DOI Heft:
January to June, 1853
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16611#0071
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 63
(< AS CLEAR AS MUD.
Ass, perceiving that his companion was in an
ugly humour, was fain to trot off with some
rapidity.
mobal.
We should listen to the exhortations of those
seded by the phrase, "As clear who dissuade us from attacking other countries,
as a ministerial explanation." but turn a deaf ear to the declamations of the
parties that desire to prevent us from defending
our native land.
S clear, as Mud, is an old saying
that ought really to be super
The Minister of Foreign Af-
fairs in France has just been
having an " explanation " with
the Austrian Minister in
Paris, on the subject of an
allusion made by Louis Na-
poleon to the marriage of his
uncle with an Archduchess of
the House of Austria. The
understanding arrived at was
not very satisfactory on either
side, and having met to talk
over one unpleasant little
affair, the Ministers, in the
true spirit of diplomacy, , , .
"agreed to differ" on some °\ why upbraid him, that on Rome
other small matters, not in-: He rivetted the tyrant s chain ?
tended to form the subject of * 25 tliat ^ \eart ft Pa^on s home
their interview. Being unable ' m He w°n \ h™me t}lat aPm-
THE EMPEROR OF HEARTS.
by bosa matilda.
That charming Emperor ! Tell me not
What shocking acts the Dear has done
The worst is but a little spot,
A tiny speck, upon the sun.
Such sentiment he now evinces,
I'm sure he is the Prince of Princes.
To say he shot people is stupid ;
He has been shot himself by Cupid.
And don't keep on about the men
Whom from their families he tore,
to settle one little subject of
soreness, the AustrianMmister
tried the effect of a counter-
irritant by asking, " How
about the occupation of ^n(j[th^n transnortedTto Cayenne;
Rome ? " and the French Minister, acting in the spirit of mutual provocation, wanted to know j j£e '11 never do so any more :
the meaning of the " augmentation of the Austrian forces in Lombardy." Of course the whole jXe's so romantic, of the banished
thing was conducted in the politest manUer possible, and the two Ministers wrapped up ^liat all remembrance now has vanished,
their bitter insults to each other in the most sugary words; but if it had been Jack Styles
the coalheaver "blackguarding" Jem Jokes the sweep, it would only have been in the What if he seized upon estates
phraseology, that the affair differed from the altercation between M Drouyn de L'huys To other persons that belong f
and M. e Hubneb. Put into plain English we should find the ian» uage by no means , 11 on the Bourse he speculates,
choice on either side. The Austrian Minister certainly commenced the conversation So as to do a little wrong: _
by more than insinuating that Louis Napoleon had told a lie ; and the French Love will excuse his confiscations,
Minister replied, by intimating—in effect if not in words—that even if a lie had been And such financial operations,
told, the Empebob op Austbia might do his best or his worst, for that no explanation Happy I'm certain he will make
would be given.
The whole business seems to have been conducted in the spirit, if not precisely in the
language, of a couple of quarrelling costermongers, who, having met to _ settle one point,
set to abusing each other on half-a-dozen others. It is a pity that nations are so often
obliged to quarrel and fight, because diplomatists cannot understand each other, and, indeed,
it would be strange if they could, for nothing is so unintelligible as the language of diplomacy.
His subjects—if a sovereign can—
So well he knows what course to take,
To be, himself, a happy man,
In marrying from fond affection,
And not for wealth and high connexion.
A pattern as he is to kings
(And others) of attachment true,
You should forgive the little things
TRF1 A <^ A ATT* Till? T>TTT T That he has done—or yet may do;
Abb AAL) ltih T-ULL. And let him upon Freedom trample,
<gj jfaulc. Setting so proper an example !
