DOI issue:
July to December, 1852
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16610#0205
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
197
Said I, "Vainly I expect thern to improve; I must correct them,
summons, sue, distrain, eject them, since they '11 neither work
nor pay,
And would rather live in sorrow, whine and bully, beg and borrow,
than take counsel for the morrow;" and I did so. From that day,
In my rambles many scowling faces of great fellows prowling near me,
with their rusty fowling-pieces, glared with savage eye,
Threatening letters sternly told me for a felon all would hold me, and
had in their list enrolled me soon a bloody death to die;
But I said, unmoved, uncaring, " Of your efforts be not sparing! Tis
but fair that I am sharing woes I oft have caused before."
Then said Tuam, " Let them take him, and a recreant voter make
him; priestly censures then shall shake him, till our grace he
shall implore!"
Swift! a storm of commination fierce, and rabid execration, threatening
excommunication, rose upon the murky air:
Father Burke cried, " Were you seated 'mid my flock, and with
repeated prayers the Bread of Life entreated, to comply I should
not dare!"
Father Rourke yelled, "Were you lying on your wretched pallet,
dying; for the priest's last succour crying, Atheist, I'd. not be
there!"
Father Toole shrieked, "Were you sleeping on your bier, and all
your weeping friends came to the churcbyard creeping, hallowed
grave you should not share !"
Father Blake howled, " If before ye died, ye offered all the store
ye had to 'scape from Purgatory, Beast! you shouldn't buy a
prayer!"
'Twas the last shot in their quiver. Through my veins there ran a
shiver, for before me flowed a river—black and turbid was its
wave;
And I hurried towards it sadly, thinking as I went, " How gladly, from
these foes who howl so madly, in it shall I find a grave."
" Yoicks !" cried Tuam, " Forward, Grady ! Hark od, Murphy ! To
him, Brady ! So ho, Daly ! Seize him, Thady ! e'er the
wretch himself shall save."
But I cared not for their screaming, for the golden gates were gleaming,
and the crystal columns beaming bright and clear before mine
eye,
And across the water stealing, thrilling every sense and feeling, came
the glad triumphant pealing of a glorious melody ;
On the other bank appearing each departed friend of Erin shouted
" Plunge in, never fearing! Glorious visions wait thee here !
Patriot zeal and brave endeavour shall not wholly fail for ever, Erin's
mental bonds to sever, Erin's drooping sons to cheer."
So I plunged, and lo ! the sighing of the night wind woke me, lying
near the portal: round me flying, mocking echoes seemed to cry—
When I asked in desperation, " Are there hopes of restoration for my
poor degraded nation ? "—" Yes, there may be—Bye and Bye."
TRUTH IN FICTION.
At Romsey—commonly called Romsey-on-the-Mud—there is a
Young Man's Improvement Association ; and, says a correspondent of
the Hampshire Independent :
"A lecture in connection with the Society was given in our Town Hall on Tuesday
evening, by the Reveeend Me. Bdgbt of Winchester, on ' The Literature of Fiction.'
The subject was very ably treated, the design of the lecturer being to show that there
might be much amusemeut in works of that character (harmless in themselves), but
not much sterling information."
No ? Not much sterling information in JEsop's Fables ? not in
Robinson Crusoe ? Not in Shakspeare ? Not in—nay, where are we to
stop ? for who shall say that a parable is not an imaginary narration;
a case put: not necessarily the statement of positive fact, though con-
veying essential truth, and of course, " sterling information." Oh,
oh, Ms. Btjgby !
To the Editor of Notes and Queries.
" Sir,—Will you be pleased to inform the Members of our Reading
Club, whether or not the Rev. Mr. Northcote, the miracle-monger,
is a distant relation of the late Miss Joanna Southcotb, who was
formerly in the same line of business ?
" Yours, in a state of wonder,
" Ignatius Gullible Bolltr."
^ holding by a bad title.
