more of his back to the
synagogue ; and more of his front to the Established Church. And the
kind, butter-hearted, but thick-sighted Christian of our story, observed
the gradual turning of the Jew : whereat he rejoiced exceedingly.
And the Hebrew's eyes would seem to grow up to, and love a certain
church weathercock of Cheltenham ; to love it as though the weather-
cock was of solid virgin gold, and not iron gilt.
And when the bells of the Cheltenham church rang merrily forth, the
Hebrew would smile and smile, as though every silver s'roke was a
crown-piece dropt in his omnivorous pocket.
And thus it continued, until the Hebrew became melted—as never
even Hebrew was melted—when the rejoicing Christian, taking the
kindly moment, asked the Hebrew to be baptized. With the greatest
pleasure in life: he would only be too happy.
But first—but first—the Hebrew must sell certain jewels: old,
family jewels : relics of fathers and mothers in Israel.
But, wherefore must the Hebrew sell or barter his family bits of
gold with emeralds and topazes of uncles deceased—garnets and stone3
called cats'-eyes of aunts departed ? Wherefore ? asked the pondering
Christian.
Because—replied the guileful Hebrew—because, fleeing from the syna-
gogue and cleaving to the Kstablished Church, he would be spat upon
and scorned by all of his former tribe; and his past connexion—the
Hebrew spoke with fervour—be smashed entirely.
The Heb rew desired to become a Christian, but he must start with
ready money.
Now the heart of the good, converting Christian mightily rejoiced
at this. I—said he—albeit not rich, will give you a fair price for the
gold and topazes of your uncles, and the cats'-eyes of your passed-
away aunts.
The Hebiew almost wept, but—did not. It is, however, needful to
the completeness of our story to say, that he took the money.
Forty pounds of current coin did that Hebrew sack from that
guileless Christian ; and then, with an exulting caper, kicking the dust
of Cheltenham, the Hebrew departed, and the Christian knew not
where he went.
The gold and jewels looked solid and real, and sparkled—how they
sparkled I— when they were bought and paid for, by candle-light—
but when the daylight came, the gold was Mosaic gold, and the
jewels glass.
Now, whether that grateful Hebrew, from time to time, sits with his
bai. on in the re-opened synagogue of Duke's Place—or whether he has
departed, not to dig, but to buy gold of the diggers—is unknown to the
hoaxed Christian of Cheltenham.
moral.
When young ladies and old ladies who would still be young—and
young gentlemen very green, and old gentlemen very scarlet—go to
St. Barabbas, and are shown the precious jewels of grace by the
Bevebend Ignatius Polycabp Burnit by candle-light, let the afore-
said ladies and gentlemen seal their ears to the milk and hcney words
of the charmer, and ere, at any price, tbey make his doctrines their
own, let them think of the Mosaic gold and the bits of glass, and wait
—and make no bond by candles—but in the broad, bright day.
Meum et Tuum.
The Gold Mining Societies are laying claim to land in Australia,
which they are not in the least entitled to, and squabbles have already
ensued. Gold is beginning to work its evil effect, when the persons
who make it their pursuit can no longer see any distinction between
" mine " and thine.__
The Enemy op Letters.—" What is the meaning of ' Antitype P'"
asked a tutor of an undergraduate. "Louis Napoleon, I should
say," replied the student.
" The Monkey and the Tiger."—General Haynau has arrived
in Paris.
133
THE LAMENT OF " THE HERCULES," 74.
" The Eercules, 74, has been placed at the disposal of the Emigration Commissioners
for the conveyance of emigrants to Australia."—Natal Intelligence, Times,
Sep. 7."
^^gg^gg^ Plague on the rascally lubbers
jf^^^"^\^, Who stands at the Govern-
J(^J^^\^«I Swab my dead-eyes, no wondt r
| lj ^ '^^^^^^^^\^^^ groans from the truck
\\^^^^^^^^^^^^^ _ff)l -^rom my moorinr' tney came
^ '^^^^^^/f/^^^^^m Where in dryrot and sludge
ikSsii: ^^^^^^^^^^^S^ Then fez I to myself, sez i,
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I'm a going to try the old
And often I think of the day
When my old timbers rang fore and aft, boys,
To the shrill call of " Boarders away ! "
When blood washed my scuppers like water,
And the round shot crashed into my hold;
And 1 thought, "My dear eyes ! We '11 be arter
The Johnny Cbapauds, as of old."
And my old beams they creaked and they quivered,
A-thinkin' of Nelson and Hood,
And my timbers they longe i to be shivered,
As a true British ship's timbers should.
But when, from the maties aboard me,
I heerd what the job w»s to be,
I'm blest but it reg'larly floored me
On such work to be ordered to sea.
Instead of a fighting commission
'1 o pepper the Dons and Mounseers,
Or to give Yankee Doodle a threshin'
(Which he 's arned, any time these two years),
I found 't was some lubberly notion
Of them there Admirality nobs,
To fit my old hull for the ocean
To carry out Emigrant swabs !
'Stead of batteries of jolly gun-metal,
Deuce a bit, boys, of metal for me—
Except it might be a tin kettle
To make these land-lubbers their tea.
