DOI issue:
January to June, 1853
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16611#0065
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
57
OUT-HERALDING HERALDRY.
the Right Hon. the
Earl of Kinnoul,
Lord Lyon, King of
Arms, 8fC, Sfc, 8fc.
"My Loud,
"Ialways thought
Edinburgh was the
Modern Athens, but
it would seem to be
the Scotch Gotham.
"Five philosophers
of that celebrated
city have, in a peti-
tion to your Lord-
ship, committed a
most unwarrantable
outrage on your
Lordship's humble
servant. They have
in the most gratui-
tous and uncalled for
manner attacked me,
with a view to dis-
lodge me from a
position which I have
for centuries occupied
unmolested in the
Royal Arms of the
United Kingdom. In appears to be their wish that I should cede that post of
honour to an obsolete quadruped calling itself the Lion of Scotland.
"I am sure your Lordship has never heard of any Scotch Lion worthy of
the least notice, since the Lion Wallace ; and will admit that one consolidated
Lion is sufficient for the heraldry of Great Britain.
" My Lord, it has been erroneously reported that I am defunct. I apprehend
that this is the supposition of ' John Grant, Esq., accountant;' ' James Mac-
nab, Esq., writer;' ' Stewart Watson, Esq., historical painter •' ' Patrick.
Edward Dove, Esq.and ' James Grant, Esq., architect.' They imagine me to
be dead—and therefore have they lifted their heels against me.
" Will your Lordship have the kindness to inform them that I am alive and—
kicking I might say, if I were like one of themselves, but no !—alive and ' passant.'
" Your Lordship will, perhaps, further oblige me by directing the attention of
these extremely zealous sticklers tor Scottish symbolism, to an emblem of nationality
for which they may indulge their preference without objection. I mean the thistle.
In conclusion, my Lord, I beg to say, that I hope your Lordship will not lend
your ears to those whose own are too long already; and I have the honour
■to be, &c,
" Queen's Arms, Jan., 1853. " The British Lion."
THE PIG-HEADED PUBLIC.
The Managers of the Zoological Gardens in the Regent's Park deserve infinite
praise for their energy in providing novelty for the " Zoological Recreations"
of the public in general. We have had, in succession, a boa-constrictor—whose
blanket-trick rendered him so great a favourite; the hippopotamus—who made
a sort of splash for a short time by his well-known feat of the plunge bath; an
elephant calf—whose infant elephantine gambols put him into everybody's mouth,
and got him universally talked about; and now we have, as the star of the season,
a Choiropotamos or river pig. This interesting brute is expected to win all
hearts by his superior cleanliness, and by habits altogether unlike the porcine
fraternity. We understand the new comer has been secured at considerable cost,
for the Managers of the Zoological Society thought it worth while to go the whole
hog in securing the river pig for their establislunent, which is beginning to take
its position as one of the lions of the season.
The Bishop of Cartridge.
The Vladika oe Montenegro, who is now occupying so prominent a position,
■is an odd fellow. He is a sort of Highland Chief, and also Bishop; a kind of
episcopal Roderick Dhtj. His mitre is supposed to be sabre-proof. He goes
about with a dirk and several braces of pistols stuck in his girdle, and instead
of a crosier he carries a rifle, with which he is the best shot in his own diocese.
The charges of this prelate are peculiarly impressive, consisting as they do of
powder and ball, and being delivered with unerring precision.
an after-dinner conundrum.
Q. If a Prenchman had been promised a Quart Bottle of Port, what would he
exclaim when it was brought to him ?
A. 0 ! Dis-a-pint-meant ! !! " (See " Police Report" next Monday?)
THE SPANISH LADY'S LOVE.
Being the Old Ballad altered to suit the times?)
Would you hear a Spanish ladye
How an Emperor she won ?
Very marked attentions paid he,
But she was not to be done.
The belle of all the Tuileries balls was she.
And had a gross of titles and a mile of pedigree.
To be mistress of the Master
Of the Frenche she was too high;
Cupid's bonds did hold him faster
All the more that she foughte shy:
In her charming company was all his joy,
But to favour him in anything he found her coy
Till at last he gave commandment
At Compiegne a hunt should be;
To chase the dear was his intention—
_ But not the one spelt double e.
Then said the ladye milde, " His game I see,
But mine is not a heart that *s caught so easilie."
