DOI issue:
July to December, 1852
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16610#0172
164
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
HINTS TO SERVANTS WHEN THE FAMILY
IS OUT OF TOWN.
OW is your time to examine
the sta'e of your mistress's
wardrobe.
If the gowns should fit
you, and the bonnets are
becoming, you may as well
wear them.
Should you invite a few
friends to tea, you receive
them in the drawing-room,
of course — providing al-
ways the drawing-room is
in a fit state to receive
them.
The least you can do for
them when they leave, is
to ask the coachman to
fee them home in the
carriage.
If any children ar^ ltft at
home in your charge, you
should send them to bed
very early ; or, supposing
any of them should be suffi-
ciently advanced to play
the piano, you may let her
stop up to play quadrilles
whilst you dance.
It is as well, however, not to let Johnny smoke in their presence.
It is probable you may find these children the great drawbacks to
your enjoyment, so you must be very careful what, you do before them.
When you go out for a drive, you had better leave them at home ;
when you play at cards you had better send them into another room ;
when you wish to practise the piano, you should send them out walking;
and if you expect any of the " military" to drou in during the evening,
you had better take the precaution of putting them to bed two or three
hours earlier.
As for their getting up in the morning, that is to be entirely regulated
by the hour at which yGU rise yourself. So, if you wish to read the
newspaper in bed, you needn't put yourself out on their account.
Besides, children like stopping in bed.
If you have any leisure for reading, there are master's books; but,
should you prefer novels, you can easily send round for them to Sams',
or the nearest circulating library.
Never mind about dog's-earing, or butter-thumbing, or coffee-
spotting a book. It will never be known who has done if; and if you
wish to lend a book to a friend, why should you hesitate when the
books are not yours? To guard against accidents,make the borrowers
always promise to bring the books back again.
You should not neglect this good opportunity—as you will naturally
have acce-s, either by fair or foul nieans, to your mistress's drawers— to
have all her caps, and gowns, and " latest fashions," correc'ly copied
by your milliner—(supposing you have not time to yourself)—so that
you may wear them in your mistress's presence when she comes back.
Eat and drink of the very best: have hot luncheons, hot dinners (of
course), and hot suppers, regularly every day—spare nothing—providing
always you are not left upon board wages. In the latter case, the Case
is very different; but even then you can manage it, if you are clever,
with the different tradesmen, by telling them to charge what you con-
sume in the weekly bills, when "the family" returns to town. If the
tradesmen, like fools, object, you have, your remedy—you can change
them for others who are more reasonable.
Your wine depends upon whether the butler drinks any himself. If
he does, he must give you some, or else threaten to expose him.
If the plate has been left out, as a matter of course you use it.
You needn't work more than you like. You are your own mistress,
and the principle is to enjoy yourself, more especially as your enjoy-
ment only comes one* a year. Accordingly you can go to the theatre
as often as you can afford it, and stop out as late as you please, so long
as you shut the door after you. The only thing you nave to guard
against is a surprise; but as " the family " is pretty sure to write home
word to tell you when they intend returning, there is not much fear of
any such accident. Then, providing the home is cleaned, a few of the
books put back, the piano not much ou' of tune, the curtains not
smelling of tobacco, the clothes all returned to where you took them
from, and the children properly subdued, by tremendous threats of
extermination, into silence, your master and mistress need not have
the slightest suspicion how you have been enjoying yourselves whilst
they nave been out of town.
A Retired Flunkey.
RUNAWAY ENGINES.
Our old country pounds for horses and donkeys seem to have> gone
out of fashion. Their place, however, promises to be supplied with
railway pounds. According to ihe following extract:
" Another Engine Captured.—On Saturday last another of the Great Northern
engines was impounded as a trespasser at the Nottingham Station by the Midland
authorities.—Sheffield Times,
it would seem that railway engines are as often in the habit of going
out of all bounds as railway directors themselves. It would be curious
to hear the town crier going round the district, crying a " Lost
Engine," or giving notice, that if the engine which had strayed into
Mr. So-and-So's china shop was not taken away within so many days,
it would be sold to pay the expenses. This kind of straying, however, is
harmless compared to the straying and trespassing which railways
have lately been indulging in. We allude to one tram straying out of
its direct course, and trespassing upon another. Eor these trespasses,
which, when connected wii h the loss of life, can never be forgiven, there
is no established pound, excepting such as a verdict gives in damages :
and what amount of pounds, we ask, cau ever compensate for the loss of
a leg, or a couple of arms, or the dea' h of a dear relative ! There will
be no security for the public until a Director is compelled, by Act of
Parliament, to travel in every train.
Purveyor of Poultry. " What sort o' people are they at Number
Twelve, Jack ?"
Purveyor of Meat. " Oh ! a rubbishin' lot. Leg o' mutton a'
Mondays, and 'ash an' cold meat the rest o' the week."
Agricultural Intelligence.
We understand, from our own exclusive sources, that Mr. Disraeli
has just succeeded in inventing a new description of Reaping Machine,
by which his distressed friends the Agriculturists will, he expects, be
most materially assisted in reaping the benefit of what he has predicted
to be "looming in the future."
Gifts to Louis Napoleon.
The gifts made to the embryo Emperor on his progress have been
very touching. One city gives its "soul to Louis Napoleon"—
another, Roanne, gives "its heart." Why, long since, did not Paris
present him with " its foot ? "
Not the Slightest Doubt about it.—A young lady being asked
whether she should wear a wig when her hair turned grey, replied with
the greatest earnestness, "Oh! no, I'll die first."
