DOI issue:
January to June, 1853
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16611#0185
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 177
OUR INDIAN COMMISSION. No. 2.
It. Ltmpley has been thirty-
seven years in the Bengal
Civil Service. Has recently
retired on his pension, £1000
per annum. Not a farthing
more, is sorry to say. Has
held some of the best ap-
pointments in the service.
Has gone through the usual
routine of offices. They are
of various kinds. Has been
an Under-secretary to Go-
vernment. Has been in the
salt and opium department.
Has officiatedasPostmaster-
General. Has been in the
Customs department. Had
been Deputy Commissioner
of an ultra regulation dis-
trict. Has been a Magis-
trate, and afterwards a Col-
lector. Was afterwards a
Sessions Judge. While
holding this last-mentioned
office, was charged by a
native with taking a bribe.
Was perfectly innocent. A
brother Civilian, deputed to
investigate, so reported.
Believes that brother Civilian was qualified to investigate, and likely to
be impartial. He had once been accused himself. Government was
ferfectly satisfied. Thinks that is all any honest man need care about,
s sure it is all anybody need care about in India. The opinions of the
natives are •worthless. So are the opinions of interlopers. Considers
interlopers mischievous. Means by interloper every European in India
unconnected with Government. Includes under this term, indigo
planters, merchants, shopkeepers, printers, publishers, attorneys and
barristers. Is not quite sure if he would include under this term Heb
Majesty's Supreme Court. On the whole is inclined to do so. Believes
the Supreme Courts do a great deal of harm. Is satisfied they are at the
bottom of every species of discontent. They unsettle the Native mind.
Has held a seat on the Sudder Bench, the highest Court of Appeal in
India. This was after his triumphant acquittal. Believes all the Native
officials in the Company's Courts to be honest men—that is; for Natives.
Believes them to be slandered; hps heard that they take bribes, but does
not believe it. They are large and loose in their mode of expression.
It is a peculiarity of the Native mind. Had good interest m India.
It was earned by merit. Is first cousin to a Director. Considers
patronage in India most fairly dispensed. Would suggest no alteration
in the Government of India. If altered at all, would make it what it
was thirty-five years ago. At that time liberty of the press was not
established in India. Thinks liberty of the press a ridiculous conceit.
Sib, Charles Metcalfe freed the press of India. Believes that
person had not the smallest idea of the curse he was bringing on the
country. His reason for thinking so is, that till then everything went
on smoothly. Now-a-days_there has grown up a habit of complaining
of the Government and its servants. The Native mind has been
warped by a free press. Believes it is made sensible of imaginary
grievances. Thinks justice on the whole administered far better
in India than in England or in any other country, except Austria.
It is more summary in criminal cases and less rigid in civil. Magis-
trates and judges have a broader discretion to work upon. Would
have no code of laws whatever. Would leave all to the equity and
good conscience of those who preside in the various Courts. Had some
thoughts of standing for a seat in the Direction. Was aware that he
would have to stand a long time—seven years perhaps. Thought,
nevertheless, that persons of such high standing as himself had standing
enough already. Believes that no emolument, except the £400 per
annum, attaches to a Directorship. .Is satisfied that the honourable
character of the position alone makes it so attractive. Has relations,
of course. Considers it his duty to provide for his family. Has
nothing further to add.
Majob-Genebal Bumbleby can go back to the taking of Agra-
that was upwards of fifty years ago. Has since then seen a great deal
of India. Thought the condition of the people of India excellent—
especially the Baboos in Calcutta. Founds his opinion on their appear-
ance. They are usually fat and lazy. Has observed the working of
the system in the East. It works easdy on the whole. Should say its
moving principle was brandy-and-water, and pale ale. Had several
sons in the Bengal army. Has not been able to procure for any of them
Staff appointments. Has tried. Thinks it natural to try. Has tried
in all quarters. His sons have all passed in the Native languages, and
uave received medals for proficiency. Understands from them that
interest at home is required. Believes this to be a mistake. The
Court of Directors assure him that they never interfere with the local
patronage. Is given to understand that this extends to their own sons
and nephews. Cannot say he ever knew a Director's son in the service,
without a good appointment. Believes the Court of Directors a very
high-minded body of men. Has heard it insinuated that they sell
appointments, ana make large fortunes by disposing of contracts to
English tradesmen. Cannot think this possible. Is assured to the
contrary. Has received such assurances from Directors themselves.
