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https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16611#0267
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0.5
1 cm
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
137
and counter-dandy. The young men look as if they were accus-
tomed to try on the gloves in more ways than one, and as if their
time had been divided pretty equally between sparring, selling, and
slanging. Some customers are being half cajoled, half terrified into
purchasing, and an immense factitious activity prevails in the way of
packing, unpacking, folding, unfolding, ushering in and bowing out.
Enter The Unprotected.
Towzer (a principal). A chair for this lady. Now Madam (with
great volubility), what can we show you—our Cachemires, at four ten,
are highly popular, or our French chalis at sixteen the dress—usually
sold at thirty-four=-or our Genoa velvet mantles—the last fashion
from Paris {while rapidly discharging these and similar offers, the young
men are suiting the action to the word, piling up the goods referred to
round The Unpeotected).
The Unprotected {seizing a moment of breathlessness). No ; it was only
some worked window curtains.
Blowzer (succeeding to Towzer, who retires to take breath preparatory
to going in at a fresh victim). Show window curtains, Me.. Brownsmith
—the Swiss worked window curtains to the lady—fifteen thousand sets,
Madam; these at twelve—these at sixteen I would recommend—these
at thirty are still more exquisite—design Moresque, with Greek border,
and Gothic ends.
The Unprotected {after examining). Oh, but I don't think these are
the best quality.
Blowzer. I beg your pardon, Madam; the same as sold in the shops
for twice the price—and then the guarantee of the School of Design,
you will remember. But here is a cheaper article—though dearer in
the long run—at fourteen; we will say twelve.
The Unprotected {whose eye is keen, and who discovers the trashy
quality of the goods offered). Oh, no; I couldn't think of giving the
money for such things as that. They'd not stand two washings.
Blowzer. I beg your pardon, Madam. They are the best article
manufactured, and are offered as imported. However, we do not try
to force a sale. The Government has made it a condition. Pray
don't think of going till you've looked round. Our sprigged muslins,
now, as manufactured for the Empress—sweet morning wear. Show
muslins, Mr. Topper. {Muslins are showered down.) It is a pleasure,
to show them to a lady of your taste.
The Unprotected. No, thank you; I've no occasion for anything
of the kind.
Blowzer. Or scan -
most chaste, for you -
The Unprotected.
want anything of—
Blowzer. Our Ca
ou've seen our Ca
y the wandering tJ
tea-caravans. Obsei
co
— CM
and [ don't want it —
Blowzer {sternly) — o>
The Unprotected. -
Blowzer {still mz.
Mr. Screwjack, ycE
jack, Topper, and'=r2
impression). You 1 -
it's no use coming zz~
The Unprotected 3 N
Topper. Now Ma =—
Screwjack. You'( —
Flint. P'raps yo|E~
looks, wouldn't yoi — to
Towzer {coming 1 —
of this here disturb EL
Blowzer. A lady -
The Unprotected — ^
Towzer {frownin —
— CO
of one of the Aust:
— CM
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LOOK ON THIS ADVERTISEMENT, AND ON THAT
Really, when
one gets hold of
a sporting pa-
per, and reads
the cheerful
and encourag-
ing tone in
which one is in-
vited to pave
- the way to a for-
tune, to cheer
one's hearth-
stone and to be
brought home
with flying co-
lours, and all for
a mild " tip," a
" fee which can-
not possibly re-
pay the adver-
tiser," and "a
promise of five
per cent, on the winnings," it is very difficult to refrain from
writing to these Horse Pronhets, and asking for the " great secret,"
and the " right thing," which it has been the labour of their lives to
master, and yet may be had so dirt-cheap. But,
When Potluck and Snobston have something that will cheer and
do you good, and are sure that their Derby nag will win in a canter
and that your days of success are not far off:
When Dodger & Co. are gratified with the unique result of their
predictions, and print that "a great winner" has sent them ingratitude
a "handsome cheque" :
When a Gentleman guarantees you Chester and Derby for half a
sov., the affair being " only a matter of health."