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
HINTS TO SERVANTS WHEN THE FAMILY
IS OUT OF TOWN.
OW is your time to examine
the sta'e of your mistress's
wardrobe.
If the gowns should fit
you, and the bonnets are
becoming, you may as well
wear them.
Should you invite a few
friends to tea, you receive
them in the drawing-room,
of course — providing al-
ways the drawing-room is
in a fit state to receive
them.
The least you can do for
them when they leave, is
to ask the coachman to
fee them home in the
carriage.
If any children ar^ ltft at
home in your charge, you
should send them to bed
very early ; or, supposing
any of them should be suffi-
ciently advanced to play
the piano, you may let her
stop up to play quadrilles
whilst you dance.
It is as well, however, not to let Johnny smoke in their presence.
It is probable you may find these children the great drawbacks to
your enjoyment, so you must be very careful what, you do before them.
When you go out for a drive, you had better leave them at home ;
when you play at cards you had better send them into another room ;
when you wish to practise the piano, you should send them out walking;
and if you expect any of the " military" to drou in during the evening,
you had better take the precaution of putting them to bed two or three
hours earlier.
As for their getting up in the morning, that is to be entirely regulated
by the hour at which yGU rise yourself. So, if you wish to read the
newspaper in bed, you needn't put yourself out on their account.
Besides, children like stopping in bed.
If you have any leisure for reading, there are master's books; but,
should you prefer novels, you can easily send round for them to Sams',
or the nearest circulating library.
Never mind about dog's-earing, or butter-thumbing, or coffee-
spotting a book. It will never be known who has done if; and if you
wish to lend a book to a friend, why should you hesitate when the
books are not yours? To guard against accidents,make the borrowers
always promise to bring the books back again.
You should not neglect this good opportunity—as you will naturally
have acce-s, either by fair or foul nieans, to your mistress's drawers— to
have all her caps, and gowns, and " latest fashions," correc'ly copied
by your milliner—(supposing you have not time to yourself)—so that
you may wear them in your mistress's presence when she comes back.
Eat and drink of the very best: have hot luncheons, hot dinners (of
course), and hot suppers, regularly every day—spare nothing—providing
always you are not left upon board wages. In the latter case, the Case
is very different; but even then you can manage it, if you are clever,
with the different tradesmen, by telling them to charge what you con-
sume in the weekly bills, when "the family" returns to town. If the
tradesmen, like fools, object, you have, your remedy—you can change
them for others who are more reasonable.
Your wine depends upon whether the butler drinks any himself. If
he does, he must give you some, or else threaten to expose him.
If the plate has been left out, as a matter of course you use it.
You needn't work more than you like. You are your own mistress,
and the principle is to enjoy yourself, more especially as your enjoy-
ment only comes one* a year. Accordingly you can go to the theatre
as often as you can afford it, and stop out as late as you please, so long
as you shut the door after you. The only thing you nave to guard
against is a surprise; but as " the family " is pretty sure to write home
word to tell you when they intend returning, there is not much fear of
any such accident. Then, providing the home is cleaned, a few of the
books put back, the piano not much ou' of tune, the curtains not
smelling of tobacco, the clothes all returned to where you took them
from, and the children properly subdued, by tremendous threats of
extermination, into silence, your master and mistress need not have
the slightest suspicion how you have been enjoying yourselves whilst
they nave been out of town.
A Retired Flunkey.
RUNAWAY ENGINES.
Our old country pounds for horses and donkeys seem to have> gone
out of fashion. Their place, however, promises to be supplied with
railway pounds. According to ihe following extract:
" Another Engine Captured.—On Saturday last another of the Great Northern
engines was impounded as a trespasser at the Nottingham Station by the Midland
authorities.—Sheffield Times,
it would seem that railway engines are as often in the habit of going
out of all bounds as railway directors themselves. It would be curious
to hear the town crier going round the district, crying a " Lost
Engine," or giving notice, that if the engine which had strayed into
Mr. So-and-So's china shop was not taken away within so many days,
it would be sold to pay the expenses. This kind of straying, however, is
harmless compared to the straying and trespassing which railways
have lately been indulging in. We allude to one tram straying out of
its direct course, and trespassing upon another. Eor these trespasses,
which, when connected wii h the loss of life, can never be forgiven, there
is no established pound, excepting such as a verdict gives in damages :
and what amount of pounds, we ask, cau ever compensate for the loss of
a leg, or a couple of arms, or the dea' h of a dear relative ! There will
be no security for the public until a Director is compelled, by Act of
Parliament, to travel in every train.
Purveyor of Poultry. " What sort o' people are they at Number
Twelve, Jack ?"
Purveyor of Meat. " Oh ! a rubbishin' lot. Leg o' mutton a'
Mondays, and 'ash an' cold meat the rest o' the week."
Agricultural Intelligence.
We understand, from our own exclusive sources, that Mr. Disraeli
has just succeeded in inventing a new description of Reaping Machine,
by which his distressed friends the Agriculturists will, he expects, be
most materially assisted in reaping the benefit of what he has predicted
to be "looming in the future."
Gifts to Louis Napoleon.
The gifts made to the embryo Emperor on his progress have been
very touching. One city gives its "soul to Louis Napoleon"—
another, Roanne, gives "its heart." Why, long since, did not Paris
present him with " its foot ? "
Not the Slightest Doubt about it.—A young lady being asked
whether she should wear a wig when her hair turned grey, replied with
the greatest earnestness, "Oh! no, I'll die first."