" Gentle ladye, show some pitie ;
I'm an Emperor—no lesse ! "
But the ladye was too wittie
To be caughte with chaffe, 1 guesse ;
" There's one way from my chains yourself to free,
My gallant Emperor—that is, to marry me."
" Aught I '11 swear, so thou but love me;
See, on marrow-bones I goe !"
" Sire, fair words no parsnips butter,
Swearing don't coste much, you knowe.
Some people I have known swear over nighte,
Who all tlieir oaths next morning have forgotten quite.
" The Assemblie saw no reason
'Gainst your treading Gallic grounde :
Then all traitors and all treason
How you swore, Sire, to confounde !
But now the Assemblie you have overthrowne,
And in their place you sit, as Emperor, alone."
" Hold your tongue, free-spoken ladye,
Hold your tongue, you are a bore:
Of fair ladies there are plentie,
Erance doth yield a wondrous store;
Spaniards to their own fortunes may be blinde,
But the Erench ladies to my prayer will be more kinde.
" Yet forgive me, lovely Spaniard,
You alone possess my heart;
And with thee, if so it must be,
My Imperial crowne I 'U part.
With all the Royal houses to wedde I've done my best,
But all decline the honor—the Coburgs 'mong the rest."
" I have neither golde or silver,
To maintain me in such place;
To be Empress is great charges,
As you know, in any case."
" My cash and jewels every one shall be thy owne,
The sums I've made by dabbling in the Eunds are quite
unknowne."
" On French thrones are many changes
Quick they fall who quickly rise :
Then the way you 'ye been behaving—
Prisoning, shooting, telling lies !"
" A better man henceforth I mean to be,
And all the credit of the change they will set down to
thee!"
" Then your friends, Sire, of both sexes,
Have a reputation sad;
Louis Quinze had his Dubarrys,
Other Louis are as bad."
" I '11 set them all a packing, whate'er age, sex. or claims,
Till your Court's dull and decorous as that of sour
St. James."
" Well, Sire, upon these conditions
I to share your throne consent;
Spanish ladies are no greenhorns,
With bare love to be content;
But Empress—though of such an Emperor—to be,
Is a chance I can't resist, though a true blue-blood
grandee."
57
OUT-HERALDING HERALDRY.
the Right Hon. the
Earl of Kinnoul,
Lord Lyon, King of
Arms, 8fC, Sfc, 8fc.
"My Loud,
"Ialways thought
Edinburgh was the
Modern Athens, but
it would seem to be
the Scotch Gotham.
"Five philosophers
of that celebrated
city have, in a peti-
tion to your Lord-
ship, committed a
most unwarrantable
outrage on your
Lordship's humble
servant. They have
in the most gratui-
tous and uncalled for
manner attacked me,
with a view to dis-
lodge me from a
position which I have
for centuries occupied
unmolested in the
Royal Arms of the
United Kingdom. In appears to be their wish that I should cede that post of
honour to an obsolete quadruped calling itself the Lion of Scotland.
"I am sure your Lordship has never heard of any Scotch Lion worthy of
the least notice, since the Lion Wallace ; and will admit that one consolidated
Lion is sufficient for the heraldry of Great Britain.
" My Lord, it has been erroneously reported that I am defunct. I apprehend
that this is the supposition of ' John Grant, Esq., accountant;' ' James Mac-
nab, Esq., writer;' ' Stewart Watson, Esq., historical painter •' ' Patrick.
Edward Dove, Esq.and ' James Grant, Esq., architect.' They imagine me to
be dead—and therefore have they lifted their heels against me.
" Will your Lordship have the kindness to inform them that I am alive and—
kicking I might say, if I were like one of themselves, but no !—alive and ' passant.'
" Your Lordship will, perhaps, further oblige me by directing the attention of
these extremely zealous sticklers tor Scottish symbolism, to an emblem of nationality
for which they may indulge their preference without objection. I mean the thistle.
In conclusion, my Lord, I beg to say, that I hope your Lordship will not lend
your ears to those whose own are too long already; and I have the honour
■to be, &c,
" Queen's Arms, Jan., 1853. " The British Lion."
THE PIG-HEADED PUBLIC.
