DOI issue:
July to December, 1852
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16610#0199
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI 191
PUNCH ON THE HAIR.
The title of Punch on the Hair may probably
have a startling effect on Uie reader from
its affinity to Punch on the Head, but we
are quite sure we shall have the attention
of both sexes of the human race when we
intimate that we are about to take in hand
the public 1 air, and put it into one or two
papers. The importance of the sub-
ject will be admitted on all hands, for
how many are they who have given
their heads to hair, with the view
of securing a vig'Tous crop of hair
to the heads of the, community.
How much innocent grease has
been shed m the perpetual
slaughter of bear after bear, and,
indeed, it may be said that the
human hair has for many years
been watered by the blood of that
fatally fat-secre ing animal!
The importance of the hair is
admitted by ail, for there is scarcely
a human being, however negligent
in other matters, who is not " par-
ticular to a hair," in reference to
what the poet of the pomatum
pot. or the bear's grease ba>-d has
described as " Nature's chiefest
ornament."
As a horse's age may be told by h s te, tb, the age of a man is dis-
closed by his hair, or rather by his want of it, for a bald head is a baid
fact, speaking the naked truth by a sort ot negative evidence Time is
continually pulling at our hair to remi'id us of his flight, and when he
does not actually pull our hair out by the roots, his iron hand leaves the
marks of that iron g<ey, which accords with the evening of life,—the
grey twilight of existence.
He who would preserve his hair should bear in mind the principle of
"cut and come again," for the hair, like an acquaintance that will
not be cast off, seems by the very process of cutting to be invited
back again.
Let us now say a word on the properties of hair, and we entreat the
reader not to let his hair stand on end when we tell him that it is com-
posed of lime, flint, iron, oil, and sulphur. Wtun the lover phads for
a lock as a gage ol'amour, he is in fact imploring a phosphate of one
tiling and a carbonate of another at the hands of his mistre-s. Different
coloured hair has different qualith s, and though we cannot read the
character in black and white—for we may be deceived by a wig—we
may get at a few general heads by the contemplation of heads in general.
Black hair is loaded with iron, and denotes therefore a hard-headed
man, and, indeed, it is said that each separate hair is a complete tube,
which may, in the case of black hair, be regarded as a sort of iron pipe
for carrying off the perspiration and other useful purposes. Red hair
has a reddish oil in its composition, but, according to a learned old
writer, "red hair is often he-ied-hair-tary, and tarries in a family."
It is a curious fact that the youngest infant and the oldes'- man are
usually quite bald—a proof that extremes will meet : even in the.
knocking together, as it were, of the heads of helpless babyhooJ
and equally helpless senility.
To promote the growth of hair on a baby it is necei-sary to give him
constant wiPes on the head with the coarsest towel. These wipes
shou'd be followed up by f equent cuts, in order to renuer them
thoroughly effectual. For cleaning the hair a brush i« better than a
comb, the tech of which irritate the hair and render it snappish, for it
frequently snaos off under such harsh treatment.
Perhaps the bes way of ensuring a truly luxuriant head of hair is to
purchase it of your hair-dresser, for in that case if your hair falls off
you have only to put it on again.
Baldness maj be attributed to various causes, of which reluctance to
wUrchH*e or to wear a wig is the most usual. There are various receipts
for restoring the hair, but the following receipt, of which we possess
the original, ;s 'he only one that can be relied on for thoroughly supply-
ing the loss of hair in a case of baldness.
RECEIPT.
Received of Samuel Smoothpate, Esq., one pound eleven and sixpence
for a new horse-hair wig of horse chesnut.
Bear's Grease is highly recommended for the hair, but when a hair-
dresser has the impertinence to tell us our hair is getting thin, and to
recommend his own grease, we refuse to patronise the bear on th<
premises.
Tne naturalist would be much puzzled to know the bear by his
grease as sold at the perfumers' shops, and would infer the existence of
a race of bears belonging to the bog tribe, and yielding their lard in
abundance to the London hair-dressers. A. metropolitan bear would
seem, by chemical analysis, to melt down into bees'-wax, spermaceti,
and pig's fat—for such is the bear's grease of commerce: while some few
of the most recently slaughtered hair-dressers' bears would seem to
yield a compound of beef marrow, mixed with the lard of the hog
and mutton suet.
Curling the hair with irons is a practice often fatal to the hair, and,
indeed, if we had a beautiful head of hair we would not touch it with a
pair of tongs on any account whatever. Where nature refuses to do us
he good turn of curling our hair, we prefer leaving it in rat's tails to
tell its own story.
Some people have such an antipathy to grey or white hair, that they
would rather dye than allow it to bear whiteness to their age, and they
resort to all sorts of expedients for making white appear black, which
is in the long run quite impossible.
The only safe mode of dyeing the hair is to use a lead comb, but any
one resorting to this process must have such a lead mine in his own
head, that an ordinary comb might answer all the purpose.
