DOI Heft:
July to December, 1853
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16612#0014
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
2
CRYSTAL NUNNERIES.
on the platform, she pointed out that the forge and the loom and
the chisel had all been busy for that huge hall, whose area offered a
series of bold general types of the work to be seen in detail around it.
And China was near with her carvings, and India with her embroideries,
and Japan with a hundred crafts (now for the first time revealed,
thanks to our brother, the King of Holland), and Belgium with her
graceful ingenuity, and Trance with her artistic luxury, and the
Zollverein with its bronzes, and Austria with her maps, and flowers,
and furniture. And then Git ace led him on to the Fine Arts Hall,
where the original thoughts of a thousand painters, new and old,
glowed upon him from walls which the Devonshires, and Lans-
downes, and Talbots, and Portarlingtons, and Yarboroughs, and
Charlemonts, and others, had joined to enrich with the choicest
treasures of their castles and mansions. And amid the priceless display,
Mr. Punch felt justly proud of his aristocratic friends, who could at
once trust and teach the people.
Honora bade him look from her, and they passed from an exquisite
Mediaeval Court, its blue vault, studded with golden stars, crossed the
hall, and observed a long range of machinery doing its various
restless work, and doing it noiselessly, thanks to a silent system and
a tremendous rod, sent from Manchester by Fairbairn, through
whose Tubular Bridge Mr. Punch had flown at dawn. And Honora
showed him where Ireland had put forth her own strength, and thrown
down her linens and her woollens in friendly challenge, and with
her hardware, her minerals, her beautiful marbles, and her admirable
typography. They ascended, and passing through long lines of gal-
leries, Mr. Punch’s, adorable guides pointed out, amid a legion of
wares, things more graceful and useful than he had seen assembled
since the bell (on that 11th of October last but one) tolled for the fall
of Paxtonia.
“ And now, dear Mr. Punch’’ said Honora, “ you have looked round
our Dublin Exhibition, and—and— ”
“And,” said Grace, “you know that you sometimes say rather
severe things about Ireland—”
“ Never,” said Mr. Punch, dropping upon his knees. “ Never. But
here I register a vow.”
The whole assembly was suddenly hushed, and had Mr. Punch’s
words been literal, instead of only metaphorical, pearls and diamonds,
you might have heard them fall on those boards.
“ That for your sakes here present, and for the sake of all the wise,
and energetic, and right-hearted men of Ireland who have to do with
this building, and with your roads, and railways, and schools, and the
like, I will henceforth wage even more merciless and exterminating war
than hitherto with the humbug Irish patriots (dupes or tools), who
tarnish the name of a nation which can rear and fill an edifice like
I this.”
. A shout -which made the good Sir John Benson’s broad arches
| ring again and again. And, as it subsided, there came forth from the
crowd ol ladies, whose eyes all turned affectionately on the new comer,
a stalwart presence. Mr. Punch sprang up.
“This is your work!” he exclaimed. “Don’t say it is not,
IV illiam Dargan, because I know it is, and because England knows
it too, and holds your name in honour accordingly.”
That day’s proceedings are not reported further. But all dir. Punch’s
friends who wish to please him will have the goodness to run over to
Dublin, and see the finest sight which will be seen between this and
the First of May next.
A NEW TURN IN THE TEMPERANCE MOVEMENT.
A real, genuine, out-and-out Teetotaller says he likes this Table-
turning vastly; for, though it keeps folks to the table, still it keeps
them from the bottle. “The table may go round,” he says, “but the
wme does not circulate.” There may be more in this "teetotaller’s
chuckle than wine-bibbers imagine. We ourselves have heard an
instance of a wealthy City man, who is nearly as mean as the Marquis
oe Northminster, who spares his Port regularly, by proposing to his
company, as soon as the cloth is removed, that “ they should try a
little of this table-moving that is so _ much talked about.” The
decanters are removed, and he keeps his company with their fingers
fixed upon the mahogany,. until Coffee is announced. YVe warn all
persons who are in the habit of dining out, against lending then hands
to this favourite trick.
“Provided Always.”
Though, perhaps, not strictly within our province to attend to the
Commissariat of any but ourselves, we beg leave to annoimce that we
have undertaxen to supply the whole of the Camp at Chobham with
chah.
The Author of scotch Beer.—We lately read an advertisement
i ox a book entitled The Scottish Ale-Brewer. The author’s name is
I Roberts ; but it ought to have been Mac Entire.
Ye reverend Fathers, why make such objection,
Why raise such a cry against Convents’ Inspection ?
Is it not just the thing to confound the deceivers,
And confute all the slanders of vile unbelievers ?
It strikes me that people in your situation
Should welcome, invite, and court investigation,
As much as to say, “ Come and see if you doubt ud;
YVe defy you to find any evil about us.”
For mv part I think, if I held your persuasion,
That 1 should desire to improve the occasion,
And should catch at the chance, opportunely afforded,
Of showing how well Nuns are lodged, used, and boarded.
That as to the notion of cruel inflictions
Of penance, such tales are a bundle of fictions,
Anri that all that we hear of constraint and coercion
Is, to speak in mild language, mere groundless assertion.