When Coward and Squinton are determined that not one great
handicap shall elude their vigilance, are on the qui viae, and go heart
and soul into the work:
When Pilcher, though he has no claim on his subscribers as yet,
thanks them for acting handsome, and is so busy about Warwick that
he can't think of Doncaster: and, finally,
_ When J. Nonplus is going to give the ring an electric shock, thanks
his friends for their kind and ardent wishes, flatters himself that he is
going to shed round his path the light of truthfulness and success,
having received immense sums from stables to get on, and begs you
wdl enrol yourselves under his banner :
_ What a SHAME it is that the Times is allowed to dash our aspira-
tions by publishing such a paragraph as this ! A miserable shop-boy,
whose friends are respectable, is sent for trial by Mr. Elliott, for
plundering his master's till.
" Sbroea.nt Romaine, in addition to the evidence he had given, said, that on search-
ing the prisoner's boxes he had found one of them filled with love-letters, sporting
calendars, the Racing Tones, and other documents, from which it was quite apparent he
dabbled in betting on horse-racing. Amongst the documents so found was a ' tip ' or
prophecy by * • * * * one of the numerous sporting prophets that have lately sprung
up, and who reap a rich harvest by the credulity of shopmen, errand boys, &c. This
' tip' comprised a list of the horses ' who would be the winners' in all the principal
races throughout the year, but, singular to relate, in all the races that have come
off ***** is at fault, for, out of a dozen of races, he has not even guessed a single
winner.11
We call on the true friends of the sporting world to put down the
police-court. It is clear that the two institutions cannot go on
together.
The Warlock of the Glen.
We read in the papers that it has been legally decided " there is a
public road through Glen Tilt," and that the Duke is made liable to
"the whole expenses of the process." It is a natural result of the
obstinacy shown by the Duke that he has made away with a great deal
of money in refusing to let the public make a way across his ground,
and he has run through—because he would not let others walk through—
a small portion of his vast property. As the path is now opened once
for all, we will not again open the question.
Very Bitter, but how True.
A man will forgive an injury, or the pull of a nose, or a kick, or being
supplanted in a woman's affections, or the robbery of an umbrella, or,
perhaps, a dishonoured bill, and, in certain cases, even bad wine; he
will forgive anything, down to the blackest ingratitude, but what he
can scarcely ever bring himself to forgive, especially in a rival or a
Inend, is a great success.
137
and counter-dandy. The young men look as if they were accus-
tomed to try on the gloves in more ways than one, and as if their
time had been divided pretty equally between sparring, selling, and
slanging. Some customers are being half cajoled, half terrified into
purchasing, and an immense factitious activity prevails in the way of
packing, unpacking, folding, unfolding, ushering in and bowing out.
Enter The Unprotected.
Towzer (a principal). A chair for this lady. Now Madam (with
great volubility), what can we show you—our Cachemires, at four ten,
are highly popular, or our French chalis at sixteen the dress—usually
sold at thirty-four=-or our Genoa velvet mantles—the last fashion
from Paris {while rapidly discharging these and similar offers, the young
men are suiting the action to the word, piling up the goods referred to
round The Unpeotected).
The Unprotected {seizing a moment of breathlessness). No ; it was only
some worked window curtains.
Blowzer (succeeding to Towzer, who retires to take breath preparatory
to going in at a fresh victim). Show window curtains, Me.. Brownsmith
—the Swiss worked window curtains to the lady—fifteen thousand sets,
Madam; these at twelve—these at sixteen I would recommend—these
at thirty are still more exquisite—design Moresque, with Greek border,
and Gothic ends.
The Unprotected {after examining). Oh, but I don't think these are
the best quality.
Blowzer. I beg your pardon, Madam; the same as sold in the shops
for twice the price—and then the guarantee of the School of Design,
you will remember. But here is a cheaper article—though dearer in
the long run—at fourteen; we will say twelve.
The Unprotected {whose eye is keen, and who discovers the trashy
quality of the goods offered). Oh, no; I couldn't think of giving the
money for such things as that. They'd not stand two washings.
Blowzer. I beg your pardon, Madam. They are the best article
manufactured, and are offered as imported. However, we do not try
to force a sale. The Government has made it a condition. Pray
don't think of going till you've looked round. Our sprigged muslins,
now, as manufactured for the Empress—sweet morning wear. Show
muslins, Mr. Topper. {Muslins are showered down.) It is a pleasure,
to show them to a lady of your taste.
The Unprotected. No, thank you; I've no occasion for anything
of the kind.