The Managers of the Zoological Gardens in the Regent's Park deserve infinite
praise for their energy in providing novelty for the " Zoological Recreations"
of the public in general. We have had, in succession, a boa-constrictor—whose
blanket-trick rendered him so great a favourite; the hippopotamus—who made
a sort of splash for a short time by his well-known feat of the plunge bath; an
elephant calf—whose infant elephantine gambols put him into everybody's mouth,
and got him universally talked about; and now we have, as the star of the season,
a Choiropotamos or river pig. This interesting brute is expected to win all
hearts by his superior cleanliness, and by habits altogether unlike the porcine
fraternity. We understand the new comer has been secured at considerable cost,
for the Managers of the Zoological Society thought it worth while to go the whole
hog in securing the river pig for their establislunent, which is beginning to take
its position as one of the lions of the season.
The Bishop of Cartridge.
The Vladika oe Montenegro, who is now occupying so prominent a position,
■is an odd fellow. He is a sort of Highland Chief, and also Bishop; a kind of
episcopal Roderick Dhtj. His mitre is supposed to be sabre-proof. He goes
about with a dirk and several braces of pistols stuck in his girdle, and instead
of a crosier he carries a rifle, with which he is the best shot in his own diocese.
The charges of this prelate are peculiarly impressive, consisting as they do of
powder and ball, and being delivered with unerring precision.
an after-dinner conundrum.
Q. If a Prenchman had been promised a Quart Bottle of Port, what would he
exclaim when it was brought to him ?
A. 0 ! Dis-a-pint-meant ! !! " (See " Police Report" next Monday?)
THE SPANISH LADY'S LOVE.
Being the Old Ballad altered to suit the times?)
Would you hear a Spanish ladye
How an Emperor she won ?
Very marked attentions paid he,
But she was not to be done.
The belle of all the Tuileries balls was she.
And had a gross of titles and a mile of pedigree.
To be mistress of the Master
Of the Frenche she was too high;
Cupid's bonds did hold him faster
All the more that she foughte shy:
In her charming company was all his joy,
But to favour him in anything he found her coy
Till at last he gave commandment
At Compiegne a hunt should be;
To chase the dear was his intention—
_ But not the one spelt double e.
Then said the ladye milde, " His game I see,
But mine is not a heart that *s caught so easilie."
" Gentle ladye, show some pitie ;
I'm an Emperor—no lesse ! "
But the ladye was too wittie
To be caughte with chaffe, 1 guesse ;
" There's one way from my chains yourself to free,
My gallant Emperor—that is, to marry me."
" Aught I '11 swear, so thou but love me;
See, on marrow-bones I goe !"
" Sire, fair words no parsnips butter,
Swearing don't coste much, you knowe.
Some people I have known swear over nighte,
Who all tlieir oaths next morning have forgotten quite.
" The Assemblie saw no reason
'Gainst your treading Gallic grounde :
Then all traitors and all treason
How you swore, Sire, to confounde !
But now the Assemblie you have overthrowne,
And in their place you sit, as Emperor, alone."
" Hold your tongue, free-spoken ladye,
Hold your tongue, you are a bore:
Of fair ladies there are plentie,
Erance doth yield a wondrous store;
Spaniards to their own fortunes may be blinde,
But the Erench ladies to my prayer will be more kinde.
" Yet forgive me, lovely Spaniard,
You alone possess my heart;
And with thee, if so it must be,
My Imperial crowne I 'U part.
With all the Royal houses to wedde I've done my best,
But all decline the honor—the Coburgs 'mong the rest."
" I have neither golde or silver,
To maintain me in such place;
To be Empress is great charges,
As you know, in any case."
" My cash and jewels every one shall be thy owne,
The sums I've made by dabbling in the Eunds are quite
unknowne."
" On French thrones are many changes
Quick they fall who quickly rise :
Then the way you 'ye been behaving—
Prisoning, shooting, telling lies !"
" A better man henceforth I mean to be,
And all the credit of the change they will set down to
thee!"
" Then your friends, Sire, of both sexes,
Have a reputation sad;
Louis Quinze had his Dubarrys,
Other Louis are as bad."
" I '11 set them all a packing, whate'er age, sex. or claims,
Till your Court's dull and decorous as that of sour
St. James."
" Well, Sire, upon these conditions
I to share your throne consent;
Spanish ladies are no greenhorns,
With bare love to be content;
But Empress—though of such an Emperor—to be,
Is a chance I can't resist, though a true blue-blood
grandee."