RIGHT TO A T.
The Silent Club, early in the last century, piqued itself (like our own
House of Commons) on avoiding all needless speech. A certain newly
received member, on being introduced, wrote down the previous
number of his colleagues, and then modestly prefixed a cipher for him-
self, to show that there was an addition, but no increase of value. The
President responded with a compliment—he removed the cipher to the
other end of the figures, to indicate that the club now considered itself
of tenfold value.
Mr. John Bull intends shortly to emulate these feats of silence.
When Mr. Disraeli presents him with his " Budget," Mr. Bull will
merely strike out the final letter of the word. Mr. Disraeli and his
colleagues will understand that they have received directions for their
next move.
A Housemaid's Jubilee.
The Gloucester Journal has the following puzzline paragraph :—
" The second Mop, which came off on Monday last, was, contrary to precedent, mora
fully attended than the first, owing, doubtless, to the dry weather, which did not
prevail on the former occasion."
We don't know whar a " Mop " may be, but we should say there
was no reason why the historian of the above large attendance should
congratulate himself upon the dryness of the weather, for even
s upposing the rain had fallen in buckets, the people would have been
perfectly prepared for it with so good a " Mop " in hand.
Plaintive Song for a Sporting M.P.
I hate to remember
The Fourth of November ;
Gunpowder ?—Yes, I've a lot.
I see no reason
For spoiling the season,
And leaving the pheasants unshot.
French Christmas.
The French have at length actually deified Louis Napoleon. The
last, title which they have conferred on him is, "Le Messie du 2
Decembre" We suppose that henceforth our " versatile neighbours"
will observe the second of December instead of the twenty-fifth.
railway raillery.
An atrocious Chairman of a Railway Board, in reference to the
general complaints of mismanagement against himself and colleagues,
says, that the public may take the indigmmt line of rail if they please ;
but that his Company mean quietly to pursue their own. The man
who would hazard a joke like that, would also risk a collision.
The Empire is Peace."
We have been kindly informed by the future Emperor of France,
that the " Empire is ?n ce." We are glad to bear this ; but then, we
have only Louis Napoleon's word for it. We must say, without
wishing to be too magisterial, that we doubt so small a surety for
keeping the peace.
Winking British Art.—Rimini may boast of its winking picture;
but so will Exeter, should that city ever possess a portrait of the
present Bishop of the diocese. For if the picture is anything like the
original, it will wink hard at auricular confession.
PUNCH ON THE HAIR.
The title of Punch on the Hair may probably
have a startling effect on Uie reader from
its affinity to Punch on the Head, but we
are quite sure we shall have the attention
of both sexes of the human race when we
intimate that we are about to take in hand
the public 1 air, and put it into one or two
papers. The importance of the sub-
ject will be admitted on all hands, for
how many are they who have given
their heads to hair, with the view
of securing a vig'Tous crop of hair
to the heads of the, community.
How much innocent grease has
been shed m the perpetual
slaughter of bear after bear, and,
indeed, it may be said that the
human hair has for many years
been watered by the blood of that
fatally fat-secre ing animal!
The importance of the hair is
admitted by ail, for there is scarcely
a human being, however negligent
in other matters, who is not " par-
ticular to a hair," in reference to
what the poet of the pomatum
pot. or the bear's grease ba>-d has
described as " Nature's chiefest
ornament."
As a horse's age may be told by h s te, tb, the age of a man is dis-
closed by his hair, or rather by his want of it, for a bald head is a baid
fact, speaking the naked truth by a sort ot negative evidence Time is
continually pulling at our hair to remi'id us of his flight, and when he
does not actually pull our hair out by the roots, his iron hand leaves the
marks of that iron g<ey, which accords with the evening of life,—the
grey twilight of existence.
He who would preserve his hair should bear in mind the principle of
"cut and come again," for the hair, like an acquaintance that will
not be cast off, seems by the very process of cutting to be invited
back again.
Let us now say a word on the properties of hair, and we entreat the
reader not to let his hair stand on end when we tell him that it is com-
posed of lime, flint, iron, oil, and sulphur. Wtun the lover phads for
a lock as a gage ol'amour, he is in fact imploring a phosphate of one
tiling and a carbonate of another at the hands of his mistre-s. Different
coloured hair has different qualith s, and though we cannot read the
character in black and white—for we may be deceived by a wig—we
may get at a few general heads by the contemplation of heads in general.
Black hair is loaded with iron, and denotes therefore a hard-headed
man, and, indeed, it is said that each separate hair is a complete tube,
which may, in the case of black hair, be regarded as a sort of iron pipe
for carrying off the perspiration and other useful purposes. Red hair
has a reddish oil in its composition, but, according to a learned old
writer, "red hair is often he-ied-hair-tary, and tarries in a family."