Blowzer. Or scan -
most chaste, for you -
The Unprotected.
want anything of—
Blowzer. Our Ca
ou've seen our Ca
y the wandering tJ
tea-caravans. Obsei
co
— CM
and [ don't want it —
Blowzer {sternly) — o>
The Unprotected. -
Blowzer {still mz.
Mr. Screwjack, ycE
jack, Topper, and'=r2
impression). You 1 -
it's no use coming zz~
The Unprotected 3 N
Topper. Now Ma =—
Screwjack. You'( —
Flint. P'raps yo|E~
looks, wouldn't yoi — to
Towzer {coming 1 —
of this here disturb EL
Blowzer. A lady -
The Unprotected — ^
Towzer {frownin —
— CO
of one of the Aust:
— CM
t: i
GO
c
0 ?
nr
>
CD
LL
CD
0
+-*
c *
CO
0 1
>
0)
0 >
CD
>
0) c
CM
i_ CO
>
0 a
CD
CD
1—
□ a
>
CD
O 0
CD
O
LOOK ON THIS ADVERTISEMENT, AND ON THAT
Really, when
one gets hold of
a sporting pa-
per, and reads
the cheerful
and encourag-
ing tone in
which one is in-
vited to pave
- the way to a for-
tune, to cheer
one's hearth-
stone and to be
brought home
with flying co-
lours, and all for
a mild " tip," a
" fee which can-
not possibly re-
pay the adver-
tiser," and "a
promise of five
per cent, on the winnings," it is very difficult to refrain from
writing to these Horse Pronhets, and asking for the " great secret,"
and the " right thing," which it has been the labour of their lives to
master, and yet may be had so dirt-cheap. But,
When Potluck and Snobston have something that will cheer and
do you good, and are sure that their Derby nag will win in a canter
and that your days of success are not far off:
When Dodger & Co. are gratified with the unique result of their
predictions, and print that "a great winner" has sent them ingratitude
a "handsome cheque" :
When a Gentleman guarantees you Chester and Derby for half a
sov., the affair being " only a matter of health."
When Coward and Squinton are determined that not one great
handicap shall elude their vigilance, are on the qui viae, and go heart
and soul into the work:
When Pilcher, though he has no claim on his subscribers as yet,
thanks them for acting handsome, and is so busy about Warwick that
he can't think of Doncaster: and, finally,
_ When J. Nonplus is going to give the ring an electric shock, thanks
his friends for their kind and ardent wishes, flatters himself that he is
going to shed round his path the light of truthfulness and success,
having received immense sums from stables to get on, and begs you
wdl enrol yourselves under his banner :
_ What a SHAME it is that the Times is allowed to dash our aspira-
tions by publishing such a paragraph as this ! A miserable shop-boy,
whose friends are respectable, is sent for trial by Mr. Elliott, for
plundering his master's till.
" Sbroea.nt Romaine, in addition to the evidence he had given, said, that on search-
ing the prisoner's boxes he had found one of them filled with love-letters, sporting
calendars, the Racing Tones, and other documents, from which it was quite apparent he
dabbled in betting on horse-racing. Amongst the documents so found was a ' tip ' or
prophecy by * • * * * one of the numerous sporting prophets that have lately sprung
up, and who reap a rich harvest by the credulity of shopmen, errand boys, &c. This
' tip' comprised a list of the horses ' who would be the winners' in all the principal
races throughout the year, but, singular to relate, in all the races that have come
off ***** is at fault, for, out of a dozen of races, he has not even guessed a single
winner.11
We call on the true friends of the sporting world to put down the
police-court. It is clear that the two institutions cannot go on
together.
The Warlock of the Glen.
We read in the papers that it has been legally decided " there is a
public road through Glen Tilt," and that the Duke is made liable to
"the whole expenses of the process." It is a natural result of the
obstinacy shown by the Duke that he has made away with a great deal
of money in refusing to let the public make a way across his ground,
and he has run through—because he would not let others walk through—
a small portion of his vast property. As the path is now opened once
for all, we will not again open the question.
Very Bitter, but how True.
A man will forgive an injury, or the pull of a nose, or a kick, or being
supplanted in a woman's affections, or the robbery of an umbrella, or,
perhaps, a dishonoured bill, and, in certain cases, even bad wine; he
will forgive anything, down to the blackest ingratitude, but what he
can scarcely ever bring himself to forgive, especially in a rival or a
Inend, is a great success.