DOI issue:
July to December, 1852
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16610#0273
PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
265
BELLS UPON MY MIND.
Air—" Bells upon the Wind"
That tinkling voice, that tinkling voice,
Which rings above my head,
In accents jingling on my ears
With tone I've learned to dread.
Those madd'ning sounds, those madd'ning sounds
Above, below, behind,
Are quite enough to drive me wild
With bells upon my mind.
Those hateful tones, those hateful tones,
From morn till night I hear ;
At morn they summon boots and shoes,
At noon and night 'tis beer.
The .barass'd boots, the barass'd boots,
No peace can hope to find,
While he is troubled day and night
With bells upon the mind.
THE FLOODS AND THE FARMERS.
We see by the papers that the farmers have, in many places, suffered
most severely from the recent inundations. " Great loss of property "
is the general report, and in the low lands, especially, there have been
high grounds for it. There has, moreover, been a complete bouleverse-
ment of the usual routine of farming: and the " four course shift" seems,
in many districts, to have been completely shifted. But little seed has
yet been sown, for there has been but little land left dry enough to sow
it in. And sheep-washmg has commenced considerably before its time.
Several flocks, we hear, have been already washed clean—away ; hurried,
like defrauding publicans, to their watery bier.
It is not often we can sympathise with our almost stereotypically
" distressed " agriculturists. Their frequent cries of " Wolf!" have
somewhat steeled our heart against them. But the present is a case of
really " real distress," and as such we offer our sincere condolence.
Such excessive wetting must, for a time, have damped their prospects.
Still, we trust they will be able to keep their heads above water.
Odd Fellows in Parliament.
A new lodge of Odd Fellows has lately been established under the
name of the Derby Election Committee. The members of this secret
society have been holding their meetings during the past week with
closed doors. Their mystical emblem is the Rose ; under which flower,
in a figurative sense, the proceedings of this sect of Rosycrucians are
car. ied on.
The Bold Man's Budget.—The reduction of the Malt duty to
cheapen ale and beer is but a half-and-half measure.
EDUCATION TRADE REPORT.
The Governess market continues hat. There is a limited demand
for full-grown Church-of-Englands, with character and accomplish-
ments. Some inquiry is made for music and French; but the tone of
it is low: and the terms offered for the former article resolve them-
selves into barter, being a mere song. In some cases, indeed, sales are
attempted, to be negotiated for no money at all, or at least for notes
which no bank could cash, or by a system of acceptances drawn on
paper equally worthless. In proof of the accuracy of these remarks,
we subjoin an advertisement from the Times, containing the most
extraordinary tenders, and purporting to be issued by a House at
Liverpool:—
WANTED, as JUNIOR GOVERNESS, in a school of the first respectability,
near Liverpool, a young lady, a member of the Church of England, not under 20
years of age, who has acquired the French language in France, and speaks it with a
good accent. She must also be competent to superintend piano practice, to lead a
singing class, and to assist in the umal routine of a school-room. No salary given, but
lessons in music and drawing from eminent professors, together with laundress, and
travelling expenses paid. If the young lady can converse fluently in German, a further
remuneration would be given. The strictest inquiry will be made as to character.
Apply by letter, post paid, to Beta, Messrs. Deighton and Laughton's, booksellers,
Church Street, Liverpool.
Considering the general business in ladies' maids, the steadiness in
housekeepers, and the high quotations of good plain cooks, many
persons are of opinion that the ridiculously low prices offered for Gover-
nesses are merely nominal, and published by designing parties on a
bear speculation in order to beat down the market; but whether
genuine or fictitious, such shameful proposals deserve the severest
reprobation. We incline to think the above announcement a hoax, on
account of the allusion to the laundress, whose functions would of
course be entirely unknown in a concern so dirty as the Liverpool
establishment.
SIGHS OF THE FAT,
(overheard AT baker stbeet.)
the PEN. Am—" / remember, I remember."
I'm a glutton, I'm a glutton,
Oh ! take warning, sheep, by me :
I'm not mutton, I'm not mutton,
Though it's what I ought to be.
