DOI issue:
January to June, 1853
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16611#0046
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
Mamma. "My dear Frederick, do, pray, take your Hands out of your
Pockets ! "
Frederick. " Couldn't do it, Mamma dear ; all our Men at Cambridge
WEAR THEIR hands IN THEIR POCKETS, and I couldn't DlSGRACE my COLLEGE
by TAKING MINE OUT ! ! "
THE SWEEP AND MANY EMENDS.
A sweep has just been having what may be called a brush
with the Post-Office. The "honest fellow" happens to find
the Newcastle mail bag lying in Coppice Row, when instead
of sacking the bag, he asks the assistance of a policeman to
carry it to the Post-Office. The " honest fellow" naturally
expects a reward, and on being offered ten sniffings, he writes
to the Times to say that acting under the advice of " his friends,"
he has refused the gratuity. We do not exactly understand
the principle on which the sweep, as advised by his " friends
in council," has declined taking the money. Is it considered
that ten shillings is not enough tor carrying a bag to the nearest
police station—to which the mail was conveyed by the help of
a constable—or does " the honest fellow," as advised by his
friends, adopt the respectable maxim that "honesty is its-
own reward," and that anv thing extra may therefore be
rejected as surplusage ? When questioned by the policeman
who met him carrying the bag, the sweep certainly appeared
to come out of the matter with clean hands, and indeed
he only expressed a wish to wash his hands of the bag alto-
gether.
As a remuneration for his labours, we think ten slrillings
must pay the sweep tolerably well for a short morning's work,
but if his friends think he ought to charge for his honesty,
we should find it difficult to estimate the value of that article
in a man who is induced to haggle about the worth of it.
Suppose the sweep were offered five pounds, would his friends
advise bim to accept that amount as the sum representing
the price of his integrity ? Walpole—not the late Home
Secretarv—said that " every man has his price." We wish
we could see a regular tariff drawn up, as a guide in such
cases as that of the sweep, who has evidently consulted his
friends for the purpose of obtaining satisfaction.
A Youthful Party.
Six Admirals dined together last week at Portsmouth, and
their united ages amounted to 556 years. The youngest of the
party, who was not more than 73, _ is anxiously waiting for his
turn to be called into active exercise. It is strongly feared by
liis friends, however, that his age will stand materially in bis
way, as he is considered far too young at present to be ap
pointed to any responsible post. The other Admirals join
their ships (gout permitting) in a few days.
POETEAIT OF AN AMERICAN STATESMAN.
"My dearest Punch,
"Mamma is what they call a strong-minded woman. She
is always reading books about Progress, and Mind, and the Mission of
Women, and all that sort of thing, especially American works. I
lately happened to take up one of these; it was an Oration by a kind
of clergyman of the name of Theodore Parker on the late Mr.
Daniel Webster. As it was lying open on mamma's desk, I observed
some passages in it which she had marked. They were descriptions of
Mr. Webster's features and personal appearance. Mamma, I know,
had marked them in admiration; but I am sure her taste is very
different from mine, and I think you will agree with me that Mr.
Parker's sketch is the portrait of a very plain man. Allow me, dear
Punch, to present you with a few of his remarks on the attractions of
the great President or Statesman, or whatever you call him. Eor
instance:—
"' He was a great man—a man of the largest mould—a great body and a great brain ;
he seemed made to last 100 years. Since Socrates, there has seldom been a head so
massive huge.'
" What an advantage to have a massive huge head! How extremely
like an elephant. Equally like Socrates, no doubt. I have been
shown a bust of Socrates. The head is certainly a ' massive huge'
one; as much so as Magog's ; broad enough in front for two, with a
wide, thick mouth, and a puggv, snubby nose. It can be no flattering
likeness to anybody; and indeed I never saw anything more ugly,
except the objects with such horrid faces that are carved in stone
about old cathedrals, and which I am told the Puseyites worship.
" I do not wonder at what Mr. Parker says a little farther on :—
"1 Men from the country, who knew him not, stared at him as he passed through our
streets.'