'That an Abbess would not—any more than a Mayoress—
Ever dream of inveigling an opulent heiress,
That each convent’s the home of devotion and purity,
And that nothing is thought about, there, but futurity.
That no Nuns exist their profession regretting,
YVho kept in confinement are pining and fretting;
And to fancy there might be one such, though a rarity,
Implies a most sad destitution of charity.
That all sisters are doves—without mates—of one feather,
In holy tranquillity living together,
YVhose dovecote the bigots have found a mare’s nest in,
Because its arrangements are rather clandestine.
Nay, I should have gone, out of hand, to Sir ’Paxton,
As a Frenchman would probably call him, and “ axed ’un,”
As countrymen say—his ingenious noddle
Of a New Crystal Convent to scratch for a model.
Transparent and open, inquiry not shirking,
Like bees you might watch the good Nuns in it, working;
And study their habits, observe all their motions.
And see them performing their various devotions.
This is what I should do, on a sound cause relying,
Not run about bellowing, raying, and crying ;
I shouldn’t exhibit all that discomposure.
Unless in the dread of some startling disclosure.
YVhat makes you betray such tremendous anxiety
To prevent the least peep into those haunts of piety P
People say there’s a bag in your Convents—no doubt of it,
And you are afraid you ’ll have Pussy let out of it.
CANVAS TOWNS. I
Our contemporary, Household Words, has given an account of
Canvas Town in the new world, but we doubt whether a description of
one of the Canvas Towns—or Towns under Canvas—in the old world,
would not reveal a greater amount of depravity and corruption than i
anything that exists even in Australia. A Canvas Town in England is !
no less bent on gold discovery than a Canvas Town at Port Phillip—
the only difference being that the candidate’s pocket, instead of the
earth, is the place that the electors or gold diggers are continually
digging into. In the Colonies the inhabitants of a Canvas Town are
huddled together irrespective of rank, and frequently the best educated
persons are found doing the dirtiest work, just as may be seen in a
Canvas Town in England before election time. The inhabitants of a
Colonial Canvas Town think only of the gold and the quartz, just as at |
home the inhabitants of a Canvas Town think of nothing but filthy !
dross and drink—the quarts taking of course precedence of the pints in
the estimation of the “ independent ” voters.
More Ornamental than Useful.
Mr. Disraeli calls “invective a great ornament in debate/1 ,
According to this species of decoration, Billingsgate ought to be the ■,
most ornamental place of debate in the world; and Mr. Disraeli
himself, than whom few" orators deal more largely in invective,
deserves taking his rank as the most ornamental debater that ever
was born.
2
CRYSTAL NUNNERIES.
on the platform, she pointed out that the forge and the loom and
the chisel had all been busy for that huge hall, whose area offered a
series of bold general types of the work to be seen in detail around it.
And China was near with her carvings, and India with her embroideries,
and Japan with a hundred crafts (now for the first time revealed,
thanks to our brother, the King of Holland), and Belgium with her
graceful ingenuity, and Trance with her artistic luxury, and the
Zollverein with its bronzes, and Austria with her maps, and flowers,
and furniture. And then Git ace led him on to the Fine Arts Hall,
where the original thoughts of a thousand painters, new and old,
glowed upon him from walls which the Devonshires, and Lans-
downes, and Talbots, and Portarlingtons, and Yarboroughs, and
Charlemonts, and others, had joined to enrich with the choicest
treasures of their castles and mansions. And amid the priceless display,
Mr. Punch felt justly proud of his aristocratic friends, who could at
once trust and teach the people.
Honora bade him look from her, and they passed from an exquisite
Mediaeval Court, its blue vault, studded with golden stars, crossed the
hall, and observed a long range of machinery doing its various
restless work, and doing it noiselessly, thanks to a silent system and
a tremendous rod, sent from Manchester by Fairbairn, through
whose Tubular Bridge Mr. Punch had flown at dawn. And Honora
showed him where Ireland had put forth her own strength, and thrown
down her linens and her woollens in friendly challenge, and with
her hardware, her minerals, her beautiful marbles, and her admirable
typography. They ascended, and passing through long lines of gal-
leries, Mr. Punch’s, adorable guides pointed out, amid a legion of
wares, things more graceful and useful than he had seen assembled
since the bell (on that 11th of October last but one) tolled for the fall
of Paxtonia.
“ And now, dear Mr. Punch’’ said Honora, “ you have looked round
our Dublin Exhibition, and—and— ”
“And,” said Grace, “you know that you sometimes say rather
severe things about Ireland—”
“ Never,” said Mr. Punch, dropping upon his knees. “ Never. But
here I register a vow.”
The whole assembly was suddenly hushed, and had Mr. Punch’s
words been literal, instead of only metaphorical, pearls and diamonds,
you might have heard them fall on those boards.
“ That for your sakes here present, and for the sake of all the wise,
and energetic, and right-hearted men of Ireland who have to do with
this building, and with your roads, and railways, and schools, and the
like, I will henceforth wage even more merciless and exterminating war
than hitherto with the humbug Irish patriots (dupes or tools), who
tarnish the name of a nation which can rear and fill an edifice like
I this.”
