DOI issue:
January to June, 1853
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16611#0200
i92
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
" Get up ! Yes; the figure that I was ! "With my face in such a
state, but"—
" Charlotte," said Fred, " when I married you "—
" Well, you needn't put such a solemn face upon the matter," said
E. " I suppose I may say when I married you "—
" I thought your face, as far as its fair looks went, belonged to me ;
and to nobody else soever. I thought your face was face of my face •
nose of my nose; mouth of my mouth;" and he broke into his old
way again.
"And when I married you"—said I—"it was my belief that if you
went fishing with anybody, it should have been with me, and me only.
But I see I am mistaken. It's a little early, to be sure; but my eyes
are opened." Fred had sat himself down upon the grass. He made
no answer. "Yes," I repeated: "at last my eyes are opened," and
then I sat down upon the grass beside him. He said nothing ; but in
my own mind I could feel he was in a bad humour.
"How lucky"—at last he said, for all the world as drily as a rusty
hinge—" how very lucky, Charlotte, that you had those scissars."
" You think so ?" said I: " you really think so ? Well, it was
lucky."
" Charlotte," said Fred, a little languidly, " are you superstitious ?
I mean, do you on eventful occasions believe in accidents that—I
mean do you believe in omens ? "
" I don't know what you mean," said I.
" I mean do you believe in the scissars ? "
" Believe in the scissars ! " I cried.
" Why not ? You kissed them "—
"Did I?"—
"Oh yes;" answered Fred, "kissed them with great fervour : had
they been a lover's present from old Vulcan to Venus in her days I
of maidenhood, she couldn't have kissed the gift with greater
warmth."
" Now, don't be foolish, Fred," said I, for E felt I'd been wrong;
and I sidled towards him, for I wanted to get him into a good humour
again. " Don't be foolish, there's a dear."
"I never was more serious, Charlotte : for, I am sure of it, there
is an omen : a fatal omen to our happiness—to mine at least—in those
scissars."
" What can you mean ? " and I was becoming really afraid.
" Marriage, my dear Charlotte, should be a union of hearts."
" Of course. _ Should be ? Why it is ! "
" An interknitting of the chords of sympathy; of the very strings of
the heart. How many begin marriage, thinking marriage this ! "
" To be sure : or why marry at all ?" said I.
"And then, after a time, they find their mistake,"—and he spoke the
word mistake like the tolling of a bell.
"Mistake!" said I.
" But then, when they discover that the whole scheme goes wrong
with them—that the union between them is not a union, but a tanglo
of temper, a tangle of feelings, a tangle of interests—they discover
what is worse, more bitter still: they find, too late, that however they
may desire them, there's no scissars to cut the tie."
I don't see what you mean," said I, with a cold shudder.
" I mean, Charlotte, that your scissars of to-day, exercised with
your temper of to-day, may make us wish that law had scissars for
marriage lines, even as ready as your scissars for lines to fish with."
" Frederick: ! "—
" Charlotte, you have marked some of these days with flowers.
Mark mine to-day with this" and turning, he plucked and held before
my face a nettle.
A PHOTOGRAPHER ASTONISHING THE NATIVES.
Duffy and the Days of Chivalry.
Duffy said the tiling that was untrue, and Duffy has apologized! Woe! woe unto
Erin ! The days of Irish chivalry are gone ! Smith O'Brien on such an occasion heroically
went into the " Cellar." Duffy ought—as an Irish patriot—to have spurned the Speaker,
folded his arms, and magnanimously have walked into the Dust-hole! Ashes to ashes,
Duffys to dust! _
Doubtful Dealing.
If, as a newspaper paragraph states, the prisoner Kirwan has been transported for life,
we should like to know what for ? He was convicted of the murder of his wife, and con-
demned to death. Is there a doubt that he ought to be hanged, or a doubt that he is guilty ?
If the latter, we should think there is also some doubt that he ought to be transported.
ME. DRUMMOND ON BRIBERY.
Tote—" Sir Soger de Coverley."
Mu. Speaker,—I pray, let us
Our feelings of purism high bury:
I wish we made less fuss
About Corruption and Bribery.
Fiddledy diddledy dee!
We are all birds of a feather, Sir,
To be bribed if 'tis roguery,
We are all of us rogues together, Sir.
My voter—if I bribe him
By giving his wife a yard or so
Of halfpenny ribbon, to trim
Her cap, or embellish her pardessus—
Is not half such a flagrant case
As some—if the truth is confest of 'em—
Who sit in Another Place,
With a Ribbon in front of the breast of 'em.
By an Earldom the Baron is bought,
And the Earl, in his turn by a Marquisate;
By a Dukedom the Marquis is caught;
And the Duke by some kind of a perquisite;
The Garter, we '11 say, is the prize
That his Grace's ambition itches for,
And we know what price he ties
It beneath the knee of his breeches for.
By the Sovereign's favour, more
He is bought for political valet, Sir,
Than the fellow behind the door
That is purchased in Sovereign Alley, Sir.
For whatever you can afford
In this House, too, supporters are sold to
you;
As for instance, a seat at a board,
In the hope of which they hold to you.
A Place Market, and Office Bazaar,
We have here the honour of sitting in;
Hither gentlemen come, from the Bar,
Their mark expectation of hitting in.