I dare say they did. I believe I should have been rude enough to do
so too. The boys must have run after him, if the girls did not. Nor
am I surprised at who were his principal admirers.
"' The coalheavers and -porters of London looked on him as one ot the great forces of
the globe; they recognised a native king.'
" Such a great, coarse, overgrown creature would naturally be the
admired of all coalheavers, as well as the observed of all observers. A
giant like that might be looked upon by them as equal to any force in
the world—however inferior, in other eyes, to a single officer in a.
certain regiment. That the porters and coalheavers recognised him
for a native king, too, is very likely. I dare say he did very much
resemble the Sovereign of the Cannibal Islands. In fact, Mr. Parker
says nearly as much :—
" ' What a mouth he had ! It was a lio?is mouth.'
"However, though Mr. Webster had a lion's mouth, there were
times, I conclude, when a Van Amburgh might have put liis head in
it. Because Mr. Parker continues :—
"' Yet there was a sweet grandeur in his smile, and a woman's softness when he
would.'
" But 1 can't believe that any man could possibly display such softness
as that—much less a being who, in a finishing touch, is painted as a
perfect Ogre :—
" ' What a brow it was ! What eyes ! like charcoal fire in the bottom of a deep dark
well. II is face was rugged with volcanic fire, great passions, and great thoughts I'
" Did you ever, Mr. Punch, read anything more terrible ? Why, this
is the description of a Monster. With two eyes like charcoal fire
glaring in the dark, Mr. Webster must have been a greater hideosity
than the giant I have read about, who had only one—the giant called
Polyphemus, although he was a man: but I suppose that Polly could
express a woman's softness, too. And then,_ only think of a face
rugged with volcanic fire ! A burning mountain of a man. I should
call him Vesuvius—and I wonder who could ever have married him
but .Etna : for, besides his face being in a state of fiery eruption, we
are told it was inflamed with great passions, which must have proved
fatal to domestic bliss. Who would ever dream of such a man ?—
though I am afraid /shall: and it will be the fault of the Rev. Mr.
Parker for putting the idea of such a fright into my head.
" Angelina."
Mamma. "My dear Frederick, do, pray, take your Hands out of your
Pockets ! "
Frederick. " Couldn't do it, Mamma dear ; all our Men at Cambridge
WEAR THEIR hands IN THEIR POCKETS, and I couldn't DlSGRACE my COLLEGE
by TAKING MINE OUT ! ! "
THE SWEEP AND MANY EMENDS.
A sweep has just been having what may be called a brush
with the Post-Office. The "honest fellow" happens to find
the Newcastle mail bag lying in Coppice Row, when instead
of sacking the bag, he asks the assistance of a policeman to
carry it to the Post-Office. The " honest fellow" naturally
expects a reward, and on being offered ten sniffings, he writes
to the Times to say that acting under the advice of " his friends,"
he has refused the gratuity. We do not exactly understand
the principle on which the sweep, as advised by his " friends
in council," has declined taking the money. Is it considered
that ten shillings is not enough tor carrying a bag to the nearest
police station—to which the mail was conveyed by the help of
a constable—or does " the honest fellow," as advised by his
friends, adopt the respectable maxim that "honesty is its-
own reward," and that anv thing extra may therefore be
rejected as surplusage ? When questioned by the policeman
who met him carrying the bag, the sweep certainly appeared
to come out of the matter with clean hands, and indeed
he only expressed a wish to wash his hands of the bag alto-
gether.
As a remuneration for his labours, we think ten slrillings
must pay the sweep tolerably well for a short morning's work,
but if his friends think he ought to charge for his honesty,
we should find it difficult to estimate the value of that article
in a man who is induced to haggle about the worth of it.
Suppose the sweep were offered five pounds, would his friends
advise bim to accept that amount as the sum representing
the price of his integrity ? Walpole—not the late Home
Secretarv—said that " every man has his price." We wish
we could see a regular tariff drawn up, as a guide in such
cases as that of the sweep, who has evidently consulted his
friends for the purpose of obtaining satisfaction.
A Youthful Party.