Thebe was, once upon a time, an Ass who, from the colour of his coat, had obtained the
name of Drab. He was an animal of such extremely mild principles that he would never The Same Toast Differently Buttere
kick, although under the greatest provocation, and made it a point to forbear from using his . . • • + ^ v v -L
heels to repel even an actual assault. In the same pasture with him there grazed a Bull, . ^ a dinner given in this country by English
whose behaviour, whenever he was affronted or attacked, was entirely different. The Bull, Authors to Monsieur oCBIBE, the^celebrated
indeed, had formerly, to say the truth, been somewhat quarrelsome; and the Ass, who was French JJramatist, the tirst toast ol the evening
privileged to address him as a friend, occasionally took the liberty of remonstrating with him ^as' French Urania and its benibe. As
on his pugnacious conduct. The Bull, being a not unreasonable beast, received these admo- the second ^ast was the rLnglish Urania, there
nitions in good part, and so far attended to them, that of late years he had successfully was some difficulty who should propose it, Every
endeavoured to restrain his temper, and had desisted wholly from aggressive violence. Not on<;. &™ modesty refused until a sour-minded
content with having brought him to practise this moderation, the Ass" now tried to persuade ?™c rose and gave out the toast loudly, Thus :
his neighbour to go the same lengths in following pacific maxims with himself. To that end ihe fn^llsh tJrama and its -t^rn^ ^nere
he pronounced a long discourse, condemning all hostilities, whether offensive or defensive,
and concluding with a proposal that the Bull should disarm outright, and allow him, the
Jackass, to saw off his horns. Upon this, the Bull lost all patience, and stamping with his
feet, bade his long-eared adviser begone to Jericho ! " Saw off my horns, indeed !" ex-
claimed he, "a pretty spft-horn you must take me for. Do you think I am in my second
childhood ; or do yon wish to induce me to make a calf of myself ? Shall I reject the weapons
with which Nature has furnished me, not only for self-preservation and defence, but also
for the protection of the whole herd ? Go and try to wheedle the hedgehog into letting you
shave him; and when you have done that, whistle jigs to yonder mile-stone, before you
again make such a ridiculous suggestion to me. There was some reason in what you used to
say about the folly and extravagance of fighting upon every trumpery ground of offence; and
then I thought that you were not what you seemed; but now your language is suitable
to your looks, and you talk like a regular Ass, as you are. I shall keep the horns with
which I have been provided, as long as it shall please Heaven to preserve them on my
head; and not only that, but shall show my value of those gifts by maintaining them in the
sharpest state of efficiencv that ever I can, to let wolves, bears, and all other brutes whom
it may concern, see that 1 mean to stand no nonsense." With that the Bull, foaming with
indignation, set himself to whet his horns vehemently against the stump of an oak; and the
e
was a dead pause; but, after a few minutes, an
eminent translator had the good sense to rise,
and returned thanks.
cabman s mixtube.
The publicans keep, it seems, a peculiar
beverage which they call " Cabman's Mixture."
The only mixture we know of is a peculiar
compound of slang, impudence, and extortion;
and we must say that that " Cabman's mixture "
is so particularly disagreeable that we have no
wish to try any other.
A Nice Bit.—On the occasion of Louis
Napoleon's wedding, it was remarked that his
ambition was, piobably, now bridal'd.
(< AS CLEAR AS MUD.
Ass, perceiving that his companion was in an
ugly humour, was fain to trot off with some
rapidity.
mobal.
We should listen to the exhortations of those
seded by the phrase, "As clear who dissuade us from attacking other countries,
as a ministerial explanation." but turn a deaf ear to the declamations of the
parties that desire to prevent us from defending
our native land.
S clear, as Mud, is an old saying
that ought really to be super
The Minister of Foreign Af-
fairs in France has just been
having an " explanation " with
the Austrian Minister in
Paris, on the subject of an
allusion made by Louis Na-
poleon to the marriage of his
uncle with an Archduchess of
the House of Austria. The
understanding arrived at was
not very satisfactory on either
side, and having met to talk
over one unpleasant little
affair, the Ministers, in the
true spirit of diplomacy, , , .
"agreed to differ" on some °\ why upbraid him, that on Rome
other small matters, not in-: He rivetted the tyrant s chain ?
tended to form the subject of * 25 tliat ^ \eart ft Pa^on s home
their interview. Being unable ' m He w°n \ h™me t}lat aPm-
THE EMPEROR OF HEARTS.
by bosa matilda.
That charming Emperor ! Tell me not
What shocking acts the Dear has done
The worst is but a little spot,
A tiny speck, upon the sun.
Such sentiment he now evinces,
I'm sure he is the Prince of Princes.
To say he shot people is stupid ;
He has been shot himself by Cupid.
And don't keep on about the men
Whom from their families he tore,
to settle one little subject of
soreness, the AustrianMmister
tried the effect of a counter-
irritant by asking, " How
about the occupation of ^n(j[th^n transnortedTto Cayenne;
Rome ? " and the French Minister, acting in the spirit of mutual provocation, wanted to know j j£e '11 never do so any more :
the meaning of the " augmentation of the Austrian forces in Lombardy." Of course the whole jXe's so romantic, of the banished
thing was conducted in the politest manUer possible, and the two Ministers wrapped up ^liat all remembrance now has vanished,
their bitter insults to each other in the most sugary words; but if it had been Jack Styles
the coalheaver "blackguarding" Jem Jokes the sweep, it would only have been in the What if he seized upon estates
phraseology, that the affair differed from the altercation between M Drouyn de L'huys To other persons that belong f
and M. e Hubneb. Put into plain English we should find the ian» uage by no means , 11 on the Bourse he speculates,
choice on either side. The Austrian Minister certainly commenced the conversation So as to do a little wrong: _
by more than insinuating that Louis Napoleon had told a lie ; and the French Love will excuse his confiscations,
Minister replied, by intimating—in effect if not in words—that even if a lie had been And such financial operations,
told, the Empebob op Austbia might do his best or his worst, for that no explanation Happy I'm certain he will make
would be given.