All my lean, Sir, all my lean, Sir,
Is nothing else than fat :
You may clean, Sir, you may clean, Sir,
Every bone, and find but that.
I'm a glutton, &c.
THE STALL. Am—" Oh, dear, what can the Matter bet"
Oh, dear! what beast can fatter be ?
Dear, dear! what beast can fatter be ?
Breathing's an awkward affair.
But they Prize me, and buy me a bunch of blue ribbons,
They Prize me, and buy me a bunch of blue ribbons,
To show I've been fed with such care !
THE STY. Am—" Sing a Song of Sixpence."
Sing a song of fattening a pig within his sty,
Until he scarce could wag his tail, and scarce could wink his eye :
When the butcher killed him, he found no trace of lean—
Wouldn't that for Mk. Spbat a pretty dish have been ?
A GENTEEL BREACH OF THE PEACE.
"See,
"Bill Costers, tother nite at the Chekers, a readin out the
nusepaper for genral Hinformation, come to a count of a row tween a
couple o Swells, members of the ouse o commons Edded ' Fracaw in
Parlimant Street.' The story was, how one Swell feched another a
rap on the bacfc, and E as was It nock'd tuther Swel down and kickt
im in the guter. And this here Bisnis the papers calis a Fracaw.
Pleze, ser, can you Ixplane wy 'tis a skrimmidge atween swels is called
a Fracaw ? Sposin bill costers was to give me a slap in the Chopps
an I wos to pitch into im and Punch is ed, twould be spoke of as a
Brawl or a Scufle. Hif Fracaw is a Fine Word for Shindy, and
sickmfying a Mill amung the soupearior Clarses, preps you'd ave the
goodnis to blige your numerus Reeders by telling of us Ow Much
iVtoney a cove must be wuth per Hannum in Case of avin ad a Sett
Too to ave it call'd a Fracaw? I remane your umbel servent to
Come And, &c.
"fantail Court, desember 1852. " dick Rubley."
Everybody's Question.—If Lord Palmebston is master of the
situation, how is it that the noble Lord is out of Place P
265
BELLS UPON MY MIND.
Air—" Bells upon the Wind"
That tinkling voice, that tinkling voice,
Which rings above my head,
In accents jingling on my ears
With tone I've learned to dread.
Those madd'ning sounds, those madd'ning sounds
Above, below, behind,
Are quite enough to drive me wild
With bells upon my mind.
Those hateful tones, those hateful tones,
From morn till night I hear ;
At morn they summon boots and shoes,
At noon and night 'tis beer.
The .barass'd boots, the barass'd boots,
No peace can hope to find,
While he is troubled day and night
With bells upon the mind.
THE FLOODS AND THE FARMERS.
We see by the papers that the farmers have, in many places, suffered
most severely from the recent inundations. " Great loss of property "
is the general report, and in the low lands, especially, there have been
high grounds for it. There has, moreover, been a complete bouleverse-
ment of the usual routine of farming: and the " four course shift" seems,
in many districts, to have been completely shifted. But little seed has
yet been sown, for there has been but little land left dry enough to sow
it in. And sheep-washmg has commenced considerably before its time.
Several flocks, we hear, have been already washed clean—away ; hurried,
like defrauding publicans, to their watery bier.
It is not often we can sympathise with our almost stereotypically
" distressed " agriculturists. Their frequent cries of " Wolf!" have
somewhat steeled our heart against them. But the present is a case of
really " real distress," and as such we offer our sincere condolence.
Such excessive wetting must, for a time, have damped their prospects.
Still, we trust they will be able to keep their heads above water.
Odd Fellows in Parliament.
A new lodge of Odd Fellows has lately been established under the
name of the Derby Election Committee. The members of this secret
society have been holding their meetings during the past week with
closed doors. Their mystical emblem is the Rose ; under which flower,
in a figurative sense, the proceedings of this sect of Rosycrucians are
car. ied on.
The Bold Man's Budget.—The reduction of the Malt duty to
cheapen ale and beer is but a half-and-half measure.
EDUCATION TRADE REPORT.