I'm blowed if it wasn't a damper—
Not a cutlass or pike in the racks—
But spades, picks, and scythes, and such hamper:
You may stare, lads, but such is the facks.
And for blue jackets mustered at quarters,
Stripped for work, match and rammer in hand,
Long-togged chaps, with their wives and I heir dartero,
Sick afore they lost sight o' the land!
If it didn't give me such a turn, boys;—
I thought o' capsizin' right out,
And a settlin' down clean, head and stern, boys,
Afore I'd be steered on this bout.
If this here's what old England's to come to,
There's an end to her wic'tries and wars;
And to think it's the doins' of some, too,
As wears swabs and calls themselves tars !
That there Hercules, as I've my name from,
Twelve labours they say he went through,
But I '11 swear he had not, where he came from,
Such a lubberly labour to do.
With these emigrant waisters—od rot 'em—
Wives, darters, tin kettles, and all—
Blowed if I don't go to the bottom
In ihe first little bit of a squall!
THE FALSE HEBREW'S FALSE JEWELS.
a modern tale, with a moral.
Once upon a time—(a very little while ago)—there c»me to Chelten-
ham a young man of the Hebrew prejudice, with Hebrew cast of
countenance. Black—black as lamb of Astracan—was bis hair; full
and drooping his nether lip ; black his twinkling eye ; "his prcmment
feature like an eagle's beak ! "
Now there was a Christian at Cheltenham, who knew no guile—
until he knew the youthful Hebrew whose sign-post likeness swings
above.
Now this good Christian, being a thick-sighted man, saw, as he
verily believed, a dawning grace in that Hebrew's countenance.
(Early, indeed, must that man have got up that morning to have beheld
that dawn.)
The Hebrew began to turn and turn more of his back to the
synagogue ; and more of his front to the Established Church. And the
kind, butter-hearted, but thick-sighted Christian of our story, observed
the gradual turning of the Jew : whereat he rejoiced exceedingly.
And the Hebrew's eyes would seem to grow up to, and love a certain
church weathercock of Cheltenham ; to love it as though the weather-
cock was of solid virgin gold, and not iron gilt.
And when the bells of the Cheltenham church rang merrily forth, the
Hebrew would smile and smile, as though every silver s'roke was a
crown-piece dropt in his omnivorous pocket.
And thus it continued, until the Hebrew became melted—as never
even Hebrew was melted—when the rejoicing Christian, taking the
kindly moment, asked the Hebrew to be baptized. With the greatest
pleasure in life: he would only be too happy.
But first—but first—the Hebrew must sell certain jewels: old,
family jewels : relics of fathers and mothers in Israel.
But, wherefore must the Hebrew sell or barter his family bits of
gold with emeralds and topazes of uncles deceased—garnets and stone3
called cats'-eyes of aunts departed ? Wherefore ? asked the pondering
Christian.
Because—replied the guileful Hebrew—because, fleeing from the syna-
gogue and cleaving to the Kstablished Church, he would be spat upon
and scorned by all of his former tribe; and his past connexion—the
Hebrew spoke with fervour—be smashed entirely.
The Heb rew desired to become a Christian, but he must start with
ready money.
Now the heart of the good, converting Christian mightily rejoiced
at this. I—said he—albeit not rich, will give you a fair price for the
gold and topazes of your uncles, and the cats'-eyes of your passed-
away aunts.
The Hebiew almost wept, but—did not. It is, however, needful to
the completeness of our story to say, that he took the money.
Forty pounds of current coin did that Hebrew sack from that
guileless Christian ; and then, with an exulting caper, kicking the dust
of Cheltenham, the Hebrew departed, and the Christian knew not
where he went.
The gold and jewels looked solid and real, and sparkled—how they
sparkled I— when they were bought and paid for, by candle-light—
but when the daylight came, the gold was Mosaic gold, and the
jewels glass.
Now, whether that grateful Hebrew, from time to time, sits with his
bai. on in the re-opened synagogue of Duke's Place—or whether he has
departed, not to dig, but to buy gold of the diggers—is unknown to the
hoaxed Christian of Cheltenham.
moral.
When young ladies and old ladies who would still be young—and
young gentlemen very green, and old gentlemen very scarlet—go to
St. Barabbas, and are shown the precious jewels of grace by the
Bevebend Ignatius Polycabp Burnit by candle-light, let the afore-
said ladies and gentlemen seal their ears to the milk and hcney words
of the charmer, and ere, at any price, tbey make his doctrines their
own, let them think of the Mosaic gold and the bits of glass, and wait
—and make no bond by candles—but in the broad, bright day.
Meum et Tuum.
The Gold Mining Societies are laying claim to land in Australia,
which they are not in the least entitled to, and squabbles have already
ensued. Gold is beginning to work its evil effect, when the persons
who make it their pursuit can no longer see any distinction between
" mine " and thine.__
The Enemy op Letters.—" What is the meaning of ' Antitype P'"
asked a tutor of an undergraduate. "Louis Napoleon, I should
say," replied the student.
" The Monkey and the Tiger."—General Haynau has arrived
in Paris.