The whole business seems to have been conducted in the spirit, if not precisely in the
language, of a couple of quarrelling costermongers, who, having met to _ settle one point,
set to abusing each other on half-a-dozen others. It is a pity that nations are so often
obliged to quarrel and fight, because diplomatists cannot understand each other, and, indeed,
it would be strange if they could, for nothing is so unintelligible as the language of diplomacy.
His subjects—if a sovereign can—
So well he knows what course to take,
To be, himself, a happy man,
In marrying from fond affection,
And not for wealth and high connexion.
A pattern as he is to kings
(And others) of attachment true,
You should forgive the little things
TRF1 A <^ A ATT* Till? T>TTT T That he has done—or yet may do;
Abb AAL) ltih T-ULL. And let him upon Freedom trample,
<gj jfaulc. Setting so proper an example !
Thebe was, once upon a time, an Ass who, from the colour of his coat, had obtained the
name of Drab. He was an animal of such extremely mild principles that he would never The Same Toast Differently Buttere
kick, although under the greatest provocation, and made it a point to forbear from using his . . • • + ^ v v -L
heels to repel even an actual assault. In the same pasture with him there grazed a Bull, . ^ a dinner given in this country by English
whose behaviour, whenever he was affronted or attacked, was entirely different. The Bull, Authors to Monsieur oCBIBE, the^celebrated
indeed, had formerly, to say the truth, been somewhat quarrelsome; and the Ass, who was French JJramatist, the tirst toast ol the evening
privileged to address him as a friend, occasionally took the liberty of remonstrating with him ^as' French Urania and its benibe. As
on his pugnacious conduct. The Bull, being a not unreasonable beast, received these admo- the second ^ast was the rLnglish Urania, there
nitions in good part, and so far attended to them, that of late years he had successfully was some difficulty who should propose it, Every
endeavoured to restrain his temper, and had desisted wholly from aggressive violence. Not on<;. &™ modesty refused until a sour-minded
content with having brought him to practise this moderation, the Ass" now tried to persuade ?™c rose and gave out the toast loudly, Thus :
his neighbour to go the same lengths in following pacific maxims with himself. To that end ihe fn^llsh tJrama and its -t^rn^ ^nere
he pronounced a long discourse, condemning all hostilities, whether offensive or defensive,
and concluding with a proposal that the Bull should disarm outright, and allow him, the
Jackass, to saw off his horns. Upon this, the Bull lost all patience, and stamping with his
feet, bade his long-eared adviser begone to Jericho ! " Saw off my horns, indeed !" ex-
claimed he, "a pretty spft-horn you must take me for. Do you think I am in my second
childhood ; or do yon wish to induce me to make a calf of myself ? Shall I reject the weapons
with which Nature has furnished me, not only for self-preservation and defence, but also
for the protection of the whole herd ? Go and try to wheedle the hedgehog into letting you
shave him; and when you have done that, whistle jigs to yonder mile-stone, before you
again make such a ridiculous suggestion to me. There was some reason in what you used to
say about the folly and extravagance of fighting upon every trumpery ground of offence; and
then I thought that you were not what you seemed; but now your language is suitable
to your looks, and you talk like a regular Ass, as you are. I shall keep the horns with
which I have been provided, as long as it shall please Heaven to preserve them on my
head; and not only that, but shall show my value of those gifts by maintaining them in the
sharpest state of efficiencv that ever I can, to let wolves, bears, and all other brutes whom
it may concern, see that 1 mean to stand no nonsense." With that the Bull, foaming with
indignation, set himself to whet his horns vehemently against the stump of an oak; and the
e
was a dead pause; but, after a few minutes, an
eminent translator had the good sense to rise,
and returned thanks.
cabman s mixtube.
The publicans keep, it seems, a peculiar
beverage which they call " Cabman's Mixture."
The only mixture we know of is a peculiar
compound of slang, impudence, and extortion;
and we must say that that " Cabman's mixture "
is so particularly disagreeable that we have no
wish to try any other.
A Nice Bit.—On the occasion of Louis
Napoleon's wedding, it was remarked that his
ambition was, piobably, now bridal'd.