Six Admirals dined together last week at Portsmouth, and
their united ages amounted to 556 years. The youngest of the
party, who was not more than 73, _ is anxiously waiting for his
turn to be called into active exercise. It is strongly feared by
liis friends, however, that his age will stand materially in bis
way, as he is considered far too young at present to be ap
pointed to any responsible post. The other Admirals join
their ships (gout permitting) in a few days.
POETEAIT OF AN AMERICAN STATESMAN.
"My dearest Punch,
"Mamma is what they call a strong-minded woman. She
is always reading books about Progress, and Mind, and the Mission of
Women, and all that sort of thing, especially American works. I
lately happened to take up one of these; it was an Oration by a kind
of clergyman of the name of Theodore Parker on the late Mr.
Daniel Webster. As it was lying open on mamma's desk, I observed
some passages in it which she had marked. They were descriptions of
Mr. Webster's features and personal appearance. Mamma, I know,
had marked them in admiration; but I am sure her taste is very
different from mine, and I think you will agree with me that Mr.
Parker's sketch is the portrait of a very plain man. Allow me, dear
Punch, to present you with a few of his remarks on the attractions of
the great President or Statesman, or whatever you call him. Eor
instance:—
"' He was a great man—a man of the largest mould—a great body and a great brain ;
he seemed made to last 100 years. Since Socrates, there has seldom been a head so
massive huge.'
" What an advantage to have a massive huge head! How extremely
like an elephant. Equally like Socrates, no doubt. I have been
shown a bust of Socrates. The head is certainly a ' massive huge'
one; as much so as Magog's ; broad enough in front for two, with a
wide, thick mouth, and a puggv, snubby nose. It can be no flattering
likeness to anybody; and indeed I never saw anything more ugly,
except the objects with such horrid faces that are carved in stone
about old cathedrals, and which I am told the Puseyites worship.
" I do not wonder at what Mr. Parker says a little farther on :—
"1 Men from the country, who knew him not, stared at him as he passed through our
streets.'
I dare say they did. I believe I should have been rude enough to do
so too. The boys must have run after him, if the girls did not. Nor
am I surprised at who were his principal admirers.
"' The coalheavers and -porters of London looked on him as one ot the great forces of
the globe; they recognised a native king.'
" Such a great, coarse, overgrown creature would naturally be the
admired of all coalheavers, as well as the observed of all observers. A
giant like that might be looked upon by them as equal to any force in
the world—however inferior, in other eyes, to a single officer in a.
certain regiment. That the porters and coalheavers recognised him
for a native king, too, is very likely. I dare say he did very much
resemble the Sovereign of the Cannibal Islands. In fact, Mr. Parker
says nearly as much :—
" ' What a mouth he had ! It was a lio?is mouth.'
"However, though Mr. Webster had a lion's mouth, there were
times, I conclude, when a Van Amburgh might have put liis head in
it. Because Mr. Parker continues :—
"' Yet there was a sweet grandeur in his smile, and a woman's softness when he
would.'
" But 1 can't believe that any man could possibly display such softness
as that—much less a being who, in a finishing touch, is painted as a
perfect Ogre :—
" ' What a brow it was ! What eyes ! like charcoal fire in the bottom of a deep dark
well. II is face was rugged with volcanic fire, great passions, and great thoughts I'
" Did you ever, Mr. Punch, read anything more terrible ? Why, this
is the description of a Monster. With two eyes like charcoal fire
glaring in the dark, Mr. Webster must have been a greater hideosity
than the giant I have read about, who had only one—the giant called
Polyphemus, although he was a man: but I suppose that Polly could
express a woman's softness, too. And then,_ only think of a face
rugged with volcanic fire ! A burning mountain of a man. I should
call him Vesuvius—and I wonder who could ever have married him
but .Etna : for, besides his face being in a state of fiery eruption, we
are told it was inflamed with great passions, which must have proved
fatal to domestic bliss. Who would ever dream of such a man ?—
though I am afraid /shall: and it will be the fault of the Rev. Mr.
Parker for putting the idea of such a fright into my head.
" Angelina."