It has been suggested by a worn-out wag, who gives his mornings
to conundrums and his nights to puns, that Louis Napoleon, instead
of being called Bone-a-part, should have conferred upon him the title of
Grab-thi-whole. _
The Great Putter-down op French Revolutions.—Macadam.
HOODED SNAKES.
The poison of the cobra—or hooded snake—has been learnedly
discussed, since the death of the poor rash man bitten in the Park. It
is patent, we believe, to'all men that there is no poison so virulent as
that secreted under a hood: the hooded snake of all snakes being the
most deadly. Neither can it be tamed or trusted. It is well known
that the jugglers who feign to charm the reptiles with hoods—who
boast a power over them—allowing them to play about their heads and
wind into their bosoms—have first extracted the poison-sac from the
cobra's mouth; or, if they have not removed the venom-bag, they have
suffered the snakes so to exhaust themselves by having irritated them
to bite lower objects, that the poison is exhausted: time being neces-
sary for a new secretion. Any way, however, unless the sac be plucked
clean out, it is a very, very ticklish matter to play with, or place any
confidence in a hooded snake.
History shews us various examples of men who have grasped, and
that, too, with iron fingers the hooded snake; that twisted and twined,
and with eyes blazing hot as embers that roasted men in the market-
place, burned harmlessly upon him. One Martin Luther became
very celebrated for his bold handling of the great hooded snake of his
time: never did it have such a grip; never did it expend so much
of its venom with so little mischief. Shortly after, one Harry
Ttjdor grasped the snake with a strong hand: and Elizabeth his
daughter seized the hooded reptile boldly, calmly as Billingsgate
fishwoman would seize an eel.
And now, in our day, comes forth John Bright. He proposes to
make the hooded snake quite harmless by petting it with pretty words.
He pipes notes of peace to it, as the Indians pipe and play the drum to
make their snakes dance. John Bright—with an honest desire for
religious equality in Ireland—would, in the simplicity of his heart, tie
even a true lover's knot with the hooded snake; but John Bright,
take heed—remember the poison bags. Nevertheless, it may be
reserved to one of the Friends to make for ever harmless the hooded
snake. Mr. Brisco Oaten, writing from Wales, tells how in the
Deccan, where he lived once upon a day, the cobra is made innocuous:
" These people have a simple method of removing the venomous fangs of this reptile,
one of which is situated in each upper jaw, by teasing the animal and causing it to
bite at a piece of woollen cloth, at the same time sharply withdrawing the cloth, by
which means the fangs are withdrawn."
Has Mr. Bright heard of this remedy ? Will he try Ms cloth; and
will the innocent Dr. Cahill, not in anger but in good faith, bite at
Quaker's drab ?
A WORD WITH THE MONITEUR.
That very impartial print,
the Momteur, in describing
the enthusiasm with which
the President was lately
greeted at Grenoble, adds
with a discrimination that is
really quite delicious:—
" One thing particularly strikea
the inhabitants amidst that enthu-
siasm ; it is the contrast between
the general emotion and the calm-
ness preserved by the Chief of the
State, even when his heart is most
keenly affected by the testimonies
of love of which he is the object
His usual serenity, however, is
then tinged with an air of benevo-
lence which prepossesses every
one in his favour."
Charming man! No
wonder France adores him.
But, Moniteur, a word with
you. Are cats not " calm,"
just when they make their
PHMfllrt^ spring P And, Moniteur,
pray how did you discover
that bis heart was "affected" so "keenly?" Did his Serene and
Benevolent Highness, himself, inform you of the fact ? Or have you
learned it since from his physician ? Well: sermons, we know, may
be sometimes found in stones: but we little dreamt of ever finding that
Louis Napoleon had an affection of the heart!
A Protectionist Paradox.
It is rather remarkable that the party which used to be so obstinately
attached to existing institutions, should have evinced a desire to
"reverse the order of-things," but it is no less strange than true that
the Protectionist Government has made an attempt to insure its life
by the surrender of its policy.