Would vote for the renewal of the Charter. Would extend the period
to forty years instead of twenty. Hoped his evidence would be pub-
lished. Thought it due to the Court of Direstors that it should be.
Is incapable of interested motives. Spurns the insinuation of currying
favour. Is ready to fight any one who hints at such a thing. May have
expressed different opinions out of doors in a moment of haste. After
mature deliberation is disposed to adhere to the opinions now given
befere the Committee.
THE BUDGET MADE EASY.
Mb. Punch and Mb. Gladstone. {After dinner.)
Mr. P. What do you do with the Income Tax ?
Mr. G. It still must lie on the people's backs.
Mr. P. What! to be a perpetual fixity ?
Mr. G. Not after 1860.
Mr. P. Re-constructed, or lightened duty ?
Mr. G. Neither ; for either would spoil its beauty.
Mr. P. Extended to humbler incomes, I fear ?
Mr. G. To all exceeding £100 a year.
Mr. P. Do you mean to lay it on Ireland, Gladdy ?
Mr. G. Divil a claim to exemption has Paddy.
Mr. P. Legacy Duty reform we've prayed for.
Mr. G. All successions must now be paid for.
Mr. P. Any new tax on Spirit Distilling ?
Mr. G. Erom tipsy Scotland an extra shilling.
Mr. P. Not on . L. L." or potheen, I 'spose ?
Mr. G. We '11 let Pat off for a couple of Joes.
Mr. P. None of his burdens to be abated. ?
Mr. G. Yes, all his debt in Consolidated.
Mr. P. I say, my William, you 're making a purse—
Mr. G. Over two million—it might be worse.
Mr. P. Now you '11 talk of Remission, I hope.
Mr. G. Off goes all the duty on Soap.
. Mr. P. Good! Go on till I bid you stop.
Mr. G. At different rates these duties will drop;
On Life Assurance, on 'Prentice Stamps,
On Lawyers' Licenses.
Mr. P. (aside). Bless the scamps!
Mr. G. On Cabs to keep up the tax were shabby,
As Eitzboy's going to deal with Cabby :
Receipt Stamps we '11 abolish—instead,
Stamp your bill with a penny Queen's head.
Erom the eighteenpence Advertisements pay
Deduct a shiuing—nay, hear me, pray !
We '11 sponge out the crimson patch diurnal,
On the supplemental sheet of the journal.
Mr. P. I think I know who will like that move ;
However, we've got you in Gibson's groove.
Mr. G. I give up something from various sources—■
Servants, carriages, dogs, and horses.
Mr. P. {with intention.) Eill your glass.
Mr. G. The sarcasm's fine ;
But I can't take off the duty on Wine:
No chance of that, as it seems to me,
But fourpence-halfpenny off your Tea •
And in just three years that duty shall sink
To a shilling a pound on the feminine drink.
Mr. P. Te Duce ? As will be, I trust, the case.
Mr. G. Puncho juvente, I '11 keep my place.
I can't give wine, but I '11 give dessert; _
The following things shall be cheap as dirt:—
Nuts and cocoa, raisins and cheese;
Eggs and butter from over the seas:
On lemons a lighter duty shall fall—
Mr. P. One of the wisest provisions of all.
Mr. G. On a hundred-and-twenty items, I say,
The whole of the duty I sweep away ; /
And much reduce the duty that bore
On just a hundred-and-thirty more.
Mr. P. How many millions of taxes cease ?
Mr. G. Two-and-a-half, if we keep the peace.
Mr. P. Well, altogetfier, it does you credit.
Mr. G. (earnestly). Think so ?