It is a curious fact that the youngest infant and the oldes'- man are
usually quite bald—a proof that extremes will meet : even in the.
knocking together, as it were, of the heads of helpless babyhooJ
and equally helpless senility.
To promote the growth of hair on a baby it is necei-sary to give him
constant wiPes on the head with the coarsest towel. These wipes
shou'd be followed up by f equent cuts, in order to renuer them
thoroughly effectual. For cleaning the hair a brush i« better than a
comb, the tech of which irritate the hair and render it snappish, for it
frequently snaos off under such harsh treatment.
Perhaps the bes way of ensuring a truly luxuriant head of hair is to
purchase it of your hair-dresser, for in that case if your hair falls off
you have only to put it on again.
Baldness maj be attributed to various causes, of which reluctance to
wUrchH*e or to wear a wig is the most usual. There are various receipts
for restoring the hair, but the following receipt, of which we possess
the original, ;s 'he only one that can be relied on for thoroughly supply-
ing the loss of hair in a case of baldness.
RECEIPT.
Received of Samuel Smoothpate, Esq., one pound eleven and sixpence
for a new horse-hair wig of horse chesnut.
Bear's Grease is highly recommended for the hair, but when a hair-
dresser has the impertinence to tell us our hair is getting thin, and to
recommend his own grease, we refuse to patronise the bear on th<
premises.
Tne naturalist would be much puzzled to know the bear by his
grease as sold at the perfumers' shops, and would infer the existence of
a race of bears belonging to the bog tribe, and yielding their lard in
abundance to the London hair-dressers. A. metropolitan bear would
seem, by chemical analysis, to melt down into bees'-wax, spermaceti,
and pig's fat—for such is the bear's grease of commerce: while some few
of the most recently slaughtered hair-dressers' bears would seem to
yield a compound of beef marrow, mixed with the lard of the hog
and mutton suet.
Curling the hair with irons is a practice often fatal to the hair, and,
indeed, if we had a beautiful head of hair we would not touch it with a
pair of tongs on any account whatever. Where nature refuses to do us
he good turn of curling our hair, we prefer leaving it in rat's tails to
tell its own story.
Some people have such an antipathy to grey or white hair, that they
would rather dye than allow it to bear whiteness to their age, and they
resort to all sorts of expedients for making white appear black, which
is in the long run quite impossible.
The only safe mode of dyeing the hair is to use a lead comb, but any
one resorting to this process must have such a lead mine in his own
head, that an ordinary comb might answer all the purpose.
RIGHT TO A T.
The Silent Club, early in the last century, piqued itself (like our own
House of Commons) on avoiding all needless speech. A certain newly
received member, on being introduced, wrote down the previous
number of his colleagues, and then modestly prefixed a cipher for him-
self, to show that there was an addition, but no increase of value. The
President responded with a compliment—he removed the cipher to the
other end of the figures, to indicate that the club now considered itself
of tenfold value.
Mr. John Bull intends shortly to emulate these feats of silence.
When Mr. Disraeli presents him with his " Budget," Mr. Bull will
merely strike out the final letter of the word. Mr. Disraeli and his
colleagues will understand that they have received directions for their
next move.
A Housemaid's Jubilee.
The Gloucester Journal has the following puzzline paragraph :—
" The second Mop, which came off on Monday last, was, contrary to precedent, mora
fully attended than the first, owing, doubtless, to the dry weather, which did not
prevail on the former occasion."
We don't know whar a " Mop " may be, but we should say there
was no reason why the historian of the above large attendance should
congratulate himself upon the dryness of the weather, for even
s upposing the rain had fallen in buckets, the people would have been
perfectly prepared for it with so good a " Mop " in hand.
Plaintive Song for a Sporting M.P.
I hate to remember
The Fourth of November ;
Gunpowder ?—Yes, I've a lot.
I see no reason
For spoiling the season,
And leaving the pheasants unshot.
French Christmas.
The French have at length actually deified Louis Napoleon. The
last, title which they have conferred on him is, "Le Messie du 2
Decembre" We suppose that henceforth our " versatile neighbours"
will observe the second of December instead of the twenty-fifth.
railway raillery.
An atrocious Chairman of a Railway Board, in reference to the
general complaints of mismanagement against himself and colleagues,
says, that the public may take the indigmmt line of rail if they please ;
but that his Company mean quietly to pursue their own. The man
who would hazard a joke like that, would also risk a collision.
The Empire is Peace."
We have been kindly informed by the future Emperor of France,
that the " Empire is ?n ce." We are glad to bear this ; but then, we
have only Louis Napoleon's word for it. We must say, without
wishing to be too magisterial, that we doubt so small a surety for
keeping the peace.
Winking British Art.—Rimini may boast of its winking picture;
but so will Exeter, should that city ever possess a portrait of the
present Bishop of the diocese. For if the picture is anything like the
original, it will wink hard at auricular confession.