197
Said I, "Vainly I expect thern to improve; I must correct them,
summons, sue, distrain, eject them, since they '11 neither work
nor pay,
And would rather live in sorrow, whine and bully, beg and borrow,
than take counsel for the morrow;" and I did so. From that day,
In my rambles many scowling faces of great fellows prowling near me,
with their rusty fowling-pieces, glared with savage eye,
Threatening letters sternly told me for a felon all would hold me, and
had in their list enrolled me soon a bloody death to die;
But I said, unmoved, uncaring, " Of your efforts be not sparing! Tis
but fair that I am sharing woes I oft have caused before."
Then said Tuam, " Let them take him, and a recreant voter make
him; priestly censures then shall shake him, till our grace he
shall implore!"
Swift! a storm of commination fierce, and rabid execration, threatening
excommunication, rose upon the murky air:
Father Burke cried, " Were you seated 'mid my flock, and with
repeated prayers the Bread of Life entreated, to comply I should
not dare!"
Father Rourke yelled, "Were you lying on your wretched pallet,
dying; for the priest's last succour crying, Atheist, I'd. not be
there!"
Father Toole shrieked, "Were you sleeping on your bier, and all
your weeping friends came to the churcbyard creeping, hallowed
grave you should not share !"
Father Blake howled, " If before ye died, ye offered all the store
ye had to 'scape from Purgatory, Beast! you shouldn't buy a
prayer!"
'Twas the last shot in their quiver. Through my veins there ran a
shiver, for before me flowed a river—black and turbid was its
wave;
And I hurried towards it sadly, thinking as I went, " How gladly, from
these foes who howl so madly, in it shall I find a grave."
" Yoicks !" cried Tuam, " Forward, Grady ! Hark od, Murphy ! To
him, Brady ! So ho, Daly ! Seize him, Thady ! e'er the
wretch himself shall save."
But I cared not for their screaming, for the golden gates were gleaming,
and the crystal columns beaming bright and clear before mine
eye,
And across the water stealing, thrilling every sense and feeling, came
the glad triumphant pealing of a glorious melody ;
On the other bank appearing each departed friend of Erin shouted
" Plunge in, never fearing! Glorious visions wait thee here !
Patriot zeal and brave endeavour shall not wholly fail for ever, Erin's
mental bonds to sever, Erin's drooping sons to cheer."
So I plunged, and lo ! the sighing of the night wind woke me, lying
near the portal: round me flying, mocking echoes seemed to cry—
When I asked in desperation, " Are there hopes of restoration for my
poor degraded nation ? "—" Yes, there may be—Bye and Bye."
TRUTH IN FICTION.
At Romsey—commonly called Romsey-on-the-Mud—there is a
Young Man's Improvement Association ; and, says a correspondent of
the Hampshire Independent :
"A lecture in connection with the Society was given in our Town Hall on Tuesday
evening, by the Reveeend Me. Bdgbt of Winchester, on ' The Literature of Fiction.'
The subject was very ably treated, the design of the lecturer being to show that there
might be much amusemeut in works of that character (harmless in themselves), but
not much sterling information."
No ? Not much sterling information in JEsop's Fables ? not in
Robinson Crusoe ? Not in Shakspeare ? Not in—nay, where are we to
stop ? for who shall say that a parable is not an imaginary narration;
a case put: not necessarily the statement of positive fact, though con-
veying essential truth, and of course, " sterling information." Oh,
oh, Ms. Btjgby !
To the Editor of Notes and Queries.
" Sir,—Will you be pleased to inform the Members of our Reading
Club, whether or not the Rev. Mr. Northcote, the miracle-monger,
is a distant relation of the late Miss Joanna Southcotb, who was
formerly in the same line of business ?
" Yours, in a state of wonder,
" Ignatius Gullible Bolltr."
^ holding by a bad title.