That this is all wrong I don't say:
I believe 'tis the height of propriety
That the pocket should here hold the sway
Which it bears in all human society J
" Beauties without Paint."—The " Old
Masters " at the National Gallery.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
" Get up ! Yes; the figure that I was ! "With my face in such a
state, but"—
" Charlotte," said Fred, " when I married you "—
" Well, you needn't put such a solemn face upon the matter," said
E. " I suppose I may say when I married you "—
" I thought your face, as far as its fair looks went, belonged to me ;
and to nobody else soever. I thought your face was face of my face •
nose of my nose; mouth of my mouth;" and he broke into his old
way again.
"And when I married you"—said I—"it was my belief that if you
went fishing with anybody, it should have been with me, and me only.
But I see I am mistaken. It's a little early, to be sure; but my eyes
are opened." Fred had sat himself down upon the grass. He made
no answer. "Yes," I repeated: "at last my eyes are opened," and
then I sat down upon the grass beside him. He said nothing ; but in
my own mind I could feel he was in a bad humour.
"How lucky"—at last he said, for all the world as drily as a rusty
hinge—" how very lucky, Charlotte, that you had those scissars."
" You think so ?" said I: " you really think so ? Well, it was
lucky."
" Charlotte," said Fred, a little languidly, " are you superstitious ?
I mean, do you on eventful occasions believe in accidents that—I
mean do you believe in omens ? "
" I don't know what you mean," said I.
" I mean do you believe in the scissars ? "
" Believe in the scissars ! " I cried.
" Why not ? You kissed them "—
"Did I?"—
"Oh yes;" answered Fred, "kissed them with great fervour : had
they been a lover's present from old Vulcan to Venus in her days I
of maidenhood, she couldn't have kissed the gift with greater
warmth."
" Now, don't be foolish, Fred," said I, for E felt I'd been wrong;
and I sidled towards him, for I wanted to get him into a good humour
again. " Don't be foolish, there's a dear."
"I never was more serious, Charlotte : for, I am sure of it, there
is an omen : a fatal omen to our happiness—to mine at least—in those
scissars."
" What can you mean ? " and I was becoming really afraid.
" Marriage, my dear Charlotte, should be a union of hearts."
" Of course. _ Should be ? Why it is ! "
" An interknitting of the chords of sympathy; of the very strings of
the heart. How many begin marriage, thinking marriage this ! "
" To be sure : or why marry at all ?" said I.
"And then, after a time, they find their mistake,"—and he spoke the
word mistake like the tolling of a bell.
"Mistake!" said I.
" But then, when they discover that the whole scheme goes wrong
with them—that the union between them is not a union, but a tanglo
of temper, a tangle of feelings, a tangle of interests—they discover
what is worse, more bitter still: they find, too late, that however they
may desire them, there's no scissars to cut the tie."
I don't see what you mean," said I, with a cold shudder.
" I mean, Charlotte, that your scissars of to-day, exercised with
your temper of to-day, may make us wish that law had scissars for
marriage lines, even as ready as your scissars for lines to fish with."
" Frederick: ! "—
" Charlotte, you have marked some of these days with flowers.
Mark mine to-day with this" and turning, he plucked and held before
my face a nettle.
A PHOTOGRAPHER ASTONISHING THE NATIVES.
Duffy and the Days of Chivalry.
Duffy said the tiling that was untrue, and Duffy has apologized! Woe! woe unto
Erin ! The days of Irish chivalry are gone ! Smith O'Brien on such an occasion heroically
went into the " Cellar." Duffy ought—as an Irish patriot—to have spurned the Speaker,
folded his arms, and magnanimously have walked into the Dust-hole! Ashes to ashes,
Duffys to dust! _
Doubtful Dealing.
If, as a newspaper paragraph states, the prisoner Kirwan has been transported for life,
we should like to know what for ? He was convicted of the murder of his wife, and con-
demned to death. Is there a doubt that he ought to be hanged, or a doubt that he is guilty ?
If the latter, we should think there is also some doubt that he ought to be transported.
ME. DRUMMOND ON BRIBERY.
Tote—" Sir Soger de Coverley."
Mu. Speaker,—I pray, let us
Our feelings of purism high bury:
I wish we made less fuss
About Corruption and Bribery.
Fiddledy diddledy dee!
We are all birds of a feather, Sir,
To be bribed if 'tis roguery,
We are all of us rogues together, Sir.
My voter—if I bribe him
By giving his wife a yard or so
Of halfpenny ribbon, to trim
Her cap, or embellish her pardessus—
Is not half such a flagrant case
As some—if the truth is confest of 'em—
Who sit in Another Place,
With a Ribbon in front of the breast of 'em.
By an Earldom the Baron is bought,
And the Earl, in his turn by a Marquisate;
By a Dukedom the Marquis is caught;
And the Duke by some kind of a perquisite;
The Garter, we '11 say, is the prize
That his Grace's ambition itches for,
And we know what price he ties
It beneath the knee of his breeches for.
By the Sovereign's favour, more
He is bought for political valet, Sir,
Than the fellow behind the door
That is purchased in Sovereign Alley, Sir.
For whatever you can afford
In this House, too, supporters are sold to
you;
As for instance, a seat at a board,
In the hope of which they hold to you.
A Place Market, and Office Bazaar,
We have here the honour of sitting in;
Hither gentlemen come, from the Bar,
Their mark expectation of hitting in.
That this is all wrong I don't say:
I believe 'tis the height of propriety
That the pocket should here hold the sway
Which it bears in all human society J
" Beauties without Paint."—The " Old
Masters " at the National Gallery.