Punch: Punch (23.1852)

PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

mpart of her demand. Is it even a farthing in the pound? Con-
scientiously, wo think not. ,

We have yet the bill to come in for the funeral of the Duke. Will
England grudge the cost, though a large one ? No. Yet we cannot
but wish—(if Horatia must still remain unrecognized by the state)—
that some few hundred yards the less of cloth had been hung about
St. Paul's to the loss of Dean and Chapter, so that Nelson's
daughter might have had their value. We scarcely think that even the
shade of the Duke—if shades are conscious of funeral braveries—would
have withheld them.

And now we are to have an architectural, an educational monument
to the Duke. A school is to be erected to his memory; a school
whereat the children of soldiers shall be reared and instructed. A very
noble monument this—glorious to the dead—benevolent to the living.
A golden shower already descends upon the mere thought of the
institution. May the shower still fall plenteously; but while, in
honour of the memory of Wellington, we succour and educate the
children of soldiers foreign to his blood—let us at least do something
to provide for the eight grandchildren of Nelson—children in "whose
living temples beats" the current of that blood that flowed through
mortal wound at Trafalgar.

Any way, if acknowledgement must be still withheld, let us for very
decency prohibit, ban the Life of Nelson from the class-books of the
scholars of the Wellington School. Let them not read how Nelson
with his last words cried through his friend Hardy to his country,
" Never forget Hokatia ! "—only to learn how doggedly his country
persisted to forget her.

FACTION IN SHOE LANE.

The Morning Herald cries exultingly—

" Ripped up from snont to tall, lies be/ore us
the carcase of the beast Faction ! "

How is this ? We thought it was not
possible to rip up without a "division?"
And at the time the Herald rejoiced,
nobody had divided. But the Herald
has a prophetic genius. And had de-
termined to have Eaction ripped up;
and moreover—as barbers kill calves,
and dress them as bears, with the san-
guinary placard "slaughtered to-day"—
so had the Herald resolved to exhibit the
beast, when ripped up, at the office-door
in Shoe Lane, Mrs. Gamp (in this
wet weather in very high pattens) at-
tending, and with her umbrella " point-
ing out all the infernals of the beast
as it was Tipped up by Benjamin's
knife, which is a iron pen, in Her
Majesty's Parlyment, which is the Commons."

Consolations in Railway Travel,

The mail train from Plymouth having got off the line the other night,
a newspaper paragraph states that the grumbling of the passengers
was converted into conviviality by the appearance of cigars and brandy-
and-water, brought from a neighbouring hotel; by which aids to
philosophy they were enabled to endure a delay of some considerable
length. This circumstance may suggest the introduction into an Act
for the Better Regulation of Railways, of a clause obliging every train
to carry spirits and tobacco for the solacement of passengers during
any detention; for which the mildest penalty should be the fine of a
glass of grog and unlimited cigars all round.

a thin house.

The Irish Brigade will have it all their own way this Session ; for,
with the exception of Colonel Sibthorp, Mr. Booker, the Marquis
of Granby, and one or two more extreme Protectionists, the two
chief parties in the House—the Ministerialists and the Eree Traders-
are six of one and half-a-dozen of the other.

the monarchy of malt and hops.

We have heard a great deal about the Ale-Kings of late • but there
are no such monarchsreigning • they are all X-Kings; indeed,
sovereigns of XX and XXX.

Golden Prospects.—Some half-dozen tons of gold were imported
a few days ago. We shall probably soon hear of " pigs " of gold • and
certainly the form of the pig would be that most appropriate to
filthy lucre.

THE EMPIRE OE BEADLEDOM.

The appeal to the Arcade on the question of the hereditary Beadle-
dom, has been responded to by eight millions of votes, though the
number of electors is less than a hundred, but this only serves to show
the enthusiasm of the people. The votes were collected in an electoral
tea-urn, and the Lascar having asked permission to record his vote, it
was received apart in a breakfast-cup. None of the diplomatic circle
have taken any interest in the election; and, notwithstanding what has
been said by the friends of the Beadledom, we are enabled to contra-
dict positively the absurd rumour that Baron Nathan had tendered
his vote in an egg-cup. The Baron has maintained throughout a dig-
nified reserve, shutting himself up in his cloak, and dictating no other
steps but those which he has always prescribed to those—his pupils—
who submit their movements to his guidance.

The marriage of the Beadle is again talked about, and a portrait of
the intended bride has been shown at the Beadle's lodge to a select
circle. The lady is connected collaterally with the Alley of Cranbourne,
and is a daughter of the House of Dunstable. The Tuscan and Leg-
horn interests are said to be opposed to the match, but it is probable
that when the Empire of Beadledom is fully established in the person
of Bumble II., there may be a change of sentiment.

The coronation will, of course, be the next step, and it is said that
the celebrated Pope—the carrier—will be invited over from Hammer-
smith to carry out the arrangements.

Commerce has been rather dull in the Arcade during the past week,
but orders are now beginning to come in, and several dozens of China
save-alls have been purchased for an hotel in the neighbourhood. A
slight rise in the price of bran has checked the dealings in dolls, but
with the approach of the Christmas holidays activity is expected.

BENJAMIN'S ADDRESS TO (PARLIAMENTARY) YOUTH

Ingenuous Youth! to you I will appeal,
Now first among these hard old stagers met;

For ah ! your hearts have not forgot to feel,
The Session's humbug has not steeled them yet.

You have not known of subdolous intrigue,

Of thimblerig, or anything like that,
Of factious motion or designing league :

You never knew a partisan to rat.

You have not learned to crack the bitter joke
On men who turn out other than they seemed,

On promises unscrupulously broke,
And pledges scandalously unredeemed.

Yours is the season of undoubting trust,
Such as when vernal sunshine gilds the scene ;

Ere yet the ways are parched to dreary dust,
And leaves and herbs and ducks and peas are green.

Oh ! lend me, then, your ears, and do not think

That I will e'er abuse the precious loan;
Confide in me, however they may wink,

Old in the wicked paths of party grown.

Like smiling Hope, and Faith, with lips apart,
That ne'er applies her thumb against her nose,

List to my tale, devoid of specious art,
And don't suspect whatever I propose.

A Diadem for the Emperor.

Trade has its heart as well as its pocket. Hence, a few Parisian
tradesmen—disinterested admirers of Louis Napoleon—have resolved
to present the new Emperor with, say the papers, "a new diadem
set with diamonds." May we be allowed to suggest bullets instead ?
They would be incomparably cheaper, and at the same time would
more truly illustrate the means by which the Emperor has obtained his
sovereignty. Bullets by all means, subscribed too—(we doubt not
that they might, with due search be found)—from the very hearts of
his people.

An Indefatigable Librarian.

Mr. Panizzi, hearing some gentlemen make allusions to "the Book
of Nature," goes rushing wildly about town, making inquiries who is
the publisher, in order that he may serve him with a summons to the
Police Court for not having sent a copy of the Book of Nature to the
British Museum.

A fight on Phraseology.—The whole debate in the House has
been as to the terms of the Protectionist surrender.