It has been suggested by a worn-out wag, who gives his mornings
to conundrums and his nights to puns, that Louis Napoleon, instead
of being called Bone-a-part, should have conferred upon him the title of
Grab-thi-whole. _
The Great Putter-down op French Revolutions.—Macadam.
HOODED SNAKES.
The poison of the cobra—or hooded snake—has been learnedly
discussed, since the death of the poor rash man bitten in the Park. It
is patent, we believe, to'all men that there is no poison so virulent as
that secreted under a hood: the hooded snake of all snakes being the
most deadly. Neither can it be tamed or trusted. It is well known
that the jugglers who feign to charm the reptiles with hoods—who
boast a power over them—allowing them to play about their heads and
wind into their bosoms—have first extracted the poison-sac from the
cobra's mouth; or, if they have not removed the venom-bag, they have
suffered the snakes so to exhaust themselves by having irritated them
to bite lower objects, that the poison is exhausted: time being neces-
sary for a new secretion. Any way, however, unless the sac be plucked
clean out, it is a very, very ticklish matter to play with, or place any
confidence in a hooded snake.
History shews us various examples of men who have grasped, and
that, too, with iron fingers the hooded snake; that twisted and twined,
and with eyes blazing hot as embers that roasted men in the market-
place, burned harmlessly upon him. One Martin Luther became
very celebrated for his bold handling of the great hooded snake of his
time: never did it have such a grip; never did it expend so much
of its venom with so little mischief. Shortly after, one Harry
Ttjdor grasped the snake with a strong hand: and Elizabeth his
daughter seized the hooded reptile boldly, calmly as Billingsgate
fishwoman would seize an eel.
And now, in our day, comes forth John Bright. He proposes to
make the hooded snake quite harmless by petting it with pretty words.
He pipes notes of peace to it, as the Indians pipe and play the drum to
make their snakes dance. John Bright—with an honest desire for
religious equality in Ireland—would, in the simplicity of his heart, tie
even a true lover's knot with the hooded snake; but John Bright,
take heed—remember the poison bags. Nevertheless, it may be
reserved to one of the Friends to make for ever harmless the hooded
snake. Mr. Brisco Oaten, writing from Wales, tells how in the
Deccan, where he lived once upon a day, the cobra is made innocuous:
" These people have a simple method of removing the venomous fangs of this reptile,
one of which is situated in each upper jaw, by teasing the animal and causing it to
bite at a piece of woollen cloth, at the same time sharply withdrawing the cloth, by
which means the fangs are withdrawn."
Has Mr. Bright heard of this remedy ? Will he try Ms cloth; and
will the innocent Dr. Cahill, not in anger but in good faith, bite at
Quaker's drab ?
A WORD WITH THE MONITEUR.
That very impartial print,
the Momteur, in describing
the enthusiasm with which
the President was lately
greeted at Grenoble, adds
with a discrimination that is
really quite delicious:—
" One thing particularly strikea
the inhabitants amidst that enthu-
siasm ; it is the contrast between
the general emotion and the calm-
ness preserved by the Chief of the
State, even when his heart is most
keenly affected by the testimonies
of love of which he is the object
His usual serenity, however, is
then tinged with an air of benevo-
lence which prepossesses every
one in his favour."
Charming man! No
wonder France adores him.
But, Moniteur, a word with
you. Are cats not " calm,"
just when they make their
PHMfllrt^ spring P And, Moniteur,
pray how did you discover
that bis heart was "affected" so "keenly?" Did his Serene and
Benevolent Highness, himself, inform you of the fact ? Or have you
learned it since from his physician ? Well: sermons, we know, may
be sometimes found in stones: but we little dreamt of ever finding that
Louis Napoleon had an affection of the heart!
A Protectionist Paradox.
It is rather remarkable that the party which used to be so obstinately
attached to existing institutions, should have evinced a desire to
"reverse the order of-things," but it is no less strange than true that
the Protectionist Government has made an attempt to insure its life
by the surrender of its policy.