. A shout -which made the good Sir John Benson’s broad arches
| ring again and again. And, as it subsided, there came forth from the
crowd ol ladies, whose eyes all turned affectionately on the new comer,
a stalwart presence. Mr. Punch sprang up.
“This is your work!” he exclaimed. “Don’t say it is not,
IV illiam Dargan, because I know it is, and because England knows
it too, and holds your name in honour accordingly.”
That day’s proceedings are not reported further. But all dir. Punch’s
friends who wish to please him will have the goodness to run over to
Dublin, and see the finest sight which will be seen between this and
the First of May next.
A NEW TURN IN THE TEMPERANCE MOVEMENT.
A real, genuine, out-and-out Teetotaller says he likes this Table-
turning vastly; for, though it keeps folks to the table, still it keeps
them from the bottle. “The table may go round,” he says, “but the
wme does not circulate.” There may be more in this "teetotaller’s
chuckle than wine-bibbers imagine. We ourselves have heard an
instance of a wealthy City man, who is nearly as mean as the Marquis
oe Northminster, who spares his Port regularly, by proposing to his
company, as soon as the cloth is removed, that “ they should try a
little of this table-moving that is so _ much talked about.” The
decanters are removed, and he keeps his company with their fingers
fixed upon the mahogany,. until Coffee is announced. YVe warn all
persons who are in the habit of dining out, against lending then hands
to this favourite trick.
“Provided Always.”
Though, perhaps, not strictly within our province to attend to the
Commissariat of any but ourselves, we beg leave to annoimce that we
have undertaxen to supply the whole of the Camp at Chobham with
chah.
The Author of scotch Beer.—We lately read an advertisement
i ox a book entitled The Scottish Ale-Brewer. The author’s name is
I Roberts ; but it ought to have been Mac Entire.
Ye reverend Fathers, why make such objection,
Why raise such a cry against Convents’ Inspection ?
Is it not just the thing to confound the deceivers,
And confute all the slanders of vile unbelievers ?
It strikes me that people in your situation
Should welcome, invite, and court investigation,
As much as to say, “ Come and see if you doubt ud;
YVe defy you to find any evil about us.”
For mv part I think, if I held your persuasion,
That 1 should desire to improve the occasion,
And should catch at the chance, opportunely afforded,
Of showing how well Nuns are lodged, used, and boarded.
That as to the notion of cruel inflictions
Of penance, such tales are a bundle of fictions,
Anri that all that we hear of constraint and coercion
Is, to speak in mild language, mere groundless assertion.
'That an Abbess would not—any more than a Mayoress—
Ever dream of inveigling an opulent heiress,
That each convent’s the home of devotion and purity,
And that nothing is thought about, there, but futurity.
That no Nuns exist their profession regretting,
YVho kept in confinement are pining and fretting;
And to fancy there might be one such, though a rarity,
Implies a most sad destitution of charity.
That all sisters are doves—without mates—of one feather,
In holy tranquillity living together,
YVhose dovecote the bigots have found a mare’s nest in,
Because its arrangements are rather clandestine.
Nay, I should have gone, out of hand, to Sir ’Paxton,
As a Frenchman would probably call him, and “ axed ’un,”
As countrymen say—his ingenious noddle
Of a New Crystal Convent to scratch for a model.
Transparent and open, inquiry not shirking,
Like bees you might watch the good Nuns in it, working;
And study their habits, observe all their motions.
And see them performing their various devotions.
This is what I should do, on a sound cause relying,
Not run about bellowing, raying, and crying ;
I shouldn’t exhibit all that discomposure.
Unless in the dread of some startling disclosure.
YVhat makes you betray such tremendous anxiety
To prevent the least peep into those haunts of piety P
People say there’s a bag in your Convents—no doubt of it,
And you are afraid you ’ll have Pussy let out of it.
CANVAS TOWNS. I
Our contemporary, Household Words, has given an account of
Canvas Town in the new world, but we doubt whether a description of
one of the Canvas Towns—or Towns under Canvas—in the old world,
would not reveal a greater amount of depravity and corruption than i
anything that exists even in Australia. A Canvas Town in England is !
no less bent on gold discovery than a Canvas Town at Port Phillip—
the only difference being that the candidate’s pocket, instead of the
earth, is the place that the electors or gold diggers are continually
digging into. In the Colonies the inhabitants of a Canvas Town are
huddled together irrespective of rank, and frequently the best educated
persons are found doing the dirtiest work, just as may be seen in a
Canvas Town in England before election time. The inhabitants of a
Colonial Canvas Town think only of the gold and the quartz, just as at |
home the inhabitants of a Canvas Town think of nothing but filthy !
dross and drink—the quarts taking of course precedence of the pints in
the estimation of the “ independent ” voters.
More Ornamental than Useful.
Mr. Disraeli calls “invective a great ornament in debate/1 ,
According to this species of decoration, Billingsgate ought to be the ■,
most ornamental place of debate in the world; and Mr. Disraeli
himself, than whom few" orators deal more largely in invective,
deserves taking his rank as the most ornamental debater that ever
was born.