Mr. P. (patronizingly). William, my boy, I've said it.
OUR INDIAN COMMISSION. No. 2.
It. Ltmpley has been thirty-
seven years in the Bengal
Civil Service. Has recently
retired on his pension, £1000
per annum. Not a farthing
more, is sorry to say. Has
held some of the best ap-
pointments in the service.
Has gone through the usual
routine of offices. They are
of various kinds. Has been
an Under-secretary to Go-
vernment. Has been in the
salt and opium department.
Has officiatedasPostmaster-
General. Has been in the
Customs department. Had
been Deputy Commissioner
of an ultra regulation dis-
trict. Has been a Magis-
trate, and afterwards a Col-
lector. Was afterwards a
Sessions Judge. While
holding this last-mentioned
office, was charged by a
native with taking a bribe.
Was perfectly innocent. A
brother Civilian, deputed to
investigate, so reported.
Believes that brother Civilian was qualified to investigate, and likely to
be impartial. He had once been accused himself. Government was
ferfectly satisfied. Thinks that is all any honest man need care about,
s sure it is all anybody need care about in India. The opinions of the
natives are •worthless. So are the opinions of interlopers. Considers
interlopers mischievous. Means by interloper every European in India
unconnected with Government. Includes under this term, indigo
planters, merchants, shopkeepers, printers, publishers, attorneys and
barristers. Is not quite sure if he would include under this term Heb
Majesty's Supreme Court. On the whole is inclined to do so. Believes
the Supreme Courts do a great deal of harm. Is satisfied they are at the
bottom of every species of discontent. They unsettle the Native mind.
Has held a seat on the Sudder Bench, the highest Court of Appeal in
India. This was after his triumphant acquittal. Believes all the Native
officials in the Company's Courts to be honest men—that is; for Natives.
Believes them to be slandered; hps heard that they take bribes, but does
not believe it. They are large and loose in their mode of expression.
It is a peculiarity of the Native mind. Had good interest m India.
It was earned by merit. Is first cousin to a Director. Considers
patronage in India most fairly dispensed. Would suggest no alteration
in the Government of India. If altered at all, would make it what it
was thirty-five years ago. At that time liberty of the press was not
established in India. Thinks liberty of the press a ridiculous conceit.
Sib, Charles Metcalfe freed the press of India. Believes that
person had not the smallest idea of the curse he was bringing on the
country. His reason for thinking so is, that till then everything went
on smoothly. Now-a-days_there has grown up a habit of complaining
of the Government and its servants. The Native mind has been
warped by a free press. Believes it is made sensible of imaginary
grievances. Thinks justice on the whole administered far better
in India than in England or in any other country, except Austria.
It is more summary in criminal cases and less rigid in civil. Magis-
trates and judges have a broader discretion to work upon. Would
have no code of laws whatever. Would leave all to the equity and
good conscience of those who preside in the various Courts. Had some
thoughts of standing for a seat in the Direction. Was aware that he
would have to stand a long time—seven years perhaps. Thought,
nevertheless, that persons of such high standing as himself had standing
enough already. Believes that no emolument, except the £400 per
annum, attaches to a Directorship. .Is satisfied that the honourable
character of the position alone makes it so attractive. Has relations,
of course. Considers it his duty to provide for his family. Has
nothing further to add.
Majob-Genebal Bumbleby can go back to the taking of Agra-
that was upwards of fifty years ago. Has since then seen a great deal
of India. Thought the condition of the people of India excellent—
especially the Baboos in Calcutta. Founds his opinion on their appear-
ance. They are usually fat and lazy. Has observed the working of
the system in the East. It works easdy on the whole. Should say its
moving principle was brandy-and-water, and pale ale. Had several
sons in the Bengal army. Has not been able to procure for any of them
Staff appointments. Has tried. Thinks it natural to try. Has tried
in all quarters. His sons have all passed in the Native languages, and
uave received medals for proficiency. Understands from them that
interest at home is required. Believes this to be a mistake. The
Court of Directors assure him that they never interfere with the local
patronage. Is given to understand that this extends to their own sons
and nephews. Cannot say he ever knew a Director's son in the service,
without a good appointment. Believes the Court of Directors a very
high-minded body of men. Has heard it insinuated that they sell
appointments, ana make large fortunes by disposing of contracts to
English tradesmen. Cannot think this possible. Is assured to the
contrary. Has received such assurances from Directors themselves.