The Governess market continues hat. There is a limited demand
for full-grown Church-of-Englands, with character and accomplish-
ments. Some inquiry is made for music and French; but the tone of
it is low: and the terms offered for the former article resolve them-
selves into barter, being a mere song. In some cases, indeed, sales are
attempted, to be negotiated for no money at all, or at least for notes
which no bank could cash, or by a system of acceptances drawn on
paper equally worthless. In proof of the accuracy of these remarks,
we subjoin an advertisement from the Times, containing the most
extraordinary tenders, and purporting to be issued by a House at
Liverpool:—
WANTED, as JUNIOR GOVERNESS, in a school of the first respectability,
near Liverpool, a young lady, a member of the Church of England, not under 20
years of age, who has acquired the French language in France, and speaks it with a
good accent. She must also be competent to superintend piano practice, to lead a
singing class, and to assist in the umal routine of a school-room. No salary given, but
lessons in music and drawing from eminent professors, together with laundress, and
travelling expenses paid. If the young lady can converse fluently in German, a further
remuneration would be given. The strictest inquiry will be made as to character.
Apply by letter, post paid, to Beta, Messrs. Deighton and Laughton's, booksellers,
Church Street, Liverpool.
Considering the general business in ladies' maids, the steadiness in
housekeepers, and the high quotations of good plain cooks, many
persons are of opinion that the ridiculously low prices offered for Gover-
nesses are merely nominal, and published by designing parties on a
bear speculation in order to beat down the market; but whether
genuine or fictitious, such shameful proposals deserve the severest
reprobation. We incline to think the above announcement a hoax, on
account of the allusion to the laundress, whose functions would of
course be entirely unknown in a concern so dirty as the Liverpool
establishment.
SIGHS OF THE FAT,
(overheard AT baker stbeet.)
the PEN. Am—" / remember, I remember."
I'm a glutton, I'm a glutton,
Oh ! take warning, sheep, by me :
I'm not mutton, I'm not mutton,
Though it's what I ought to be.
All my lean, Sir, all my lean, Sir,
Is nothing else than fat :
You may clean, Sir, you may clean, Sir,
Every bone, and find but that.
I'm a glutton, &c.
THE STALL. Am—" Oh, dear, what can the Matter bet"
Oh, dear! what beast can fatter be ?
Dear, dear! what beast can fatter be ?
Breathing's an awkward affair.
But they Prize me, and buy me a bunch of blue ribbons,
They Prize me, and buy me a bunch of blue ribbons,
To show I've been fed with such care !
THE STY. Am—" Sing a Song of Sixpence."
Sing a song of fattening a pig within his sty,
Until he scarce could wag his tail, and scarce could wink his eye :
When the butcher killed him, he found no trace of lean—
Wouldn't that for Mk. Spbat a pretty dish have been ?
A GENTEEL BREACH OF THE PEACE.
"See,
"Bill Costers, tother nite at the Chekers, a readin out the
nusepaper for genral Hinformation, come to a count of a row tween a
couple o Swells, members of the ouse o commons Edded ' Fracaw in
Parlimant Street.' The story was, how one Swell feched another a
rap on the bacfc, and E as was It nock'd tuther Swel down and kickt
im in the guter. And this here Bisnis the papers calis a Fracaw.
Pleze, ser, can you Ixplane wy 'tis a skrimmidge atween swels is called
a Fracaw ? Sposin bill costers was to give me a slap in the Chopps
an I wos to pitch into im and Punch is ed, twould be spoke of as a
Brawl or a Scufle. Hif Fracaw is a Fine Word for Shindy, and
sickmfying a Mill amung the soupearior Clarses, preps you'd ave the
goodnis to blige your numerus Reeders by telling of us Ow Much
iVtoney a cove must be wuth per Hannum in Case of avin ad a Sett
Too to ave it call'd a Fracaw? I remane your umbel servent to
Come And, &c.
"fantail Court, desember 1852. " dick Rubley."
Everybody's Question.—If Lord Palmebston is master of the
situation, how is it that the noble Lord is out of Place P