Would vote for the renewal of the Charter. Would extend the period
to forty years instead of twenty. Hoped his evidence would be pub-
lished. Thought it due to the Court of Direstors that it should be.
Is incapable of interested motives. Spurns the insinuation of currying
favour. Is ready to fight any one who hints at such a thing. May have
expressed different opinions out of doors in a moment of haste. After
mature deliberation is disposed to adhere to the opinions now given
befere the Committee.
THE BUDGET MADE EASY.
Mb. Punch and Mb. Gladstone. {After dinner.)
Mr. P. What do you do with the Income Tax ?
Mr. G. It still must lie on the people's backs.
Mr. P. What! to be a perpetual fixity ?
Mr. G. Not after 1860.
Mr. P. Re-constructed, or lightened duty ?
Mr. G. Neither ; for either would spoil its beauty.
Mr. P. Extended to humbler incomes, I fear ?
Mr. G. To all exceeding £100 a year.
Mr. P. Do you mean to lay it on Ireland, Gladdy ?
Mr. G. Divil a claim to exemption has Paddy.
Mr. P. Legacy Duty reform we've prayed for.
Mr. G. All successions must now be paid for.
Mr. P. Any new tax on Spirit Distilling ?
Mr. G. Erom tipsy Scotland an extra shilling.
Mr. P. Not on . L. L." or potheen, I 'spose ?
Mr. G. We '11 let Pat off for a couple of Joes.
Mr. P. None of his burdens to be abated. ?
Mr. G. Yes, all his debt in Consolidated.
Mr. P. I say, my William, you 're making a purse—
Mr. G. Over two million—it might be worse.
Mr. P. Now you '11 talk of Remission, I hope.
Mr. G. Off goes all the duty on Soap.
. Mr. P. Good! Go on till I bid you stop.
Mr. G. At different rates these duties will drop;
On Life Assurance, on 'Prentice Stamps,
On Lawyers' Licenses.
Mr. P. (aside). Bless the scamps!
Mr. G. On Cabs to keep up the tax were shabby,
As Eitzboy's going to deal with Cabby :
Receipt Stamps we '11 abolish—instead,
Stamp your bill with a penny Queen's head.
Erom the eighteenpence Advertisements pay
Deduct a shiuing—nay, hear me, pray !
We '11 sponge out the crimson patch diurnal,
On the supplemental sheet of the journal.
Mr. P. I think I know who will like that move ;
However, we've got you in Gibson's groove.
Mr. G. I give up something from various sources—■
Servants, carriages, dogs, and horses.
Mr. P. {with intention.) Eill your glass.
Mr. G. The sarcasm's fine ;
But I can't take off the duty on Wine:
No chance of that, as it seems to me,
But fourpence-halfpenny off your Tea •
And in just three years that duty shall sink
To a shilling a pound on the feminine drink.
Mr. P. Te Duce ? As will be, I trust, the case.
Mr. G. Puncho juvente, I '11 keep my place.
I can't give wine, but I '11 give dessert; _
The following things shall be cheap as dirt:—
Nuts and cocoa, raisins and cheese;
Eggs and butter from over the seas:
On lemons a lighter duty shall fall—
Mr. P. One of the wisest provisions of all.
Mr. G. On a hundred-and-twenty items, I say,
The whole of the duty I sweep away ; /
And much reduce the duty that bore
On just a hundred-and-thirty more.
Mr. P. How many millions of taxes cease ?
Mr. G. Two-and-a-half, if we keep the peace.
Mr. P. Well, altogetfier, it does you credit.
Mr. G. (earnestly). Think so ?
Mr. P. (patronizingly). William, my boy, I've said it.